521: Responding to Mayim Bialik

Responding to Mayim Bialik’s video blog on open relationships 

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0:00 Introduction and host chat

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1:30 Announcements

Lusty Guy’s My Swinging Origin Story

2:10 Topic: Responding to Mayim Bialik’s video post on open relationships

A few weeks ago, Mayim Bialik made a video post about how she doesn’t get open relationships. Here’s my response video on YouTube and on Facebook

She has quite a few misconceptions! Here are the top six misconceptions I created a response video to address:

  1. Most primates are monogamous Not true! 97% of mammals are nonmonogamous. Among the primates, a few monkeys and one ape, the gibbon, are monogamous. Every other species is nonmonogamous.
  2. It’s all about the sex. She says she gets it’s not all about the sex, but then proceeds to spend six out of seven minutes talking about the sex. So… who’s making it all about the sex here?
  3. Male sexuality always equals promiscuity, and female sexuality always equals monogamy and lack of sexual interest. This isn’t about sexual dimorphism; it’s about people’s individual orientations. Male sexuality doesn’t equal promiscuity, and female sexuality doesn’t equal monogamy and a lack of sexual interest. In fact, did you know that, when approaching poly from the point of view of a couple, it’s usually the woman’s idea to open up?
  4. If a lifestyle wouldn’t work for me, it couldn’t possibly work for anyone else. Mayim talks about how relationships take time and energy, and she couldn’t imagine having enough focus for another partner in addition to her spouse and kids. Great! But, just as she chose how many kids she could bring into her life and love and care for, consenting adults also get to choose how many partners they can bring into their lives to love.
  5. Poly practitioners are at higher risk for STIs. Wrong! The people at highest risk for STIs are those who are uneducated about transmission methods, who prefer lying or cheating to honest communication and who don’t get tested regularly and share those results with their partners. In fact, STI rates tend to be lower among those practicing polyamory because we educate and communicate without shame about STIs.
  6. People only practice polyamory because they are unhappy in their existing relationships. Wrong again! Well, OK. Sometimes this does happen. But most people practice polyamory, non-monogamy or relationship anarchy because it’s the truest expression of themselves. And by the way, not all non-monogamy starts with a couple. Plenty of people are solo poly.

9:45 Feedback on episode 518

  • A listener calls in to say that she was interrviewed for that NYT Magazine article and is glad her story wasn’t included with those who came to poly from cheating
  • AggieSez chastises the journalist for not following journalism 101: not getting direct quotes from people who were not the married partners. If the whole premise is that other people are involved but you never interview or quote those partners, you’re leaving out a huge part of the story! She’s putting together a media guide for journalists wanting to cover poly!

14:40 Happy Poly Moment

Free wrote in to share an HPM about helping out a partner’s sick kid. Parenting happy poly moment for the win!

17:30 How to make this podcast better

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

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