PW 371: Poly and sex work

sabrinamorgan_1338669556_38How does polyamory overlap with sex work, and how do you maintain your relationships when it does?

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1:00 Host chat

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5:15 Interview: Poly and sex work

The lovely and talented Sabrina Morgan joins us for a chat about activism, fetishism and to answer listener questions about polyamory and sex work.

  • Former enemies are now advocating for sex worker rights
  • What’s the biggest issue right now? Sex work is being covered in the media exclusively as sex trafficking, where all consensual sex workers and educators are lumped under the same category and ruled by the same laws.
  • We need accurate data on sex workers, not just those 10% on the street.
  • Minx unintentionally brings up a topic: using words such as “pimp” and ideas of sex workers as disposable or a safe target in common parlance.
  • Grace, a PW listener, started working as a cam girl and was surprised when her boyfriend had an issue with it. Advice?
    • Good news is that sex positive folks are less likely to slut shame
    • Whorephobia goes a step beyond this; many still struggle with this idea that doing sex work makes one “other”
    • Don’t make your professional life something that is vetoable in a relationship. Economic power is not negotiable.

29:00 Feedback

Jane shares a frustrating story of couple-centrism and being expected to be instantly and automatically best friends with a metamour with veto power—and how it’s nice to hear about LustyGuy, L and me as a positive example!

31:00 Happy Poly Moment

KittenCalendar shares a story of being smushy, scared and single.

Wrap up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

3 comments to PW 371: Poly and sex work

  • Cunning Minx

    Fixed! Thanks.

  • Joshua Messick

    I’ve recently been seeing a girl, whom on our third official date informed me that she was in a polyamorist relationship construct of some sort or another, that she really liked me, and that she wanted me to meet the other members of her circle, exact number not disclosed, to see if we would hit it off well. I assume that she meant on a platonic level.

    Now, I’m sure that conventional polyamorist wisdom dictates that this is something she should have been up front and honest about from the very beginning, and I happen to agree…so I left money on the table, and said “Thank you for the gesture, but frankly I deserve better than what you’re offering”.

    I’ve been within the periphery of a number of polyamorist conclaves in my time, and I’ve developed a pretty dim and uncharitable view of them. Not the ACT mind you, I have no problem with who or how many people someone might want to write valentines day cards to or rub their genitals on, and I have no real attachment to traditional social mores, no…my issue is with the individuals involved and with the disingenuous rhetoric of the movement (which doesn’t really deserve to be a movement at all, let’s be honest…it’s like having blogs, conventions and printing t-shirts for loving kittens. Really, adamantly, loving kittens).

    The rhetoric is bullshit because behind the flowery ideals and mission statement of emotional honesty is a tent-shaped relationship comprised of an egomaniac surrounded by a harem of weak-willed doormats. Polyarmory is an exercise in creating a localized cult of personality directed primarily by one individual who is good at chiding their sycophantic lovers out of wanting things for themselves…because that’s “selfish” or “unenlightened”.

    The inherent difference between monogamy and polyamory is one of sacrifice. In monogamous relationships, both parties have to consciously give something up to be with one another. This gives the relationship weight and value, even if the failure rate of monogamy is high…there is something romantic about stubbornly trying fight the odds. In polyamorous relationships, it’s more the case of multiple parties sacrificing dignity and agency so that one party can sacrifice absolutely nothing. Now as for the aforementioned girl in the restaurant, I had at that point no expectation of exclusivity, or of a serious longterm relationship…so I did not feel betrayed by the nature of her romantic life. What I found upsetting was the implicit insult behind her invitation…that she had mentally filed me in the same category as the kind of milquetoast dupe who would be amenable to this sort of arrangement.

    I’m not suggesting that anyone give up their lifestyle, or any of their seraglio of submissive lickspittles…nor am I suggesting that anyone settle down and toe the monogamy line if that’s not what they want. I merely wish that you would stop pretending that you’ve stumbled upon some great secret that the rest of us boring, conventional picket fence types are too gormless and indoctrinated to recognize. Because you’re tagline is absolutely correct: It’s not ALL about sex…it’s also about self-aggrandizing and control.

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