PW 348: How to deal with a partner’s jealousy

What do you do when a partner’s jealousy destroys a relationship you have with someone else?

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1:00 Announcements and host chat

9:10 Topic: How to deal with a partner’s jealousy

L asks for advice on breaking up with someone who isn’t your primary, but Minx sees that her partner’s jealousy is the real issue and gives advice based on Franklin Veaux‘s How to Be a Secure Person:

  • Letting jealousy destroy a relationship is a bad precedent. Deal with this jealousy now so you can go forth and date from a place of generosity, kindness and confidence.
  • Look beneath the surface to determine what is driving your jealousy and insecurities
  • Fill in these blanks: “If my lover [kisses another person in front of me], then the bad thing that will happen is ______.” “If this keeps happening, then it means ________.” “If my lover really loves this other person, then ______.”
  • Practice, practice, practice! Practice being secure and coping with jealousy. It takes 21 days to create a habit, so don’t expect to dispel jealousy the first time out.
  • And please, don’t date until you and your partner are both secure. It’s not fair to your new lover, who is making an emotional, psychological and maybe even sexual investment in you to be dumped due to someone else’s jealousy.

22:05 Happy Poly Moment

Brandon shares a moment of his wife and girlfriend getting along great!

23:15 Feedback: Episode 345 Poly for the Holidays

Vir writes in to remark on Sierra Black’s Huffington Post piece on making a decision about honoring her mother’s holiday wishes.

Wrap up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY (our new number!). And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

PW 347: How being kinky prepared me to be poly

How does BDSM prepare one for polyamory? Lily Lloyd explains.

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1:00 Announcements and host chat

  • Heading out to hit the Portland strip clubs for my birthday; will report back next week!

2:00 Topic: How being kinky prepared me to be poly

Lily Lloyd, guest poster on kink on the SoloPoly blog,and author of the Black Leather Belt blog and the Black Leather Belt book, shares insights on best practices for kink that serve poly well:

  1. Frank and ongoing discussions about sex (before it’s a problem)
  2. The practice of aftercare: dealing with unexpected, strong emotional reactions while staying calm and staying until the partner is okay
  3. “Equal” isn’t necessarily fair. In kink, it’s assumed that everyone will have different tastes, kinks and limits, and reciprocity isn’t assumed or necessary.

27:00 Feedback: Episode 344 Consent Is Sexy

  • Week BiWeek felt the casual tone LustyGuy and I took for the Consent Is Sexy episode was inappropriate to the seriousness of the topic.
  • Edward, a self-named ” 55-yo, cigar smoking, martini-drinking, Republican-voting, $5,000 suit wearing Wall Streeter and military consultant,” writes in to say that sleep sex is never appropriate without consent and also that hearing a verbal affirmation that a woman wants him is indeed sexy
  • Vir writes in to say that Alyssa’s original article was indeed a rape apology: “I think that what she did in her article was make excuses for rape. She did call him a rapist and she did convince him that he was a rapist. But because he was a friend, she didn’t want it to be all his fault and so she tried to blame the wider community for not training men better not to rape. That right there is aiding and abetting ‘rape culture’ if not, strictly, engaging in ‘rape apology.’”
  • Amos is a new listener who finds that the advice on the podcast applies to those outside poly as well.

40:00 Wrap up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY (our new number!). And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

PW 346: Poly and Asperger’s

Can Aspies be polyamorous? Can polyamory aid a person with Asperger’s?

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1:00 Announcements and host chat

  • LustyGuy, L and I did our goal-setting for 2013. Lots of fun with Your Best Year Yet!
  • The North Texas Poly Group shares the following new vocab terms:
    • CONFRUBBLED: Confused but happy about it. “I don’t know whose hands those are, but they are doing a great job!”
    • FROXY: The pleasure one gets from working up a metamour in anticipation of your sweetheart doing very bad things to them. Like compersion, but sexy and just a tiny bit mean. The enjoyment one gets from participating in alloerotic narratophilia.
    • OUTLAWS: The parents of your socially-illicit life partner. “We went to go have dinner with the outlaws Sunday evening. They love playing with our kids so much, they’ve nearly adopted the boys as grandbabies already!”
    • 5:10 Miss Poly Manners on (defining one’s own behavior) versus rules (restricting someone else’s behavior) versus agreement (two+ people agree to after discussing boundaries and expectations)

11:05 Topic: Poly and Asperger’s

A listener asks: can you be poly with Asperger’s? Does it help?

21:00 Happy Poly Moments

  • Kit shares a snuggly happy poly moment
  • Jamie shares a great story of a frubbly weekend by which a partner got to spend more time with her daughter over the holidays due to their poly relationship
  • Bruce shared the simple pleasure of a wine-tasting with his girlfriend and metamour

24:00 Feedback

  • A listener calls in to ask about dealing with jealousy when in the “s” part of a D/s relationship. Poly and kink overlap, but not all kinksters make the effort to do poly well. Want your kinky poly relationship to succeed? Read Raven Kaldera’s Power Circuits and apply his wisdom!
  • What’s NRE in Norwegian? Forelsket!

29:25 Thank you

Thanks to Candice for her donation this month!

Wrap up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY (our new number!). And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

PW 345: Poly for the holidays

How do you handle poly partners around the family?

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1:00 Announcements and host chat

  • LustyGuy cohosts
  • Poly Prom in Richmond, VA, Saturday, March 9, 7:00 PM at the gay community center of Richmond Hall Info on FetLife

3:00 Topic: Poly for the holidays

How LustyGuy, L and Minx handled being out and in for holiday family visits. Tips: ask each person what he/she needs to feel happy and loved for the holiday and make sure each person gets those things. Take care of yourself first.

12:20 Happy Poly Moments

  • Lila shares a happy moment of coming out in defense of polyamory and bisexuality in her LGBTQ studies class. Great courage!
  • Hera shares her first poly experience

15:30 Feedback

  • Scott on the Swingset mashup episode argues that drama isn’t inherent in poly relationships, although LustyGuy points out that drama is common in first-time relationships, and first-time poly would fit the bill
  • Quick plug for Pedestrian Polyamory podcast if you’re not into kink or geekiness
  • Joreth called in to recommend hosting a poly movie night; her list of poly-themed movies is here
  • K shares his light bulb moment on the episode with Aggie on treating non-primaries well LustyGuy comments that change in a relationship should be welcomed and embraced because growth is essential for healthy relationships.

26:30 Thank you

Thanks to Joan, Ariane and Sean for joining the PW Playmates!

Outro

Our holiday outro music is Heat Miser by the Locals

Wrap up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY (our new number!). And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

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