PW 347: How being kinky prepared me to be poly

How does BDSM prepare one for polyamory? Lily Lloyd explains.

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1:00 Announcements and host chat

  • Heading out to hit the Portland strip clubs for my birthday; will report back next week!

2:00 Topic: How being kinky prepared me to be poly

Lily Lloyd, guest poster on kink on the SoloPoly blog,and author of the Black Leather Belt blog and the Black Leather Belt book, shares insights on best practices for kink that serve poly well:

  1. Frank and ongoing discussions about sex (before it’s a problem)
  2. The practice of aftercare: dealing with unexpected, strong emotional reactions while staying calm and staying until the partner is okay
  3. “Equal” isn’t necessarily fair. In kink, it’s assumed that everyone will have different tastes, kinks and limits, and reciprocity isn’t assumed or necessary.

27:00 Feedback: Episode 344 Consent Is Sexy

  • Week BiWeek felt the casual tone LustyGuy and I took for the Consent Is Sexy episode was inappropriate to the seriousness of the topic.
  • Edward, a self-named ” 55-yo, cigar smoking, martini-drinking, Republican-voting, $5,000 suit wearing Wall Streeter and military consultant,” writes in to say that sleep sex is never appropriate without consent and also that hearing a verbal affirmation that a woman wants him is indeed sexy
  • Vir writes in to say that Alyssa’s original article was indeed a rape apology: “I think that what she did in her article was make excuses for rape. She did call him a rapist and she did convince him that he was a rapist. But because he was a friend, she didn’t want it to be all his fault and so she tried to blame the wider community for not training men better not to rape. That right there is aiding and abetting ‘rape culture’ if not, strictly, engaging in ‘rape apology.’”
  • Amos is a new listener who finds that the advice on the podcast applies to those outside poly as well.

40:00 Wrap up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY (our new number!). And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

2 comments to PW 347: How being kinky prepared me to be poly

  • [...] Also, another one of the smartest and most talented people I know is Cunning Minx, host of the podcast Polyamory Weekly. The latest episode (just out a couple of days ago), features a lengthy and enormously fun and wide-ranging interview with Lily. GIVE IT A LISTEN! PW 347: How being kinky prepared me to be poly. [...]

  • Referring to you listeners comments. Sometimes sleep sex isn’t controllable. It’s a condition known as sexsomnia. I for one have it. It freaked out the ex-wife, but the current wife loves it. My sleeping alter-ego is generally a bit rougher than I am when awake and she enjoys every minute of it.

    Also I have a question,

    Both of my wonderful ladies are what we lovingly call “stubborn”.

    The wife has a few mental blocks left over from her controlling ex husband which we are still working to remove.

    And our lovely girlfriend is just young, inexperienced and still learning what her body likes.

    Any suggestions in the way of helping both of them to achieve orgasm easier and more frequently?

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