Poly Weekly #147: Listener Feedback

The new Polyamory Weekly #147: Listener Feedback is up! Direct download is at Poly Weekly #147

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0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the new FORUMS at http://forum.polyweekly.com.

2:10 Announcements

6:20 Listener Feedback
Jamie gives feedback on the roundtable discussion from Conflation–how a girl he flirted with online was all sexy and hot until he mentioned that he let his wife know about their flirtation, which in her mind made the exchange a “sick game”
10:15 Kevin wrote in about #139 and how to get over a breakup using meditation and new, healing experiences
13:35 DJ Kiltman comments on episode 143 and his own blinding experience with NRE
16:40 Savanni commented on Dorkus’ comment during the Conflation roundtable on polyamory being at least a little bit about the sex–when she was monogamous, she had intimate cuddle friends; they just made the decision to be sexually nonexclusive
18:40 Amul calls in offering to create holiday cards for polys
21:10 R wrote in to offer a poem to share what one can really offer (vs. eternal love)
22:45 Closing off comments on the you’re fat! discussion

24:05 Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Thanks for listening!

Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions”

Poly Weekly #144: Polyamory Pitfalls for Newbies

The new Polyamory Weekly #144: is up! Direct download is at Poly Weekly #144

Subscribe now with iTunes one-click!
Please Digg this podcast at Digg’s PW podcast page!

0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the new FORUMS at http://forum.polyweekly.com.

1:00 Announcements
Minx is freshly back, exhausted from Conflation

  • Poly Weekly Book Club meets Wednesday, February 27th at the Center on Halsted, 6:00-9:00 p.m.
  • Saturday, February 23rd in Madison at A Woman’s Touch: Negotiating Non-Monogamy as well as
  • March 19th at A Woman’s Touch in Milwaukee: Negotiating Non-Monogamy, $35, click here to register

Feedback3:50 Host Chat: Feeback is awesome!
Minx is enamored of Feedback, but just as a friend. It’s ‘cuz he’s an awesome swing dancer!! Please support his charities by going to his site and donating. My high point of the conference? Two minutes of swing dancing with Feedback!

9:10 Polyamory Roundtable: What Do You Wish Someone Had Told You When You Were New to Poly?
the most useful part of rules and guidelines is the process of making and changing them, not the rules themselves–they’ll change
17:50 be prepared for personal growth and to be a different person at the end of the process
24:50 everyone’s definitions of poly and everything else is different–define EVERYTHING
27:20 poly bingo cards from dotpolysnark
27:50 every problem in poly is the same as in mono, but you’ll get less help
30:50 assumptions about rules as relationship-killers in monogamy
32:50 one person is poly and the other goes along, but then makes rules to restrict every new love interest
36:50 must trust and give your partner the benefit of the doubt
37:50 be prepared to talk about EVERYTHING
40:35 how do you get through the finger of doubt?
42:35 have friends you can talk to about your partners
48:35 be able to ask for reassurance when you need it
52:10 be prepared to have enough self-esteem to say “I deserve better than this”
53:50 begin with self-honesty and self-esteem
54:45 all the talk in the world makes no difference if you aren’t willing to act and grow

57:55 Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Thanks for listening!

Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions”

Poly Weekly #143: New Relationship Energy: the Good, the Bad and the Ugly

The new Polyamory Weekly #143: is up! Direct download is at Poly Weekly #143

Subscribe now with iTunes one-click!
Please Digg this podcast at Digg’s PW podcast page!

0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the new FORUMS at http://forum.polyweekly.com.

2:00 Promo stuff
Promo for Sex 2.0 in Atlanta–come and be sex-positive with us!

2:30 Topic with Guest; Katie: New Relationship Energy
New Relationship Energy as defined by Wikipedia; Ravenscroft‘s definition is that it is the period of time when your obsession with the relationship overcomes your common sense; Helen Fisher’s book, Why We Love was the source for the brain chemistry comments; 9:40 what NOT to do when in the throes of NRE; 16:45 try asking your NRE crush what other people say about him/her; talk to the last partner if you can; nice thing about poly is that a current partner (who isn’t wearing the love goggles) can give an outside perspective

26:10 Wrap-up

Minx is off to
Conflation this weekend to dress as Inara

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Thanks for listening!

Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions”

Poly Weekly #142: LIVE from Arisia Sci-Fi

The new Polyamory Weekly #142: Live from the Arisia science-fiction convention is up! Direct download is at Poly Weekly #142

Subscribe now with iTunes one-click!
Please Digg this podcast at Digg’s PW podcast page!

0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the new FORUMS at http://forum.polyweekly.com.

1:30 Announcements & Promo stuff

  • Next weekend, I’ll be hosting both a podcasting and polyamory panel at Conflation in Saint Louis. This year is a Firefly theme, and I can’t wait to try out my new Inara costume!
  • Next meeting of the Poly Weekly Book Club will be Wednesday, February 27th, 6:00-9:00 p.m. at the Center on Halsted, 2nd floor, white couches; we’ll be continuing our discussion of Ravenscroft’s Polyamory: Roadmaps for the Clueless and the Hopeful
  • Upcoming workshops: And Boyfriend/Girlfriend Makes Three: Negotiating Nonmonogamy, Saturday, February 23rd, noon-1:30 p.m., A Woman’s Touch in Madison; or Wednesday, March 19th, 6:00-7:30 in Milwaukee

  • 3:25 Promo for Nawashi, a novel of erotic magic, available from Podiobooks.com
  • The new Poly Weekly promo will be up in the feed next

  • We’re trying to get 100 reviews on iTunes; if you’d like, please review Poly Weekly by clicking here!
  • 5:30 Report: Poly Panels at the Arisia Science Fiction Convention
    Alan interviews Shava from a panel on being poly in a straight world; Michelle Wexelblack discusses poly-mono relationship; 14:00 Dr. Solomon Davidoff discusses the poly community compared to other subcultures; Alan talks about creating a temporary tribe

    17:50 Topic: Why Does My Spouse Irritate Me So Much?
    Minx discusses this article on marriage only getting worse–your spouse will end up annoying the heck outta you!

    21:45 Wrap-up
    Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Thanks for listening!

    Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions”

Poly Weekly #141: You’re Fat! Redux

The new Polyamory Weekly #141: You’re Fat, redux is up! Direct download is at Poly Weekly #141

Subscribe now with iTunes one-click!
Please Digg this podcast at Digg’s PW podcast page!
0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the new FORUMS at http://forum.polyweekly.com.

2:00 Announcements & Promo stuff

8:50 Topic: You’re Fat!, redux: How much honesty is too much honesty?

  1. First type of response: society is wrong (she shouldn’t have to lose the weight; he should still find her attractive; as a culture, we’re overweight)
  2. 17:30 Second type of response: try the indirect approach; use positive reinforcement (invite your partner on your walks
  3. 20:00 Third type of response: find out what’s at the root of the weight gain (depression, poor self-esteem) and address that; there is usually a reason people stop taking care of themselves; consider that this is affecting the sexual desire of both partners, not just the man;
  4. 26:00 Fourth type of response: if you have built trust with your partner, you can bring up any issue, even weight gain (if you have a history of bringing up difficult issues for the good of the relationship, your partner will have faith in you in this, too)

34:50 Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Thanks for listening!

Poly Weekly #140: I CAN live without you!

The new Polyamory Weekly #140: I can live without you! is up! Direct download is at Poly Weekly #140

Subscribe now with iTunes one-click!
Please Digg this podcast at Digg’s PW podcast page!

0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments.

1:30 Announcements & Promo stuff

9:00 Topic: I can live without you!
This great CNN article attacks common romantic myths about love and debunks them–I can live without you; my love for you will change; you’re not everything I need; you’re not everything I need; I will not always hold you close; you and I aren’t one

21:00 Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Thanks for listening!

Poly Weekly #139: Dirty, rotten cheaters

The new Polyamory Weekly #139: Dirty, rotten cheaters is up! Direct download is at Poly Weekly #139

Subscribe now with iTunes one-click!
Please Digg this podcast at Digg’s PW podcast page!

0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments.

1:30 Announcement: Poly Weekly forums!
Yes, the Poly Weekly forums are finally up! Discuss show topics or bring up your own questions and topics. Sign up, log in and chat today! Special thanks to Sc00ter for setting them up and to Vincenza for offering to moderate them!

Minx will miss this month’s Many Loves seminar in Chicago, but only because she’s filming the porn episode for the Midwest Teen Sex Show!

If you’d like to discuss poly books, check out Joreth’s Shelfari poly book discussion group, with great online resources and book discussions!

5:00 Topic: Dirty, rotten cheaters
Amy Gahran’s sending me this internet poll on whether cybersex “counts” as cheating sparked a discussion/rant about what “cheating” actually is, both in monogamy and in polyamory. See how Wikipedia defines cheating.

16:20 Feedback
Jeremy wrote in on jealousy from episode 133, blaming society; 18:30 Jamie comments on episode 134, the Love Maps episode, mentioning that the episode might have caused some uncomfortable introspection; 20:45 Scott comments on episode 87 and the idea of “discretion”; 23:00 ML asks for advice on what to do when a metamour breaks your heart–but is still dating your partner

29:00 Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Thanks for listening!

Poly Weekly #138: You’re fat!

The new Polyamory Weekly #138: You’re fat! is up! Direct download is at Poly Weekly #138

Subscribe now with iTunes one-click!
Please Digg this podcast at Digg’s PW podcast page!

0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments.

1:30 Announcement: Chicago Poly Book Club
This is the Poly Book Club, a fun discussion group for anyone who’s been *meaning* to read those books on poly but hasn’t quite got around to it. Or for those who read the books but didn’t have anyone like-minded to discuss the more interesting questions with!

Our first book will be one I’ve been dying to read, Polyamory: Roadmaps for the Clueless and Hopeful, by Anthony Ravenscroft.

Other details:

When: Wednesday, January 30th, 6:00-9:00 p.m.
Where: The Center on Halsted lobby/social area (by the fireplace), 3656 North Halsted Street
What: Polyamory: Roadmaps for the Clueless and Hopeful discussion
Why: ‘cuz it’ll be fun!

I’ll post again as we get closer to the date, but please do RSVP if you’d like to attend so that I’ll know how many folks to expect. You don’t have to have read the book to attend–you can just join in the discussion and meet poly folks, anyway!

Want to join in the discussion but aren’t in Chicago? Log on to the Poly Weekly Book Club Skypecast on Saturday, January 26th at 1:00 p.m. Central

2:30 Announcement: Sex 2.0 conference
On April 12, 2008, come to the Sex 2.0 conference in Atlanta

3:30 Topic: You’re fat! How much honest communication is too much honest communication?
The original column was from Dan Savage here; the feedback response column is here; what do you think? Is there any way to tell a woman that her body isn’t as sexy as it used to be? Is that too much honest communication?

16:30 Feedback
RatBastid writes in with a heartwarming story

20:20 Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Thanks for listening!

Poly Weekly #137: Ten Poly Vocab Words You Need to Know

The new Polyamory Weekly #1367: Ten Poly Vocab Words You Need to Know is up! Direct download is at Poly Weekly #137

Subscribe now with iTunes one-click!
Please Digg this podcast at Digg’s PW podcast page!

0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments.

1:30 Announcement: Chicago Poly Book Club
This is the Poly Book Club, a fun discussion group for anyone who’s been *meaning* to read those books on poly but hasn’t quite got around to it. Or for those who read the books but didn’t have anyone like-minded to discuss the more interesting questions with!

Our first book will be one I’ve been dying to read, Polyamory: Roadmaps for the Clueless and Hopeful, by Anthony Ravenscroft.

Other details:

When: Wednesday, January 30th, 6:00-9:00 p.m.
Where: The Center on Halsted lobby/social area (by the fireplace), 3656 North Halsted Street
What: Polyamory: Roadmaps for the Clueless and Hopeful discussion
Why: ‘cuz it’ll be fun!

I’ll post again as we get closer to the date, but please do RSVP if you’d like to attend so that I’ll know how many folks to expect. You don’t have to have read the book to attend–you can just join in the discussion and meet poly folks, anyway!

Want to join in the discussion but aren’t in Chicago? Log on to the Poly Weekly Book Club Skypecast on Saturday, January 26th at 1:00 p.m.

3:00 Topic: Ten Poly Vocab Words You Need to Know
Think you know what “polyamory,” “primary/secondary/tertiary,” “NRE,” “monoamorous,” “monogamist,” “nonintimate sex,” “Vee,” “sweetie,” “significant other,” “HBB,” and “love-type thing” mean? Minx discusses Ravenscroft’s definitions of these terms from his book.

11:30 Poly in the Media
Alan’s new roundup of Polyamory in the News, including:

16:50 Feedback
Nobilis comments that he was bothered by Alan’s last Poly in the Media segment; Alan writes in an apology for the confusion and that any insult to monogamous folks was unintentional

18:45 Feedback and New Topics
DDog asks about a potential new topic: can poly people have foster kids?; Serena asks about how to meet poly people and if you’re “really” poly if you’re single–how do you meet poly people?; Poly Weekly episodes 103 and 104 did cover being poly and single, but if you have advice on where to meet people, please call in!

25:00 Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Thanks for listening!

Poly Weekly #136: You’re Poly–But None of Your Friends Are!

The new Polyamory Weekly #136: You’re Poly–But None of Your Friends Are! is up! Direct download is at Poly Weekly #136

Subscribe now with iTunes one-click!
Please Digg this podcast at Digg’s PW podcast page!

0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments.

2:30 Announcement: Chicago Poly Book Club
This is the Poly Book Club, a fun discussion group for anyone who’s been *meaning* to read those books on poly but hasn’t quite got around to it. Or for those who read the books but didn’t have anyone like-minded to discuss the more interesting questions with!

Our first book will be one I’ve been dying to read, Polyamory: Roadmaps for the Clueless and Hopeful, by Anthony Ravenscroft.

Other details:

When: Wednesday, January 30th, 6:00-9:00 p.m.
Where: The Center on Halsted lobby/social area (by the fireplace), 3656 North Halsted Street
What: Polyamory: Roadmaps for the Clueless and Hopeful discussion
Why: ‘cuz it’ll be fun!

I’ll post again as we get closer to the date, but please do RSVP if you’d like to attend so that I’ll know how many folks to expect. You don’t have to have read the book to attend–you can just join in the discussion and meet poly folks, anyway!

Want to join in the discussion but aren’t in Chicago? Log on to the Poly Weekly Book Club Skypecast on Saturday, January 26th at 1:00 p.m. Link to come (it’s too far in advance to post it now, but soon!).

5:25 Topic: What do you do if you’re poly but none of your friends are?
C writes in to ask how to share NRE with no poly friends, and another listener writes in asking how to get support from poly friends. Check out the KAP list for poly-friendly therapists.

15:30 Feedback
OgreCraig sends holiday greetings

16:00 Topic: Second-generation polys
Serena calls in to bring up the topic of grown adult children of poly households–are they scarred for life?

20:45 Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Thanks for listening!

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