533: Reducing friction in metamour meetups

How to reduce friction and awkwardness in first-time metamour meetings533 reducing friction awkwardness in poly metamour meetups

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1:00 Host chat and announcements

  • Remember my response to Mayim Bialik’s clueless video about open relationships? She did a correction video here in which she corrected her assumptions about open relationships and polyamory. Huzzah for Mayim!
  • In personal news, Minx and her kitty moved in with LustyGuy and L to form a blended household.
  • If you want to have us speak at your event outside the US and are willing to host a fundraiser to finance our travel, we are happy to donate classes, signed books and even relationship coaching to help you out! Interested? Email lustyguy@polyweekly.com

9:30 Topic: reducing friction in first-time metamour meetups

Claire in Portland has three partners with some being long-distance, and she is arranging for everyone to meet for the first time. How can she reduce the awkwardness of this first meeting and make sure everyone is comfortable?

  • You can’t make anyone do anything
  • Think of it as a party: set up channels of communication beforehand, introduce people and conversational topics, have favorite foods and drinks at hand, diminish expectations and pressure, have icebreaker activities set up
  • Model the behavior you want to see: calm and vulnerable
  • Let everyone know that nothing rides on this—you can flub everything up, and it will still be OK
  • Ask everyone involved what they would need to be comfy and their ideas for helping to make everyone else comfy

Thanks to Erich Viedge for interviewing poly activist and educator Wilrieke Sophia on a similar topic and having her read her “Letter to the Women Who Sleep with My Man” for us!

27:10 Feedback

A listener wrote in to comment on a response to herpes we discussed on episode 517, pointing out that, while most people experience herpes as a minor inconvenience at most, herpes can be quite painful for some outlier cases.

29:00 Happy poly moment

A listener writes in to share how she and her husband overcame the obstacles to enable her to ask for what she wanted and to be truly happy for her husband and their new lover!

33:35 Book review: Erich Viege interviews Page Turner

Our correspondent Erich Viedge interviews Page Turner, author of Poly Land: My Brutally Honest Adventures in Polyamory. Page Turner is an educator and author living in Cleveland, Ohio and blogs daily at http://www.poly.land, Tweets at @polydotland and has a Facebook group.

42:00 Thank you!

Welcome Theodore and Mallory as new Poly Weekly Playmates! And thanks to Katherine and Craig for your donations!

42:30 How to make this podcast better

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here. Check out Poly Weekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!  Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”


Commenting area

  1. Hi guys,
    I am a single, bi-poly who wishes to create a new group of three. One woman with myself and another bi-male. The problem that I am having is that on the dating sites, and in social situations, I feel that when I mention this, I become an outcast, and no one wishes to even speak to me. I live in Seattle, and have been out of any kind of relationship for the past 20 years, and I am not sure how to proceed. I have tried poly meet-ups, poly-sites, even tried bars, to no avail. I am an older man, and I do wonder if that might be the reason. after all who wants to go to bed with someone who is old? Should I just give up, and resign myself to being alone for the rest of my life? Could there something that I have been doing wrong? How can I find out what the problem is, when no one will tell me what I am doing wrong? How can I change it if I do not even know? I did not know how important this is to me, until lately I have been wondering why I am even alive, and why not just end it all now. I realize that does sound rather selfish, thinking about myself, but that is a part of being human as well. I have been going to cuddle parties even. No one wanted to even cuddle with me at the first two, and the one who did at the third one, smelled so bad, I felt that I should check her diaper, if she even had one on. I am at my wits end, I do wish to grow, and I do have a huge amount of love to share. Maybe you might have some ideas. All of your podcasts are really great, but they do not address any issues like this, and I would like to get your take on it.

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