PW 346: Poly and Asperger’s

Can Aspies be polyamorous? Can polyamory aid a person with Asperger’s?

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1:00 Announcements and host chat

  • LustyGuy, L and I did our goal-setting for 2013. Lots of fun with Your Best Year Yet!
  • The North Texas Poly Group shares the following new vocab terms:
    • CONFRUBBLED: Confused but happy about it. “I don’t know whose hands those are, but they are doing a great job!”
    • FROXY: The pleasure one gets from working up a metamour in anticipation of your sweetheart doing very bad things to them. Like compersion, but sexy and just a tiny bit mean. The enjoyment one gets from participating in alloerotic narratophilia.
    • OUTLAWS: The parents of your socially-illicit life partner. “We went to go have dinner with the outlaws Sunday evening. They love playing with our kids so much, they’ve nearly adopted the boys as grandbabies already!”
    • 5:10 Miss Poly Manners on (defining one’s own behavior) versus rules (restricting someone else’s behavior) versus agreement (two+ people agree to after discussing boundaries and expectations)

11:05 Topic: Poly and Asperger’s

A listener asks: can you be poly with Asperger’s? Does it help?

21:00 Happy Poly Moments

  • Kit shares a snuggly happy poly moment
  • Jamie shares a great story of a frubbly weekend by which a partner got to spend more time with her daughter over the holidays due to their poly relationship
  • Bruce shared the simple pleasure of a wine-tasting with his girlfriend and metamour

24:00 Feedback

  • A listener calls in to ask about dealing with jealousy when in the “s” part of a D/s relationship. Poly and kink overlap, but not all kinksters make the effort to do poly well. Want your kinky poly relationship to succeed? Read Raven Kaldera’s Power Circuits and apply his wisdom!
  • What’s NRE in Norwegian? Forelsket!

29:25 Thank you

Thanks to Candice for her donation this month!

Wrap up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY (our new number!). And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

7 comments to PW 346: Poly and Asperger’s

  • Curtis

    Thanks for this awesome podcast, and all of them in general.

    One thing that caught my ear was when you used the phrase “suffering from Aspergers”. There are many within the community that would not agree that they “suffer”. To them, that is the same as saying that someone “suffers from being transgendered”. It is just the way they are.

    I’m sure it was a slip of the tongue, (mmm … always a nice image … squirrel!). But as I hope you will agree, there can be specific language that is preferred, and also some to be avoided as it is misrepresentative.

  • Charles

    Can Aspies be polyamorous? As an Aspie and a lifelong poly/bi/switch, I think the answer is definitely yes.

    Can it aid? I think sometimes; it depends on the person’s particular flavor of Aspergers, which is complex and poorly understood, and affects different people differently.

    Favorite poly moment:

    Dave, a paramour, arrived at the house to pick up my partner (Rachel) for a date. While he was waiting for her to finish getting ready, he told me that he had come from his parents house, where he just had an odd conversation. His parents had asked where he was off to, and he replied that he was going over to Charles’ house to pick up Rachel for a date. They asked who was Charles, and he replied that Charles was Rachel’s partner; which caused a bit of confusion on the part of parents. Dave explained polyamory, and a parent asked “But isn’t it really weird dating a poly woman?”. Dave replied; “No, it’s great. Charles has to do all of the heavy lifting in the relationship; Rachel and I can just have a good time.”

  • [...] week, Cunning Minx addresses “Poly and Asperger’s” on her Polyamory Weekly podcast, Episode #346. A listener asks: can you be poly with Asperger’s? Does it help? And a researcher suggests some [...]

  • Cunning Minx

    Curtis: Yes, slip of the tongue! Damn slippery thing. :-) Usually I say, “Living with [name of condition].” Charles: what a great story! I like that way of positioning poly dating!

  • Dezzy

    Hey!

    I live with aspergers and am also polyamorous…It definitely is the only type of relationship I could have hands down because it is totally on par with my mentality. Logically, it makes so sense why one would be jealous of their partner having feelings for another person or dating another person unless there was a level of insecurity to begin with. The fear of being replaced or whether they like that person more or less are the only 2 reasons I can personally think of that would spark jealousy. I guess I’m more inclined to be this way because I run more on logic and thought instead of emotions because I just don’t process them nearly as well, whether it be receiving or conveying.

    • Mark

      I may or may not be “Aspie”. I’m shy, hopeless at understanding “body language”. But on the other hand like fiction and humour.
      Even raised by monogamous parents the whole thing never made much sense and my teenage response to a fictional “love triangle” was along the lines of “why not form a vee?” (Well not quite since I didn’t encounter the term “vee” for at least another 5 years.)
      I’m shy, socially anxious and find it very hard to ask anyone out at all. But also feel concerned to try and explain that I’m not following any kind of “monogamous paradigm” instead that I like them and would like their company. Effectivly I want to feel I’m being honest to everyone involved. Whilst finding it hard that this isn’t something which tends to be discussed at all. In the past I’ve found I only seem to attract strongly monogamous women (occasionally men). Which can be very frustrating.

  • Dezzy

    *Makes no sense

    apologies

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