PW 324: Poly parenting with Sierra Black

How does one wrangle being polyamorous and parenting at the same time? Sierra Black tells us!

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Introduction

Under-18 warning and redirection to Scarleteen

1:00 News and host chat

12:00 Topic: Poly families with Sierra Black

Sierra Black’s Salon article on her open marriage and the getting back together

a.blogspot.com/2012/04/on-abcs-2020-polyfamily-network-shows.html”>20/20 episode on polyamory and parenting.

Parenting questions she is asked:

  • How do you find the time to be poly with a 4-year-old, a 7-year-old and an 18-year-old? Answer: this isn’t a one-way street; everyone pitches in so others can have date time.
  • What do you tell the kids? Answer: Be open about who everyone is with age-appropriate information.
  • What do you do when relationships end? Answer: deal with them just as you would with step-parents and keep them in the kids’ lives whenever possible.
  • What advice do you have about coming out to older kids? Answer: we’re lucky because everyone in the community is open and poly and the kids have a support network.
  • How are you out to the other adults in your kids’ life? School administrators, grandparents, doctors? Answer: anything you radiate normal, healthy vibes about, people will take in stride. Be comfortable, confident and open, and it’s easy to be out.

Conclusion: kids are very What’s In It for Me? They want to know that they are loved and that mommy, daddy and everyone else loves and cares about them, too.

Sierra blogs at ChildWild.com and writes for Babble.

38:00 Thanks

Thanks to Mike for the $69 donation!

39:00 Wrapup

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

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PW 268: Poly Families: New Sociological Research

Elisabeth Sheff, GSU Dept of Sociology

Latest research on poly families with groundbreaking sociologist Elisabeth Sheff

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Introduction and host chat

Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to http://www.scarleteen.com; friend us on Twitter or Facebook, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the forums.

Announcements

  • Back from MomentumCon in D.C. Great to meet…
  • Seeking pregnant poly women for cable documentary: IPA2Casting@sirensmedia.com – Call Poly Media Association before you go!
  • Casting company seeking “those who feel comfortable sharing personal and sexual details of their relationship lives—including their fears, secrets, unmet needs, and the ways in which they connect & disconnect in relationships.” Send name, age, occupation, brief bio, relationship goals, contact information to relationshipcasting2011@gmail.com (and call the Poly Media Association first!)

Interview: Elisabeth Sheff, sociologist

Elisabeth Sheff talks about her groundbreaking research  at Atlanta Poly Weekend with sociology of poly families. And she needs help! If you have children in a poly environment to be interviewed for her study, please contact her via email at esheff@gsu.edu or her site or call her at 404-413-6522.

You can also help with an internet survey supported by CARAS—link to come.

Wrap-up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review! Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Poly Weekly 249: Poly Parenting

Matt Bullen and Terisa Greenan
Matt Bullen and Terisa Greenan (of Family the web series) talk parenting in a poly situation

Download the mp3 directly

Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to http://www.scarleteen.com; friend us on Twitter or Facebook, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the forums.

Announcements
PolyATL.com is a non-profit and free poly community site built for the Atlanta, GA area and the SE United States.

Sex, Sin and Zen: Buddhist Sex, from Polyamory, Porn, Power, and Paying for it, to Doing it with All the Lights on

Interview: Poly parenting
Matt Bullen and Terisa Greenan share their experiences on being poly with children and thoughts on explaining poly to kids.

  • How their relationship and living situation is structured
  • Dealing with the tough questions
  • On calling partners “auntie” or “uncle”
  • On the “it’s confusing” argument
  • On deceiving your children as to the nature of your relationships
  • Dealing with the kid asking, “who do you love more?”
  • Online privacy for Matt and Vera’s child

If you haven’t already, check out their awesome production, Family the Web Series.

Happy Poly Moment
R shares a poly pride moment.

Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com

Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Poly Weekly #207: The death of the two-parent family

This week’s Poly Weekly #207: The death of the two-parent American family (and we care because… ?).

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0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the forums at http://forum.polyweekly.com.

Topic:The death of the two-parent American family
The Time article
Psychology Today’s corrections

Miss Poly Manners: who gets the friends after a breakup?

Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com

Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions”

Poly Weekly #190: Poly Families

This week Poly Weekly #190: Poly Families.

Download the mp3 directly!

0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the forums at http://forum.polyweekly.com.

Announcements

(this was released on my birthday! -fs)

10:55 Alan from Poly in the News
Alan talks about the panel he was on “Raising Children in Poly Environment”; ALan talks to one of the panelists, Valerie White; Alan asks Valerie the changes she has had to make as her kids are getting older; Alan asks Valerie about her work defending poly people dealing with custody battles.

19:00 Happy Poly Moment of the Week
Christian called in to talk about a happy poly moment with his wife giving him the go ahead with starting a new relationship.

Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com

Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions”

How do single poly parents find the time?

On Poly Weekly #132, PolyLizzie asked how other single poly parents found the time to be poly and meet potential partners. What a great question! Listener Jenny was cool enough to respond and give permission for her response to be posted here.

Parents (single and otherwise), what do you think?

‘m a single parent of a school age girl (now 9), and I work full-time as a writer for a computer software company. Although my situation is somewhat different from PolyLizzie (i.e., I’m not a full time student on top of everything else), I know well the feeling of never having enough time to do anything but survive day-to-day. Three years ago, I moved halfway across the US for a great job, leaving behind my parents, friends, and everyone my daughter knew since she was a baby. Where we live now, we have no family and no local support system — we are essentially alone here and I am pretty much the only engine that gets things done.

You asked for poly tips, but I think these could be applied to any relationship, poly or otherwise.

So, Tip #1: Establish a support system so you can make time for being poly.
I think the concept of “making time” is important to understand, both for the single parent and for anyone interested in being with a single parent. The difference between “finding time” and “making time” is intentionality. If you try to “find time” to be poly as single parent, you’ll never have the time. Instead, you have to “make time” — that means making the firm decision that this is something you want to do and then arrange things to accommodate that.

Tip #2: Understand and accept you can’t do everything “right now”. Even though PolyLizzie may want to find poly partners, she’s also has to recognize her limitations in terms of time and work with them. That’s difficult because sometimes we really do need something (like a loving relationship) and we just can’t have it right now because of time. With work, school, and kids filling her time, PolyLizzie may not have any room for “making time” for a poly partner — meaning, at this time in her life she may not be able to arrange things to accommodate being actively poly. That was certainly true for me when I was a bit younger, and I wasn’t a full time student. And it truly sucked to put that off to “later”, but I had to. There were too many other things going on in my life and adding an adult relationship to the mix would have been disastrous for both me and my daughter.

Tip #3: Establish early on with poly partners that you are already in a relationship (with your kid) so that the poly relationship can progress accordingly.
I know for myself this is non-negotiable. I also know that this can be a hard concept for people, poly or otherwise, to grasp. And frankly, NRE doesn’t help with that. Mind you, I’m not telling people “I’m a mom first and foremost and a woman whenever I have a spare moment” — quite the contrary. This is more of a clarion to say that time management is essential. So, if a partner is to show love and caring for a single parent, they must accept that certain things must be planned, not everything can be on-the-fly, and the kids have to factor in to a lot of decisions.

Tip #4: I don’t know if this would work for PolyLizzie, but I have found online or long distance relationships to be very helpful with regard to “having a social life” at my convenience.
Granted, I’m not very social anyway, but in my view, sitting at my computer writing my heart in an email to my partner is several orders of magnitude better than hanging out in a bar or going out on a bad date. Indeed, the technology that exists now to make people feel closer than geographically possible is astounding. My partner of 4 years lives on the opposite side of the country and from the beginning we have communicated nearly every day via email, twitter, IM/webcam, and phone calls. Does this replace actually seeing my partner and sharing time with him and his wife? Of course not. But it does bridge the sometimes sizable gaps between visits, whether him to us or us to them.

I know for myself, long distance relationships have pretty much been the only way I can have an interesting, worthwhile relationship. The costs in time and effort associated with going out on my own just can’t be sustained for very long, financially and emotionally. And frankly, when you go out on enough truly bad dates, you really don’t feel like gambling your time any more than you absolutely have to. I mean, time spent on a bad date is almost like a personal attack because it’s time taken away from you and your kid. At least with something online, it’s a little easier to figure out who’s worth my time getting to know, and to cut loose those who would waste my time.

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