Poly Weekly #113: A Poly Double Standard?

The new Polyamory Weekly #113: Is Poly a Double Standard? is up! Direct download is here.

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0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments. minx rhapsodizes on being nekkid oustide and last weekend’s Spank event in Wisconsin and how she really, really isn’t meant for pole dancing

5:25 Conversation with PepperMint
minx and PepperMint discuss the original sexual double standard (men want sex and therefore, it’s OK for them to sleep around; women shouldn’t want sex, so if they sleep around, they’re slutty) and how that relates to what the sexes want from monogamy and polyamory; 14:45 non-monogamy seems to be for men and non-monogamy for women; no male equivalent for “mistress”; 26:15 first books on poly were by women; 35% of men report cheating, but 25% of women do as well; a long digression about strip clubs (minx loves; PepperMint doesn’t); being aware of societals standards

38:00 Listener Comments on the Double Standard
Jenny writes in with a detailed commentary on monogamy being “stable” and ostensibly benefitting women; minx comments on the biological origins for monogamy and social monogamy; 44:15Becsplusmolly Twitters that monogamy seems to be perceived as providing “security” for women

47:35 Thanks!
minx thanks Sc00ter, J, T_one and everyone who helps out with the show

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Thanks for listening!

If you like the intro music, check out Pacemaker Jane, a cool band out of Ohio.

6 comments to Poly Weekly #113: A Poly Double Standard?

  • I would be happy to teach you how to pole dance. :) If I can do it, *anyone* can!

  • Philip

    Just started listening to the podcast…

    Peppermint mentioned that ‘traditional’ marriage started in 1947 and ended in 1962. You asked “What happened in 1947?”

    It was the end of World War II. During the war around half the GNP was devoted to the war effort. Suddenly all that capital became available. Soldiers (and regular people) were able to afford houses in the newly developing suburbs. Leaving the cities for ranch houses with yards seemed like a good idea, but it also created the isolated nuclear family — inward facing and focused on children, which tended to appear more or less on a yearly basis.

    As for 1962? Well, that’s easy: The Pill became available as a contraceptive. All that babymaking slows way down. Also there was a war.

    You might like this 1960s era comic about contraception ( http://www.ep.tc/problems/seventeen/ )

  • Hello, I’m a new fan of the show. You’re a breath of fresh air.

    The double standard discussion from your most recent show was an interesting one.

    Obviously as a straight male interested in pursuing the poly lifestyle, the “holy grail” for me is the “2 hot bi chicks” scenario. Is it really that uncommon in the poly scene? If so, is that likely to change any time soon? Due to the fact that women naturally have more opportunities to take on lovers at a moment’s notice(even the best looking guy in the room doesn’t have that same level luxury), this gives them much more sexual power and opportunity in the poly community and society in general. Because of this power, I believe the poly men are more likely to succumb to the woman’s wishes due to a fear of screwing up a good thing. Is that a double standard or is it something that just balances things out in the end? I know it isn’t supposed to be a “competition”, but I can’t help but come to the conclusion that this is why poly isn’t widely accepted: More people in the equation generally leads to more drama. People generally aren’t that secure. It takes a VERY secure, non-envious person to be poly. Furthermore, I was somewhat dissapointed in your views on dating. You seem to dismiss monogamy as antiquated, but still accept the notion of men paying for everything after all that feminism has taught you? I’ll gladly take 70 cents to your dollar in exchange for the immense amount of sexual opportunity given to a woman.

    Sorry if I come across as angry, but I just had to vent. I still love the show and will continue to listen. I’m looking forward to more of your intimate stories. Keep up the good work.

  • minx

    Interesting! Sounds like I’m going to have to read this book. Isn’t it interesting, though, how events influence our culture, and then people rail to protect our culture from… events.

  • Donut Rooter

    Re: Show format. Minx, I love the show, and any way you choose to format it is fine with me. :)

  • A few comments in response: it’s not that it’s uncommon, MM, it’s just that it’s a fantasy. Trust me, the reality of 2 HBB’s in bed with you is NOT what you’re fantasizing – because most of the time, in your fantasy you are the center of attention. In reality (and I do speak from experience) they tend to become as interested, if not more so, in each other than you. Attention to you is not halved; it’s cut into thirds, if that. You have to have a very secure ego to realize that this is a cool thing. Cuz it is; it’s just not the Penthouse Variations version of things. You’d be better off with two straight women for that fantasy, because then they’d both want you.

    Now, as to the reason I have “experience” with this: it’s because I have never, and will never, go out looking to be with HBBs. You’re much better off just dating and being yourself, and being likeable. If the likeable you is someone who is open to the possibility of a threesome or whatever, then just by being you it will happen in the best way: naturally. It has been my experience that anything forced ends up awkward, whereas if you just let it happen, it will be GREAT.

    I wish I could say that if you were open to the idea of being a straight guy who, with another guy, could give your gf HER fantasy, it would increase the odds of her returning the favor. However, the fact is, if she’s not comfortable beforehand, I doubt that she’ll be comfortable after, and if it becomes a quid pro quo kind of thing it’s bound to end up with resentment because no two experiences can ever be “equal”.

    This is all unsolicited advice and may be wrong. But it is possible, it’s different than you think it is, and it’s still awesome. Key tactics: be yourself, and get rid of expectations.

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