PW 495: A poly glossary

poly glossaryLet’s talk about key poly terms

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Under 18? Stop listening now and visit Scarleteen

1:30 Poly in the news

11:15 Topic: A poly glossary

Not sure what a metamour or a comet is? Curious about the difference between a triad and a vee? Wondering what a Boston marriage refers to? We pick out our favorite key terms from More Than Two’s excellent poly glossary page.

23:20 Feedback

A asks what “romantic” means

26:00 Wrap up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? 🙂 Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Want to book us to speak or teach? Email lustyguy@polyweekly.com!

Poly for the holidays primer

Poly for the holidaysIt’s that time of year again: when folks in mainstream relationships go home to spend time with their families, and poly partners suddenly become the awkward, “um… friend” to blood relations.

The holidays are stressful enough. Adding poly partners into the mix can add even more stress, especially if certain partners are forced back into the closet for events involving blood relations.

To make life a little easier, here are the best episodes we’ve done on poly for the holidays:

  • Episode 411 at 10:15, which includes advice learned from FBI hostage negotiators
  • Episode 345 at 3:00, in which LustyGuy and Minx share their tips for negotiating family time around the holidays while accommodating as many needs as possible
  • Episode 297 at 1:30, in which Joreth and Puck share their holiday advice about how to introduce partners and deal with being closeted
  • Episode 184 at 11:20, in which Minx gives gift and self-care advice
  • Episode 86 at 4:50, in which Minx advises NOT to come out during the holidays

Here’s hoping these can help make your holidays a little easier!

 

PW 494: Labeling your loves

What do you call your poly partners?partner-label

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Under 18? Stop listening now and visit Scarleteen

1:30 Poly in the news

9:30 Topic: Labeling your loves

Polyamory can lack really great terms for your partners. What do you use instead of “girlfriend” or “boyfriend” or “partner.” Got anything better that you use? Partner, lover, sweetie, paramour, sidekick, topkick, anchor?

14:00 Feedback: episode 489 The other woman in poly

Doug writes in to say that for him, adding a new woman to the relationship ALWAYS makes sex better with the existing partner

16:00 Thanks!

Thanks to Sandra for her donation this week!

17:00 Wrap up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? 🙂 Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Want to book us to speak or teach? Email lustyguy@polyweekly.com!

PW 493: Asking for reassurances

Is it OK to ask for positive reinforcement about my relationship, or do I need to work on my insecurities?

Asking for positive reinforcement

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Under 18? Stop listening now and visit Scarleteen

1:00 Election fallout

It’s impossible to ignore the horrifying result of the U.S. presidential election. If you want to make a difference, consider supporting the National Popular Vote movement so the candidate who wins the popular vote will actually win the election.

20:00 Topic: Is it OK to need positive reinforcement?

A listener writes in to ask how to get more positive affirmations from her partners about how important she is to them. Is it a sign of insecurity that she needs to hear how loved she is on a regular basis? Does she need professional help? It is reasonable to ask for a partner to tell her how he feels about her on a regular basis?

Wrap up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? 🙂 Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Want to book us to speak or teach? Email lustyguy@polyweekly.com!

PW 492: Hitting on metamours

10173860 - close up of a little girl taking a cookie behind her motherIs it OK to hit on my cute same sex metamours? Or just lazy?

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Under 18? Stop listening now and visit Scarleteen

1:00 Poly in the News

5:40 Topic: Is it OK to hit on my metamours?

Was writes in to ask about being attracted to same-sex metamours on the outer branches of the polycule. Will one be perceived as predatory or lazy for just picking up all the same sex cuties from the group? Is that bad form?

13:15 Feedback

Harry calls in to offer a “time out” of the relationship as useful in addition to the “check in”

16:00 Happy Poly Moment

Was writes in to share a happy poly moment, when her partner volunteered to pick up her metamour from the airport!

17:40 Wrap up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? 🙂 Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Want to book us to speak or teach? Email lustyguy@polyweekly.com!

PW 491: Your poly ethics

39280821 - close up on a man and a woman holding hands at a wooden table

What are your poly ethics?

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Under 18? Stop listening now and visit Scarleteen

1:00 Poly in the News

I live with my boyfriend and husband, and here’s how we make it work in the Washington Post

4:30 Topic: What are your poly ethics?

  • Koe Creation joins us for this ethics-oriented episode
  • Resources: More Than Two and the Relationship Bill of Rights and Koe’s new Poly Ethics Checklist
  • Self-awareness is the best foundation: know who you are, what you need to be happy and how you want to be treated
  • Start with basic questions, such as:
    • How do you like to be treated?
    • How do you need to treat others in order to feel ethical?
    • How about when others are mean or unethical to you?
    • What do I want my poly relationships to look like?
    • How will I act if they don’t?
  • Minx suggests not treating people as things; Koe suggests seeing people as investments rather than purchases.
  • How will I act when my partner asks for something I’m afraid to give?
  • Will you be able to say no? Are you capable of hearing “no” as a response to a request?

33:00 Wrap up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? 🙂 Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Want to book us to speak or teach? Email lustyguy@polyweekly.com!

PW 490: Boundaries vs rules

Rules vs boundaries by Cunning MinxWhat is the difference between a rule and a boundary?

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Under 18? Stop listening now and visit Scarleteen

1:30 Poly in the News

8:50 Topic: Boundaries vs rules

  • Candyfloss wrote in to ask what exactly was the difference between boundaries and rules—and is it OK to make a “no sex in my bed” rule?
    • Rules are behavioral restrictions placed on others. Boundaries are statements of the limits of your personal integrity. “You can’t have sex in my bed” is a rule. “I insist on informed consent” is a personal boundary that could be applied to a number of situations, including your bed.
  • Also, do hierarchical poly configurations work?

24:50 Feedback

Our Better Half” is a podcast devoted to sex over 50.

25:50 Happy Poly Moment

E writes in to share a multigenerational, family-oriented happy poly moment.

27:30 Wrap up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? 🙂 Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Want to book us to speak or teach? Email lustyguy@polyweekly.com!

PW 489: “The other woman” in poly

the other woman in polyHow “the other woman” archetype affects poly relationship

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Under 18? Stop listening now and visit Scarleteen

1:00 Host chat

We’re now on I Heart Radio

1:45 Poly in the News

7:30 Topic: Casting “the other woman” in poly

Polyamory is supposed to be devoid of non-consensual relationships, so why would we need to talk about a topic such as “the other woman” in poly? Much like life, poly is an ongoing journey of discovery, and sometimes, old habits die hard. More than one poly person has found themselves unwittingly cast in “the other woman/man/person” category, as we discover that a partner has not revealed their marital or relationship status with 100% honesty.

Koe Creation and Minx discuss coping mechanisms when this happens, including self-care as well as public needs and future avoidance.

37:30 Feedback

Sean writes in to share his experience of coming out to his family

42:00 Happy Poly Moment

A listener shares an international HPM!

43:15 Thank you!

Thanks to Alexander for the donation!

Wrap up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? 🙂 Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Want to book us to speak or teach? Email lustyguy@polyweekly.com!

PW 488: Negotiating metamour meets

My husband and I disagree on how soon to meet metamours–how do we negotiate this?

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negotiating metamour meets


Under 18? Stop listening now and visit Scarleteen

1:00 Host chat

Tina Horn’s excellent response to Pamela Anderson’s new anti-porn stance

4:15 Poly in the News

A clueless journalist’s ignorance on display and the community response to it

7:45 Topic: Negotiating metamour meets

Listener Michelle writes in to ask about how to negotiate metamour meetings when she wants to meet metamours right away, but her husband would rather wait a few weeks. Or months. Or never. She writes that he agrees reluctantly to meet partners, and to introduce her to his, but they are not sure how to determine when we should introduce new partners to each other. She feels like she’d rather meet his new partners after no more than two or three dates, whereas he thinks that seems unnecessarily soon. How can they solve the impasse?

  • What do you need to be happy and healthy?
  • What does he need to be happy and healthy?
  • Negotiate from there
  • Find ways to make it more comfortable and less awkward
  • In general, as with safer sex, the lowest common denominator wins

14:30 Feedback

  • A writes about the challenges of asexuality because A does seek romantic relationships and appears mainstream, but “sex gets in the way” and is happy we are talking more about asexuality
  • Christina writes in about how hard she, as a poly meetup organizer, works to promote tolerance and acceptance of her group, including discrimination against monogamy and monogamists

19:00 Happy Poly Moment

  • GreedyPaul called in to say he was courageous and started his own poly group!
  • Sean writes in that his mistress is welcome for the weekend!

22:00 Wrap up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? 🙂 Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Want to book us to speak or teach? Email lustyguy@polyweekly.com!

PW 487: When independence hurts

when independence hurtsWhat to do if your independence hurts your partner(s)

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Under 18? Stop listening now and visit Scarleteen

1:00 Host chat

3:00 Topic: When independence hurts

A listener writes in to ask what to do when one’s need for autonomy and personal time causes one’s partner grief.

LaRasa writes: “One of my biggest hang-ups is that because I have always been so independent, the current situation of mono life feels like a cage, but whenever I bring up the need for me time, she gives me the ‘hurt puppy dog’ eyes.”

We recommend using the Sunday Safe Space (great idea!) to do a full relationship check-in, including praise, gratitude and expressing appreciation for what is working well. Also:

  • Talk about specific behaviors, not broad generalizations (what exactly makes your life feel “like a cage”?)
  • Let each person own their shit; don’t assume an emotion due to the eyes
  • Innoculate, check in, iterate
  • Establish a “get home” ritual

19:45 Feedback

  • Joris writes in to criticize my reluctance on episode 393 to use the singular “they” (which is now no longer an issue) and to bring up the challenges gender queer folk have to deal with every day
  • Ourdane did as well and also called me out on gender stereotyping
  • Baltimore Sun editor on the singular “they”

32:45 Happy Poly Moment

  • The “Sugar Shack”
  • Going from DADT to happy metamours

38:00 Wrap up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? 🙂 Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Want to book us to speak or teach? Email lustyguy@polyweekly.com!

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