From Poly Living 2009: Poly Weddings and Gay Marriage Rights

Diana Adams’ talk on Poly Weddings: the legal impact of same sex marriage decision on your poly family with Diana Adams. (I did record audio of this session with permission; check the Poly Weekly feed soon)

  • There is a legal bias against those who are sex-positive
  • Discussing “emotional pre-nups”–discussing what your relationship will look like and the terms of your breakup beforehand
  • She uses a forensic psychologist to help refocus on the issue of which of the parents is doing more negative parenting–the one who never puts the kid to bed or the one who does and who happens to have a locked cabinet of sex toys
  • The vibrator laws aren’t about vibrators but what it would mean if we allowed that: “You have the right to sell Tupperware, but not if there is a dildo in it.” Now focusing on how and whether these rules are actually to prevent harm.
  • Definition of “prostitution” in New York: sexual conduct for a fee. That is, whatever a judge decides is “sexual,” creating a culture of fear and shame for all workers, sexual and even sexual healers as well.

Prop 8 in California
The debate is whether this should be an actual amendment to the California constitution, which is surprisingly easy to amend. Diana argues this should be a court decision, not one put to the voting populace. There are now questions as to whether gay couples married during the legal period will still be legally married. She showed an Amicus brief from an organization associated with the religious right stating that because bisexual and polyamorous people can’t get legally married, we don’t need to give marriage rights to gays, either.

Same-Sex Marriage Debate and How It Affects Us
Diana explains how arguing that marriage is a fundamental human right actually harms the poly marriage issue. Lawrence v Texas overturned older sodomy laws, with an apology, maintaining it was undignified to afford homosexual citizens the same right to have private sex in their homes. (Does everybody know what “santorum” is?)

Two arguments being made:

  1. Sexual orientation should be a legal right as a “suspect class”, or group that has traditionally faced discrimination and thus needs protection. Saying that sexual orientation is a “suspect class” is a major step and very powerful. In states with civil unions, the argument is that allowing civil unions but not marriage for suspect classes is inherently as unfair as “separate but equal.”
  2. We ask: why aren’t we making the argument that the state shouldn’t be making marriages at all? The issue with making marriage a fundamental right is valorizing it and thus further entrenching it into our law, and we’ll no longer be able to separate church and state. This is dangerous because it’s appealing to morality and accepting the institution of marriage without examining it. We went from criminalizing to heterosexualizing our relationships.

Tidbits

  • We have passed the time where we link sexual relationships with economic dependency.
  • Participants recommend readings by Stephanie Koontz on the history of marriage and marriage as a tool of governmental control.

Poly Weekly #193: How to Have a Happy Relationship

This week Poly Weekly #193: How to Have a Happy Relationship.

Download the mp3 directly!

0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the forums at http://forum.polyweekly.com.

Poly Living conference

Topic: How to Have a Happy Relationship
Tacit, host of the Polyamory FAQ site, gives his observations on what it takes to have a happy relationship, mono or poly

2:03 Minx Interviews Tacit
Minx and tacit talk about the weather. Minx starts talking about Tacit’s article and how it has impacted people. They go through the list of points from the article.

  • You can’t get what you don’t ask for
  • If all your relationships in the same bad way, maybe it is you
  • If sex is becoming boring after a while, maybe you are letting it
  • Don’t expect to change your partner
  • A partner who is nice to you but not the waitress is not a nice person
  • (I googled monkeysphere too! -fs)

  • it’s possible to love somebody but have them not be a good partner for you
  • What you get out depends on what you put in
  • a person has cheated on somebody with you cannot be trusted to not cheat on you
  • Be wary of a person who trashes their exes

Stay tuned next week for more!

Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? 🙂 Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com

Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions”

Poly Weekly book club meets WEDNESDAY, MARCH 4th

Ready to discuss relationships this time? Let’s take some advice from a monogamist!

Gottman's Seven Principles for Making  a Marriage Work

When: Wednesday, March 4th, 6:00 p.m. to 8:30 p.m.
Where: Lidos Caffe, 122 N. Marion Street, Oak Park, IL
What: hearty discussion of relationships among poly and poly-friendly folks

Please RSVP so we know to look for you–we usually meet in the back room. See y’all there!

Poly Weekly #180: Are Happy Endings Cheating?

This week Poly Weekly #180:Are happy endings cheating?.

Download the episode directly!

Article here

3:07 Minx talks about the article she read about a woman who encouraged her husband to get a “happy ending.” The article was from mom logic.

4:45 Minx brings up the comments, the most interesting part of these type of articles.

5:10 Only a small majority considered “happy endings” cheating.

5:40 Minx goes through the actual comments on the site. and providing her feedback on these comments.

8:10 10 comments in and finally somebody brings up a more supportive comment.

10:20 Minx talks about how great strip clubs are!

10:50 Minx asks the questions, how would this woman feel if the husband wanted to do this regularly?

12:30 What if you aren’t the only thing your husband needs?

14:30 It is important that everybody has the same definitions for terms (e.g. cheating).

0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the forums at http://forum.polyweekly.com.

Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? 🙂 Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com

Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions”

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Poly Weekly #177: Poly and Proud, Part Deux

This week Poly Weekly #177:Poly and Proud, Part Deux.

Download the episode directly!

0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the forums at http://forum.polyweekly.com.

We will have a feedback show coming up soon and then go back to our format of feedback in each episode.

1:45 More interviews from NYC Poly Pride!

1:50 Interview with Birgitte Phillipedes
President of Polyamory NYC and goddess of the event; mainstreaming poly and PolyNYC; nature of poly and lack of structure and organization; potential of the Poly Leadership Summit–should there be a national group?; future of the poly movement; next year–a leadership retreat; favorite act? Heada!; how can we help? Donate!

14:00 Interview: Pete Benson
Author of the Polyamory Handbook; book structure; what he learned from writing the book

19:45 Interview: Marcia and Ried, founders of Cuddle Party
how they started, how Cuddle Parties have grown, how they work

Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? 🙂 Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com

Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions”

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Poly Weekly Book Club: Pagan Polyamory

Thanks to everyone who came out last night. We had 13 people, including some new faces, all hotly discussing issues brought up in Jenny Block’s book Open: Love and Sex in an Open Marriage. Plus, we created a new word:

kalosexual–those who get turned on by honesty!

Use it; love it; spread it around!

When: Wednesday, November 5th, 6:00 p.m.
Where: Lido’s Caffe, 122 N Marion St, Oak Park (near Harlem Green
line stop, street and lot parking available) , at the back room
What: Raven Kaldera’s Pagan Polyamory

Pagan Polyamory

Please come out to chat even if you haven’t read the book; we always have interesting discussions!

Please RSVP so we’ll know to expect you; thanks!

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Poly Weekly #173: Jenny Block is “Open”

This week Poly Weekly #173: an interview with Jenny Block, author of “Open: Love and Sex in an Open Marriage,” who shares her own story and struggles of being “normal” and polyamorous..

Download the episode directly!

0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the forums at http://forum.polyweekly.com.

1:40 Minx gives us a brief introduction for Jenny

3:15 Minx asks how Jenny has been received in her book tour.  Jenny talks about how surprised she has been how positive the response has been.

4:10 Jenny talks about some negative comments she received after being on a television show.

5:15 Jenny talks about how strange it is that society accepts cheating a lot more than honest, open relationships.

7:55 Minx asks if we are used to cheating but maybe not so used to open marriages.

10:20 Minx asks Jenny “what is normal?” in reference to Jenny considering herself normal in her book.

11:20 Jenny says maybe “average” is a better word.  That you wouldn’t be able to tell her her lifestyle at the PTA meeting.

12:10 Jenny talks about the difference in poly/open people.  Not everybody looks the same.

13:00 Jenny and Minx talk about people who feel the need to watch and respond to things they don’t agree with or support.

15:45 Minx asks Jenny about gaining weight and how it affected her relationship.  Jenny talks about how losing the weight did not have the result she was expecting.

17:30 Jenny talks about differing libidoes in commited relationships.

18:54 Minx asks if we are blaming the wrong things for our relationsihip failures.  Jenny talks about how much harder fixing what is wrong than blaming the wrong thing can be.

19:45 Jenny and Minx talk about people’s expecations of relationsihps and how unreasonable they are.

21:50 Minx asks for Jenny’s comment to straight open marriages (i.e. not bisexual).  Jenny talks about how monogamy doesn’t really fit us as a species.

24:30 Jenny talks about expectations and her own opening up experiences with her husband.

25:09 Minx asks Jenny how the conversation went when she wanted to open the marriage.  Jenny talks about her original cheating on her husband and how the lying is what affected him.

Jenny Block’s Open

Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? 🙂 Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com

Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions”

Poly Weekly #146: Sexy Shenanigans!

The new Polyamory Weekly #146: Sexy Shenanigans! is up! Direct download is at Poly Weekly #146

Subscribe now with iTunes one-click!
Please Digg this podcast at Digg’s PW podcast page!

0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the new FORUMS at http://forum.polyweekly.com.

1:50 Fun, Sexy Shenanigans!
Vincenza co-hosts today as we comment on sexy, silly articles!

  • Do you want to be a honey trapper? It’s a new take on detective agencies: honey trappers tempt spouses to see if they’ll cheat
  • 6:20 R sent in a fantastic new word in the Urban Dictionary: choreplay! Get turned on by watching your partner do your chores!
  • 7:30The Joy of Christian Sex Toys. Ever wonder what a Christian sex toy store would look like? Here it is!
  • 15:10Fighting with your spouse is good for your health–read the article here
  • 18:50 Did you know that Amelia Earhart had a prenuptual agreement specifying that they not be faithful to each other? See it here.

21:25 Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? 🙂 Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Thanks for listening!

Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions”

21:50 BEST OF POLY WEEKLY COLLECTIONS NOW AVAILABLE!
Visit PodDisc.com to purchase a collection of my ten favorite episodes of Poly Weekly. If you haven’t listened to the whole back catalogue, this is the disc for you!

Poly Weekly #142: LIVE from Arisia Sci-Fi

The new Polyamory Weekly #142: Live from the Arisia science-fiction convention is up! Direct download is at Poly Weekly #142

Subscribe now with iTunes one-click!
Please Digg this podcast at Digg’s PW podcast page!

0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the new FORUMS at http://forum.polyweekly.com.

1:30 Announcements & Promo stuff

  • Next weekend, I’ll be hosting both a podcasting and polyamory panel at Conflation in Saint Louis. This year is a Firefly theme, and I can’t wait to try out my new Inara costume!
  • Next meeting of the Poly Weekly Book Club will be Wednesday, February 27th, 6:00-9:00 p.m. at the Center on Halsted, 2nd floor, white couches; we’ll be continuing our discussion of Ravenscroft’s Polyamory: Roadmaps for the Clueless and the Hopeful
  • Upcoming workshops: And Boyfriend/Girlfriend Makes Three: Negotiating Nonmonogamy, Saturday, February 23rd, noon-1:30 p.m., A Woman’s Touch in Madison; or Wednesday, March 19th, 6:00-7:30 in Milwaukee

  • 3:25 Promo for Nawashi, a novel of erotic magic, available from Podiobooks.com
  • The new Poly Weekly promo will be up in the feed next

  • We’re trying to get 100 reviews on iTunes; if you’d like, please review Poly Weekly by clicking here!
  • 5:30 Report: Poly Panels at the Arisia Science Fiction Convention
    Alan interviews Shava from a panel on being poly in a straight world; Michelle Wexelblack discusses poly-mono relationship; 14:00 Dr. Solomon Davidoff discusses the poly community compared to other subcultures; Alan talks about creating a temporary tribe

    17:50 Topic: Why Does My Spouse Irritate Me So Much?
    Minx discusses this article on marriage only getting worse–your spouse will end up annoying the heck outta you!

    21:45 Wrap-up
    Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? 🙂 Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Thanks for listening!

    Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions”

Poly Weekly #134: What is your love map?

The new Polyamory Weekly #134: What is your love map? is up! Direct download is at Poly Weekly #134

Subscribe now with iTunes one-click!
Please Digg this podcast at Digg’s PW podcast page!

0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments.

1:00 Gift idea
Minx and Graydancer rave about Twisted Monk‘s holiday gift box. If you want something kinky but pretty for one of your partners this year, it’s a great idea.

5:00 Review: Many Loves Workshop
If you’re in Chicago, consider attending this monthly workshop/support group at the Center on Halsted. For $15, you can chat with or just listen to other poly folk weighing in on the monthly topic.

7:30 Topic: Gottman and Silver’s Love Maps
From the Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, Graydancer and Minx talk over the idea of using these criteria as a jumping-off point for diagnosing your level of intimacy with your partner.

15:25 Poly in the Media
Alan reviews Web MD’s “The Truth About Open Marriage”, Kinky Sex Makes for Happy People and PepperMint’s excellent dissertation on “The Strange Credibility of Polyamory”

Event: Poly Living Conference
Poly Living 2008 in Philadelphia, PA is February 1st-3rd–check it out! With speakers like Anita Wagner, Ken Haslam, MD, Robyn Trask, Birgitte Philippides, CT Butler, and many more, Poly Living’s workshops range from basic to advanced and from intellectual to experiential, covering topics both fun and serious.

23:45 Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? 🙂 Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Thanks for listening!

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