PW 378: Poly dating on OKCupid

online-dating-lolcatTips for poly dating on OKCupid

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3:00 Topic: Poly dating on OKCupid

Q wrote in to ask if it was unrealistic to hope for a polifidelitous triad with two bisexual guys and to seek that on OKCupid.

  • It’s great to have an idea of what you want, but it shouldn’t impair your openness to great folks who might not fit into that exact box.
  • Remember that what’s most important in love and emotional intimacy is how you respond to the person and whether he meets your emotional needs, stated or unstated.
  • Rather than imagining what a future mate will look like, think instead about how you want to feel in a relationship. Do you want to feel like a valued partner, an adored princess, a wise leader, a sex toy, a best friend?

19:00 Feedback

R asks for advice about her poly situation. What do you do when your play partner takes on a new, young partner (your new metamour) who is prone to jealous fits and tantrums whenever you have a play date with him? My advice:

  1. You can choose to leave.
  2. You can open up communications with her (the new metamour) in a friendly, non-confrontational manner.
  3. You can bring it up with him—as the point of the vee, keeping the communication going between you and the new metamour is technically his responsibility.

27:45 Wrap up

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8 comments to PW 378: Poly dating on OKCupid

  • Muesli

    It’s possibly worth noting that OkC recently changed their default search to find users who are single only. At the same time, the menu that let you choose the status of the people you are looking for has been moved to the “advanced” search options; previously it was a standard search option.

    Also, their mobile frontend has a long-standing bug that makes Available people appear as “single” in favorites and recent activity (but, funnily enough, not on their actual profile page) if they change their location. Seems that the mobile UI just wasn’t updated to reflect the changes mentioned in the cast and puts invalid data in the database that’s interpreted differently by different parts of OkC.

  • DrG

    They’ve also just radically changed the way they show search results (giant pictures with no informative text). They seem to be going for flash and low-information, which is disappointing. Overall, this and what Muesli noted is going to make it more difficult to be poly on there. I’m not sure if we come up in search results by default if we are in the “available” category or not… I will have to play around with the features, but it seems like all of this will make it so we have to be much more aggressive in seeking people out because fewer people will come to our profiles naturally.

  • UFO

    I haven’t listened to this ep. of PW yet, so forgive me if this has been mentioned already by Minx; The easiest way, I find, to search for poly people in your area on OKC is to search for whatever you are searching for (men/women/who are…who smoke/don’t smoke etc), add “any status” and keyword “poly” which will show all instances of both the short form “poly” and the full word “polyamory” or “polyamorous”, which MOST people I’ve encountered on the site so far do have somewhere in their profile. You may also find people mentioning other words beginning with poly-, but for the most part, polyamorous people is what you’ll find.

  • UFO

    aish… correction; it only gives you instances of “poly” (some people had written “poly amory” with a space…so then search for poly, polyamory, and polyamorous

  • Olaf

    Very interesting. Minx says in the pod-cast that she would put a link to the Brussels French poly site but she forgot. ;-) It is this one http://www.polyamour.be

    I am not part of that French site, but these people there are really trying to reach out to make Polyamory known by the masses. If you are French or live near Brussels, give them a go.

  • I’m new to this but I don’t like how u join a site and automatically that site take’s your profile and drop’s it on a dating site, whether you are single or not. I am not single and it’s quite annoying and causes alot of issue’s. Any advice??

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