By Cunning Minx, on January 24th, 2012
 What you need to know about the intimacy-autonomy scale and how it might be affecting your current relationship
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Introduction
Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com
1:00 Announcements
3:55 Interview: Kathy Labriola describes the intimacy-autonomy scale
Kathy Labriola, a poly counselor, nurse and hypnotherapist and author of Love in Abundance: A Counselor’s Advice on Open Relationships, shares her insights based on the intimacy-autonomy scale and how mismatches can cause misunderstandings in relationships. Need more autonomy and independence but matched with a partner with a higher need for attention and intimacy? Good advice all around. Find the book at Greenery Press or at the Stockroom (better than Amazon for authors!)
17:30 Happy Poly Moments
- A listener writes in to share a Happy Poly Moment—discovering an old friend is actively poly: “It was so NICE to find someone “real”, someone I have known for years, to whom I had a relation out of the web or a meetup thing, who at least new what polyamory was… for the first time in years, we could talk with other people, face to face, about our opinions and experiences. Priceless.”
- MG tells of running home to his lovely fiancée to tell her his girlfriend just said she loved him: “When I think back three years ago to the beginning of our poly adventure I couldn’t have imagined this. It makes all of the work that my fiancée and I put into working on or communication and jealousy issues (mostly me) worth it.”
20:45 Feedback
- Scott, a listener in Australia, found us through Google+! And gives props to the HSV blues episode: “After contracting HSV from my first serious primary partner, I struggled a bit personally with it, and with what that meant about me and my lifestyle choice, and felt my ex’s condemning voice in the back of my mind. So it was refreshing to hear it put into an appropriate perspective.”
- Gryphon writes in that Poly Weekly has taught him to be unafraid of asking for help and support and suggests the antithesis to NRE—Break Up Brain?
28:15 Thanks
Welcome Robin, Ryan and Nomputers to the Poly Weekly Playmates! And thanks to Jim and Bill for their donations to keep us running!
29:00 Wrapup
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email?  Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!
By Cunning Minx, on January 19th, 2012
 Today, the news broke that one of Newt Gingrich’s ex-wives is going public with the information that he had once asked her for an open marriage.
I really can’t speak as to the repercussions of this publicity on his political career, such as it is. I suspect that the folks who like Gingrich will continue to like and defend him, and those who don’t (I count myself among those) will use this as fodder to denounce his suitability as a Republican presidential candidate.
What is worth commenting on is Gingrich’s reported approach to open marriage. According to the story in the Washington Post, Marianne Gingrich, Newt’s second wife, reports that after conducting a six-year affair with Callista Bisek, Newt proposed an open marriage in which he would be partners with both Marianne and Callista.
Marianne turned down the offer, and Bisek became Gingrich’s third wife.
This case is high-profile because of Gingrich’s potential presidential candidacy and perhaps also because of his steadfast promotion of family values, which presumably do not include having a long-term affair. Additionally, as the Post points out:
The House speaker who pilloried President Bill Clinton for his affair with Monica Lewinsky was himself having an affair at the time.
So there is a strong element of hypocrisy to the situation as well.
Newt, yer doin’ it WRONG
But even that isn’t what bothers me most here, on this blog devoted to polyamory. What I’d like to tell Gingrich is that open marriage and other forms of non-monogamy are not your back door for when you get caught. Non-monogamy in its many forms takes a tremendous amount of communication and work to ensure the happiness of all parties involved, and it is most decidedly not an escape hatch for a guy caught with his trousers down.
What Gingrich offered his wife Marianne wasn’t an option; it was an ultimatum: share me or get lost. And I can assure you that almost every instance of the “relationship broken; add more people” approach has failed. This was not a conscious decision made with the full knowledge and consent of all parties involved; this was a cheater backed into a corner seeking to extract himself from an unhappy marriage.
And in that, he succeeded. It just annoys me that he used a proposal of open marriage as a blunt object to rid himself of his second wife. Just cheat, divorce, remarry your mistress and be done with it. Don’t drag our hardworking model of non-monogamy into it. Some of us actually work at this, and you’re sullying the institution of non-monogamous marriage.
By Cunning Minx, on January 17th, 2012
 Kathy Labriola, nurse, therapist and author of Love in Abundance, offers poly communication tips
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Introduction
Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com
1:00 Announcements
7:30 Interview: Kathy Labriola
Kathy Labriola, a poly counselor, nurse and hypnotherapist and author of Love in Abundance: A Counselor’s Advice on Open Relationships (also available at Greenery Press)
- Essential communication skills include things like knowing what you need and communicating it directly (as soon as you know it). Why is this so hard?
- What is metacommunication and why is it important?
- What is at the heart of most poly communication breakdowns?
- Why do we worry so much about jealousy and what is your advice on dealing with it?
36:25 Thanks
Thanks to H Opportunity, Brendan, Maui Kink for their donations and welcome CainO and Lisa to the Poly Weekly Playmates!
Wrapup
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!
By Cunning Minx, on January 17th, 2012
Hello, guys!
Thanks to those of you who let me know that the PW Android app disappeared from the marketplace. I’ve talked to the guys at LibSyn, and they are working to get it reinstated. In the meantime, you can get the Android app from Amazon here: ht.ly/8vyK7
Thanks and stay tuned–I’ll let you know when the app is back up in the marketplace.
By Cunning Minx, on January 10th, 2012
 How to deal with a stonewalling and uncommunicative metamour
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Introduction
Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com
1:00 Announcements
2:45 Topic: When metamours attack
Joreth, Puck and Minx address a tough situation: J starts dating a guy who is in a relationship with an older man, a respected tantric guru. Upon meeting J, the guru declares that she and the guy cannot have sex. A bit later, J and the guy have sex. She asks the guy if the guru was OK with it and then assumes it’s OK to have sex with the guy. She attempts to contact the guru but doesn’t hear back.
A bit later, she and the guy mess around in the place the guy and the guru share. The guru comes home and bans all communication between her and the guy. She makes more attempts to get the three of them together, but the guru does not accept her invitation.
Where did communication fail and what can we do to prevent this happening in the future? We recommend:
- Own the communication with both your partner and your metamour. NEVER rely on your partner to communicate with your metamour on your behalf. That’s your job.
- Trust but verify.
- Know your own boundaries and negotiate with all parties involved. You have a right to know what the boundaries are, why they are there and when/if they will change.
22:00 Feedback – Episode 299, Poly Professional Woman
- Gary points out that the poly professional man can have challenges dating the busy professional poly woman!
- Vir suggests taking a high-level view of the work load, distinguishing work-for-pay (including school and homework) and maintaining-the-home. He suggests tallying the hours spent on all aspects and rebalancing the load when the situation shifts. For example, look at:
- Travel time to and from work/school
- Working outside the home (job/classes)
- Paid work at home (professional work/homework)
- Non-paid work maintaining the home (cooking, cleaning, shopping)
28:00 Thanks
Thanks to Samuel for his donation this week!
Wrapup
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!
By Cunning Minx, on January 3rd, 2012
 How to approach someone for a threesome or one-on-one date
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Introduction
Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com
1:00 Announcements
7:45 Topic: The metamour approach
- Elizabeth asks how to approach the invite for a threesome with a good friend without ruining the friendship. Minx’s advice: treat it the same way you would approaching a mono friend you have romantic feelings for but don’t want to ruin the friendship. Flirt, state your desires, graciously accept a “no.”
- Proff asks if he’s weird for wanting to meet his partner’s OK Cupid date on their first meeting. Minx’s take: How would you feel if you’d been flirting with a girl and, when you went to pick her up, her whole family came out to size you up? A bit off-putting for the poor guy! It’s best to trust your partner to date someone as ethically as she dated you. Keep in touch and meet him after a few dates.
17:05 Feedback – Episode 297, Poly for the holidays
- P wrote in to tell how her kid surmised the relationship, asked about it, and they pleasantly confirmed
- Lily from Boston requests more solid advice on dealing with kids for the holidays – who has good advice for her? (None of our cohosts have kids!)
- Chauncey says thanks!
21:25 Thanks
Thanks to Scott, Kelly, Carlita, Scott and new Poly Weekly Playmate Paul!
Wrapup
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!
By Cunning Minx, on December 20th, 2011
 Listeners call in to share why they are poly, what they have learned and tell a poly joke and limerick or two
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Introduction
Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com
1:00 Host chat
- Reminiscing over how Poly Weekly got started in 2005; Amy Gahran was our first commenter
- What I have learned: no one is ever alone
- Shared pain is lessened and shared joy increased
- Poly isn’t that weird
6:15 Topic: It’s all about you!
- Happy poly moment
- Alan from Poly in the Media
- Amy Shiner, blogger for the Huffington Post: “If I weren’t poly, I would be asexual…”
- Billy from Chicago answers “how many poly does it take to screw in a lightbulb?”
10:10 Topic: What are you thankful for?
- Erica of St. Paul – to have found the woman within
- Reid of Reidaboutsex.com – his partner Allison and cheap dental work in Mexico
- Sarah – friends on her side
12:00 More contributions!
- Emma with a happy poly story
- Grace in VA with excellent advice: “If I want something, I need to work my ass off on me first”
- Rob from Oz telling how poly saved his career
- Dan Sawyer
- Chris Bingham with a poly limerick
- Vicky from London with words of advice
- Paul with what he learned about poly in 2011—it works if everyone is adult and communicates
23:55 Thanks
Thanks to H for his generous, $300 donation!
24:55 Wrapup
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!
By Cunning Minx, on December 12th, 2011
 How does a poly professional woman focused on her career make time and energy to date at all?
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Introduction
Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com
1:00 Host chat
- We’re closing in on episode 300. And it’s all YOURS! Call in your poem, limerick, story, joke, Happy Poly Moment, book review, rant; whatever! Call in to 206-202-POLY or attach an mp3 to email to polyweekly@gmail.com. Without YOU, there will be no show!
- The right-wing extremists are at it again. If we allow gay marriage, people will marry their cars.
- And Rick Perry is at it again, making a tremendously unpopular video against gays serving openly against the military somehow correlating to a war on Christmas. No, it doesn’t make sense to anyone else, either. And they kind of forgot to turn off the like/dislike feature, so currently 230K Dislikes compared to under 800 Likes. Score one for social media showing how people REALLY feel about idiot politicians!
- Pepper is organizing a new OpenSF conference June 8-10 in San Francisco, just $40!
9:20 Topic: How does a busy poly professional woman find time to date?
A listener writes in to ask how a full-time woman who puts her career first and still handles the home responsibilities can find dating anything other than exhausting. Also, what to do when your partner has more free time and energy to date, causing dating envy.
- First, sympathy—I work for a startup and have also made work my priority, so it is very hard to find energy to date after putting all your passion into your work.
- Second, evaluate your priorities. Do a goal-setting session using Your Best Year Yet to establish your priorities for the next 12 months. If dating isn’t that valuable to you and doesn’t make the list, treat it like any other type of jealousy and act accordingly. If it is, try making 1-hour lunch date “chemistry tests” or make weekly OKCupid online vetting nights (with wine and a girlfriend!) to get started.
- Third, take immediate action. It sounds like the chore split was created when you had more free time, so redistribute household chores to give you more time and energy for self-care and other essential/fun priorities.
- Finally, it might be helpful to listen to the episodes on introverts and on jealousy.
- And bonus: “sleep is the new sex” It’s the ultimate luxury and vice; treat it as a precious resource!
25:00 Thanks
Thanks to Paul for his donation! And welcome Olaf to the Poly Weekly Playmates!
26:00 Wrapup
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!
By Cunning Minx, on December 7th, 2011
 The care and feeding of your poly drama–and how to avoid it!
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Introduction
Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com
1:00 Host chat
We’re closing in on episode 300. And it’s all YOURS! Call in your poem, limerick, story, joke, Happy Poly Moment, book review, rant; whatever! Call in to 206-202-POLY or attach an mp3 to email to polyweekly@gmail.com. Without YOU, there will be no show!
4:45 Topic: The care and feeding of drama
Drama doesn’t just happen; it needs insecurity, neurosis, lack of communication and passive-aggressiveness to survive. So how do you avoid drama? Cohost LustyGuy and Minx go over the basics:
- Definition of drama: Adding amplitude to emotional reactions vs specific behaviors
- Ways to avoid drama
- After initial immediate reaction, decide how you are going to behave
- Own your own shit (and communicate it!)
- Communicate in little bits, often, before the situation builds to a confrontation
- Talk about behaviors, not your judgments of them
- Talk about your own actions and feelings, not the other person’s
- Talk about the topic at hand, and only one at a time
- Examples from Lusty and Minx
- Early miscommunication + disconnect re: staying over
- Elle taking finances back from LustyGuy
34:00 Thanks
Thanks to Paul, Marcie and Paul for their donations! And welcome Emma, Vir and Amy to the Poly Weekly Playmate subscription!
35:00 Wrapup
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!
By Cunning Minx, on November 29th, 2011
 Advice on the ins and outs of being poly around friends and relatives during the holidays
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Introduction
Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com
1:30 Topic: Poly for the holidays
Sometimes it’s tough to be poly over the holidays. Which relatives are you out to? Can you introduce your lover to your auntie May? How do you schedule family time? Listeners wrote in via Facebook and Twitter to ask the toughest holiday-related poly issues, and cohosts Joreth and Puck help Minx to sort them out:
- How to introduce non-spouses
- How to prevent your poly-aware daughter from letting closeted poly relationships slip in front of the “in-laws”
- Is being closeted OK to certain relatives?
- How do you handle feeling secondary and isolated?
- How do you manage economic disparities?
- How do you deal with missing some and disappointing others?
37:30 Book reviews
Kurt shares book reviews of popular romance stories with contemporary, realistic settings: Jet Lag Blues and Kindle ebook Songbird.
43:00 Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook or leave a comment here. Check out PolyWeekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review! Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”
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What you need to know about the intimacy-autonomy scale and how it might be affecting your current relationship
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