From Poly Living 2009: Poly Weddings and Gay Marriage Rights

Diana Adams’ talk on Poly Weddings: the legal impact of same sex marriage decision on your poly family with Diana Adams. (I did record audio of this session with permission; check the Poly Weekly feed soon)

  • There is a legal bias against those who are sex-positive
  • Discussing “emotional pre-nups”–discussing what your relationship will look like and the terms of your breakup beforehand
  • She uses a forensic psychologist to help refocus on the issue of which of the parents is doing more negative parenting–the one who never puts the kid to bed or the one who does and who happens to have a locked cabinet of sex toys
  • The vibrator laws aren’t about vibrators but what it would mean if we allowed that: “You have the right to sell Tupperware, but not if there is a dildo in it.” Now focusing on how and whether these rules are actually to prevent harm.
  • Definition of “prostitution” in New York: sexual conduct for a fee. That is, whatever a judge decides is “sexual,” creating a culture of fear and shame for all workers, sexual and even sexual healers as well.

Prop 8 in California
The debate is whether this should be an actual amendment to the California constitution, which is surprisingly easy to amend. Diana argues this should be a court decision, not one put to the voting populace. There are now questions as to whether gay couples married during the legal period will still be legally married. She showed an Amicus brief from an organization associated with the religious right stating that because bisexual and polyamorous people can’t get legally married, we don’t need to give marriage rights to gays, either.

Same-Sex Marriage Debate and How It Affects Us
Diana explains how arguing that marriage is a fundamental human right actually harms the poly marriage issue. Lawrence v Texas overturned older sodomy laws, with an apology, maintaining it was undignified to afford homosexual citizens the same right to have private sex in their homes. (Does everybody know what “santorum” is?)

Two arguments being made:

  1. Sexual orientation should be a legal right as a “suspect class”, or group that has traditionally faced discrimination and thus needs protection. Saying that sexual orientation is a “suspect class” is a major step and very powerful. In states with civil unions, the argument is that allowing civil unions but not marriage for suspect classes is inherently as unfair as “separate but equal.”
  2. We ask: why aren’t we making the argument that the state shouldn’t be making marriages at all? The issue with making marriage a fundamental right is valorizing it and thus further entrenching it into our law, and we’ll no longer be able to separate church and state. This is dangerous because it’s appealing to morality and accepting the institution of marriage without examining it. We went from criminalizing to heterosexualizing our relationships.

Tidbits

  • We have passed the time where we link sexual relationships with economic dependency.
  • Participants recommend readings by Stephanie Koontz on the history of marriage and marriage as a tool of governmental control.

Poly Weekly #192: Sex Positive

This week Poly Weekly #192: Sex Positive.

Download the mp3 directly!

0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the forums at http://forum.polyweekly.com.

Poly Living conference
Sex Positive film series

4:30 Minx talks about the documentary she watched “Sex Positive” and her impressions of the documentary.

13:05 Minx Interviews Clarise Thorn, the person putting the documentary series, Sex+++, together
Minx and Clarise talk about how the series was started; how each of the kink or sex positive movements don’t always talk together; Minx brings up the various different kinds of documentaries in the series; Minx asks about the attendance at the events;

22:20 Happy Poly Moment of the Week
Joreth wrote in and talked about how she showed her metamour how she cared about her; Robotic mailed in and talked about how his grandmother gave him a gift that exactly matched one that Minx talked about.

25:40 Feedback
Josh clarified his question about poly and teenagers.

Imzadi wrote in with a great limerick:

There once was a beautiful couple
Who decided to get into trouble
They flirted with me
And we wound up as three
And now everyone’s feelin’ the frubble

Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com

Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions”

Poly Weekly book club meets WEDNESDAY, MARCH 4th

Ready to discuss relationships this time? Let’s take some advice from a monogamist!

Gottman's Seven Principles for Making  a Marriage Work

When: Wednesday, March 4th, 6:00 p.m. to 8:30 p.m.
Where: Lidos Caffe, 122 N. Marion Street, Oak Park, IL
What: hearty discussion of relationships among poly and poly-friendly folks

Please RSVP so we know to look for you–we usually meet in the back room. See y’all there!

Poly Weekly #187: Is he not that into me?

This week Poly Weekly #187: Is he not that into me?.

Download the mp3 directly!

0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the forums at http://forum.polyweekly.com.

Announcements

11:30 Happy Poly Moment of the Week
Hamilton wrote in to talk about his great New Years Eve with his two lovers and lots of wine.

12:10 Is He Not Into me?
Krista wrote in through facebook and told her story. She is in a situation where maybe one of her lovers is not really into her. Krista wants to know, what does that concept mean to poly people? Minx gives her impressions of the book “He Is Not Really Into You.”; Minx talks about how different relationships are different and that is OK. Poly has benefits that monogamy doesn’t have. If one person does not fulfill all our needs, we look for those needs in another. A relationship will fall to its own level.

20:15 Feedback
CJ wrote in and recommended Joe Haldeman, The World Series; Pechu Jay called and thanked Minx and judges for choosing her picture for Pimp Your Boobs; Stewart from Kansas City called in with his props for the podcast and his thoughts on massage.

Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com

Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions”

Poly Weekly Book Club THANK YOU and next meeting: WEDNESDAY, DEC. 3rd

Hello, folks!

Thanks to everyone who came out and participated in the PW book club discussion of Raven Kaldera’s Pagan Polyamory last night! We hit 17 people and filled the back room! Topics covered paganism, Buddhism, the place of ritual, the merits/uses of therapy and meditation and more!

Ready for the next one?

With Pleasure: Thoughts on the Nature of Human Sexuality by Paul Abramson & Steven Pinkerton

When: Wednesday, December 3rd 6:00-9:00 p.m.
Where: Lido’s Caffe, 122 N Marion St, Oak Park, IL 60303, (708) 660-0060, one block from the Harlem Green line stop; meters and lot parking available
What: With Pleasure: Thoughts on the Nature of Human Sexuality by Paul Abramson & Steven Pinkerton
Who: anyone who is poly or poly-curious, whether you’ve read the book or not. Or who just likes great gelato!

Come on out and join us; we always have a great time!

Poly Weekly Book Club meets next Wednesday, Nov. 5th

Hello, folks.

Just a reminder that the Poly Weekly book club meets next Wednesday. Last month, we had over 10 in attendance and a lively discussion going! Thanks so much for all the participation and the great questions raised about Jenny Block’s book (and yes, I asked her about a few things when I saw her in NY last month!)

Details:
When: Wednesday, November 5th, 6:00 p.m.
Where: Lido’s Caffe, 122 N Marion St, Oak Park, IL 60303, (708) 660-0060, one block from the Harlem Green line stop; meters and lot parking available
What: Pagan Polyamory book discussion
Who: anyone who is poly or poly-curious. Or who just likes great gelato!

Come on out and join us; we always have a great time! Please RVSP so I can know how many to expect; thanks!

New York Poly Pride THIS WEEKEND!

Eager and excited for this weekend! I’m taking off tomorrow morning for Poly Pride in New York City, where I’ll be speaking in excellent company among some of the best poly authors and activists around. Very exciting for little ole’ Minx!

Welcome all polyamorous, poly-friendly, and poly-curious people & their families: Please join Polyamorous NYC in celebration of our 8th annual Pride Weekend!

We have a full weekend of events, and a long list of polyamory leaders and experts coming in from all over country. The festivities kick off on Friday night with the Super Massive Cuddle Party, the largest Cuddle Party of the year. The main event is the Picnic+Rally in Central Park on Saturday with an all-star list of entertainers and speakers. Then come party Saturday night at the After Party. And finally, we have a new addition to the weekend schedule, a Read+Sign on Sunday with experts and authors of some of the most prominent books on polyamory.

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Poly Weekly #172: How To Communicate/Polycamp Ontario

This week Poly Weekly #172: How To Communicate/Polycamp Ontario talks about how to communicate with someone who isn’t all that interested in communication and a live report from Polycamp Ontario.

Download the episode directly!

0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the forums at http://forum.polyweekly.com.

1:50 Announcement: Poly Pride Day in New York City
Oct 3rd through 4th.  Cuddle party, after party, poly pride picnic after wards in Central Park.

2:20 Topic: How do you communicate with someone who isn’t into communication?
This topic came from the forum started by Helena, who was concerned her partner was not really interested in hearing the details in her interest in other people. Suggestions include honoring communication styles, having a private blog filter, or writing letters.

8:00 Report: Polycamp Ontario
Roxane reports from PolyCamp Ontario with the following:

  • 9:00 Roxanne first interviews Lucas, a four year old whose parents brought him
  • 10:30 Next, Roxanne interviews Stephen, one of the executives of Polycamp Ontario and a panelist who spoke on long distance relationships. 
  • 15:50 Roxanne interviews <link=http://sexgeek.wordpress.com/>Andrea Zanin (The Sex Geek) Guest of Honor for Polycamp Ontario.
  • 20:05Will, another executive organizer
  • 21:40 Roxane’s impressions of Polycamp Ontario.

25:17 Listener Feedback
This is for episode #169 “Quit Hurting My Partner”
PolyGestalt responds from the person who is hurt and how it can affect that person.  He then shares a situation from his personal life with us.  You can follow the story here; 32:26 Caroline liked Minx’s response

Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com

Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions”

Poly Weekly book club RAWKED! Next: October 1st

Hey, all.

Just have to give a shout out to everyone who came out to talk about If the Buddha Dated, a book that has sparked, I believe, more discussion than any other we’ve read! Heated debates broke out over such controversial topics as “hi, how are you?” (no, I’m NOT kidding!), what it means to be authentic and honestly you versus “fake it ’til you make it,” and we also had some quantum physics and philosophy in there.

Thanks to the 10 folks who came out and contributed to the discussion on Buddhism, taking risks and living in the moment. It was a blast, and our new location suited us well–we have the entire back room, and the gelato there is to die for (try the hazelnut!)

So, for next month:

Book: Open by Jenny Block

Open
Date: Wednesday, October 1st, 6:00-9:00 p.m.

Place: Lido’s Caffe, 122 N. Marion St., Oak Park, IL 60301, 708-660-0060

See y’all there!

Poly Weekly #167: Real people open up

Poly Weekly #167: Real people open up

Download this episode directly!

0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the forums at http://forum.polyweekly.com.

(This episode was a bit difficult to timecode.  People didn’t keep repeating their names so I wasn’t able to always tell who was who.  I did what I can.  -FS)

4:20 This weeks subject for the online book review.  “The Myth Of MOnogamy”

6:15 Minx starts by asking everybody if they have read the book.  Tom and Eros both participated in the discussion.

6:43 Minx asks, what things really grabbed them.  Eros commented on how specific the conversation needs to be on sex and love.

8:00 Minx points out that her and a previous partner had different ideas of what “sex” and “scening” was.  Communication would have brought this out.

9:10 Tom agrees and talks about his relationship and how his partner and him come from different backgrounds.

10:30 Tom and Minx discuss different meanings of “sex.”

12:10 Tom points out that he is mainly mono in his relationship from laziness!

12:48 Greg has also joined us from text.

13:00 Minx asks if any other revelations from the book.  Eros talks about the meaning of “polyamory”

14:50 (I think this is Tom) brings up when your partner ends up with somebody you don’t think they should be with.

16:30 Minx asks Tom how the book helped him in that scenario.

18:00 The discussion moves to dealing with your partners when they start to make mistakes and how to deal with them.

19:20 Minx quotes from the section of the book on the kind of people to look for and talks about it.

20:07 Eros thinks you have a responsbility to say something to your partner if they are making a mistake but don’t badger them.  He brings up an example in his own life.

22:00 (I am not sure who this is, Tom I think) talks about the unique experience of being poly where you might have to help your partner with comfort on the loss o a lover.

23:40 (I think Tom’s) wife loved the book.

24:20 Minx comments the section on sexual health and safer sex practices and how much she likes it.

27:00 it’s hot in chicago! :)

27:00 Minx brings up the chapter on common challenges and problems.  Eros references back to the interview with Tacit to talk about NRE (New RElationship Energy).

29:00 Minx talks about her opinion on NRE using some excerpts from the book.

31:09 Eros asks if there is a way to tell when the NRE falls off.

32:10 Minx brings up other common problems from this chapter and asks for opinions.

33:10 Eros brings up time management and the group disucsses this topic.

36:50 (Eros I think) brings up three different definitions of love from the book and Minx adds to this discussion.

39:35 Eros felt the book made sense to him.

40:18 Eros is working through fluid bonding issues which starts a discussion.

Thanks to Tom and Eros for working on the announcing themselves.

Announcements

  • CPR for kinky people, Saturday, September 13, 2008, 10 am-6pm, Leather Archives & Museum, $90; Contact Descara: vdescara@yahoo.com
  • Meet and Greet, October 4th, Maryborough, Queensland, Australia

Online Book Discussion: Tristan Taormino’s Opening Up
Tristan Taormino’s Opening Up

Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com

Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions”

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