PW 276: “Okay” is a four-letter word

Violet Blue's Total Flirt iPhone app

“Okay” and “fine” are four-letter words–ban them from your relationship

vocabulary!

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Introduction and host chat

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:40 App review: Violet Blue’s Total Flirt

Review of Violet Blue’s fun new wingman iPhone app, Total Flirt.

2:50 Book review: Open All the Way

Open All the Way by Sexy Sadie

Kurt provides his review of Sadie Smythe’s book, Open All the Way, on her and her husband’s experiences with opening up the marriage, both in theory and in practice. They deal with jealousy, breakups and NRE and share the value and benefits of multiple loves. Kurt also shares their musings on the pervasive power of monogamy.

7:15 Topic: “Okay” is a four-letter word

And our topic today is a rebroadcast from July 2008 and relevant for everyone whether you’re poly, monogamous, curious or confused. Get ready for a vintage rants!

  • “OK” “fine” are both evil because it doesn’t provide information; instead it begs many questions.
  • If you are asking a new person out and you have a current partner, you will need to expect them to meet.
  • How tough it is for secondaries ending up mixing it up with somebody or both people from a couple and the challenges that go with that
  • Your new relationships need some TLC as well.
  • Some advice for the metamour.  Don’t use the word “OK.”  Say something like “I really enjoy watching Steve doing X” as one example. In conclusion, don’t use “OK”!

19:00 Feedback

  • Tina calls in to share thoughts that poly is reaching critical mass and easier to find; on having difficulty finding the POV of young poly folks (versus older and settling down); and on STI information and episodes
  • 28:15 Josh calls in about bisexuality—what do you think?

29:05 Wrap-up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here or discuss your own topics at the forums. Check out PolyWeekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review! Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

PW 275: Introverts vs. Extroverts

Living as and loving introverts

The care and feeding of introverts–and what it means to be one or have one as a partner or metamour

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Introduction and host chat

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

2:20 Poly Movie Review: Carrington

The PW Movie Reviewer Joreth gives a review of the 1995 movie Carrington. For more poly and poly-ish movie reviews, visit her movie review page.

8:15 Topic: Introverts vs. Extroverts

Our topic today is a rebroadcast from July 2007 and one of my favorite show topics–the care and feeding of introverts and how to both be one and deal with one in your poly relationship.

This article by Jonathan Rauch on the care and feeding of introverts was the subject of much discussion when I posted it here and to my own blog (the comments are a great discussion)

  • introverts can be seen as aloof or snobby
  • Rauch clarifies that introverts simply find other people tiring and suggests that introverts find a way to state that in social settings
  • even extroverts need time to recharge
  • Aiyume mentions on the Myers-Briggs scale
  • observations on introverts from the Poly 101 session on Poly for the Introvert in Austin, Texas
  • SweetAinsley comments that introverts and extroverts view conversations differently–extroverts focus more on flow and dislike pauses; introverts seek out pauses and don’t talk just to fill space
  • Badmagic comments that extroverts don’t necessarily “draw energy from other people” while introverts don’t, but rather it’s a spectrum of how much recharge time folks need; he suggests that introverts try just listening, but be warned people might overshare

Karen comments that introversion makes trying to find a job really difficult

27:40 Wrap-up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here or discuss your own topics at the forums. Check out PolyWeekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review! Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

PW 271: The secondary blues

The secondary blues

From listener Amy: how do you deal with being a secondary when you long for primary benefits?

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Introduction and host chat

Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to http://www.scarleteen.com; friend us on Twitter or Facebook, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the forums.

Announcements

Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

Book review: Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

  • Kurt reviews poly themes and relationships in the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo series

Advice from the crew: what if you’re secondary but don’t want to be?

What if you long to be a live-in primary, but metamours or partners are putting on the brakes? Cohosts Franklin Veaux, Joreth and Pepper give advice to listener Amy.

Thank you

Frances, Paul and Tofa for donations! You rock my world and help cover bandwidth and travel expenses.

Wrap-up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review! Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Poly Weekly 259: Mo and the Magic Banana

Mollena Williams, monogamous-identified kinktastic chick, talks about entering a poly BDSM arrangement

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Introduction and host chat

Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to http://www.scarleteen.com; friend us on Twitter or Facebook, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the forums.

Announcements

Interview: Mollena Williams, the Perverted Negress

  • Are you poly-identified? Why or why not?
  • How did an emotionally monogamous person gel with entering a poly BDSM, cross-country arrangement?
  • Why is this banana magic?
  • The importance of metamours
  • Visit Mo and her mojo at her site

    Wrap-up
    Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

    Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com

    Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

    Poly Weekly 226: How to choose a partner

    Poly Weekly #226: How to choose a poly partner direct download

    Introduction and host chat

    Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to http://www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the forums.

    Co hosts

    Joreth
    Pepper
    Franklin

    Announcements

    Jade Gate Studio in Portland, OR is hosting a Year of the White Tiger erotic art show and after party, 6:00 p.m.-2:00 a.m., Saturday, Feb. 13th, FetLife event announcement

    Topic: How do you choose a poly partner?

    Joreth, Pepper, Franklin and Minx discuss the two aspects of this question: how do you find, meet and get to know partners, and how do you vet them? Joe, Brendan, Polina and Jessica commented via Facebook that they simply run into people in everyday life, often when they are not looking, and get to know people that they like and who treat them well.

    Jeff asks for feedback via Facebook on a situation in which he made first physical contact (holding hands) with a new partner in his current partner’s presence, which led to a fight.

    Wrap-up

    Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

    Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com

    Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

    Poly Weekly #222: Metamours, Change and Insecurity

    This week’s Poly Weekly #222: Metamours & Change.

    Download the mp3 directly!

    0:00 Introduction and host chat
    Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the forums at http://forum.polyweekly.com.

    Announcements
    Please follow us on Twitter!
    The Fresno CA Polyamory group meets the Third Friday of every month (excluding November and December) at the Round Table Pizza on First and Bullard at 7:00pm.

    Cohosts
    Joreth
    Franklin Veaux
    Boone Dryden

    Topic: Dealing with metamours in a changing relationship
    Listener calls in to ask for advice with a situation in which she begins dating Sean when he and Jill were broken up. When Sean and Jill reconcile, Jill doesn’t wish to have a child while unmarried, so they marry with caller’s blessing, who hopes Jill will then be happy and secure. However, Jill continues to be even more hostile towards the caller. What to do?

    Hosts bring up the issues of assumptions: what does marriage mean to you? Where do you see each person’s place in the new relationship?

    Happy poly moment of the week!
    EdgesBiz: seeing three loving faces after orgasm
    Katie: family support after ACL injury

    Feedback: Poly Weekly 219: Success and Divorce
    Frances and Jazmin offer Steve Pavlina support via Facebook
    “Needing a cuddle”
    • “Fuzzy”
    • Eynstein suggests “tjØnndau” or “shundy”
    Doolies called in about getting love and support during an HSV episode

    Wrap-up
    Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

    Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com

    Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions”

    Poly Weekly #182: How to welcome a new metamour

    This week Poly Weekly #182:How to welcome a new metamour by Miss Poly Manners.

    Download the episode directly!

    0:00 Introduction and host chat
    Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the forums at http://forum.polyweekly.com.

    Through december give us your audio happy poly members. Send these to Minx. Make sure to use the title “Frubble” or “Happy poly story.”

    4:38 Minx talks about the Polyweb Video on Youtube.

    6:40 Miss Poly Manners
    Miss Poly Manners is asked how to deal with a new metamour; Miss Poly Manners talks about how jealousy is not unnatural, nor is being afraid of the unknown and discusses techniques to work through these issues.

    Poly YouTube video by Terisa Greenan

    Wrap-up
    Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

    Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com

    Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions”

    Poly Weekly #179: Listener Feedback Extravaganza!

    This week Poly Weekly #179:Listener Feedback Extravaganza!.

    Download the episode directly!

    0:00 Introduction and host chat
    Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the forums at http://forum.polyweekly.com.

    1:54 ShiaShen called in about episode 96. ShiaShen has multiple Scelorsis and talks about the affect this has on your marriage.

    5:35 John from Saint Louis calls in to ask what social monogamy is and asks for some examples. Minx talks about how something could look monogamous from the outside but may not be really. This is social monogamy.

    7:07 Polychronicles calls in to wish his wife H and J happy one year anniversary! congrats!

    7:54 L wrote in on Episode 169: Stop hurting my partner! L is in a difficult situation where their sweetie is still with their hurtful metamour and there seems to be very little communication.

    13:32 Charlie wrote in episode 174: Fearless Communication. He brought up that standing up for yourself doesn’t have to include yelling. Yelling can be a trigger for people who have been abused. Minx talks about her own history and the communication she grew up and how that affected her.

    19:34 Responses to episode 175: Kalosexual?

    19:49 Ximinez writes in and comments that edamosexual” sounds like you are getting turned on by soy beans. Minx thinks it sounds more like Captain Adama from BSG.

    20:00 fountainoffilth likes the word onestamory, using the italian word for honesty.

    20;25 Tom suggests pithosexual with the greek root pitho-, meaning truth.

    21:10 Vrimj wrote in with the suggestion of trothophilia.

    21:40 MadBaker of Green Bay calls in and congratulating J on his new addition.

    22:22 Will called in with compliments and comments for Minx, Poly Weekly, and Poly Pride. He was, however, talking about his frustrations being a single guy at these kinds of events. (Honestly, kinda know how he feels. I am not single but my wife isn’t as much of a going out person I am so I go to events a lot by myself -FS)

    Wrap-up
    Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

    Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com

    Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions”

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    Poly Weekly #169: Quit hurting my partner!

    This week’s Poly Weekly #169: Quit hurting my partner! is all about how to deal with getting angry that your partner is hurt emotionally by your metamour.

    Download this episode directly!

    0:00 Introduction and host chat
    Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the forums at http://forum.polyweekly.com.

    2:50 Topic for the day.  “What do you do if your metamour is hurting your partner”

    5:50 this topic was brought up by Maverick when he called in with his comments.  He commented that his rage became “all consuming” if his partner is being hurt.  This caused Minx some disturbance and she suggested a therapist.  However, wow on the responses to this advice.

    6:45 Maverick calls in and apologizes about his comments and says he is not somebody to raise his hand in anger and thanks Minx for her comments.

    10:07 a caller called in to talk about this subject.  He felt Minx missed the point of the call and noted that he also has felt a “reverse-frubble” when something bad is happening to his partner/partners/metamours

    12:10 Mike called in and was a bit offended.  He felt Minx invalidated Maverick’s feelings out of her own fear.

    14:30 Minx brings up that when you are comforting your partner resist the urge to say “that <blank> was always an asshole>

    15:50 Sam wrote in and felt that Maverick took a risk to expose his anger and feelings and was a bit offended by Minx’s response.

    18:20 Minx discusses more ways of dealing with this “anti-frubble” feeling.

    19:50 The next part of the show is feedback on episode #166

    19:57 Muskrat calls in about episode 166 and points out tha everybody should be aware of the possible discomfort in others. He also mentions PDA also depends on settings.

    24:40 Minx brings up some really good points on this especially from the perpsective of the new person/secondary.

    26:14 Wolfpeach wrote in and loved the rant about the word “OK.”

    28:24 Rob from Australia called in and suggested using “chapter marks” in the podcast.  Unfortunately, that requires saving the file in a format that is not supported by anything but Mac.
    Announcements

    • www.genderodyssey.com
    • Poly Weekly Dragon*Con Meetup is Gordon Biersch Brewpub, Sunday Aug 31, 11:30 a.m.
    • Minx will be speaking at Dragon*Con on building community through podcasting/social media on Friday at 7:00 p.m. and on the Sex/Adult blogger/podcaster panel Saturday at 10:00 p.m.

    Topic: Quit hurting my partner
    A redux of Maverick’s question from Poly Weekly 166, how do you deal with getting really angry when your partner is hurt emotionally by her metamour?

    Feedback: PW 166, dealing with PDA by metamours

    Wrap-up
    Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

    Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com

    Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions”

    Poly Weekly #154: Metamour Relations

    The new Polyamory Weekly #154: Metamour Relations is up! Direct download is at Poly Weekly #154

    Subscribe now with iTunes one-click!
    Please Digg this podcast at Digg’s PW podcast page!

    0:00 Introduction and host chat
    Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the new FORUMS at http://forum.polyweekly.com.

    1:00 Host Chat
    Poly Weekly book club’s discussion of Eros, a Journey of Multiple Loves; hmmm why not start a PW movie club? And then we got derailed and began discussing today’s topic, metamour relations.

    2:40 Announcement
    Broom Street Theater in Madison, Wisconsin has put on a stage interpretation of The Ethical Slut, which runs through June 8th

    3:00 Roundtable: Metamour Relations
    Alan’s metamour not only spoke with him but loaned him instructive books; Chris and his family tend to meet people as friends first, anyway
    5:30 What does “friend” level entail in the case of metamours
    7:15 dealing with awkwardness of meeting metamours for the first time; forcing a friendship; openness, trust and respect is required, like in a business relationship
    12:30 dealing with a metamour you don’t trust; Buffy and Faith as metamours finally finding a way to connect
    18:00 how does a metamour come in to an existing dynamic? whose job is it to work on the weirdness?
    23:00 communication styles
    26:30 how can we make it easier on secondaries coming in? how much responsibility goes to the “hinge” between current and new partner
    34:00 knowing how you want to be treated and communicating that; dealing with NRE and how much time/energy you put into it; knowing the existing partners’ dynamic

    40:30 Wrap-up
    Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Thanks for listening!

    Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com

    Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions”

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