527: Establishing relationship patterns

What patterns are you establishing at the beginning of your relationships?

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0:00 Introduction and host chat

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5:10 Poly in the News

The third edition of their seminal book, The Ethical Slut!

6:20 Topic: behavioral patterns in your relationships (and how to establish them)

Sarah from Australia asked for Lusty Guy to elaborate on his comment about patterns at the start of relationship establishing what will happen later on in the relationship. What patterns do you establish when you start dating? Any red flag behaviors? What the hell is Lusty Guy talking about?

  • A pattern is the behavior you adopt in the face of differing styles or approaches to stuff in relationships
  • The way you establish a pattern is to ask yourself how you ideally want to respond to conflicts or conflicting patterns (such as who plans a date)—and those will often persist throughout the duration of the relationship
  • What do you want your partner to learn?
  • LG likes to look for ways to be his very best self in the first relationship conflict. “Whenever you want to reach someone, you have to be reachable.” Be vulnerable!
  • Red flags: pay attention to the nature of the stories people tell about themselves. And look for the differences between the behavior you observe and the stories they tell.
    • Also, do they share?
    • How do they talk about their past relationships? Are they respectful of past partners and relationships?
    • What comments do they make about strangers?

24:25 Feedback

Thanks for having Goody Howard on the show!

26:00 How to make this podcast better

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  1. Great article – relationships are based on solid communication and trust, it can’t work without it! Kudos!

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