Poly Weekly #219: Success and Divorce

This week’s Poly Weekly #219: Success and Divorce.

Download the mp3 directly!

0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the forums at http://forum.polyweekly.com.

This week’s cohosts
PepperMint, bisexual and poly activist
Joreth, poly/kinky activist

Announcements

  • Please take the Wizzard podcast survey
  • Family DVDs available for $25
  • Global Orgasm Day is December 21st
  • ADutch magazine YES is running an article on Polyamory in their January 20-27 edition. Twitter @ageethveenemans if you’re 20-27 and available for an interview.
  • The site Modern Poly is up and running; register here
  • Open Love New York’s first major event is scheduled for Saturday, Nov. 14, at the Lyons Wier Gallery on Seventh Avenue at 20th Street in Manhattan
  • Serena Anderlini-d’Onofrio will be presenting Gaia and the New Politics of Love: Notes for a Poly Planet at Seattle’s Sharma Center Nov 21 and 22. Email RSVP@sharmacenter.org to RSVP. Facebook page here.

Topic: Success and Divorce
Prompted by Steve Pavlina’s public announcement of divorce, we discuss how the public can easily blame a divorce decision on poly explorations

A gleeful blogger criticizes Pavlina
Pavlina’s sensitive and thoughtful explanation of his family’s separation
Pavlina’s coming out post
Three more posts on polyamory

Happy Poly Moment
Greyson’s supportive coming out story

Feedback
Poly Weekly 215: Christianity & sexual ethics
Steve Eley found the approach refreshing

Poly Weekly 216: Is polygamy feminist?

Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com

Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions”

Newsweek poly video

Kudos to Newsweek for doing a fun, fair, lighthearted look at polyamory. And to the ever-fabulous Terisa Greenan, Scott, Larry, Matt & Vera for going on camera. We need more spokespeople like these guys!

Poly Weekly #206: If Sanford were polyamorous

This week’s Poly Weekly #206: If Sanford were polyamorous (or “Sanford and Sin”).

Download the mp3 directly!

0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the forums at http://forum.polyweekly.com.

Topic: If Mark Sanford were polyamorous
Sanford’s emails
Loving More’s press release
Article: the Sanctity of Truth
OpinionatedThought’s blog post on ‘Love as thou wilt’
Dan Savage’s take

Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com

Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions”

How to Get Some (at Sex 2.0)

Sex 2.0 was a great time, despite my being sick for all of it! If you’re curious, take a peek at the Twitter stream here. Or take a look at the slides from my How to Get Some (at a con) talk here:

Also, uploading videos as I have time to Facebook:

Poly Weekly #190: Poly Families

This week Poly Weekly #190: Poly Families.

Download the mp3 directly!

0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the forums at http://forum.polyweekly.com.

Announcements

(this was released on my birthday! -fs)

10:55 Alan from Poly in the News
Alan talks about the panel he was on “Raising Children in Poly Environment”; ALan talks to one of the panelists, Valerie White; Alan asks Valerie the changes she has had to make as her kids are getting older; Alan asks Valerie about her work defending poly people dealing with custody battles.

19:00 Happy Poly Moment of the Week
Christian called in to talk about a happy poly moment with his wife giving him the go ahead with starting a new relationship.

Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com

Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions”

Poly Weekly #165: Polyamory in Metamor City

Poly Weekly #165: Polyamory in Metamor City

Download this episode now directly!

0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the forums at http://forum.polyweekly.com.

Debrah Taj Anapol’s Love Without Limits: Surrendering to the River of Love, September 20-21, Tokyo, Japan

An interview with Chris Lester, creator and host of the Metamor City podcast

4:28  Minx sat down with Chris Lester and talk about polyamory and how it is used in his science fiction story.

5:43 Chris mentions that his story is more cyberpunk or science ficiton/fantasy.  (What?!? Minx has no knowledge of cyberpunk!?  i know who I am sending a copy of Neuromancer! -FS)

6:57 On his way to his new home in California, Chris took some time to talk to us.

7:36 This is an anthology series.  A bunch of stories set in this fictional universe.

8:20 The latest insallment is called “Making The Cut”

9:01 Chris talks about the telepathic community in the story who are communal and use polyamory as a standard relationship model.

10:30 The telepaths are a minority and use polyamory as a way of breeding faster.

12:22 According to Chris, this is a model for building up a society starting with small core group of people.

14:00 In this society, you take the strongest male and breed them with many women.

16:00 Minx asks whether a high level female is as important as a high level male?  Chris tells us why this isn’t the case.

18:51 Minx asks Chris to talk about the dynamics of the breeding cells.  Is there jealousy?  Chris goes into detail on how things are never how they seem on the outside.

21:05 In this society, children are socialized at a young age and the people who they end up socializing the most with end up in breeding cells together.

23:27 This story focuses on a low power telepath and his rejection from the breeding cell.

24:00 Minx asks, why lesbians?  No kids! (um, cuz we are nerds and like hot girl on girl? -FS) So they can make people bi-sexual?  Everybody must love!

25:20 Gay men is tolerated in this society, especially among low power males.

27:00 Minx asks about muse and how he came up with the telepaths and such.

27:55 Chris was influenced by an episode of Babylon 5 for his collective telepaths.

30:25 Chris uses this society as a metaphor for his problems on how the US deals with the world and the Church deals with the world.

37:01 According to Chris all sex is rape in the elephant seal community. (well, i would more call it aggressive, not necessarily rape. -FS)

41:00 too hot in the studio! must end the interview.  Thanks Chris!

42:10 Ellie from Bedroom Radio called in to let us know that Bedroom Radio is back!! Go and listen! Also, send her sex toys to review!

43:40 Must sex toys to Minx! Especially that iPod vibrator thing.

43:57 Amul called in with feedback to feedback from 152.  Some spaces such as sci-fi cons where time is limited it is ok by him to go to women and be more direct about your desires.

47:22 Pikachu comments on episode 161 about how he likes the new format for feedback.

48:14 Chris comments on episode 162 about the user manual and thought it was brilliant.

49:15 a friend commented that the user manual is all about minx.  What about what minx can do for others?  Minx’s response?  Contact the marketing department.  (ok, that made me laugh. -FS)

(Hey! I am wonderful too! -FS)
Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com

Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions”

Poly Weekly #145: Coming Into Polyamory

The new Polyamory Weekly #145: is up! Direct download is at Poly Weekly #145

Subscribe now with iTunes one-click!
Please Digg this podcast at Digg’s PW podcast page!

0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the new FORUMS at http://forum.polyweekly.com.

2:00 Promo: Nawashi on Podiobooks
Please check out Nawashi, Graydancer’s novel of erotic magic, available for free download at PodioBooks.com, now the #1 PodioBook

4:30 Announcements
The Negotiating Non-Monogamy seminar at A Woman’s Touch in Madison went GREAT! While I created a lot of materials for the class, we used them as a jumping-off point rather than as a structured class outline; we did more interactive discussion. Next seminar is on MARCH 19TH, 6:00 P.M. at A Woman’s Touch in Milwaukee–register now!

6:40 Poly in the Media
Alan reports on the Washington Post’s feature article on the Poly Living conference; the original article is here; also, a professor at the University of Missouri describes her research into poly people and STD transmission when she heard the astounding statistic that it is safer to have protected sex with 100 people than unprotected sex with one; 11:37 another professor expresses her awe at how well poly people manage relationships

12:15 Interviews: from the UIC Polyamory Panel
Mary talks about the panel questions she was expecting; her daughter Madison introduces herself; Mary comments on the discussion about how bisexuality fits into polyamory; 14:00 Stacy (from Canada) comment on the makeup of the audience; open to differences in poly; didn’t want panel to define the box for them; life partners/friendships/commitment; no one brought up cheating; swinging vs poly communities; her path to poly

19:55 Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Thanks for listening!

Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions”

Poly Weekly #134: What is your love map?

The new Polyamory Weekly #134: What is your love map? is up! Direct download is at Poly Weekly #134

Subscribe now with iTunes one-click!
Please Digg this podcast at Digg’s PW podcast page!

0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments.

1:00 Gift idea
Minx and Graydancer rave about Twisted Monk‘s holiday gift box. If you want something kinky but pretty for one of your partners this year, it’s a great idea.

5:00 Review: Many Loves Workshop
If you’re in Chicago, consider attending this monthly workshop/support group at the Center on Halsted. For $15, you can chat with or just listen to other poly folk weighing in on the monthly topic.

7:30 Topic: Gottman and Silver’s Love Maps
From the Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, Graydancer and Minx talk over the idea of using these criteria as a jumping-off point for diagnosing your level of intimacy with your partner.

15:25 Poly in the Media
Alan reviews Web MD’s “The Truth About Open Marriage”, Kinky Sex Makes for Happy People and PepperMint’s excellent dissertation on “The Strange Credibility of Polyamory”

Event: Poly Living Conference
Poly Living 2008 in Philadelphia, PA is February 1st-3rd–check it out! With speakers like Anita Wagner, Ken Haslam, MD, Robyn Trask, Birgitte Philippides, CT Butler, and many more, Poly Living’s workshops range from basic to advanced and from intellectual to experiential, covering topics both fun and serious.

23:45 Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Thanks for listening!

PepperMint on the state of polyamory today

I’ve been remiss in not linking to this beyond-excellent article written by bisexual activist and friend of Poly Weekly, PepperMint. Truly, he’s an asset to the movement (if there in fact is a poly “movement”), and anyone who has been wondering about where poly fits in to our society today should run and read his article now.

I was nodding along with nearly all of his points, but his comments on sex-negativity in particular hit me, since I’ve been considering several adult sites as possible sponsors for Poly Weekly, and I do fear that we will lost some listeners because of those types of sponsorships. He says:

This means that polyamory’s most crucial departure from monogamy is in the area of sexual fidelity. While polyamory is about many other things as well (multiple romantic attachments, economies of abundance, triad or group dynamics, rethinking the role of relationships in structuring our lives), polyamory’s primary point of resistance to power is in its refusal to adhere to the cultural rules of sexual fidelity.

Bearing this in mind, the danger of sex-negativity becomes clear. The purpose of sex-negativity is basically less sex, and poly people who have less sex have trouble practicing polyamory. Poly people having trouble means less poly people, which means less of a movement. I know this seems very vague, so let us look at the solid example of less-involved (aka “secondary”) relationships. Less-involved relationships are crucial to polyamory, both on their own and as starting points for more-involved relationships that are simultaneous with one or more established relationships. However, admitting a sex-negative attitude can make it difficult to hold down these relationships, since they are easily dismissed as transient, as one person using another, as slutting around, as “just sex”, and so on. Overall my sense is that poly people have more trouble with these less-involved relationships than with more-involved (aka “primary”) relationships, and one reason for this is the culture’s sex-negativity.

What I am getting at here is that sex-negativity is not a neutral phenomenon. Sex-negativity tends to not address sex that is non-deviant, heterosexual, and monogamous. Instead, the sex that people are negative about tends to be that which is deviant, queer, and/or nonmonogamous. Sex-negativity is a political project, one that attempts to push people into sexual conformity. As such, it is directly opposed to the practice of polyamory, and we self-limit our movement (and our poly practice) to the extent that we adhere to sex-negative codes.

This is not to say that we should all go have orgies on television tomorrow. What I am saying is that we should promote a balanced approach, one where we mix a sex-positive message with our poly-positive message. There is a place for downplaying sex (in particular, talk shows, which are purposefully created to be sexual spectacles) in our presentation. But it should be balanced with sex-positivity in other forums. The sex we have is not a liability; it is one of our primary strengths. Our primary successes will be those where we strike a balance, being pro-sex (and therefore sexy) while still including all the other powerful aspects of polyamory.

With Poly Weekly, it is a weekly struggle to walk the line between a sex podcaster/blogger (sorta, but not really) and a “clean” podcaster (turns out that way a lot, but not really). Thing is, for most of us, relationships don’t exist without sex and the intimacy that comes from sexual and emotional contact. Pretending like sex isn’t there or that we’re too enlightened to talk about that filthy, dirty part of relationships doesn’t really do us or polyamory justice. We do love. We also have sex. Being sex-negative or even downplaying our sexual proclivities is dishonest and doesn’t help us.

PepperMint said it much better than I am, but I’m with him on this. No, it’s not all about the sex, but sex is a wonderful thing not to be avoided.

Wow. I am mentioned in Susie Bright’s blog!!

OK, OK, I know it’s just a reprint of PepperMint’s fabulous article, but I’m still fan-girl silly over this!

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