Poly Weekly Book Club: Pagan Polyamory

Thanks to everyone who came out last night. We had 13 people, including some new faces, all hotly discussing issues brought up in Jenny Block’s book Open: Love and Sex in an Open Marriage. Plus, we created a new word:

kalosexual–those who get turned on by honesty!

Use it; love it; spread it around!

When: Wednesday, November 5th, 6:00 p.m.
Where: Lido’s Caffe, 122 N Marion St, Oak Park (near Harlem Green
line stop, street and lot parking available) , at the back room
What: Raven Kaldera’s Pagan Polyamory

Pagan Polyamory

Please come out to chat even if you haven’t read the book; we always have interesting discussions!

Please RSVP so we’ll know to expect you; thanks!

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Poly Weekly #173: Jenny Block is “Open”

This week Poly Weekly #173: an interview with Jenny Block, author of “Open: Love and Sex in an Open Marriage,” who shares her own story and struggles of being “normal” and polyamorous..

Download the episode directly!

0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the forums at http://forum.polyweekly.com.

1:40 Minx gives us a brief introduction for Jenny

3:15 Minx asks how Jenny has been received in her book tour.  Jenny talks about how surprised she has been how positive the response has been.

4:10 Jenny talks about some negative comments she received after being on a television show.

5:15 Jenny talks about how strange it is that society accepts cheating a lot more than honest, open relationships.

7:55 Minx asks if we are used to cheating but maybe not so used to open marriages.

10:20 Minx asks Jenny “what is normal?” in reference to Jenny considering herself normal in her book.

11:20 Jenny says maybe “average” is a better word.  That you wouldn’t be able to tell her her lifestyle at the PTA meeting.

12:10 Jenny talks about the difference in poly/open people.  Not everybody looks the same.

13:00 Jenny and Minx talk about people who feel the need to watch and respond to things they don’t agree with or support.

15:45 Minx asks Jenny about gaining weight and how it affected her relationship.  Jenny talks about how losing the weight did not have the result she was expecting.

17:30 Jenny talks about differing libidoes in commited relationships.

18:54 Minx asks if we are blaming the wrong things for our relationsihip failures.  Jenny talks about how much harder fixing what is wrong than blaming the wrong thing can be.

19:45 Jenny and Minx talk about people’s expecations of relationsihps and how unreasonable they are.

21:50 Minx asks for Jenny’s comment to straight open marriages (i.e. not bisexual).  Jenny talks about how monogamy doesn’t really fit us as a species.

24:30 Jenny talks about expectations and her own opening up experiences with her husband.

25:09 Minx asks Jenny how the conversation went when she wanted to open the marriage.  Jenny talks about her original cheating on her husband and how the lying is what affected him.

Jenny Block’s Open

Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com

Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions”

Poly Weekly #146: Sexy Shenanigans!

The new Polyamory Weekly #146: Sexy Shenanigans! is up! Direct download is at Poly Weekly #146

Subscribe now with iTunes one-click!
Please Digg this podcast at Digg’s PW podcast page!

0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the new FORUMS at http://forum.polyweekly.com.

1:50 Fun, Sexy Shenanigans!
Vincenza co-hosts today as we comment on sexy, silly articles!

  • Do you want to be a honey trapper? It’s a new take on detective agencies: honey trappers tempt spouses to see if they’ll cheat
  • 6:20 R sent in a fantastic new word in the Urban Dictionary: choreplay! Get turned on by watching your partner do your chores!
  • 7:30The Joy of Christian Sex Toys. Ever wonder what a Christian sex toy store would look like? Here it is!
  • 15:10Fighting with your spouse is good for your health–read the article here
  • 18:50 Did you know that Amelia Earhart had a prenuptual agreement specifying that they not be faithful to each other? See it here.

21:25 Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Thanks for listening!

Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions”

21:50 BEST OF POLY WEEKLY COLLECTIONS NOW AVAILABLE!
Visit PodDisc.com to purchase a collection of my ten favorite episodes of Poly Weekly. If you haven’t listened to the whole back catalogue, this is the disc for you!

Poly Weekly #142: LIVE from Arisia Sci-Fi

The new Polyamory Weekly #142: Live from the Arisia science-fiction convention is up! Direct download is at Poly Weekly #142

Subscribe now with iTunes one-click!
Please Digg this podcast at Digg’s PW podcast page!

0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the new FORUMS at http://forum.polyweekly.com.

1:30 Announcements & Promo stuff

  • Next weekend, I’ll be hosting both a podcasting and polyamory panel at Conflation in Saint Louis. This year is a Firefly theme, and I can’t wait to try out my new Inara costume!
  • Next meeting of the Poly Weekly Book Club will be Wednesday, February 27th, 6:00-9:00 p.m. at the Center on Halsted, 2nd floor, white couches; we’ll be continuing our discussion of Ravenscroft’s Polyamory: Roadmaps for the Clueless and the Hopeful
  • Upcoming workshops: And Boyfriend/Girlfriend Makes Three: Negotiating Nonmonogamy, Saturday, February 23rd, noon-1:30 p.m., A Woman’s Touch in Madison; or Wednesday, March 19th, 6:00-7:30 in Milwaukee

  • 3:25 Promo for Nawashi, a novel of erotic magic, available from Podiobooks.com
  • The new Poly Weekly promo will be up in the feed next

  • We’re trying to get 100 reviews on iTunes; if you’d like, please review Poly Weekly by clicking here!
  • 5:30 Report: Poly Panels at the Arisia Science Fiction Convention
    Alan interviews Shava from a panel on being poly in a straight world; Michelle Wexelblack discusses poly-mono relationship; 14:00 Dr. Solomon Davidoff discusses the poly community compared to other subcultures; Alan talks about creating a temporary tribe

    17:50 Topic: Why Does My Spouse Irritate Me So Much?
    Minx discusses this article on marriage only getting worse–your spouse will end up annoying the heck outta you!

    21:45 Wrap-up
    Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Thanks for listening!

    Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions”

Poly Weekly #134: What is your love map?

The new Polyamory Weekly #134: What is your love map? is up! Direct download is at Poly Weekly #134

Subscribe now with iTunes one-click!
Please Digg this podcast at Digg’s PW podcast page!

0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments.

1:00 Gift idea
Minx and Graydancer rave about Twisted Monk‘s holiday gift box. If you want something kinky but pretty for one of your partners this year, it’s a great idea.

5:00 Review: Many Loves Workshop
If you’re in Chicago, consider attending this monthly workshop/support group at the Center on Halsted. For $15, you can chat with or just listen to other poly folk weighing in on the monthly topic.

7:30 Topic: Gottman and Silver’s Love Maps
From the Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, Graydancer and Minx talk over the idea of using these criteria as a jumping-off point for diagnosing your level of intimacy with your partner.

15:25 Poly in the Media
Alan reviews Web MD’s “The Truth About Open Marriage”, Kinky Sex Makes for Happy People and PepperMint’s excellent dissertation on “The Strange Credibility of Polyamory”

Event: Poly Living Conference
Poly Living 2008 in Philadelphia, PA is February 1st-3rd–check it out! With speakers like Anita Wagner, Ken Haslam, MD, Robyn Trask, Birgitte Philippides, CT Butler, and many more, Poly Living’s workshops range from basic to advanced and from intellectual to experiential, covering topics both fun and serious.

23:45 Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Thanks for listening!

Poly Weekly #130: Why get married?

The new Polyamory Weekly #130: Why get married? is up! Direct download is at Poly Weekly #130

Subscribe now with iTunes one-click!
Please Digg this podcast at Digg’s PW podcast page!

0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments.

2:00 Announcements

  • Nan Wise, the Love Coach, is giving a seminar on Operational Intelligence: Understanding and Managing our Emotional and Sexual Systems, Wednesday, November 14th, in New York at the META Center. $30 to enter; $35 at the door. Email TheLoveCoach@aol.com for more info.
  • If you haven’t seen it already, the Boobs, boobs, boobs video, a boobiesexual delight, is up on YouTube to promo Polyamory Weekly. More poly-oriented videos will come as I/we the team have time to create them, but if you like, take a look and (also if you like) link to it from your blog or site. Thanks!

5:45 Chat with Nobilis: Why get married?
Nobilis and Minx discuss marriage and listener feedback on his ideas; 9:30 E calls in to say that people bother to get married because of the hundreds of legal rights accorded to married couples; Nobilis advocates taking apart the components of marriage instead of seeing it as all one blob and deciding what aspects of marriage the government wants to reward and why
14:15 Laura (who asked about the point of marriage at all to begin with) calls in to comment that a lot of bitterness in divorce could be avoided if we could have a ritual or contract that ends earlier or at a specific point; Nobilis says that we need a way to renegotiate our relationships as time goes on and compares marriages to our process for reevaluating our elected officials; he comments that any relationship ending will be painful, but negotiating the hole can help with ameliorating the pain of feeling like a failure
25:00Raina suggests negotiating marriages in advance instead of after the fact and choosing the type of marriage–a year and a day, lifetime, etc. and taking the type of relationship into consideration; Nobilis comments that a lot of our ideas of marriage come from an era when the wife needed protection; Minx and Nobilis discuss how to construct a household and who gets what rights
37:00 Dollfan wrote in doubting the “magic number” in terms of itch–seven years? four? two? nothing specific and not necessarily related to the amount of time to raise children; Nobilis tells of a culture in which a man coming of age is married to an older, infertile woman whose job is to teach the man to become a good husband, and the marriage is dissolved when the man is ready for marriage

Music
If you like the bumper music for Nobilis’ and my conversation, it’s We Are Together by Quebb, available for free download from Podshow

45:00 Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Thanks for listening!

Living apart together

This article on a couple who are married with kids but who have different homes a la Diego Rivera and Frieda Kahlo are a new statistic: the bands of couples who choose to “live apart together” for various reasons.

As I read the article, their obstacles don’t seem all that insurmountable–different tastes in decorating styles, music, noise level, cleanliness. Frankly, it sounds to me like the types of differences couples and triads and quads have dealt with for ages.

But I think I missed the point on the first read. Remember what we’ve been talking about lately on Poly Weekly about construction our relationships and civil and emotional unions deliberately? That’s exactly what this couple did–sure, they probably could have smoothed out all the wrinkled and lived together, but why? Because everyone else does? Because it’s expected? Because that’s what married people do–share bathrooms and toothbrushes and complain about leaving the toilet seat up or down?

Good for them. Good for them for looking at marriage and a living arrangement as a choice rather than a given and actually deciding what works for them.

Poly Weekly #128: Free Gift with New Purchase!

The new Polyamory Weekly #128: Free Gift with New Purchase! is up! Direct download is here.

Subscribe now with iTunes one-click!
Please Digg this podcast at Digg’s PW podcast page!

0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments.

1:20 Announcements

  • Check out the new LiveJournal community, Poly_german for German-speaking polys
  • Loving More is hosting a one-day hotel seminar on November 3rd at the Clarion Airport in the Bay Area

3:30 Topic: Free Gift with New Purchase
Minx and Steve Eley discuss the idea of free gift with new purchase. You know, that great bonus gift you get when companies are trying to woo you–free cosmetic bag, cheap cable, low introductory interest rates on your credit card? How about not treating your old partner like your credit card company treats you–great stuff when you first sign up, but nothing special after they’ve “got” you. How about a reward for loyal, existing customers? How come just the new, NRE relationship gets all the goodies? Steve shares how he rewards his wife with bonus stuff when he starts a new relationship with someone else. In short, here’s how to keep your existing partner from feeling like and old cable customer while your new partner gets all the goodies. And Chore Wars? Yeah.

22:30 Listener Feedback: the Four-Year Itch
Grizzly audio comments that the first four are the basis relationship and the next two are to see if it will work after; Minx comments that it should be about making a deliberate relationship choice instead of “forever” being the default; Steve says there should always be a check-in feature to relationships; Laura asks why get married at all then?; Minx rants that there are many things that are worth enjoying in life that don’t last forever, including:

  1. Your childhood
  2. Your grandmother
  3. Christmas dinner with your family
  4. That great pizza you had last night
  5. Firefly
  6. The New York Marathon
  7. Mardi Gras
  8. The first snowfall of the year
  9. Flowers
  10. Boobs

38:00 Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Thanks for listening!

Poly Weekly #127: Radical Ideas on Marriage

The new Polyamory Weekly #127: Radical Ideas on Marriage is up! Direct download is here.

Subscribe now with iTunes one-click!
Please Digg this podcast at Digg’s PW podcast page!

0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com;
friend me on Twitter
and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments.

2:00 Announcement: Many Loves workshop in Chicago, October 20th!
Many Loves: Workshop for Individuals and Families Practicing or Curious About Non-Monogamy. This workshop provides a supportive and safe environment for people to explore issues of non-monogamous practice and identity. Topics to be covered include: stigma management, safer sex issues, physical and emotional intimacy, boundaries, jealousy, cheating and infidelity in non-monogamous relationships, types of non-monogamy within relationships (open relationships, polyamory, etc), families and children, the workplace, resources, social networks and alternative identities.

Saturday, October 20th, from 10AM to 1PM at the Center on Halsted (3656 North Halsted, Chicago, IL 60613). There is a $15 fee for this workshop and you must be aged 18 years or older to attend. Please contact David Rodemaker (472-6469 x 472) with any questions.

3:30 Topic: An Essay on Marriage by Nobilis
Nobilis discusses his ideas on marriage as a contract; what the justifications for and consequences of divorce show about the legal and contract nature of marriage; radical ideas on how to negotiate the marriage contract. Please answer his intriguing question: if you were creating your marriage from scratch with no legal or religious preconceptions, what would YOU put into your marriage contact? Minx wants to know! For his erotica, visit his site.

12:00 Listener feedback: the Seven-Year Itch
James comments that six years is about right–four years for the marriage, and two years to fight to see if they want to stay together; Crispin from Perth, Australia sends in an audio comment on how he pre-arranged the length of his marriage with his wife; Minx comments that what you negotiate now may not be what is important to you in five, ten or 20 years; Nobilis sends an audio comment about using a family contract with a limited term and specified structure

17:30 Listener feedback: Dealing with ex’s socially
James comments on additional factors in how long you should wait before being socially comfortable with your ex; E writes in from the other camp–she doesn’t feel any need to stay in touch with ex’s, but does speak up when she sees unhealthy patterns with the ex and current partner

20:55 Topic follow-up: STD rates in circumcized vs. uncircumsized men
Evan wrote in to comment that male circumcision is associated with reduced risk of genital HPV infection in men whether or not their female partners have cervical HPV or cervical cancer. Circumcision is associated with reduced risk of cervical cancer in women with high-risk sexual partners. In men with low-risk sexual behaviour and monogamous female partners, circumcision makes no difference to the risk of cervical cancer. The actual study is here.

Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Thanks for listening!

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