Polyamory 201 with Tristan Taormino

Went to a fantastic session last night with my awesome friend Yvonne. Babeland in Seattle was hosting the ever-articulate Tristan Taormino and her Poly 201 session on poly relationships and what makes or breaks them. My notes from the session:

  • Key to dealing with NRE: patience, compassion, communication.
  • Key to dealing with poly time management: organization, Google calendar, negotiation skills.
  • It’s not just “you’ve got Tuesday nights;” time carries with it a tremendous emotional charge.
  • Key to dealing with poly micommunication: honesty, self-awareness, and (surprise, surprise) COMMUNICATION.
  • Disclose, disclose, disclose! You might not think it’s a big deal that your new girlfriend is a stripper, but your husband might.
  • Keys to addressing poly agreement violation: make explicit agreement with a checklist. Make a “gray area” rule.
  • Jealousy as a behavior is modeled and rewarded in our society. Too many pop culture songs, movies and TV shows make reference to someone “really” loving a partner if he/she gets jealous.
  • So let’s unpack jealousy: envy, posessiveness, competitiveness, feeling excluded, insecurity.
  • Re jealousy: when you think “someone is smarter than me,” you really mean “I am not smart enough”
  • Solution to jealousy: face your fear. Take it out to dinner. See it for what it is.
  • Harness NRE for good and not evil, knowing it will come back to your existing relationship. When your partner comes home all hopped up on endorphins, jump him!–Selfish person’s guide to NRE

Poly Weekly 232: Who gets to be the primary?

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Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to http://www.scarleteen.com; friend us on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the forums.

Announcements
Poly Weekly iPhone app with PDF show notes and audio extras is available now!

Cohosts
Joreth
Franklin Veaux
Pepper

Topic: who gets to be the primary?
Discussion of why the question is asked, why it’s important (or not) and what “primary” actually means

Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com

Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Poly Weekly #196: Jealousy roundtable

This week’s Poly Weekly #196: Jealousy roundtable.

Download the mp3 directly!

0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the forums at http://forum.polyweekly.com.

2:00 Pre-Discussion
Minx introduces Gabriel and they have a short discussion about Conflation.

9:05 Poly Round Table from Conflation
and we begin the jealousy discussion; moving to the nature and origin of jealousy; minx takes it back to the steampunk vibrator.

22:50 Minx and Gabriel discuss what to expect on the next episode.

24:20 Listener Feedback

GeekFox comments on episode 193 that sometimes, ex’es really are just jerks.

Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com

Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions”

Poly Weekly #180: Are Happy Endings Cheating?

This week Poly Weekly #180:Are happy endings cheating?.

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Article here

3:07 Minx talks about the article she read about a woman who encouraged her husband to get a “happy ending.” The article was from mom logic.

4:45 Minx brings up the comments, the most interesting part of these type of articles.

5:10 Only a small majority considered “happy endings” cheating.

5:40 Minx goes through the actual comments on the site. and providing her feedback on these comments.

8:10 10 comments in and finally somebody brings up a more supportive comment.

10:20 Minx talks about how great strip clubs are!

10:50 Minx asks the questions, how would this woman feel if the husband wanted to do this regularly?

12:30 What if you aren’t the only thing your husband needs?

14:30 It is important that everybody has the same definitions for terms (e.g. cheating).

0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the forums at http://forum.polyweekly.com.

Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com

Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions”

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Poly Weekly #151: Can you love two at once?

The new Polyamory Weekly #151: Can You Love Two at Once is up! Direct download is at Poly Weekly #151

Subscribe now with iTunes one-click!
Please Digg this podcast at Digg’s PW podcast page!

0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the new FORUMS at http://forum.polyweekly.com.

1:30 Host Chat
Looking forward to Sex 2.0 conference; introducing Alan’s segment from the Poly Living conference

3:30 Topic: Can you love two at once?
This stems from a Dear Abby question from a woman who says she is in love with two people at once and wonders if that is possible–just asking the question in this way shows progress. And Abby’s response isn’t too bad–she begins by saying that you can love two people for different reasons. She then shows her monogamous bias, but the openness with which the question is addressed shows a marked difference from past responses.

7:50 Report: Poly Living Conference
Alan of the Poly in the Media blog took a voice recorder to the Poly Living conference and brought us along for the ride!
9:00 Anita Wagner discusses her workshop on jealousy; she recommends communication, education and owning one’s own jealousy
11:20 Serena Anderlini-d’Onofrio discusses her workshop on bisexuality; Alan asks about being “bisensual” or “bi-intimate” without being bisexual
14:45 Michel Z talks about being more honest in relationships and when not to be 100% honest
16:15 C.T. Butler discusses the consensus decision-making process as a formal model for decision-making within a poly family; cooperation rather than competition
18:30 Deborah Anapol, the conference’s keynote speaker, points out that we need to live outside our conditioning and take charge of our own relationship decisions
Alan applauds that Loving More stepped in to take over the conference after George Marvil’s death–quit giving to the tobacco corporations, go to PolyLiving.org for next year’s conference; check LovingMore for their east and west coast retreats in the meatime

21:15 Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Thanks for listening!

Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com

Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions”

Poly Weekly #133: Does jealousy equal love?

The new Polyamory Weekly #133: Does jealousy equal love? is up! Direct download is at Poly Weekly #133

Subscribe now with iTunes one-click!
Please Digg this podcast at Digg’s PW podcast page!

0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments.

1:30 Announcement: Many Loves workshop
This workshop and support series takes place at the Center on Halsted in Chicago, Saturday, December 8th, $15, 10:00 a.m.-1:00 p.m. I’ll be there!

2:25 Topic: Does jealousy equal love?
Bill guest co-hosts to discuss this topic that Gafil brought up–why is it that the more deeply we love someone, the more intense the jealousy can feel? Why in our society does a lack of a jealous rage mean a lack of love?

25:10 Resource Review: Operational Intelligence
Sukima calls in a comprehensive review of Nan Wise’s Operational Intelligence in New York from November; 29:20 Trace calls in his experience of the same seminar and what he took home; if you’re in the area, be sure to check out PolyamorousNYC that meets the third Wednesday of every month

31:35 Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Thanks for listening!

Does jealousy equal love?

A question from Gafil that I thought I’d throw out to you guys–what do you think?

Why is it that, in our case at least, the stronger the love between us, the more intense the jealousy can be?

Why is that so often the case? Why do we associate deep love with increased jealousy?

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