PW 382: Poly for realz

pick me lolcatHow do you deal with the reality of bringing up poly with a partner and with choosing partners that are poly-friendly?

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1:00 Announcements and Host Chat

  • Minx will be teaching two sessions at Winter Wickedness February 7-8 in Columbus, Ohio! Classes will include Kicking Poly Drama on Its Ass and Eight Things I Wish I’d Known about Poly (Before I Tried and Fucked It Up). Both are new classes and hopefully will fit into the kink venue!
  • The wacky poly-friendly Butterfinger Superbowl commercial got quite a negative reaction, but Dan Savage praised it as monogamish
  • The movie Her is about a guy who falls in love with his AI and has some poly messaging, including “I’m yours, and I’m not yours”

7:30 Topic: Poly for realz and partner selection

B wrote in to ask about how to deal with actively dating and possibly attracting partners who might not identify as poly. A great episode is always Getting Over the Poly Hump, even though B has been open for quite a few years. Focus on more communication, not less and yes, 99% of successful poly is partner selection.

Also, P from NY state asks about how to bring polyamory up to a partner he’s been seeing for a while. Minx recommends the poly hump podcast and also considering poly an ongoing conversation rather than a one-time, all-or-nothing deal.

22:50 Feedback

  • Episode 379 Owning your own shit got a lot of feedback!
  • Vaughn comments that saying something out loud often mitigates the issue
  • Heather asks where to draw the line on disclosing one’s emotions

27:50 Happy Poly Moment

  • Hayley wrote in with a very cute car analogy to deal with a partner’s possessiveness
  • S in Australia shared a moment of poly joy as his partners found a shared interest in architecture and design

31:45 Wrap up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

2 comments to PW 382: Poly for realz

  • Cinnamingirl

    I agree with Minx’s advice to P from NY, but from what I heard of the call, it seemed like he has already been poly with his partner, and when they began to be “serious”, she was no longer okay with it. In my experience, people who hope your poly will “go away” are generally not going to change their minds, and will continually be pushing you to give it up, in increasingly pushy and sometimes passive-aggressive ways.

    • Cunning Minx

      Cinnamingirl–

      Entirely possible that that was the case. I tried to avoid assuming that, however, since there is a chance that *wasn’t* the case, and that the partner’s sentiments really did change for other reasons. Either way, I believe in assuming good intent on everyone’s part and just addressing the issue as it stands. I’m hoping it was still helpful!

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