Poly Weekly #87: Is Poly Trendy?

The new Polyamory Weekly #87: Is Poly Trendy? is up! Direct download is here.

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Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com

2:00 Sponsor: Sugarplumsonline
Check out this week’s sponsor, SugarPlumsOnline and use coupon code “minx” for a special discount!!

3:10 Announcement: Global Orgasm Day
Celebrate Global Orgasm Day by sending in your audio orgasms with or without partners to PW! Send them in before December 22nd!

5:00 Listener Mail
Sabrina wrote in to forgive my Samhein pronunication; minx comments on the excellent discussion of poly at Early to Bed, including the question of when and how monogamy became the norm; Brian wrote in to say that Straight Dope blames the Romans; 8:00 RatBastid wrote in with this article on monogamy in the animal kingdom and why and how it does and doesn’t work; 10:45 Orion, a neuroscience doctoral student, provided more information on the actual facts of oxytocin vs. the unfounded opinions that Mr. Keroack has been presenting as fact; Robert suggests “Kero-wacking off” as a new derogatory term for Mr. Keroack

16:40 Topic: Is Poly Trendy?
Rob wrote in to ask if poly is just a trend for people searching actually searching to cheat/date around; guests Siren and discuss with minx how it was far from cool/trendy for them when they came out; we muse over whether it is a younger generation discovering poly as an option that makes poly come across as a “phase” or trendy; is poly the next hip thing to be?; perhaps it’s simply that the mainstream medida is picking up on poly resources online

31:00 Question
Dmitra brough up an interesting question in the poly discussion this week: why do we think we deserve to have all our needs filled?–how would you answer this?

32:00 Wrap-up
PW has a new best friend–let’s all thank J for editing PW! He’s edited for the last three weeks and has allowed the minx a SOCIAL LIFE for the last few weeks! We love J!

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? 🙂 Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Thanks for listening!

If you like the intro music, check out Pacemaker Jane, a cool band out of Ohio.

Polyamory is “pie in the sky”?

In response to Dr. Berman’s article in the Sun-Times on men’s threesome fantasies (why only men, I always wonder?), my letter to her and the editor:

Dear Dr. Berman:

I believe that the beliefs that you present in your recent article, “Three on a Match Can Be Dangerous,” are a bit biased and show a lack of full research that do your readers a disservice.

First, in answer to your question, “How are you going to find a cache of willing participants to keep the fantasy fires burning?”, there are a variety of resources available for the non-monogamous among us, including www.polymatchmaker.com, www.okcupid.com and a plethora of swinger and polyamorous sites, clubs, educational groups and more. A quick Google search would have revealed that–did you do one before you came to this conclusion? And while I agree that finding an emotionally and sexually compatible partner does take some effort (as it does when one is monogamous), it is not “like a casting call for a Hollywood B-movie, or a full-time job.”

I also agree that bringing a third, fourth or fifth person into your relationship isn’t by any means simple, but most relationships aren’t simple to begin with; even a monogamous relationship takes a great deal of work long-term to keep its participants connected, happy and fulfilled. And you’re also correct in stating that jealousy and insecurity are issues to be dealt with. But aren’t those issues in many monogamous relationships as well? I wonder if you advise all your monogamous readers to do away with their relationships because they are sometimes jealous or insecure. To me, your advice sounds akin to “Well, when you work downtown, you sometimes have to deal with traffic, so you should quit and be unemployed.” Every relationship suffers from its participants’ insecurities and jealousies at some point, but I doubt you advise that monogamy “doesn’t work” because its practitioners sometimes get jealous.

And as for your statement that “Polyamory, that pie-in-the-sky idea that you can love and bed more than one person at a time, ultimately doesn’t work. Rather, it’s a much better idea to find ways to spice up your sex life a deux,” I would also suggest that this characterization of polyamory does your readers a disservice. If you would like, I’d be happy to connect you with thousands of people for who polyamory is not “pie in the sky” but a satisfying relationship lifestyle of five, ten or even thirty years. And you didn’t give any basis for your belief that polyamory “doesn’t work”–how exactly did you, as a doctor and journalist, come to this conclusion? While polyamory isn’t for everyone and certainly shouldn’t be used as a band-aid for an ailing monogamous relationship, for many of us, it is indeed a much more satisfying lifestyle than monogamy.

Dr. Berman, I applaud for bringing polyamory to the mainstream and undoubtedly sending people rushing to Wikipedia to look up the term, but I am disppointed that your research seems one-sided and incomplete.


Cross-posted to my journal, and

Polyamory Discussion in Chicago

Tomorrow night in Chicago:

At Early to Bed, a sex-positive, woman-owned toy shop at 5232 N. Sheridan, Chicago, IL.

Just Can’t Get Enough
Tuesday December 5, 2006 | 7pm (Discussion starts at 7:30)
What do we know about polyamory and what do we think about it? Is it possible to love and be committed to more than one person? How does having sexual relationships with more than one person affect our relationship(s)? What are these sexual relationships like? How has polyamory been defined in history, literature, the media, our laws, etc.?

If anyone is in the area, I’m excited and can’t wait to go to this discussion!

Cross-posted to , and my journal.

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