Poly Weekly #164: Ten Poly-Do’s

Direct download of Poly Weekly #164: Ten Poly Do’s

0:00 Introduction and host chat

Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the new FORUMS at http://forum.polyweekly.com.

4:21 Pete posted his personal guidelines for a happy poly relationship.  Not rules of what you can’t do, but things you should do.

  1. Love is infinite, but not resources
  2. Be honest with yourself
  3. set your boundaries, and respect others
  4. Avoid drama!
  5. Be aware of how you are spending your rescources
  6. Slow the fuck down!
  7. When you fail pick yourself up and move on

7:58 Minx’s Guidelines:

  1. I am responsible for my own happiness
  2. Enjoy love as long as you have it.
  3. My time is a limited resource.
  4. Have the courage to say no.
  5. Self-Knowledge is invaluable. (wait, this is number one)
  6. Embrace communication with your loves and their loves.
  7. Welcome change.
  8. Avoid drama.
  9. Never forget to ask “how do you define sex”
  10. Long distance relationships suck

11:40 Listener Feedback
DDog makes a comment about succesful poly relationships and calling Doctor Laura with information on them.  She disagrees that it takes length to define a succesful relationship.

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Thanks for listening!

Share this with a friend!  Write an iTunes review!

Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com

Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions”

Poly Weekly Episode #163: I Vant To Be Alone

0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the new FORUMS at http://forum.polyweekly.com.

2:48 We go to the forums to discuss the question:  Do you ever just want to be alone?

2:53 A woman, J, wrote in the forum and wondered if some poly people look for times of simplicity in their relationships.

4:00 Different catagories of responses.  First set, the concept of needing time for yourself, not being social.

4:20 Beingthere pointed out some of the benefits of alone time.  Minx expands on this a bit pointing out the benefit to your dating life when you are comfortable alone.

5:06 Glorfunk approaches this as an introvert/extrovert kind of thing.  Minx points out we as people need to understand how much time we need alone, with a person, and with a group.

6:30 Minx tells a story about a party she was at and how she bounced from a small group to re-entering the larger group and back and forth. (and flash her tits! -FS)

8:44 Poly2 talks about how difficult it is to “want” to be alone when his partner is looking so darn pretty!

9:04 next catagory.  Private time with a partner for privacy’s sake.  Is it ok to focus on one partner?

9:45 Minx talks about how she feels (and J, the original writer) really feels a difference in the intimacy of just two people than with n+1 persons.

10:09 Earthwalker comments that he doesn’t feel the need to be with just one person.  He disagrees that there needs to be alone time with just one person.

10:30 Curios points out that it is easy if your partner doesn’t have any additional partners but becomes a bit more difficult if they have.

11:25 Polycronicles commented that she agrees on the short term.

12:05 Minx goes into Tristan’s book “Opening Up.”  Tristan recommends not taking on additional partners if your existing partners don’t feel that they are seeing you enough, don’t over-commit, and find time for yourself.

13:00 Tristan also has a profile of a couple who have a concept called “Alone Month”  This month focuses just on the couples relationship.

14:30 She also has a chapter on dealing with the fact that relationships and desires change.

15:50 Tristan points out that if you decide to be monogamous for any period of time  that doesn’t mean you are no longer “poly” or have gone back on your ideals.

16:40 Third category is more dating.  You are out there looking for monogamy.

16:50 RimJ points out that you find the big loves when you are open to both the little loves and big loves.

17:45 Joreth commented on functional monogamy.

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Thanks for listening!

Share this with a friend!  Write an iTunes review!

Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com

Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions”

New YouTube Video

SlideShare’s Best Presentation Ever contest motivated me to create a slideshow about a real person (me) and how I practice polyamory. Unfortunately, my audio embeds don’t upload there, so I’ll be changing the presentation to be more visual and less auditory for that contest. But since the audio version is kinda nice, it’s up on YouTube now as a sort of personal profile and non-threatening intro to poly. Your comments are welcome and appreciated!

Episode 162: Reviewing Swingtown!

0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the new FORUMS at http://forum.polyweekly.com.

3:18 Yes! Minx is going to DragonCon and is appearing on two podcasting panels.  Minx wants to do a meetup but doesn’t have the info yet.  Watch twitter and the blog for more info.

4:15 Swingtown! We have a couple of great reviews of swingtown.

4:40 Darkmane recorded his feedback of tvshow.  He gives a good summary of the show and touches on some of the things he liked about the show.

8:44 Minx reads a review of Swingtown from CNN.  This reviewer seemed to have an open mind about the show and open relationships even if he did relegate it to something that happened back then, maybe not now.

11:40 Jaime sent in a review as well.  Jaime didn’t like the drug references or how they protrayed the more traditional couple.  However, Jaime liked the fact that it was not all about the sex and how the show handles sexual issues as a whole.  Jaime also mentions you can’t expect safe sex talk about a show taking place in the 70′s

15:50 Minx didn’t like what little of Swingtown she saw.  Boring! :)

17:00 Listener Mailbag! responses to episode 157: RTFM and 158: Hitting on People.

17:15 Nobillus writes in and comments about writing your own manual.  He points out that you need to be fully honest with what you right and validate it with people who know you.

Minx agrees and talks about several people who have posted their own personal manuals.

Your manual is a “living document.”  Don’t expect to get it correct the first time.

20:00 Cy wrote in and pointed out that he has been doing manuals for a while that he posted in his Livejournal.  No idea at this point if we can post the links.

21:20 The process of going through the steps to document your business practices, or love practices, help you understand it as well.

23:30 Zero wrote in about episode 158.  Zero found the episode empowering and appreciated the show.

24:00 Matt wrote in to talk about step number 4.  matt feels a woman doesn’t need men to tell her that she wants them.  He thinks that it is a burden for them to reject men.

Minx says fuck those women!

28:40 Minx says nifty!

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Thanks for listening!

Share this with a friend!  Write an iTunes review!

Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com

Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions”

PW Online Book Club: Sunday, July 20th, 6:00 Central


Powered by TalkShoe

Since Saturday’s SkypeCast attempt was full of epic fail–I got booted off at least six times, and everyone else who tried to log in got booted off as well, save one lone woman in Austria–let’s try this again, with TalkShoe. Turns out Skypecasts are no longer Mac compatible. Huh!

And Tristan’s book is so wonderful that it still needs to be discussed, so let’s try this again, shall we? With a more reliable service this time?

Sunday, July 20th, 6:00-7:00 p.m. Central
Click here for call info
Dial in to (724) 444-7444 from any phone

Poly Weekly Skypecast TOMORROW, Saturday, July 12th, 3:30 Central

Come log on to the Skypecast tomorrow to discuss Tristan Taormino’s new book, Opening Up!

When: Saturday, July 12th, 3:30 p.m. Central
Where: anywhere
How: Click this link and sign on to Skype
What: anything you’d like to say about Opening Up

The discussion will be recorded, so please be aware that participating means your voice will be posted online. Thanks for your participation; I can’t wait to talk about this will y’all!

Poly Weekly #161: Bitterness & Frubble Listener Feedback

0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the new FORUMS at http://forum.polyweekly.com.

1:30 Minx will be changing the feedback model a bit.  The show will move to a few feedback on each episode rather than any more feedback episodes.

3:23 Jacob from Texas called in to recommend Minx try out (some device i couldn’t understand and had no idea what it was -FS).  It appears Minx doesn’t have one of these and would love to sacrifice her body to review it!

4:59 CalendarGirl called in to tell us about the success of her triad relationship and to let people know that they can work.  Minx asked other people in succesful poly/open relationships to call or write in.  We love hearing those stories.  She also asks people who have had several years of success to write to Dr Laura Berman.  and tell her your story.  She has said she doesn’t believe such a relationship can exist so lets prove her wrong!

7:50 Jeremy wrote in to tell us his story.  Jeremy is bitter because he doesn’t feel that he can tell people that he is not monogamous and they will be willing to enter a serious relationship with him.  Minx comisserates and talks about her own struggles with these kinds of issues.

12:07 Chuck mailed in to tell us about frubble! This is a great story about how Chuck enjoyed watching his wife and gf really become comfortable with each other and themselves.

13:30 Hugo wrote in about swedish relations anarki. <link wikipedia>

15:00 More feedback on where to meet poly people!
(Last time I saw Minx I mentioned burning man events as a great place to meet poly people but I think she forgot about that. :) -FS)

15:40 Bitsy comments on cuddle parties from cuddleparty.com.  Bitsy mentions swing and ballroom groups and maybe some martial arts communities might be open to open relationships.  Minx has not had quite the same experience at swing dance events.

18:47 Tim wrote in talking about swing clubs and whether it is ok to meet people there.  Tim agrees there is a taboo against man on man action but there really isn’t a real rule against it in most places.  Tim points out that lots of women actually do get turned on by two guys going at it.  He suggests actually trying this at swing clubs and pushing their boundaries.  (man do I ever agree with this.  This would be awesome to see. -FS)

20:55 John wrote in and also mentions being bi in the swing community and talks about his experience.

22:27 Paula wrote in about an Australia swingers site http://couples.net.au

23:45 Minx asked in 153 why the engineering geeks tended towards poly.  Matt mentioned the article here http://paulgraham.com/nerds.html.  All you popular AND smart people mail minx!

25:03 Valen called in from Massechusetts. She mentions collarme.com as a great place to meet people if you are into BDSM.  She also talks about her experience looking for a kink friendly obstetrician.

32:12 Fred comments on episode 154, metamour relations. Fred has a friend who has metamour who is dying.  He pointed out this shows one of the strengths of polyamory.

33:05 DonutRooter talks about how much she likes poly weekly and commented that we had a couple episodes squished together. :)  Minx said we were trying to avoid that but it happens on occasion.  The hope is the show goes out by thursday or friday but it could be as late as sunday.

34:40 scooter calls in (hey scooter! -FS) calls in and talks about how much the Ethical Slut and POlyamory have a great message even for a monogamous person.

36:13 The next comments were about episode 157 RTFM!

36:20 Mark calls in and tells us how much he likes the the idea even if he thought of it a long time ago. :)

38:07 Fred mailed in and also talks about his own manual especially when it comes to medical issues.

42:04 Devin wrote in and included the entire Preface to his user manual.

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Thanks for listening!

Share this with a friend!  Write an iTunes review!

Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com

Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions”

(hey somebody upgraded the site! -FS)

Poly Weekly Book Club: August 6th, “The Myth of Monogamy”

It’s that time again!

Poly Weekly Book Club meets Wednesday, August 6th! We opted to take a break from poly how-to books and will be reading and discussing The Myth of Monogamy. Get your copy now; it’s fascinating!

Where: The Center on Halsted, 3656 N. Halsted, 2nd floor on the white couches
When: Wednesday, August 6th, 6:00-9:00 p.m.
Who: anyone interested in poly who wants to discuss this fascinating book on why most species aren’t monogamous!

ORE?

From listener Paul, a new twist on NRE:

My wife and I have been having an odd time lately. Mis-communicating, getting on each other’s case, etc etc.

Last night there was another such episode, shortly before we went to bed, and when we did go to bed, she didn’t want talk about it (just as well, I hate talking about stuff when we’re just about to go to sleep). But that left both of us (I think) with a weird, unsettled feeling as we were trying to get to sleep.

It suddenly dawns on me what that feeling was:

ORE” — “Old Relationship Energy.”

This cracked me up to no end! I don’t mean to diss established relationships; they have their own joys and rewards. It’s true, though, that this is the sort of thing you just don’t experience with NRE. However, I still say that more chances for miscommunication are also more chances for really great, relationship-deepening communication.

Poly Weekly Book Club

It’s that time again!

Poly Weekly Book Club meets tomorrow, Wednesday, July 2nd! We’re discussing Tristan Taormino’s Opening Up, but please come on out even if you haven’t read the book; the discussion will undoubtedly be lively!

Where: The Center on Halsted, 3656 N. Halsted, 2nd floor on the white couches
When: Wednesday, July 2nds, 6:00-9:00 p.m.
Who: anyone interested in poly who wants to discuss this great new book!

Can’t make it? Join our online discussion on Saturday, July 12th at 3:30 p.m. Central. You’ll need Skype (available for free), then just click the link at that time!

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