PW 353: Polynormativity

Is there a polynormative model in the media? And if so, what issues can that create for poly newbies?

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1:00 Announcements and host chat

  • Had a great time at Conflation; thanks to everyone for making us feel relaxed and welcome!
  • Content Creation for the Online Activist on Sunday, March 17th at 10:30 AM in D.C. at CatalystCon ( #ccon )
  • Want to help send Minx to SXSWi and CatalystCon this year? We just need 10 $96 donations so I can eat! And we LOVE $69 and $96 donations!

Interview: Andrea Zanin on polynormativity

Andrea’s longish essay on the problem with polynormativity is here. You can find Andrea’s essays on her Sex Geek blog.

Wrap up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY (our new number!). And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

PW 351: Mono-poly with Mo

Tales of mono-poly ins and outs with Mollena Williams

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Note: we are still experiencing technical difficulties with posting episode 350. That file will post as soon as the issues are discerned and corrected. In the meantime, enjoy Mo!

1:00 Announcements and host chat

  • Hidden Social: Where Sexual Variants Gather Online session at SXSWi on Sunday, March 10, 3:30 PM with Herb Coleman, Adjunct Professor of Psychology at UT Austin ( #hiddensoc )
  • Content Creation for the Online Activist on Sunday, March 17th at 10:30 AM in D.C. at CatalystCon ( #ccon )
  • Want to help send Minx to SXSWi and CatalystCon this year? We just need 10 $96 donations so I can eat! And we LOVE $69 and $96 donations!

3:30 Interview: Mollena Williams on her mono-poly relationship

What worked—and didn’t—in Mollena’s last mono-poly D/s relationship. Lessons learned and insights from the trenches. Find her site at Mollena or as Mollena on FetLife and Facebook.

35:00 Wrap up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY (our new number!). And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

PW 349: Poly relationship models

Considering polyamory? Kathy Labriola shares three basic poly relationship models

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1:00 Announcements and host chat

12:20 Interview: Kathy Labriola on poly relationship models

Kathy Labriola, counselor, nurse and author of Love in Abundance: a Counselor’s Advice on Open Relationships, shares her insights on different relationship models for polyamory.

40:20 Happy Poly Moment

M shares an OK Cupid happy poly moment

41:30 Feedback

Jane shares her insights on herpes: the poison ivy of the relationship world. Just a minor inconvenience, not the scarring STI it’s made out to be.

45:20 Thank you

Thanks to Kathleen for her donation and welcome I to the Poly Weekly Playmates!

46:00 Wrap up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY (our new number!). And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

PW 348: How to deal with a partner’s jealousy

What do you do when a partner’s jealousy destroys a relationship you have with someone else?

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1:00 Announcements and host chat

9:10 Topic: How to deal with a partner’s jealousy

L asks for advice on breaking up with someone who isn’t your primary, but Minx sees that her partner’s jealousy is the real issue and gives advice based on Franklin Veaux‘s How to Be a Secure Person:

  • Letting jealousy destroy a relationship is a bad precedent. Deal with this jealousy now so you can go forth and date from a place of generosity, kindness and confidence.
  • Look beneath the surface to determine what is driving your jealousy and insecurities
  • Fill in these blanks: “If my lover [kisses another person in front of me], then the bad thing that will happen is ______.” “If this keeps happening, then it means ________.” “If my lover really loves this other person, then ______.”
  • Practice, practice, practice! Practice being secure and coping with jealousy. It takes 21 days to create a habit, so don’t expect to dispel jealousy the first time out.
  • And please, don’t date until you and your partner are both secure. It’s not fair to your new lover, who is making an emotional, psychological and maybe even sexual investment in you to be dumped due to someone else’s jealousy.

22:05 Happy Poly Moment

Brandon shares a moment of his wife and girlfriend getting along great!

23:15 Feedback: Episode 345 Poly for the Holidays

Vir writes in to remark on Sierra Black’s Huffington Post piece on making a decision about honoring her mother’s holiday wishes.

Wrap up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY (our new number!). And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

PW 347: How being kinky prepared me to be poly

How does BDSM prepare one for polyamory? Lily Lloyd explains.

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1:00 Announcements and host chat

  • Heading out to hit the Portland strip clubs for my birthday; will report back next week!

2:00 Topic: How being kinky prepared me to be poly

Lily Lloyd, guest poster on kink on the SoloPoly blog,and author of the Black Leather Belt blog and the Black Leather Belt book, shares insights on best practices for kink that serve poly well:

  1. Frank and ongoing discussions about sex (before it’s a problem)
  2. The practice of aftercare: dealing with unexpected, strong emotional reactions while staying calm and staying until the partner is okay
  3. “Equal” isn’t necessarily fair. In kink, it’s assumed that everyone will have different tastes, kinks and limits, and reciprocity isn’t assumed or necessary.

27:00 Feedback: Episode 344 Consent Is Sexy

  • Week BiWeek felt the casual tone LustyGuy and I took for the Consent Is Sexy episode was inappropriate to the seriousness of the topic.
  • Edward, a self-named ” 55-yo, cigar smoking, martini-drinking, Republican-voting, $5,000 suit wearing Wall Streeter and military consultant,” writes in to say that sleep sex is never appropriate without consent and also that hearing a verbal affirmation that a woman wants him is indeed sexy
  • Vir writes in to say that Alyssa’s original article was indeed a rape apology: “I think that what she did in her article was make excuses for rape. She did call him a rapist and she did convince him that he was a rapist. But because he was a friend, she didn’t want it to be all his fault and so she tried to blame the wider community for not training men better not to rape. That right there is aiding and abetting ‘rape culture’ if not, strictly, engaging in ‘rape apology.’”
  • Amos is a new listener who finds that the advice on the podcast applies to those outside poly as well.

40:00 Wrap up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY (our new number!). And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

PW 343: The care and feeding of non-primaries

How to welcome that awesome non-primary into your couple and keep the relationship healthy and the non-primary happy and respected

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1:00 Announcements and host chat

  • Want to support marriage equality? Try wearing your wedding ring on your right hand and post a picture with the hashtag #choosetheright. More info at choosetheright.org

4:00 Topic: How to treat non-primaries well

Aggie of the SoloPoly blog crowdsourced an article. She asked non-primary partners what they considered to be kind and considerate treatment by their partners, usually people in a couple. The results were informative and include a long list of do's and a short list of don'ts—see all the info on this living document of How to Treat Non-Primaries Well.

40:00 Happy Poly Moment

Roue shares a happy poly moment about a partner coming home.

42:00 Wrap up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY (our new number!). And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

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PW 340: How to argue

How to fight fair in a relationship

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1:00 Announcements and host chat

There have been quite the happenings in Sweden, writes listener D!

4:30 Topic: How to argue

Great advice on how to argue and fight fair in a relationship:

  • Treat the other person with respect
  • Listen
  • Summarize back what you heard
  • Assure your partner that his/her feelings are valid
  • Use “I” statements
  • Don't get revenge
  • Diffuse the anger
  • Talk about your feelings rather than acting on them

19:30 Happy Poly Moment

Jess writes in to share some sweet gestures from her metamour on first meeting!

22:00 Feedback

Mike G calls in to discredit the “upsuck” theory of female orgasm mentioned in episodes 333 and 336

Wrapup

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY (our new number!). And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!


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PW 339: Dating someone in a doomed relationship

Listeners, LustyGuy and Minx give advice on dating someone who is in a long-term relationship that is imploding

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1:00 Announcements and host chat

  • LustyGuy tells a story

4:00 Topic: Dating in a doomed relationship

A listener writes in to ask how to deal with dating someone whose marriage is falling apart. Should she distance herself? How does she deal with the soon-to-be-ex wife?  PW listeners give advice, including:

  • Stop dating him and be supportive friend to both
  • If the relationship is already long-term, don't leave, but offer to be a sounding board (we disagree that you should offer to be a sounding board but agree that not taking sides or speaking ill of anyone is key)
  • Be prepared to fail
  • Set limits by saying hurtful behavior and words won't be tolerated
  • Be aware that how he acts during this breakup is very telling in how he will eventually treat YOU

29:20 Happy Poly Moment

David writes in to share his experience going from cheating to DADT to honesty and is rewarded with some frubble.

37:00 Thanks

Thanks to David for the donation!

Wrapup

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY (our new number!). And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!


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PW 337: Successful non-monogamy

Marcia Baczynski of Successful Nonmonogamy

What four things do you need to evaluate before opening your relationship?

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1:00 News and host chat

8:00 Sex for your earbuds

Sex Nerd Sandra podcast

11:00 Successful Nonmonogamy

Marciz Baczynski is hosting a series of ongoing classes and coaching for those entering their first non-monogamous relationship. Because one book and a friend or two isn’t enough; we need ongoing support to keep drama to a minimum! Visit her site to get her free ebook and read her blog.

38:00 Happy Poly Moment

A great story of finding a good spiritual home that welcomes leather lesbian nonmonogamists.

42:00 Thanks

Thanks to Toma and Hayley for their donations!

Wrapup

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY (our new number!). And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!


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PW 336: Moving out without moving on

Can you maintain a relationship while changing the cohabitation situation?

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2:00 News and host chat

  • LustyGuy cohosts
  • Psychology Today reporting on a University of Michigan study that showed that people perceive nonmonogamists to have more negative traits, including paying taxes late and flossing, as well as being more sexually risky. A previous study showed that consensual nonmonogamists practice less risky sexual behavior and are more likely to get tested and use condoms.
  • A new site for HSV and HPV positives, Love H Style
  • The Drama Reduction Act

12:00 Moving Out Without Moving On

Vicky writes in to ask how to maintain a relationship when the living situation isn’t working out. Can primaries move out and still keep up a healthy relationship?

20:00 Listener Feedback

Thanks

Thanks to Jeff and Aggie for their donations!

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY (our new number!). And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!


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