Poly Weekly #160: Tristan Taormino Answers Your Questions

0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the new FORUMS at http://forum.polyweekly.com.
2:08 Two announcements.  Minx is out at Spankfest being naked and teaching basic non-monogamy class. She will be teaching it again July 12th at A Woman’s Touch.  You can mail awt.milwaukee2@gmail.com or click here to register.

3:43 July 12th 3:30 CDT we are going to try another skypecast! (damn, I am going to be in the mountains that day. :( -FS)

Ok, now time for the rest of the interview.  Tristan answers YOUR questions. (I wonder if she will answer the question of if she will ever come to seattle and visit me. probably not. -FS)

4:09 Minx and Tristan are both speaking at National Poly Day in Central Park.  First question: What do you feel is the future of the polyamory movement?  Tristan talks about the need for more education and more coming out.  She shares a couple of stories of how there are more poly people out there than you might think.

10:50 ok so these are the real listener questions..
First question from Amy Gerrin.  She wants to know tips on safer sex especially for poly people.  Tristan talks about the fact that her book has a whole section on safer sex and how important it is to make safer sex rules.  The important thing to realize is everybody needs to define what “safer sex” means.

14:50 RJ has the next question.  he asks “what is the biggest challenge in making <tristan’s> poly relationships work?  Tristan shied away from putting personal stories in the book.  Partly because of privacy and partly because the book was about the people she had the conversations.  She does give us a couple of challenges she has experienced in open relationships.

19:10 Last question from Cecily.  She wants to know “what do you do when your poly partner’s marriage is going better than your own.  Tristan suggests focus on your own relationship and try not to obsess over your partner’s marriage.  (it was much more detailed than that, but these are show notes after all -FS)

http://www.openingup.net is a great website that Tristan has put up where she is blogging, has forums, etc.  This is a great resource to discuss the topics in her new book.  This website is really about relationships and is safe for work.  There is also a list called “The Open List.”  A state by state list of medical professionals who are knowledgeable and experienced with open relationships.

Thanks Tristan!  You Rock!

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Thanks for listening!

Share this with a friend!  Write an iTunes review!

Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com

Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions”

Review: Love Restraints

Since I seem to have skipped straight from homemade toys to the $300 Saint Andrew’s cross in my own kink journeys, I was wondering what these beginning bondage kits are like. Are they any good? Would they really be useful for wannabe kinksters just trying to spice it up a bit without joining a dungeon and suspending each other inverted from hard points in the bedroom. What if you just wanted a little kink and didn’t want to make that trip to Home Depot?

So when AdamEve.com‘s Love Restraints arrived in the mail, I asked my kinky friends to help try them out. What did true kinksters say about the beginner’s Love Restraints?

Love Restraints

Overall, the impression was darn positive. Without looking at the package, my buddy Zed promptly strapped my roommate’s hands crossed behind her back, and then just as quickly released her and restrained her hands in front of her body, one crossed over the other. My roommate obligingly struggled a bit to see if she could break the restraints, and she couldn’t (although she did note that the rope did tighten on the wrists, so beginners should check for profusion and tell partners if they feel pins and needles over time to avoid potential nerve damage). Also, the ropes are attached to the belt with quick-release clips, so no need to carry safety shears around should you need to release your sweetie for urgent, animalistic sex.

Comments about the Love Restraints:

“They’re really versatile.”
“Comfortable. I could fall asleep.”
“Easy to use.”

Love Restraints

The waist belt comes with an extender to fit from teeny tiny (like me) up to about a size 18. The belt is vinyl, not leather, so it won’t last forever. But hey, if you rip these puppies apart in the first six weeks, chances are you’re no longer in the “beginner” category of kink and might want to check out shibari. Or riding crops, leather floggers, canes and single-tails.

Or is that just me?

For 50% off this and other items, visit AdamEve.com and use checkout code “MINX”

Poly Weekly #159 Tristan Taormino Opens Up

0:00 Introduction and host chat

www.adamandeve.com

Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the new FORUMS at http://forum.polyweekly.com.

1:18 teaser from the Tristan Taormino interview.

2:18 welcome! to all our new and old listeners.

2:35 (hah! talk about coming out a little late. -FS)

Thanks to Olaf for the donation!

3:05 Minx has a non-monogamy workshop at A Woman’s Touch in Milwaukee.  This is a great introduction to opening up your relationships.  This will happen July 12th from 1pm to 2:30 pm.  You can register at here.
(hot bi babes don’t exist?!? suck! -FS)

4:13 Check out the blog! http://www.polyweekly.com.  Minx has been reviewing some great stuff that she has gotten from our sponsor, http://www.adamandeve.com.

you can get a discount from adam and eve if you use the checkout code “minx.”

5:15 minx introduces Tristan Taormino. (and boy does she sound hot. -FS)

6:24 the interview begins!

6:45 Tristan talks about her motivations for writing a book on polyamory and how she wanted to write about people more than just sex.

(wow, being around so much sex.  life must be rough! -FS)

7:40 She found so many people in the kink community or swinger community are non-monogamous and there wasn’t a lot of books out there about the subject.

9:06 How is this book different?  Lots and lots of interviews.  This is really about them.

10:20 She has a chapter on parenting, legal issues, etc.

11:40 This book has a lot of information on various different styles of relationships and talks with people in those types of relationships.

13:07 Talks about poly/mono combo (boy i love this, I was in this situation for a while – FS)

14:09  Solo Poly?  You bet!  Lots of people out there devoted to poly but are not interested in a primary partner.

16:30 “so much of open relationships is challenging and ultimately letting go of these expectations” (great quote – FS)

17:07 we are fed so many messages from society about what relationships are supposed to be like.

18:17 Tristan talks about how the book covers people who move fluidly from monogamy to non-monogamy and maybe back.

18:42 (Minx is dating monogamously?! man, we lost our chance! -FS)

18:57 The important thing is the relationship needs to be what you need it to be.

20:48 Tristan does NOT like being labeled as “bi-sexual” She prefers queer.  (she can call me whatever she wants as long as she doesn’t call me late for dinner. zing! -FS)

21:23 Bisexual reinforces the male/female binary and ignores the gradient that is gender.

23:10 Kink in the book!  Lots!  All through the book.

24:00 The book was originally over 600 pages.  A cool sounding chapter was cut. (I wonder if we could convince Tristan to put this chapter up in the Internet or maybe in a new book)

25:20 Kink and open relationships seem to go together with a good description of why that might be.

You can find more information on Tristan and her book here.

33:30 Polyamory in the News!  I am not going to show note PitN this week so I will point you straight to the Alan’s blog.

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Thanks for listening!

Share this with a friend!  Write an iTunes review!

Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com

Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions”

Pirate porn review

Well, it’s a rough job, but someone’s got to do it. This Sunday, I gathered my girlfriends (and one brave man) to watch the porn version of Pirates.

Pirates porn

Um… yeah, of course we were dressed as pirates; how else would we dress?

Overall rating:
Costumes and sets ****
Acting *
Sex **
Soundtrack ****

Interestingly enough, I’ve heard that there are PG-rated versions of this porno floating around that leave out the sex and leave in all the dialogue and plot. That may seem counterintuitive for porn, but in truth, there was a plot. I swear, there WAS! For me, the absolute best aspect of this video was the costumes. Me, I’m a costume freak, and the costumes and romantic, candle-laden sets were just beautiful. Plus, I swoon over a man in a poufy shirt, so put a porn star in a poufy shirt on a pirate ship (in this case, Captain Edward Reynolds, pirate hunter), and I pretty much don’t care if the sex is vanilla. A few other comments from my fellow reviewers:

  • Serena spanking Jules was lame
  • The double penetration with candles got two thumbs up
  • Showing condom use got many nods of approval
  • Showing a married couple fucking and then kissing intimately was unusual and got a chorus of sweet “awww”‘s from the gang
  • The orchestral score was fantastic and really helped to set the dramatic mood
  • Excellent lighting, none of that harsh one-light-kit stuff. Soft, romantic and flattering
  • Jules should not be allowed to talk. She is only useful when her mouth is stuffed with cock. I think she’s worried her BoTox will leak out if she actually has a facial expression of any kind while speaking.
  • In general, the women’s performances were wooden; they couldn’t deliver a line to save their lives.
  • However, the men didn’t seem to take their acting so seriously and had fun with their dialogue; as a result, they were entertaining and engaging even if they clearly weren’t experienced with dialogue.
  • Some of the girl-on-girl action was quite vigorous and convincing

Overall, if you like a good story with great costumes, set and lighting that will feed your wenchy or poufy-shirted fantasies, this is a great story and beautiful to watch. Just mute it whenever the girls are speaking.

To order your copy, go to AdamEve.com and use checkout code “Minx” for 50% off!

Poly Weekly book club meets WEDNESDAY, JULY 2ND

Hi, guys!

It’s that time again! This month, we’re eagerly reading (what else) Tristan Taormino’s Opening Up. I’ve already started it, and I can’t wait to discuss it with y’all! Of course, if you just want to talk polyamory or meet poly folks, reading the book isn’t required–just come out and say hello!

When: WEDNESDAY, JULY 2ND
Where: The Center on Halsted, 3656 N. Halsted, Chicago, 2nd floor by the white couches
Why: because poly can be confusing and sharing opinions is fun (plus, the Mad Baker brings GREAT snacks!)
Who: anyone interested in meeting poly folks

If you’re interested in coming, please RSVP to Minx (cunningminx at gmail dot com) with the subject line “Book Club” so I’ll know to look for you. We’ve had some people not able to find us in the past, so we’re trying to make sure that doesn’t happen again!

Also, if you’re interested in discussing the book but aren’t local to Chicago, mark your calendar for Saturday, July 12th, 3:30 p.m. Central. for a Skype online book discussion.

From Tristan’s book tour

What a great pleasure to spend the better part of Friday with the lovely and whipsmart Tristan Taormino and Colten. (I want my own Colten–can I have one? Please, please, please?) Full photo set is posted to my Flickr, but a few choice shots here:

Lunch after the interview:
Tristan and Minx

The reading at Women and Children First:
Tristan reading from Opening Up

The crowd at Women and Children First:
Tristan reading from Opening Up

For more info and to discuss the book, visit her blog and forums at www.openingup.net

Just added “Opening Up” to the Poly Weekly store!

Hello, all! If you haven’t already had the chance to hear Tristan Taormino speak on her book tour, go ahead and get a copy for yourself to discuss with your partner(s) and friends. It’s unlike any other book on poly to date. Instead of sharing personal anecdotes and experiences, Tristan based the book on interviews with over 120 people of all orientations and relationship styles in order to easily lay out the non-monogamy options and choices available to you today.

The book reads more like a textbook than a self-help book, with tons of information on how and why you might choose each type of non-monogamy. Tristan also devotes time to subjects other books haven’t covered in detail, such as being a solo polyamorist and choosing a mono-poly combination for your relationship. I can’t wait to discuss this with the PW book club!

If you’d like to read and discuss this book, we’re going to try an online Poly Weekly book club discussion on Saturday, July 12th, 3:30 p.m. Central. Save the date; more details later. Click here to order your copy!

Poly Weekly #158 – How To Hit On People

0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the new FORUMS at http://forum.polyweekly.com.

Thanks to “S” for the wonderful donation!

Polycamp Ontario is happening near Toronto Aug 29th-Sept 1st with special guest, Andrea Zanin.

Some more places you can find Tristan Taoromino:

  • June 15th she will be at A Woman’s Touch in Milwaukee doing a book reading.
  • June 17th she will be at the Smitten Kitten in Minneapolis for a workshop on anal pleasure 101.
  • June 18th “Making Open Relationships Work” Seminar at A Womans Touch in Madison.
  • June 19th She will be at Left Bank Books doing a reading.

or you can to her website.

4:25 Looking through the forums Minx found the “hitting on people” topic was very hot.
How do you hit on people?

5:30 Minx talks about her challenge being a bottom but asking for people for “scenes.”  (That is when kinky people play with each other, for those who don’t know. -FS)

5:50 Huckleman brought up some great points in the forums.  First, don’t hit on people who are excessively drunk or if you are excessively drunk. Two, try and think of something nice to say specific to the person you are hitting on.  (I can see the Tina Fey thing. -FS). And third, be ready to make a new friend.  Not all encounters need to be romantic.

7:37 “No compliment should go unspoken” is a great philosphy Minx shares with us.

8:42 Beaker shares his insecurities with hitting on people.

9:15 Complimenting people, talking to them, etc can be a way of life, not necessarily a way to hit on them.  If you do that enough, you won’t find it hard talking to new people.

10:15 RimJ posts in the forums about dating geek boys and how to deal with them.  (I love the term “clue x 4″ -FS)

11:00 Curos printed a bunch of business cards that said “I am hiting on you” when back in college.

12:16 Glorfunk tries the numbers game.  Hit on everything until somebody says yes! :).  Minx talks about a sociology study testing this philosphy.

13:44 Looking for something specific can make it difficult to find somebody who will make you happy. (Oh my god this rings true for me.  I am never in anybody’s “list” but i make so many poeple happy! -FS)

14:30 Glorfunk also mentioned going someplace and hitting on 100 persons.  Minx agreed and pointed out that she thought this was a great idea.  If you do something 100 times it doesn’t feel so painfully difficult.  (I would add, hit on a 100 people you KNOW would say no.  You will learn “no” really doesn’t hurt.  What does the bible say “Death, where is thy sting?” -FS)

15:35 RimJ linked to a great article by Andrea Zanin that Minx discusses.

23:12 The Minx tells a great story about being in a dungeon and somebody taking the chance and asked if Minx was interested in some “work.”  (ok, that is a poor translation but I am getting tired. -FS)

26:23 A great idea is to practice in “low risk” situations.  This would be a place you feel safe and you aren’t worried about making a fool of yourself.  For Minx, this is the Ren Fair.  You might find someplace where you have lots of friends around you who won’t judge.

28:20 (and in today’s adventure we learn the Minx is shy!! That is so cute! -FS)

Thank you adamandeve.com for the porn and sex toys!

Big thanks to the polyweekly team: Scooter, Jay, and Raymond (hey wait, that’s me! -FS)

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Thanks for listening!

Share this with a friend!  Write an iTunes review!

Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com

Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions”

From Tristan Taormino’s “Opening Up”

She speaks of universal qualities to look for in a poly partner:

You want someone who is self-aware, with strong communication skills, good boundaries, and a clear sense of who they are and what they want… Trust your instincts and avoid people who will bring negative energy, a destructive agenda, unresolved baggage or lots of drama to your life.

Excellent advice. I’ve always tended to have a penchant for those with lots of life experience, anyway; I figure that if they’ve lived through a lot, then my shit isn’t going to faze them at all. This is why I don’t tend to be attracted to the 20-year-olds. Not that they don’t have their own wisdom and positive energy, but I’ve never understood wanting to date younger than me. Unless the person has lived an extraordinary 20 years, I’d like to let him simmer for another 10 years or so and then see who he is.

Get your shit together
And her second bit of advice rings true for me as well. We had an interesting discussion at the Poly Weekly Book Club a few months ago spurred by a statement in Anapol’s book about resolving psychological and drug issues before entering a relationship. Personally, I think that’s a good idea anyway; it goes under the category of “get your shit together before you try to be attractive to someone else” in my book. However, some folks with ongoing pscyh issues took exception to the caveat, and understandably so. I believe we settled on any psych issues being under control–for example, if you suffer from depression, it’s probably not a good idea to go out and date until you get your meds at a level that keeps you feeling you most of the time. If you have a drug or alcohol abuse problem, um, yeah, I’m going to go with the assumption that you’re not going to be a very supportive or drama-free partner for anyone else until you can take care of yourself.

I suppose this is all a way of saying that you should be kind to yourself first. If you’re wounded or confused, take the time to explore that and feel good about yourself. If you need a vacation, take one. Meditation helps some people. If you need to adjust your meds, spend time with family or see a therapist, do it. Nothing wrong with taking care of yourself first.

I was once told that the sexiest thing I ever wore was confidence. The confidence was hard-won at that time, and I only had it because I’d taken nine months to work on myself. But when I was ready? DA-AMN, girl, but I was on FIRE!

Public Service Announcement

Go to adamandeve.com type in the coupon code minx during checkout.  But wait! There’s more.  For any purchase of $17 or more you will get a special gift!

Christine Fisher at gettingby.net is putting out a plea for help to the podosphere.  She has been very ill for a while and things were looking up but she has taken a turn for the worse.  Her doctor is diagnosing her with “Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.”  She knows about a couple of clinical trials but the wait list is long.  If anybody knows in the medical research fields, at the sierra internal medicine clinic in Incline Village, NV or at the Infectious Disease Department of Stanford University.  If anybody out there can help please do.  podcast@gettingby.net.  Please send the word and this podcast around to see if help can be found.

Also, The Midwest Teen Sex Show is getting close to running out of budget.  This is ana amazing podcast and deserves more donations.  Please give if you can.

Make a Donation

Poly Weekly Playmates!

Wanna play?

Poly Weekly on Facebook

Poly Weekly on Twitter