Poly Weekly #136: You’re Poly–But None of Your Friends Are!

The new Polyamory Weekly #136: You’re Poly–But None of Your Friends Are! is up! Direct download is at Poly Weekly #136

Subscribe now with iTunes one-click!
Please Digg this podcast at Digg’s PW podcast page!

0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments.

2:30 Announcement: Chicago Poly Book Club
This is the Poly Book Club, a fun discussion group for anyone who’s been *meaning* to read those books on poly but hasn’t quite got around to it. Or for those who read the books but didn’t have anyone like-minded to discuss the more interesting questions with!

Our first book will be one I’ve been dying to read, Polyamory: Roadmaps for the Clueless and Hopeful, by Anthony Ravenscroft.

Other details:

When: Wednesday, January 30th, 6:00-9:00 p.m.
Where: The Center on Halsted lobby/social area (by the fireplace), 3656 North Halsted Street
What: Polyamory: Roadmaps for the Clueless and Hopeful discussion
Why: ‘cuz it’ll be fun!

I’ll post again as we get closer to the date, but please do RSVP if you’d like to attend so that I’ll know how many folks to expect. You don’t have to have read the book to attend–you can just join in the discussion and meet poly folks, anyway!

Want to join in the discussion but aren’t in Chicago? Log on to the Poly Weekly Book Club Skypecast on Saturday, January 26th at 1:00 p.m. Link to come (it’s too far in advance to post it now, but soon!).

5:25 Topic: What do you do if you’re poly but none of your friends are?
C writes in to ask how to share NRE with no poly friends, and another listener writes in asking how to get support from poly friends. Check out the KAP list for poly-friendly therapists.

15:30 Feedback
OgreCraig sends holiday greetings

16:00 Topic: Second-generation polys
Serena calls in to bring up the topic of grown adult children of poly households–are they scarred for life?

20:45 Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Thanks for listening!

Chicago Poly Book Club

Hi, everyone!

Well, thanks to the excellent reading list provided at the last Many Loves seminar, I’ve been motivated to start yet another poly gathering. No, not another munch. No karaoke. No bingo, even!

This is the Poly Book Club, a fun discussion group for anyone who’s been *meaning* to read those books on poly but hasn’t quite got around to it. Or for those who read the books but didn’t have anyone like-minded to discuss the more interesting questions with!

Our first book will be one I’ve been dying to read, Polyamory: Roadmaps for the Clueless and Hopeful, by Anthony Ravenscroft.

Other details:

When: Wednesday, January 30th, 6:00-9:00 p.m.
Where: The Center on Halsted lobby/social area (by the fireplace), 3656 North Halsted Street
What: Polyamory: Roadmaps for the Clueless and Hopeful discussion
Why: ‘cuz it’ll be fun!

I’ll post again as we get closer to the date, but please do RSVP if you’d like to attend so that I’ll know how many folks to expect. You don’t have to have read the book to attend–you can just join in the discussion and meet poly folks, anyway!

Want to join in the discussion but aren’t in Chicago? Log on to the Poly Weekly Book Club Skypecast on Saturday, January 26th at 1:00 p.m. Link to come (it’s too far in advance to post it now, but soon!).

Poly Weekly Amazon Store

As I’m sitting at home in my jammies, unable to move due to some damage I did to my left ribcage, i’m trying to do something useful (without moving). So I finally created the Poly Weekly Amazon store, with all the recommended poly reading in one place. Special thanks Edwarddain for the Gottman and marriage book recommendations: Poly Weekly Amazon Store

Poly Weekly #135: Goofy, sexy holiday music!

The new Polyamory Weekly #135: Goofy, sexy holiday music! is up! Direct download is at Poly Weekly #135

Subscribe now with iTunes one-click!
Please Digg this podcast at Digg’s PW podcast page!

0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments.

Listen to Minx narrate the part of Jenna, a sexual-energy-sucking lesbian succubus on Metamor City‘s Troubled Minds part 1 and the hot lesbian energy orgy in part 2.

12 Days of Polyamory
Not for All the Mistletoe in the World
Labia Limbo
Podsafe Christmas Song
Ms Nutcracker Sweet

Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Thanks for listening!

Seven Google calendars!

ROFL! So glad someone did this! Now THERE is a YouTube video on polyamory!

My favorite is, of course, “Seven Google calendars”!!

Poly Weekly #134: What is your love map?

The new Polyamory Weekly #134: What is your love map? is up! Direct download is at Poly Weekly #134

Subscribe now with iTunes one-click!
Please Digg this podcast at Digg’s PW podcast page!

0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments.

1:00 Gift idea
Minx and Graydancer rave about Twisted Monk‘s holiday gift box. If you want something kinky but pretty for one of your partners this year, it’s a great idea.

5:00 Review: Many Loves Workshop
If you’re in Chicago, consider attending this monthly workshop/support group at the Center on Halsted. For $15, you can chat with or just listen to other poly folk weighing in on the monthly topic.

7:30 Topic: Gottman and Silver’s Love Maps
From the Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, Graydancer and Minx talk over the idea of using these criteria as a jumping-off point for diagnosing your level of intimacy with your partner.

15:25 Poly in the Media
Alan reviews Web MD’s “The Truth About Open Marriage”, Kinky Sex Makes for Happy People and PepperMint’s excellent dissertation on “The Strange Credibility of Polyamory”

Event: Poly Living Conference
Poly Living 2008 in Philadelphia, PA is February 1st-3rd–check it out! With speakers like Anita Wagner, Ken Haslam, MD, Robyn Trask, Birgitte Philippides, CT Butler, and many more, Poly Living’s workshops range from basic to advanced and from intellectual to experiential, covering topics both fun and serious.

23:45 Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Thanks for listening!

PepperMint on the state of polyamory today

I’ve been remiss in not linking to this beyond-excellent article written by bisexual activist and friend of Poly Weekly, PepperMint. Truly, he’s an asset to the movement (if there in fact is a poly “movement”), and anyone who has been wondering about where poly fits in to our society today should run and read his article now.

I was nodding along with nearly all of his points, but his comments on sex-negativity in particular hit me, since I’ve been considering several adult sites as possible sponsors for Poly Weekly, and I do fear that we will lost some listeners because of those types of sponsorships. He says:

This means that polyamory’s most crucial departure from monogamy is in the area of sexual fidelity. While polyamory is about many other things as well (multiple romantic attachments, economies of abundance, triad or group dynamics, rethinking the role of relationships in structuring our lives), polyamory’s primary point of resistance to power is in its refusal to adhere to the cultural rules of sexual fidelity.

Bearing this in mind, the danger of sex-negativity becomes clear. The purpose of sex-negativity is basically less sex, and poly people who have less sex have trouble practicing polyamory. Poly people having trouble means less poly people, which means less of a movement. I know this seems very vague, so let us look at the solid example of less-involved (aka “secondary”) relationships. Less-involved relationships are crucial to polyamory, both on their own and as starting points for more-involved relationships that are simultaneous with one or more established relationships. However, admitting a sex-negative attitude can make it difficult to hold down these relationships, since they are easily dismissed as transient, as one person using another, as slutting around, as “just sex”, and so on. Overall my sense is that poly people have more trouble with these less-involved relationships than with more-involved (aka “primary”) relationships, and one reason for this is the culture’s sex-negativity.

What I am getting at here is that sex-negativity is not a neutral phenomenon. Sex-negativity tends to not address sex that is non-deviant, heterosexual, and monogamous. Instead, the sex that people are negative about tends to be that which is deviant, queer, and/or nonmonogamous. Sex-negativity is a political project, one that attempts to push people into sexual conformity. As such, it is directly opposed to the practice of polyamory, and we self-limit our movement (and our poly practice) to the extent that we adhere to sex-negative codes.

This is not to say that we should all go have orgies on television tomorrow. What I am saying is that we should promote a balanced approach, one where we mix a sex-positive message with our poly-positive message. There is a place for downplaying sex (in particular, talk shows, which are purposefully created to be sexual spectacles) in our presentation. But it should be balanced with sex-positivity in other forums. The sex we have is not a liability; it is one of our primary strengths. Our primary successes will be those where we strike a balance, being pro-sex (and therefore sexy) while still including all the other powerful aspects of polyamory.

With Poly Weekly, it is a weekly struggle to walk the line between a sex podcaster/blogger (sorta, but not really) and a “clean” podcaster (turns out that way a lot, but not really). Thing is, for most of us, relationships don’t exist without sex and the intimacy that comes from sexual and emotional contact. Pretending like sex isn’t there or that we’re too enlightened to talk about that filthy, dirty part of relationships doesn’t really do us or polyamory justice. We do love. We also have sex. Being sex-negative or even downplaying our sexual proclivities is dishonest and doesn’t help us.

PepperMint said it much better than I am, but I’m with him on this. No, it’s not all about the sex, but sex is a wonderful thing not to be avoided.

Wow. I am mentioned in Susie Bright’s blog!!

OK, OK, I know it’s just a reprint of PepperMint’s fabulous article, but I’m still fan-girl silly over this!

Can NRE be Zen?

At first glance, I really liked this post about the Zen of attraction. As I read the ten principles to the Zen of attraction, I thought, “Wow! This would be a great way to decrease drama in my life! If I could only do this, then my relationships would be so much easier!”

I still think it bears reading and a good “hmmmm.” But as I thought about it, especially in consideration of Helen Fisher’s Why We Love, which explains the chemistry actually going on in your brain when you are attracted to someone, I don’t think that a Zen approach to NRE (New Relationship Energy, for those not lucky enough to have experienced it recently) is all that realistic. Thing is, when we are experiencing attraction, our brain chemistry is different. New lovers experience high levels of chemicals that allow them to do things like stay up all night, pass sleepless nights thinking of one another and talk incessantly. I’m not saying that that type of chemistry can’t be fought or controlled, but my question is: is it very Zen to do so? We only get NRE for a short while, and then our brain stabilizes (thank goodness; how many nights can you really stay awake mooning over a new lover?) and returns to a more sustainable level of intimacy. Being Zen about a new attraction–promising, offering, needing nothing–doesn’t really seem to respect the chemistry of the brain.

Now, I’m not saying that we should just all go hog-wild and give in to the glorious thrill that is NRE. I’ve seen many a relationship destroyed by a partner who got too embroiled in NRE and neglected his other partners or her other obligations in life. And I actually think it’s a good idea not to make promises or raise expectations too high and just accept and enjoy the moment, whatever that may be. Perhaps I’m suggesting a balance between complete Zen calm and the silly unreasonableness of NRE. What do you think?

An argument in favor of the boobs

I’m just sayin’… this article is a good argument in favor of the boobiesexual video promoting the health of PW listeners! Well, male listeners, anyway.

10 Minutes Of Staring at Boobs Daily Prolongs Man’s Life by 5 Years

A German research published in New England Journal of Medicine and Weekly World News said that men staring at women’s breasts in fact prolong their lives with years.

“Just 10 minutes of staring at the charms of a well-endowed female such as Baywatch actress Pamela Lee is equivalent to a 30-minute aerobics work-out,” said author Dr. Karen Weatherby, a gerontologist.

So there ya go. A workout for the male listeners, courtesy of Minx. :-)

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