Heartland Polyamory

Follow me at the Heartland Polyamory conference on Twitter! We may be camping, but we have wifi!

Eau de polygamie

Here’s a humorous ad for Big Love that amplifies the sense of competition in polygamy:

Eau de Polygamie ad (thanks to Alissa for the link!)

Where to begin? Well, you all know my thoughts on Big Love. I’ve no issue with polygamy in principal–as long as the wives are allowed to take additional husbands as well and everyone gets the love and attention they need and deserve. I do have issues with the way polygamy has been practiced in this country, with a religious undertone, no freedom for wives to take extra husbands or lovers, and underage marriage and abuse.

I suppose that’s what bothers me about this ad. It’s acknowledging that everyone isn’t getting the love and attention they need and deserve, so steps must be taken to “stand out from his other wives.” Yeah, yeah; I know it’s a joke, minx. I know it’s just a TV show. But it still bugs me. It’s still perpetuating the myth that, even in a polygamous relationship, you have to choose one person. Isn’t the whole point of polygamy (or polyamory) that you don’t have to choose, that you can simply appreciate each love for who he or she is?

Or it might not be the poly aspect of this that’s bothersome at all. Maybe it’s the idea that we need perfume to cover up the scent of who we are and to compete with others for a mate. In Anatomy of Love: a Natural History, of Adultery, Monogamy and Divorce, noted anthropologist Helen Fisher discusses the interesting American phenomenon of becoming culturally disgusted by natural odors. She mentions that in the Middle Ages, lovers would keep a slice of apple underneath their armpit (yes, really!) and give it to their beloved as a token. One’s own natural odors were considered, well, natural. And sexy. That is, just being (and smelling like) you was enough. No need for perfumes to “set you apart” from anyone.

I don’t suppose we can get away from the idea of romantic competition, however. Judith Lipton and David Barash in the Myth of Monogamy talk about natural competition for the most desirable mate as a reproductive strategy, whether that be the best nest-builder, the guy with the most colorful plumage, or the chick with the biggest… ovaries. Maybe it’s unrealistic to expect that we won’t compete, even in the most loving of poly households.

Nyeeeeeh. I think competition is based on insecurity, and we can all learn to become more secure people. It’s work, yes, but rewarding stuff. And no expensive perfume is required.

Poly Weekly #110: Dossie Easton Talks Ethical Slut Two!

The new Polyamory Weekly #110: Dossie Easton Talks Ethical Slut Two! is up! Direct download is here.

Subscribe now with iTunes one-click!

Please Digg this podcast at Digg’s PW podcast page!

0:00 Introduction
Over-18 warning and redirection to Scarleteen.com; email cunningminx@gmail.com, call 206-202-POLY, or Twitter cunningminx.

3:00 Interview: Dossie Easton
Dossie Easton, co-author of the polyamory bible, the Ethical Slut, talks about the upcoming Ethical Slut movie, the upcoming Ethical Slut Two, on being poly and single and how to start a poly munch in your area.

28:20 Wrap-Up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Thanks for listening!

If you like the intro music, check out Pacemaker Jane, a cool band out of Ohio.

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Thanks for listening!

Poly Weekly #109: Meeting Metamours

The new Polyamory Weekly #109: Meeting Metamours is up! Direct download is here.

Subscribe now with iTunes one-click!

Please Digg this podcast at Digg’s PW podcast page!

0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments

2:45 Welcome special guest co-host, Steve Eley, to the show!
Steve discusses coming out as poly and bisexual on his own podcast

5:30 Topic: Meeting Metamours
This topic came up in PW #108: Polyamory and the Prisoner’s Dilemma–to meet or not to meet your metamours?; Bessie writes in to clarify last week’s letter about not meeting her Master’s metamours–she has learned to trust her Master’s judgment in whether or not to meet some of his “wounded bird” metamours; Steve comments on intent–the why or why not of meeting OSO’s; minx comments on the tricky part being the person knowing his/her own intent and not using “oh, I don’t need to meet” as a cover for actually hiding fears; minx voices concern that if the original partner chooses not to meet the metamour and waits until things get serious, the original partner might feel like he/she has less of a choice by the time things do get serious

20:50 Another Take on Meeting Metamours
One listener shares her story that her husband wasn’t taking a shine to her new partner and communicated about it–turns out her husband wanted to wait and see if things got serious before befriending the new partner; agreeing on definitions and comfort zones first; sharing wants and needs and knowing WHY you want what you want

31:20 Topic: Effects of Legalizing Polygamy
Richard Cordage rants strongly about the characterization of polygamy as child rape, etc. and points out that many monogamous relationships are just as abusive, so that’s not much of an argument against polygamy itself; minx speaks out for making the illegal things… um, illegal (rape, abuse, nonconsent) and leaving the marriage part out of it; Steve speaks out against the government having any say in marriage at all; presenting a good public image for polyamory

45:00 Wrap-Up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Thanks for listening!

If you like the intro music, check out Pacemaker Jane, a cool band out of Ohio.

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Thanks for listening!

Erotic Awards

Hmm. This could be cool. Anyone heard of the Erotic Awards? Apparently, someone over in the UK (TopBit, was that you?) submitted Polyamory Weekly, and we’re finalists.

Happy to support them. Wish I could fly over in September for the ceremony and Night of the Senses, which sound yummy fun!

Poly Weekly #108: Poly and the Prisoner’s Dilemma

The new Polyamory Weekly #108: Poly and the Prisoner’s Dilemma is up! Direct download is here.

Subscribe now with iTunes one-click!

Please Digg this podcast at Digg’s PW podcast page!

0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show

2:00 Props
To Allen for soundproofing minx’s Lair and podcasting studio!

2:30 Listener Mail
Thanks for the invite to Penguincon; D’gou commented on the Mistress Matisse interview and on how he listens to PW; Barbie from Kentucky leaves a voice comment about dealing with one partner being more popular (read as: gettin’ more action!) than the other in a relationship; 9:00 Dave from New Mexico calls in a voice comment in reference to PW #94 about Kay’s question about dealing with being disabled in a poly relationship; he suggests working to deal with it so as not to make your partner feel guilty and water therapy; 13:50 Darkmane asks about the legal ramifications of poly getting legal status; 16:50 an old email from John about how people deal with new information (kink, poly, etc.)

18:50 Interview: Poly Comic
Matthew Gilman, a poly comic who performed poly stand-up comedy at Leather Leadership opening ceremonies, shares his bit on coming out to his big, Jewish mom

22:00 Correspondent: My Big Poly House
Laurie contributes a segment that we hope will be recurring on how she and her boyfriend Allen and his wife Patty are making arrangements to move into a home together and form a poly household. Today’s segment: finances and arranging bank accounts, take one!

25:15 Topic: Polyamory and the Prisoner’s Dilemma
Something I’ve been wanting to bring up since I first posted about it after reading Tacit’s post on the subject–about coming in to meeting your partner’s OSO’s with skepticism and distrust or with vulnerability and honesty

31:45 Wrap-Up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Thanks for listening!

If you like the intro music, check out Pacemaker Jane, a cool band out of Ohio.

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Thanks for listening!

If you like the intro music, check out Pacemaker Jane, a cool band out of Ohio.

Poly Weekly #107: Insights from Leather Leadership

The new Polyamory Weekly #107: Insights from Leather Leadership is up! Direct download is here.

Subscribe now with iTunes one-click!

Please Digg this podcast at Digg’s PW podcast page!

0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show

2:00 New Vocab
Escape goat“–use it!

2:40 Listener Feedback
Naughty Naked comments that poly won’t fix a relationship; Ffantam sent in www.podgasm.org

4:30 Listener Mail: Poly and Single
anonymous comments on being poly and single; HomeDespot asked for advice for people who are poly, and their parnter gets a lot more play/opportunities than they do; MikZ also suggests the bisexual community as a place for polys to feel comfy and asks how to find/form a poly community if there isn’t one where you live; minx asks for input from those who have started poly communities and their advice

10:30 LLC Interview: Lisa of CineKink
Lisa asks for happy sex movies about polyamory–documentary, narrative, experimental–please make one! Visit www.cinekink.com, February 2008 call for entries coming soon!

12:25 LLC Interview: CARAS
Interviews with Jonathan Krall and Richard Sprott of CARAS; to support this review board effort for academic studies on polyamory, visit www.caras.ws and subscribe as a donor or member if you’re an academic type

19:40 LLC Interview: PepperMint
We talk over impressions of the conference; sociology, queer theory and monogamous wiring; polyamory as a movement and as a women’s movement in particular; read more of his writings at Freaksexual.wordpress.com

31:00 Wrap-Up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Thanks for listening!

If you like the intro music, check out Pacemaker Jane, a cool band out of Ohio.

PW Bonus: First of May Hot Tub Cast

The new Polyamory Weekly Bonus: First of May Hot Tub Cast is up! Direct download is here.

Subscribe now with iTunes one-click!

Please Digg this podcast at Digg’s PW podcast page!

First of May bonus episode! Recorded live from Steve Eley’s hot tub in Atlanta, GA on April 29, 2007, with a crowd of hot poly people.

Musical guest: Jonathan Coulton‘s song “First of May“.

Be sure to check out the Poly Southeast mailing list for more information on polyamory resources in the Southeastern U.S.

Email cunningminx@gmail.com, call 206-202-POLY, Twitter cunningminx or leave a comment at the show blog at www.polyweekly.com. Thanks for listening! (Show posted by Steve, so blame him if anything went wrong.)

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