Oh, my life is so rough, isn’t it? Must spend another lunch hour reviewing gay porn. This week’s DVD was Hot Properties, full of steamy men in great shape doing their realtors and clients. Oh, my!
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The DVD is chock-full of yummy gay goodness, with five scenes, all set in realty offices or hot properties for sale (with hot and willing owners, of course!):
Scene 1: Soap it up in the shower
The action starts right up with no preliminaries; we dive right in to one hottie feeling up another through his boxers (mmm; how come the guys I date don’t have washboard abs like that?) and then hopping into the shower to trade off kisses and oral sex. An added bit of titillation: a third guy overhears them and starts his own party in the hallway; his voyeuristic view of them through the doorway is beautifully framed so that we see all three hunks in their full glory. The juicy double money shot is at 22:45, BTW, first on a hairy chest, then on a shaven one and finally with our voyeur spilling his load on himself. Delicious!
24:30 Scene 2: Roommate problems
Ooh context! This hottie looking to buy a hot condo because of “roommate problems” consults a realtor… and they run into Naked Hottie Homeowner just out of the shower! Our troubled renter decides to take another look at the condo sans realtor and sans clothing–just two delicious hardbodies, two nipple rings, one pierced scrotum and many lustful glances. By the end, they are positively glistening with sweat as they pound, kiss and tease each other.
Scene 3: Why let a good spiral staircase go to waste?
This scene has a inordinate amount of establishing shots–nearly six minutes of the client and realtor crossing the GG bridge and driving to a more rural property, including them walking up a stream. 45:00 Finally, we get to the action! What’s with all the plot and establishing shots? Happily, shirts come off on the rural home’s elegant spiral staircase. We are finally rewarded for watching all that background with lots of kissing, licking and gorgeous black muscled booty. Yeah, force his head onto your big black cock while you grab onto the stair rail!
Anyway, if you love muscular black men wearing nothing but boots, you’ll love this scene. And the final jerk off is beautifully lit and framed: over the staircase’s architectural railing, the two smooth, muscular bodies shine and gleam as they shoot off the staircase into the landing below.
1:02:30 Scene 4: Hot at the office
We’re back at the Hot Properties office as a young latino client wanders in. It only takes a quick, “you’re a very handsome guy” from the realtor, for the latino in town from New York begins to unbotton his shirt and reveal his wifebeater, tribal tattoo and luscious member. Something about the clean-cut, blond gay realtor going down on the tattooed latino was just yummy, and the scene plays out right there on the desk–perfect for inspiring work/office fantasies, right down to taking a phone call while being pounded in the ass!
1:20:15 Scene 5: I’m your handyman
Well, wasn’t it nice to give us a handyman scene, complete with tool belt and unzipped jeans? This time, the realtor and client interrupt two carpenters in flagrante deliecto, so what else is there to do but for each one to grab a carpetner for himself? Now, that’s my kind of renovation! Two mouths on two cocks, then fucking on the ladder and a foursome in between the studs! And four guys means four come shots; a special treat!
Yes, adult product reviews are BACK, along with our sponsor, AdamEve.com (and a special discount with coupon checkout code “Minx”)!
Can’t afford to go out in this economy? Cheaper to stay in and have some good, old-fashioned carnal fun. If you’ve been wanting to try bondage, Nina Hartley’s Guide to Erotic Bondage is a great place to start. First, Nina just rocks–she’s a talented and respected educator who isn’t just making videos for a quick buck; she’s genuinely part of the kink scene.
Also, she looks great in black latex.
The DVD breaks down into three main sections with a postlude. The first 18 minutes are the bondage discussion, in which Nina and the lovely Carmen Luvana (hot blond from the cover) talk about what you need to know and discuss before you dive into tying up your loved one. They cover the “why” of bondage–remember how much fun it was to play Cowboys and Indians when you were kids? Or Pirate Ship? The thrill of the chase and capture can be a lot of fun. And then Nina walks us through the negotiation process in detail, covering basic trust, past issues that might come up, physical limitations, and the nature of consent. As Nina points out, “consent is a continually renewing contract that doesn’t stop the first time someone says yes.”
Next, the lovely ladies cover safety, including the availability and use of safety shears and the use of common safewords such as green, yellow and red. Next up is basic principles of anatomy–tie wrists first, not ankles, what to tie them to, what to do when they struggle. In short, a pretty fun yet educational discussion.
DON’T SKIP THAT PART! The opening discussion is a great place to start and will make the porn much more fun to watch after!
Demo 1: Nina Hartley restrains Randy Spears
This segment starts about 18 minutes in and is delightful if you’re a woman looking to restrain your man. Nina starts with a sensible and sexy negotiation on the bed before slapping Randy in restraints and teasing him with her ass, hands, feet and mouth. (BTW, I love how Nina giggles, with a gleeful “hee HEE!”) Next, she walks through anal prep and penetration on herself. Man, is it nice to see a woman enjoying anal sex!
Demo 2: Nina and Carmen Luvana with Tommy Gunn
This segment begins about 50 minutes in. The cute bombshell Carmen Luvana, clad elegantly in powder-blue latex, cuffs on herself; then Tommy shows up to collar her. I have to say that the white shoes, cuffs, collar and flogger weren’t appealing to me; call me old-fashioned, but I like basic black. Still, the scene could be great for beginners who want to look cute in bondage. The best scene by far was with Carmen’s hands tightly harnessed behind her as she went down on Tommy (and he seemed to enjoy it, too!) And Carmen is just adorable when she occasionally exclaims in Spanish; co cute!
The video closes with a postlude–a reminder to focus on consent, communication and safety first. As Nina says, “the quality of your experience will be determined by the honesty and intimacy of your relationship”–so communicate first for hotter, kinky sex!
These were a bit intimidating at first. Electricity near my nipples? Er… not sure I want to go there. But hey, I’m an intrepid reviewer, and my nipples can take it.
First off, I noticed that the clamps are rather heavy–each one weighs about as much as the average computer mouse. And they’re a bit long and dangly–would they even stay on the nipple? Well, yes. The tips are nicely covered in rubber tool dip, so there isn’t much of a pinching sensation at all. In fact, I had to tighten them pretty closely (using the thumb screw provided) just to get them to stay on the nipple.
The clamps come with the appropriate batteries (three LR44’s per clamp) plus six spares, which I found to be a nice touch. And the vibration is easy to control with the twist dial at the bottom of each.
In truth, I found these more soothing than kinky. Turned up all the way, they can pack a pretty powerful vibration–and it’s just that, vibration. Soothing. Kinda comfortable and tingly, no personal torment involved at all.
If you’re timid, get a pair and try them out on the skin of your forearm first–feel the mild to robust vibrating sensation there. Pretty comfy, right? Soothing, isn’t it?
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Time to pay some bills… with a review of the Rotating G Spot Rabbit vibrator!
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Yup, it’s the one featured on That Episode of Sex and the City, where Charlotte develops VD (vibrator dependency). I’m not much one for vibrators, myself, so I gave it to my roommate, SmartAssSub, to product-test. She was delighted, as her own vibrator had died the day before. Serendipity, yes? Yes!
She opted to use the bunny-only option, just for clitoral stimulation–no insertion. According to her, “if I had inserted, I would have lost my fucking mind!” The busy little bunny has three settings–pulsing, constant and fast pulsing. On the constant setting, it kindly bestowed three consequential orgasms–and then one big one. SAS reports the toy is user-friendly right out of the box, the material warms to skin temperature nicely, and she kept it at hand for the rest of the night–just in case.
“I didn’t want to let go of it. It was a fun ride. And it doesn’t snore. Huzzah!”
“The only thing that would make this fucking cooler was if it lit up.”
“I was really hoping to have sex with someone other than myself this year, but in the meantime, this will do nicely!”
SmartAssSub give the Rabbit two thumbs way up!
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You know what I love about gay porn? Two cum shots for the price of one! At least two lovely loads blown for every scene. This is what a bukkake girl loves!
Today at lunch I took a little break, closed the office door, put on headphones, and watched When the Wife’s Away, a hot little piece in which four men sit around the poker table, telling of their gay exploits while their wives were away on business or visiting their mothers. Oh, the forbidden joy of hot gay sex! If I were one of the wives, though, I’d have to say I’d be furious if they hadn’t filmed it for me!
Oh, right; they did. Ahem.
Four hot guys around the poker table; four hot scenes. You know what I love? Every scene started with deep tongue kissing and featured a lot of great closeups of making out. There is so little making out in straight porn that the kissing really caught me by surprise–in a very nice way. That, and the condom use. Straight porn doesn’t seem to have caught on to the fact that condoms, especially for anal sex, is not just hot but also responsible. Every single scene showed anal condom use–cool!
First scene: the plumber. Ah, who hasn’t had a hot plumber fantasy? And how nice that it wasn’t populated by some bleached bimbo with a bad boob job and tacky eye makeup. Second scene: picking up the bag boy from the grocery store. And get this: they actually shot the opener scene on location at the grocery store, loading the groceries into the car… and then loading the shopper at home. (Cum shot at 42:00 is especially nice.) Third scene: my favorite, the milkman. The young stud had soft pink lips that wrapped nicely around the guy’s cock and were made for kissing and sucking. Plus, the double cum shot (at 58:00 and on) lasted a FULL TWO MINUTES, this little bukkake’s girl’s dream! And I liked it despite the fact they couldn’t resist ending with the cliched “Got milk?” line. Fourth scene: once again, shot on location at the United terminal–what’s a hot pilot to do when he doesn’t have a quarter to call for a ride to his hotel? Why, go home with the hot young stud who just sent his wife off on a business trip, of course! The at home dialogue consisted of one line: “so why did you bring me here?” followed by the blow job of a lifetime. Ah, if only our conversations could be so physical!
I think I might have to stop watching straight porn all together. Condoms, kissing, tons of cum? What’s not to love?
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This week I took a look at Just Popped In, a video all “ready and willing for your creamy filling,” claiming 100% internal pop shots. I’ll admit; I was curious. I’ve got a cum fetish, myself, but we all know that most of us have sex and actually cum internally, right? Plus, I did briefly date someone who enjoyed “cream pie” porn, with the cum leaking out of the girl. The idea was hot, so I took a look. My comments:
the production company’s crazy animated sperm is hysterical. “Bad Seed” inseed! It looks evil!
First scene: again, porn stars shouldn’t be allowed to talk. They just sound silly. However, seeing the ditzy-sounding blonde choked on cock was nice. And the final pop shot, with a nice bit of
cum flowing out of her pussy was luscious, especially, with a little of her own squirt for fun.
Next was a threesome scene–first just lesbian with the two girls, then the two sucking one very nice cock (again, stop the spitting). I have to say that the low-class British accent on one just made her sound awfully naughty, and the sense of urgency and desperation was more my style.
I don’t think anyone else could have pulled off “do you like dirty whores, you man whore?” as well. Truly, the girls in this scene were rather commanding, so I’m amending my “porn stars shouldn’t talk” rule to “BLOND porn starts shouldn’t talk.” They can talk if they’re not blond and call someone a “dirty fucking whore.”
This scene skipped the money shot and cut to his cum dripping from one pussy into the other girl’s mouth–plus a little of her squirt for fun. I think this was my favorite money shot. 😉
Next scene went straight to penetration from rear; fetishists will love it. Nice range of positions if you go for that sort of thing, decent final shot leaking out of pussy.
Note on next scene (in the kitchen) to men: Calvin Klein boxer briefs are hot.
At this point, I just started skipping to the final shots–dripping onto a spoon stuck me as deliciously decadent.
So hey, I tried something new and enjoyed quite a bit of it. You can, too! Get this and other movies for your Porn & Brownies night at AdamEve.com, 50% off any one item when you use coupon code “Minx.”
First of all, I have to say that the best way to watch porn is with friends. And brownies! Yes, to make product reviewing even more fun, I instituted Porn & Brownie Night and invited a few friends over. I highly encourage you to do the same. You’ll learn a lot about your friends, and who doesn’t love brownies? Let’s do it! Let’s start a Porn & Brownie Movement! All over the country! No, the WORLD!
The DVD started out predictably–lame girl-on-girl action with heavily-made-up girls with super-long, French-manicured acrylics going at each other’s clits like they were drilling for oil. PSA: if you ever rub my clit that hard, you’ll get kicked in the head.
However, I did enjoy the very enthusiastic blow job scene by the pool–she didn’t have the traditional chorus of fake moans and genuinely seemed to be into it, which is a much bigger turn-on for me. This was followed by a two-girl blow job scene in the hall, which started out rather staged, but then sucked me in. How? The guy started grabbing the girls’ heads and forcing them on, including forcing them to deep throat. Yummy! A little bit of coercion goes a long way!
Commentary from that evening:
J (a 25-year-old man): “So, do women really like that?”
Boobs McGee: “No!”
Your mileage may vary. I’m just sayin’ the Minx likes to see a little manly force used every now and then.
Note to all porn producers: STOP THE SPITTING! What, is it really that unsexy to just reach for some lube? If it were spitting for humiliation, sure, maybe. But to lubricate because you’re too lazy to reach for some lube? Yuck. Stop the spitting.
Finally, the majority of the DVD was a big, honkin’ orgy scene with pairs, triads, quads all going at each other every which way. Nice because it was so obviously unscripted–the camera guy kept dropping the boom into the scene as he tried to squeeze his way around the sea of naked, moaning, writhing bodies. Human chains, a guy doing two luscious asses, even some acrobatics from the more flexible gals. Boobs McGee says, “I could masturbate to that scene.” And there’s a lot of it–it seems to go on forever!
BTW, my favorite, play-it-over-and-over cum shot of the DVD: Chapter 21. Bookmark it. Save it. Make it into a Christmas card.
My only complaint is that for a DVD entitled “Big Boob Orgy,” there wasn’t any special attention paid to the boobs, and they weren’t any bigger or smaller than on any other porno. Meh. Ah, well.
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Thanks to everyone who came out and participated in the PW book club discussion of Raven Kaldera’s Pagan Polyamory last night! We hit 17 people and filled the back room! Topics covered paganism, Buddhism, the place of ritual, the merits/uses of therapy and meditation and more!
When: Wednesday, December 3rd 6:00-9:00 p.m. Where: Lido’s Caffe, 122 N Marion St, Oak Park, IL 60303, (708) 660-0060, one block from the Harlem Green line stop; meters and lot parking available What: With Pleasure: Thoughts on the Nature of Human Sexuality by Paul Abramson & Steven Pinkerton Who: anyone who is poly or poly-curious, whether you’ve read the book or not. Or who just likes great gelato!
Come on out and join us; we always have a great time!
Seeing as I’m in a state of multidating singlehood, this little present from AdamEve.com seemed to be the best toy for practicing my on-top ride for the next strapping young man to come along.
The Hot Seat is billed as a “ride to the best orgasm ever on this 7” vibrating dong mounted on a velvety inflatable cushion! Firm jelly dong has multiple speeds, and the cushion features E-Z Grip handles so you control the strokes, fast or slow. Black. Holds up to 300 lbs. and uses 2 AA batteries.”
The hot seat is quite study indeed, and I’ve no doubt it would easily support 300 pounds. And the inflation aspect means it’s easy to store, which is a plus. Personally, I nearly passed out blowing the thing up, but perhaps that means I need to work on my own stamina! And then there was the mad scramble to find AA batteries that weren’t otherwise employed. (I ended up liberating a set from one of my lesser-used vibrators.)
At first test, the dong was… ahem… just too big and too hard for me. I worked my way up to it with smaller vibrators first, used a little lube, and then slid it in. Still, my ever-sensitive lips found the unyielding hard plastic a bit too tough to be comfortable. Yes, ladies, a cock apparently can be too hard! However, I did have a lovely time playing with different positions and found a lovely one (kneeling on left knee, right foot on bed with knee bent) that my g-spot liked almost as much as a real cock! If you lack endurance on top and want a workout, this is a good toy for you.
Sturdy, easy to store, nice vibration control, great for playing with g-spot control from a superior position
The lovely black fabric tends to collect cat hair and, in my place anyway, would require constant cleaning. The cock is one-size-fits-all, and a bit large at that; the hard plastic can make it uncomfortable and distract from an otherwise pleasant experience. It’s not detachable, so it’s rather hard to clean.
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