PW 297: Poly for the holidays

Advice on the ins and outs of being poly around friends and relatives during the holidays

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Introduction

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:30 Topic: Poly for the holidays

Sometimes it’s tough to be poly over the holidays. Which relatives are you out to? Can you introduce your lover to your auntie May? How do you schedule family time? Listeners wrote in via Facebook and Twitter to ask the toughest holiday-related poly issues, and cohosts Joreth and Puck help Minx to sort them out:

  • How to introduce non-spouses
  • How to prevent your poly-aware daughter from letting closeted poly relationships slip in front of the “in-laws”
  • Is being closeted OK to certain relatives?
  • How do you handle feeling secondary and isolated?
  • How do you manage economic disparities?
  • How do you deal with missing some and disappointing others?

37:30 Book reviews

Kurt shares book reviews of popular romance stories with contemporary, realistic settings: Jet Lag Blues and Kindle ebook Songbird.

43:00 Wrap-up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook or leave a comment here. Check out PolyWeekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review! Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Call for contributions for episode 300

Heya, Poly Weekly listeners!

I keep saying that YOU make the podcast–your questions, your requests, your feedback, your ideas, your stories. So as we creep up to episode 300, I’d like to turn the episode content over to you guys.

What do YOU want PW listeners to know? Whether you’ve never called in before or you’re a regular correspondent, this is the time to share. Share what?

  • A short story of love, joy, loss, learning or pain
  • A joke
  • A Happy Poly Moment
  • A before/after moment (when you realize in an instant how you’ve grown)
  • Words of encouragement
  • Words of advice
  • Silly/fun greeting
  • An original song
  • A limerick
  • A haiku
  • What you want to hear more about in the next 300 episodes
Don’t be shakin’, bacon; it’s easy! Just do one of the following:
  • Call 206-202-POLY and leave your <5 minute message
  • Record your <5 minute message and email it to polyweekly@gmail.com
Call in alone or call with your partners and metamours! Call from the hot tub, call from the plane, call from the afterglow; this is your chance to share your insights, wisdom, stories and humor with the PW listenership. And let’s face it: you guys RAWK, so it will be AWESOME!

PW 296: Open relationship or poly?

What is the difference between an open relationship and a polyamorous one?

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Introduction

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:00 Host chat

  • We have new monthly subscriber donation options! Coffee buddies at $1.99/month, Friend with benefits at $4.99/month and Anchor at $9.99/month. Just choose a PW Playmate option to the right of this entry and hit the big yellow Subscribe button. >>>>>>>
  • Marvin is our first Anchor subscriber. W00t!
  • We’ve created a Poly Weekly Google+ page. Add us to your Circles for poly, geek and kinky updates.
  • Thanks to GaggleAmp promoters for reTweeting us last week!
  • Enough promotion! Geeks, beware: Cheezburger has launched a geek version of the site, Set Phasers to LOL (think LOLcats but with Star Trek) and more!

8:00 Topic: What is the difference between an open relationship and polyamory?

Thanks to listener Donner (?) for calling this one in. Both open relationships and polyamory are ways of practicing non-mongamy. The main difference is that an “open relationship” tends to assume a couple at the base, whereas “polyamorous” can describe both a lifestyle and a personal philosophy or orientation. I.e., I’m single and poly, but I couldn’t be single and in an open relationship. Additionally, polyamory tends to have “multiple long-term, committed relationships with the full knowledge and consent of all parties involved,” while open relationships are more loosely defined.

Also, while we’re at it, let’s define polygamy, polygyny, polyandry and polyfidelity! Franklin Veaux has a well-researched glossary of terms if you are ever in doubt.

17:00 Happy Poly Moment

Mark shares a happy poly moment at the birth of his child.

18:15 Feedback

  • Scott comments on changing the negative victim-minded behavior patterns mentioned in episode 293 and suggests theater and other subcultures for the football-loving poly guy
  • Kevin says thanks and asks about a Poly Weekly meetup at Burning Man in 2012 (yes if we can!)
  • Josh shares a lovely story of patience and communication and how it lead to a wonderful exploration of spanking and polyamory

25:45 Thanks

Thanks to Marvin and Sarah, our first PW Anchor monthly subscribers! We hope we can do you proud! And to Eric for his donation.

26:30 Wrap-up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook or leave a comment here. Check out PolyWeekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review! Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

PW 295: Geeky kink

The Geeky Kink event and more on how not to be a douche on FetLife

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Introduction

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:00 Host chat

4:00 Topic: The Geeky Kink event review

Christian from New Jersey reviews the Geeky Kink Event.

  • First time event; hiccups at registration, wifi issues, Friday was slow to get up and running
  • He was performer with White Elephant Burlesque  and danced to White and Nerdy!
  • Seemed open and accepting of kink, steampunk, geek, anime, leather
  • There was a bootblack brigade, Jay Wiseman, Lord Percival, Murphy Blue on shibari and connections
  • Other classes on DIY, LAN parties and clothing-optional Rock Band
  • Also had aftercare room “room of requirement”

12:10 Feedback

1.     Focus on people you feel you might have a genuine connection; don’t play the numbers.

2.     Read the profile carefully and bring up a detail in your first communication.

3.     Don’t paper the site with the same email. Don’t play the numbers.

4.     Be confident, literate, appealing and polite.

5.     Demonstrate some depth to your life in your profile.

6.     Be the interesting person you would want to receive a message from.

  • Blake changed his FetLife profile based on 292!
  • Wes from Philadelphia suggests OKC for the poly football-loving guy; Minx didn’t suggest it originally because they specifically said they’d tried it already and couldn’t find enough all-American girls next door

21:45 Correction

Thanks to David for the correction: It was Charlize Theron, not Nicole Kidman in Head in the Clouds.

22:10 Thanks

Thanks to David! And Hero Francis for the three-digit contribution this week!

Wrap-up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook or leave a comment here. Check out PolyWeekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review! Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

PW 294: The HSV blues

The HSV blues–herpes myths busted and HSV stigma eliminated

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Introduction

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:00 Host chat

  • The GaggleAmp experiment
  • Great having dinner with Kurt, our book reviewer!

2:40 Topic: The HSV blues

MakeUpandSin, 23, wrote in to ask for advice when she discovered she had herpes after she and her boyfriend brought a new girl into their relationship. Feeling unsexy, she blames herself and insists possible exposure is all her fault. Host Joreth asks why is it stigmatized more than a cold; the blame and guilt are disproportionate to the actual disease and mode of transmission.

  • Herpes is likely not due to promiscuity, has nothing to do with sexual past. Keep in mind that most children get it from their parents touching them, so get away from the blame game. Take positive steps: educate yourself on the medical details on the strain, placement, medications; arm yourself with information rather than guilt; gather questions and talk to your doctor.
  • When bringing up the issue with partners, Puck suggests going in confident and informed without a sense of shame or guilt; many people don’t even realize they have it because it’s a non-event. Joreth compares to some who get a cold and it’s nothing while others get totally wiped out. And keep in mind it’s also possible to be HSV positive and have partners who aren’t and keep that status; current tests aren’t effective and some who are known positives can sometimes test negative depending on the test.
  • HSV1 versus HSV2 and why the distinction doesn’t matter; location-based diagnosis; skanky STI films and the dangers of doing medical research online
  • Final advice – remember this is just a harmless virus and not a punishment for bad behavior; it’s just part of being alive, like getting a cold every year.

21:30 Feedback

  • Sean asked about episode 291 Yes Means Yes and why some people don’t use safewords. The short answer is (a) they are just arrogant pricks or (b) they prefer clear and specific communication (my right foot is asleep) to a black and white safeword.
  • 26:08 Pablo writes in to share the beauty of three.

28:45 Thanks

Thanks to Nathaniel, Emily, Blake and three-digit hero Iske for contributions this week that will go toward MomentumCon travel!

Wrap-up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook or leave a comment here. Check out PolyWeekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review! Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

PW 293: It’s not them; it IS you

Dealing with difficult people–it’s not them; is IS you!

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Introduction

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:00 Host chat

  • Facebook’s relationship status woes. You can list yourself as being “in an open relationship,” but you can still list only one significant other. To be added as a partner to someone already listed as married, you have to go under Family and choose the last option, Partner, and it will appear at the very bottom of the relationships list in the left sidebar.
  • More thoughts for the vanilla, football-loving crowd after the weekend’s bacon party.

6:30 Topic: It’s not them; it IS you

Thoughts on an article in the Harvard Business Review on the secret to dealing with difficult people and what you can do about it. Understand that it’s not them; it IS you—and you can change the lens through which you see the situation.

  • The lens of realistic optimism (trying to be objective)
  • The reverse lens (putting yourself in the other person’s shoes)
  • The long lens (the “this will build character” argument)

23:10 Feedback

Peter wrote in saying PW helped change his life. We LOVE hearing this!

25:30 Notice—Volunteers to help promote the show with GaggleAmp

I’m trying out GaggleAmp to see if any fans would be willing to receive weekly notices from PW to help promote the show. Look for invites on Facebook and Twitter and, if you so choose, repost the messages about the show on Twitter or Facebook when they arrive. Thanks if you participate and no worries if you don’t!

27:30 Thanks

Shoutout to super-generous listener CodeJockey and hero donor Peter for their contributions this week!

Wrap-up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook or leave a comment here. Check out PolyWeekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review! Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

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