Polyamory Weekly #51 Show Notes

The new Polyamory Weekly #51 is up! Direct download is here.

0:00-2:00 Introduction
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com.

2:00-9:00 Announcements

  • People magazine is looking for poly families for an article; contact Zelie Pollon at zpollon@gmail.com, but do contact NCSF’s interview coach, Susan Wright, for coaching before interviewing with the mainstream media
  • DeviantArt has the “Two Lovers Are Better” series on coffee mugs: here,
    here,
    here,
    here,
    here, and
    here.
  • 4:25 Michelle Belanger’s Shadowdance podcast, a show whose goal is to “explore, reveal, and interpret hidden world of dark fringe culture through interviews, music, art, and discussion”, has a wonderful recent episode on tolerance
  • Check out Rachel Kramer Bussel’s article on boobiesexuals in the Village Voice!
  • minx muses on her NPR interview experience

9:00-33:00 Feature: Spike/Xander slash fic erotica
A treat for anyone obsessed with Buffy or for any women (or men) turned on at the idea of two men (or one man and one male vampire) together, courtesy of the talented XanPet, Payback’s a Bitch. Warning–BDSM activities, nonconsensual sex, gay sex.

33:00- Listener mail

Jen writes in about sharing responsibility in her poly family with respect to ADD/DID;34:40 JP comments on his insights on envy and on jealousy vs. envy;37:00 Ben wrote in about King David’s polygamy, citing chapter and verse;39:05 Lisa commented on polyandry and polygyny in ancient cultures;41:30 Rob Wilson’s insights on communication;42:00 Brian comments on the tithe question in Big Love and mentions he uses PW to help understand his poly friend’s lifestyle; minx comments on the last few episodes of Big Love;46:15 Jen comments on stealing existing in monogamous relationships as well;48:00 B recommends a book on stealing–The Game by Neil Strauss;48:10 Fireheart comments that partners can be stolen through deliberate deception

51:50-53:50 Topic: Heinlein and polyamory
Influence of the Science Fiction Writings of Robert A. Heinlein on Polyamory, avaiable on the Polyamorous Percolations site is an excellent summary article on Heinlein’s writings and a brief history of polyamory. Great if you want a sense of history but don’t want to wade through Heinlein’s thick books!

53:50-54:60 Topic: Barbara Nitke lost her case
Unfortunately, Barbara Nitke lost her case.

54:60-58:10 Poly in Media: Gay marriage, polygamy, Big Love
This Slate article makes the argument against polyamory/polygamy with the basic argument that jealousy is natural, human, insurmountable and to be avoided at all costs. Hmmm… if jealousy is the criteria for denying marriage rights, does that mean that jealous monogamists shouldn’t be allowed to marry? Chris posted an intelligent response to this argument here.

58:10-1:05:45 Audio comments
ScubaDude comments on addressing jealousy and insecurity in he and his wife’s partner, T; JoshA makes a tongue-in-cheek suggestion about creating a TV show called “Christian Hell,” where the worst things conservatives fear would come to pass, including someone marrying a goat. :-)

Like the music? It’s “Lullaby” by Jeremy Kushnier.

1:05:45-end Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email me at cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Thanks for listening!

If you like the intro/outro music, check out Pacemaker Jane, a cool band out of Ohio.

PW #51, for real this time

OK, the new PW #51 is up for real this time. It was indeed that I’d far exceeded my storage space for the month, so I had to pay a bit more to upgrade and wait for it to go through before I could post this big, honkin’ file. It’s a doozie–over an hour long, but that’s just ‘cuz I threw in some yummy Spike/Xander fanfic erotica. :-) Show Notes will go up tomorrow. Here’s the file if you want it now:

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PW #51 upload

Just a note to let y’all know that I’m aware that the file for PW #51 uploaded as empty. Don’t know what the issue is; LibSyn’s ftp server accepted the full file in a 30-minute upload this morning. But I’ve got an email in to them to see what the issue is.

I’m wondering if the mega-long, 61-meg, 66-minute podcast was just too much? Maybe I used all my storage space this month already and need to upgrade to a bigger account if I’m going to do shows this freakin’ long?

At any rate, I’ll re-post as soon as I figure what the heck I’m doing!

OK, I did the interview for This American Life last Thursday. I’m convinced that I babbled like an idiot, much as I tried to stick to topic.

The funny thing is that, after I sweat through two hours of interview about jealousy, honesty, doing the work, etc., the producer came on the line and said, “Well… it just doesn’t sound very sexy!”

Good point. Anyone else feel that PW has been un-sexy lately? I think so, too. This week, I’ve GOT to get some erotica in there.

Anyway, I feared that the segment wouldn’t air, since I heard “we’ll let you know either way” and “we’ll let you know what happens” afterwards, which to this former actor’s ears means, “Thanks for coming in, but no; you’ve got a snowball’s chance in HELL of getting this part!”

But I heard today that they ARE going ahead, so I’ll let ya know air date/time when I find out. In the meantime, can I just say how FUCKING NERVOUS I was beforehand and how MIND-WRENCHINGLY OBSESSIVE I was afterwards, hemming and worrying over every little thing I’d said? How people do this on a regular basis I’ll never know. I sweated through my shirt at that interview, and afterwards I ran to the bathroom, where my knees just fell out from underneath me while I hyperventilated.

Oh, yeah, minx, REALLY suave.

Polyamory Weekly #50 Show Notes

The new Polyamory Weekly #50 is up! Direct download is here.

0:00-2:15 Introduction
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com.

2:15-15:50 Listener mail

A listener writes in about meeting in the middle in a happy mono/poly relationship; 3:45 A bi switch says poly helps satisfy his relationship; 4:15 Mike asks how you know that people aren’t trying to steal your partner; 8:00 listener wrote in about being bisexual not necessarily requiring polyamory and not being attracted to people on the basis of gender; 10:50 Carolyn was relieved to hear that others feel left out when her partner flirts; minx recommends Chapter 3 of The Ethical Slut and comments that this is an example of envy; 14:10 Bubba (monogamous and vanilla) says hello 15:05 Sam says hello and promises to comment on ADHD/ADD soon

15:50-26:45 Poly in Media: Big Love reviews

A listener comments on the lack of communication among family members and the producers’ lack of research in Big Love; minx comments that the wives really need additional husbands for emotional and social support and gives the producers credit for doing some research 19:00 Rob Wilson is writing reviews of each episode on the Polyamorous Percolations website; his review of this episode is here; minx makes a plea for tolerance and to take advantage of opportunities for education. 22:15 R, our resident going-to-hell Mormon comments on In Sacred Lonliness, on the Mormon tithe, on misconceptions about the church, and goats.

26:45-40:35 Poly in Media: History of polygamy and polygyny

Craig comments on “Inside Polygamy” on A&E and worries that people will associate polyamory with the negative side of polygamy; 28:45 Dr. Dray’s audio comment on the anthropological history of polygyny; 34:00 This article, Paradise Lost, from InsideHigherEd, includes a fascinating study of the poet Milton’s writings on polygamy; 37:45 Brent comments on some groups’ arguments against plural marriage really being manifestations of a basic fear of change

Like the intro music? It’s “All Your Sins” by Amplifico.

40:35- Poly in Media: Gay Marriage/Poly Marriage arguments

A fascinating Washington Post article, Pandora and Polyamory, about the logical argument for plural marriage and how many gay rights activists take exception to this argument; Charles Krauthammer points out that the state of marriage is a symptom of the culture, not a warning as to its demise. minx poses the orientation versus practice with regards to polyamory; Bubba sends in a link to a blogger who comments about the fact that marriage is a legal contract and not state-sanctioned love.

Like the intro music? It’s “Flutter” by Amplifico.

47:15-55:15 Poly in the Media: the New Monogamy

This article from the Utne Reader points out that managed monogamy and polyamory share some ideas; this article on the new monogamy offers various opinions on whether the new monogamy works, including Dr. Ruth saying that jealousy is too big a risk to take, which minx of course takes huge exception to. Why give jealousy all that power?

Like the music? It’s “Lullaby” by Jeremy Kushnier.

55:15-end Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email me at cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Thanks for listening!

If you like the intro/outro music, check out Pacemaker Jane, a cool band out of Ohio.

PW #49 Show Notes

The new Polyamory Weekly #49 is up! Direct download is here.

0:00-1:20 Introduction
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com And try leaving a comment on the NEW Poly Weekly listener comment line at 206-202-POLY! Come on; you know you want to!

1:20-4:40 Acknowledgements

  • A special thanks to for the loan of a PowerBook while my laptop is in the shop as well as for massive attempts at data recovery.
  • Thanks again to , and for their photo contributions to the Eros-zine shoot, and to Violet Blue for putting a notice on Fleshbot.com.
  • And don’t forget Polyamorous Percolations for poly resources!
  • Take a look at the Poly Weekly Frappr Map and forum to shout out to other polys and to ask questions/discuss issues with other listeners during the week.

4:40-18:30 Listener mail
Sambear, Woodrant and Alan send in anniversary greetings; Jason and Niki’s sponsor spot; R snarks about the Washington Post article; MB weighs in on Asperger’s and using poly to cure a deficit in a relationship; 11:15 Wanda from Tennessee reports on sex toy stores and sex clubs in TN; Jason in Virginia asks about poly and ADD–any listeners with advice?; 15:00 N asks about dealing with being monogamous and vanilla with a kinky/poly partner–minx recommends “When Someone You Love is Kinky” from www.greenerypress.com

18:30-29:35 Topic: Dealing with a more popular partner
Jason in Virginia muses over minx’s lack of current popularity with respect to , and weighs in on the question of how to deal with one partner getting more attention in terms of dates than the other. And minx talks about the value of positive attitude and getting out more in coping with jealousy and insecurity.

29:35-43:40 Poly in the media: Big Love

  • Jason sends in a link to a book review for In Sacred Loneliness: The Plural Wives of Joseph Smith about Joseph Smith’s polygamy and 33 wives
  • The Slate.com review of Big Love comes from the point of view that TV creators are bored with “normal” families and thus are scraping the bottom of the barrel in terms of plot lines and situations.
  • 35:33 This review of Big Love by Albert Mohler, president of the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, also takes the view that TV will “exploit virtually any opportunity for a story” and makes the weary slippery-slope argument about gay marriage leading to marriage meaning “virtually anything.” That, and he didn’t research the historical institution of marriage before writing this article.
  • 41:45 Polygamists, unite! is an interesting article about polygamists coming out of the shadows to fight for their rights.

43:40-51:20 Big Love: minx’s opinion
points out the fear that because of Big Love and his history as a Mormon, people will assume that he’s polygamous, not polyamorous. minx is bothered by the polygynous setup with the husband all but absent in the wives’ emotional relationships. IMHO, the wives all need extra husbands because he certainly isn’t giving them the communcation or support they need. But hey, nice naked guy-butt. And creepy, creepy scenes in the compound. And what’s with shaking people down for tithe?

51:20-52:15 Graydancer’s anniversary congrats

52:15-end Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email me at cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Thanks for listening!

If you like the intro/outro music, check out Pacemaker Jane, a cool band out of Ohio.

Message to Dr. Ruth

Thanks to for pointing out this article.

And to Dr. Ruth for once again disappointing with respect to nontraditional relationships and alternative sexualities. She’s already stated that bisexuality doesn’t exist, so why should this surprise us? In the article, she states:

Two happily married people might think that their relationship can survive introducing other partners into the mix. But when one partner gets jealous, then the damage done to the relationship is often irreparable.

Are there couples that engage in this agreed-upon cheating without incurring any harm? Possibly. So I guess the question becomes: What are the odds of a relationship falling apart because of such behavior? I can’t be certain, but if you value your relationship, there is no acceptable percentage of risk in my book. It’s my belief that the old monogamy is far better than the new one.

Do you want to know why this bothers me? IT’S GIVING JEALOUSY ALL THE POWER! She is basically saying that this one emotion is insurmountable and we are powerless against it, so we should do everything possible to ever avoid feeling it. This bothers me because (a) jealousy is only as powerful as we let it be, (b) since most jealousy stems from internal insecurities, by trying to avoid it we are also avoiding dealing with important parts of our own psyches, (c) avoiding problems is almost never helpful in relationships and (d) it implies that monogamous people either never feel jealous or can somehow magically cope with it when they do.

I think it’s the last one that bothers me most of all–some of the most jealous people I know are monogamous, free of this “risk” that Dr. Ruth talks about, and yet they have more jealousy and less means to deal with it than many people in these supposedly risky relationships. No, I’m not saying that one is better than the other; I’m just saying that jealousy comes from within, and keeping a relationship closed isn’t any safeguard against it. A dear friend of mine who is adamantly monogamous has to deal with jealousy all the time, and very fierce jealousy at that. She is jealous of her husband’s pornography collection and refuses to let him watch it. In monogamous relationships, I’ve been jealous of my boyfriend’s friends, job, and time spent at home with family.

It sounds to me like this supposed expert at relationships is perpetuating the myth that jealousy is a wild, untameable emotion that we have no recourse against. Hogwash. I get jealous all the time, and talking about those insecurities with my partner makes us stronger as a couple and makes me better and more secure as a human being.

/rant

Fleshbot squeee!

Squeee! Look what Violet Blue was nice enough to write in Fleshbot!

The new Polyamory Weekly #48 is up! Direct download is here.

0:00-2:20 Introduction
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com And try leaving a comment on the NEW Poly Weekly listener comment line at 206-202-POLY for the anniversary show! Come on; you know you want to!

2:20-4:20 Announcement: PW Frappr Map and forum
Take a look at the Poly Weekly Frappr Map and forum to shout out to other polys and to ask questions/discuss issues with other listeners during the week.

4:20-15:30 Listener mail
Bubba writes in about Heinlein and Instapundit‘s interviewwith Tim Minear about an upcoming Heinlein project, “The Moon Is a Harsh Mistress”; 6:35 Brent wrote in about Anita Blake not being the best example of poly; 7:20 Rio wrote in to clarify the definitions of polygamy, polygyny and polyandry; 9:15 Kat asked about dealing with one partner in a poly relationship getting all the attention and dates–any listeners have advice on this one? The minx isn’t the best one to ask at the moment!; 13:40 Kat also comments on the value of submissives in a relationship

15:30-18:10 Resources
Fyre suggested an online calendar program designed for family use and sharing, www.cingo.com

Gwen recommended a site with lots of poly erotica: http://www.asstr.org/~Lazlo_Zalezac/stories.html

And if you didn’t hear, the Eros-Zine article is up here!

Josh A let us know about the Gay/Bi Men’s Poly Group in San Francisco, meeting Saturday, March 18th from 4:30-6:30 in the Community Room at Eros, 2051 Market St., with more info available at www.erosSF.com

18:10-20:05 Topic: Marriage rights
For the full interview with Stuart Gaffney of Equality California, check out Queer Sex Weekly Episode Four.

20:05-21:55 Dildos in the media!
Down with Dildos!

Announcement: March 14 is the PW anniversary!
If you have audio comments, anecdotes, etc., please email them in now!

21:55-end Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email me at cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Thanks for listening!

If you like the intro/outro music, check out Pacemaker Jane, a cool band out of Ohio.

It’s up it’s up it’s up!!!

The eros-zine article! Obviously NOT work-safe.

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