PW 276: “Okay” is a four-letter word

Violet Blue's Total Flirt iPhone app

“Okay” and “fine” are four-letter words–ban them from your relationship

vocabulary!

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Introduction and host chat

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:40 App review: Violet Blue’s Total Flirt

Review of Violet Blue’s fun new wingman iPhone app, Total Flirt.

2:50 Book review: Open All the Way

Open All the Way by Sexy Sadie

Kurt provides his review of Sadie Smythe’s book, Open All the Way, on her and her husband’s experiences with opening up the marriage, both in theory and in practice. They deal with jealousy, breakups and NRE and share the value and benefits of multiple loves. Kurt also shares their musings on the pervasive power of monogamy.

7:15 Topic: “Okay” is a four-letter word

And our topic today is a rebroadcast from July 2008 and relevant for everyone whether you’re poly, monogamous, curious or confused. Get ready for a vintage rants!

  • “OK” “fine” are both evil because it doesn’t provide information; instead it begs many questions.
  • If you are asking a new person out and you have a current partner, you will need to expect them to meet.
  • How tough it is for secondaries ending up mixing it up with somebody or both people from a couple and the challenges that go with that
  • Your new relationships need some TLC as well.
  • Some advice for the metamour.  Don’t use the word “OK.”  Say something like “I really enjoy watching Steve doing X” as one example. In conclusion, don’t use “OK”!

19:00 Feedback

  • Tina calls in to share thoughts that poly is reaching critical mass and easier to find; on having difficulty finding the POV of young poly folks (versus older and settling down); and on STI information and episodes
  • 28:15 Josh calls in about bisexuality—what do you think?

29:05 Wrap-up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here or discuss your own topics at the forums. Check out PolyWeekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review! Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

PW 274: Am I jealous?

Listener W writes in to ask: am I jealous, or is this situation unfair?

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Introduction and host chat

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:20 Topic: Am I jealous?

Wendy writes in to ask advice from the cohost team: am I jealous? She gets a certain number of hours a week with her top, and compares that to the number of hours his wife enjoys with him. She relays anecdotes of her top engaging in sex with another bottom, which was beyond the scope of their agreement, and with his wife, which was beyond her expectations. She relays a situation in which she watched the children for his and his wife’s anniversary trip, but her own collaring anniversary went unnoticed.

Is she jealous and how should she cope? Cohosts Joreth, Pepper and Franklin share insights and give advice, including making a list of the things she needs to feel secure in a relationship and how she would like for commitment to be shown.

20:40 Announcements

Poly in Pictures blog on jealousy – for a little jealousy humor

21:40 Feedback

  • Musqrat comments on the Sister Wives commentary from episode 266, comparing to a sort of institutionalized D/s situation
  • A caller who believes in religious polygyny makes a call for tolerance
  • DDog calls in to appreciate the term “anchors” from episode 260

35:40 Thanks to Earl and John for their donations

Wrap-up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here or discuss your own topics at the forums. Check out PolyWeekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review! Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Poly Weekly 247: What’s OK in poly?

Joreth, Pepper and Franklin discuss what’s “OK” in poly

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Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to http://www.scarleteen.com; friend us on Twitter or Facebook, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the forums.

Announcements

  • Forked Tongue novel
  • Study participants 18+ willing to fill out a questionnaire and do a saliva sample contact salivaresearch@umich.edu or 734-763-7121

Topic: What’s OK in poly?
Today’s topic is courtesy of Friggin’ Limey, who wrote in with the questions:

  • Is it normal, or even OK, for me to feel the need to want to see someone else whenever my wife has a date with a lover?
  • When she goes on a date I do ask her if they had sex or not. Does this sound reasonable?
  • And from MinVanLib on Twitter: If the root of jealousy is insecurity, does one need to end the relationship to get secure first?

Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? 🙂 Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com

Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Polyamory 201 with Tristan Taormino

Went to a fantastic session last night with my awesome friend Yvonne. Babeland in Seattle was hosting the ever-articulate Tristan Taormino and her Poly 201 session on poly relationships and what makes or breaks them. My notes from the session:

  • Key to dealing with NRE: patience, compassion, communication.
  • Key to dealing with poly time management: organization, Google calendar, negotiation skills.
  • It’s not just “you’ve got Tuesday nights;” time carries with it a tremendous emotional charge.
  • Key to dealing with poly micommunication: honesty, self-awareness, and (surprise, surprise) COMMUNICATION.
  • Disclose, disclose, disclose! You might not think it’s a big deal that your new girlfriend is a stripper, but your husband might.
  • Keys to addressing poly agreement violation: make explicit agreement with a checklist. Make a “gray area” rule.
  • Jealousy as a behavior is modeled and rewarded in our society. Too many pop culture songs, movies and TV shows make reference to someone “really” loving a partner if he/she gets jealous.
  • So let’s unpack jealousy: envy, posessiveness, competitiveness, feeling excluded, insecurity.
  • Re jealousy: when you think “someone is smarter than me,” you really mean “I am not smart enough”
  • Solution to jealousy: face your fear. Take it out to dinner. See it for what it is.
  • Harness NRE for good and not evil, knowing it will come back to your existing relationship. When your partner comes home all hopped up on endorphins, jump him!–Selfish person’s guide to NRE

Poly Weekly 232: Who gets to be the primary?

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Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to http://www.scarleteen.com; friend us on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the forums.

Announcements
Poly Weekly iPhone app with PDF show notes and audio extras is available now!

Cohosts
Joreth
Franklin Veaux
Pepper

Topic: who gets to be the primary?
Discussion of why the question is asked, why it’s important (or not) and what “primary” actually means

Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? 🙂 Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com

Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Poly Weekly #196: Jealousy roundtable

This week’s Poly Weekly #196: Jealousy roundtable.

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0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the forums at http://forum.polyweekly.com.

2:00 Pre-Discussion
Minx introduces Gabriel and they have a short discussion about Conflation.

9:05 Poly Round Table from Conflation
and we begin the jealousy discussion; moving to the nature and origin of jealousy; minx takes it back to the steampunk vibrator.

22:50 Minx and Gabriel discuss what to expect on the next episode.

24:20 Listener Feedback

GeekFox comments on episode 193 that sometimes, ex’es really are just jerks.

Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? 🙂 Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com

Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions”

Poly Weekly #180: Are Happy Endings Cheating?

This week Poly Weekly #180:Are happy endings cheating?.

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Article here

3:07 Minx talks about the article she read about a woman who encouraged her husband to get a “happy ending.” The article was from mom logic.

4:45 Minx brings up the comments, the most interesting part of these type of articles.

5:10 Only a small majority considered “happy endings” cheating.

5:40 Minx goes through the actual comments on the site. and providing her feedback on these comments.

8:10 10 comments in and finally somebody brings up a more supportive comment.

10:20 Minx talks about how great strip clubs are!

10:50 Minx asks the questions, how would this woman feel if the husband wanted to do this regularly?

12:30 What if you aren’t the only thing your husband needs?

14:30 It is important that everybody has the same definitions for terms (e.g. cheating).

0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the forums at http://forum.polyweekly.com.

Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? 🙂 Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com

Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions”

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Poly Weekly #151: Can you love two at once?

The new Polyamory Weekly #151: Can You Love Two at Once is up! Direct download is at Poly Weekly #151

Subscribe now with iTunes one-click!
Please Digg this podcast at Digg’s PW podcast page!

0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the new FORUMS at http://forum.polyweekly.com.

1:30 Host Chat
Looking forward to Sex 2.0 conference; introducing Alan’s segment from the Poly Living conference

3:30 Topic: Can you love two at once?
This stems from a Dear Abby question from a woman who says she is in love with two people at once and wonders if that is possible–just asking the question in this way shows progress. And Abby’s response isn’t too bad–she begins by saying that you can love two people for different reasons. She then shows her monogamous bias, but the openness with which the question is addressed shows a marked difference from past responses.

7:50 Report: Poly Living Conference
Alan of the Poly in the Media blog took a voice recorder to the Poly Living conference and brought us along for the ride!
9:00 Anita Wagner discusses her workshop on jealousy; she recommends communication, education and owning one’s own jealousy
11:20 Serena Anderlini-d’Onofrio discusses her workshop on bisexuality; Alan asks about being “bisensual” or “bi-intimate” without being bisexual
14:45 Michel Z talks about being more honest in relationships and when not to be 100% honest
16:15 C.T. Butler discusses the consensus decision-making process as a formal model for decision-making within a poly family; cooperation rather than competition
18:30 Deborah Anapol, the conference’s keynote speaker, points out that we need to live outside our conditioning and take charge of our own relationship decisions
Alan applauds that Loving More stepped in to take over the conference after George Marvil’s death–quit giving to the tobacco corporations, go to PolyLiving.org for next year’s conference; check LovingMore for their east and west coast retreats in the meatime

21:15 Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? 🙂 Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Thanks for listening!

Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com

Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions”

Poly Weekly #133: Does jealousy equal love?

The new Polyamory Weekly #133: Does jealousy equal love? is up! Direct download is at Poly Weekly #133

Subscribe now with iTunes one-click!
Please Digg this podcast at Digg’s PW podcast page!

0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments.

1:30 Announcement: Many Loves workshop
This workshop and support series takes place at the Center on Halsted in Chicago, Saturday, December 8th, $15, 10:00 a.m.-1:00 p.m. I’ll be there!

2:25 Topic: Does jealousy equal love?
Bill guest co-hosts to discuss this topic that Gafil brought up–why is it that the more deeply we love someone, the more intense the jealousy can feel? Why in our society does a lack of a jealous rage mean a lack of love?

25:10 Resource Review: Operational Intelligence
Sukima calls in a comprehensive review of Nan Wise’s Operational Intelligence in New York from November; 29:20 Trace calls in his experience of the same seminar and what he took home; if you’re in the area, be sure to check out PolyamorousNYC that meets the third Wednesday of every month

31:35 Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? 🙂 Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Thanks for listening!

Does jealousy equal love?

A question from Gafil that I thought I’d throw out to you guys–what do you think?

Why is it that, in our case at least, the stronger the love between us, the more intense the jealousy can be?

Why is that so often the case? Why do we associate deep love with increased jealousy?

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