Ask a polyamourous person

Buzzfeed just posted this fun, funny and factual video of the top questions asked of polyamorous people. And it’s already got over a million views. Less work for the rest of us educators to do! Well done!

If you’re interested, the Poly in the Media blog has posted the transcript.

Poly Weekly seeks its first poly families volunteer correspondent

unemployed-lol-cat4Have you always wanted to be a part of the magic? Due to popular demand, we are looking for a Poly Families Correspondent for the podcast. Requirements:

  • Must have experience in a poly family situation with children
  • Must be active in the local poly family community or message boards
  • Must be able to aggregate and evaluate content from multiple sources and compile a concise, engaging 2-8-minute report twice a month
  • Must have the means and experience to record and edit podcast-quality audio
  • Must be disciplined enough to plan, organize and execute a concise and engaging bimonthly report with minimal supervision
  • Must be willing to work for nothing but the reward of contributing to the poly community
Know someone who fits the bill and wants to be part of the longest-running podcast devoted to polyamory? Email polyweekly at gmail dot com!

PW 410: The world according to Gottman

A biased review of psychologist John Gottman’s research on relationships

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Dr. John Gottman with his wife Julie

Dr. John Gottman with his wife Julie

1:00 Announcements and Host Chat

9:40 Topic: The world according to John Gottman

John Gottman is a professor of psychology famous for his work on evaluating marital stability through direct observational data points.

  • Famous for being able to predict whether a couple will stay together (which he refutes, but he can compare data and give odds of success). For example, if more than 20% of your interactions with your partner are negative, it’s likely that something needs to be addressed in order to increase relationship longevity
  • Microexpressions Also famously researched microexpressions
  • Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
  • Accessible research Great marketer and beneficial for taking his research and making the data accessible to the public
  • Challenge: his data isn’t replicable outside his experiments
  • Making bids for connection Recent Business Week article on couples making and accepting bids for connection being a top trait of successful relationships
  • Anger research Master versus disaster model, in which masters use anger to demo emotional importance rather than using it to express contempt. He posits that even healthy couples fight and get angry and that anger is functional in marriage.
  • But be aware that Gottman’s work focuses on monogamy and heterosexual couples only and is not a proponent of polyamory.

30:00 Happy Poly Moment

Clare from London writes in to share her discovery of polyamory, her self-identify as poly and her hopes of applying it to her new relationship.

35:10 Thanks

Thanks to Taylor and Igor for their donations and welcome Doug as the newest Poly Weekly Playmate!

36:00 Wrap Up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

PW 404: Is he poly or just chicken?

89-Lolcats-FUNNY-EASTER-cat-WITH-CHICKEN-hat-DISGUISEDWhat do you do when the point of your vee isn’t communicating with your metamour?

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Introduction Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:00 Announcements and Host Chat

5:35 Topic: Is he poly or just chicken?

S writes in to ask what to do. She’s been dating a guy for five months who has another girlfriend of 10 months. But S has found that she wants to move in with the guy and be his primary, and he purports to secretly agree with her plans but hasn’t disclosed anything to the 10-month girlfriend. What to do? Does he really want to move forward with his polyamory with S or is he just using the 10-month girlfriend as an excuse to keep things on hold or secret until he sees how things shake out?

Minx recommends:

  • Insist on honestly for all parties involved It’s the rare relationship that can build a foundation on a lack of honesty. Currently she is the target, but what if there is something he’s afraid to discuss with you later on? There is no excuse for a lack of honesty.
  • Insist he own his shit The point of a vee has an additional duty to be aware of the needs of the two other parties, and he is failing at that. He really needs to own his shit, face it, and get honest with both you and her about what he is afraid of and what he really wants. Even if he doesn’t know what he wants, this conversation simply must happen with you, him and her.
  • You can be honest If he won’t talk to her, you can be the brave one. You can talk to her honestly about what you want, even if it seems confrontational. You can step up and have the integrity that he doesn’t have and tell her what you want for yourself, with the understanding that just because you want it doesn’t mean you’ll get it (and the same is true for her desires, but isn’t it better that you hear them directly from her?).

15:30 Happy Poly Moment

  • Rowan shares a happy poly moment about having the bravery to hear about a metamour she didn’t she she was brave enough to hear about
  • Kris shares a happy poly moment about a sectional couch!
  • Benny shares a happy poly moment about meeting his boyfriend’s wife

23:30 Thanks

Thanks to John for the fun $69 donation!

24:30 Wrap up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

PW 387: Is monogamy natural?

labkittenspolygene

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1:00 Announcements and Host Chat

2:00 Topic: Is monogamy natural?

Before we dive into this, what do you hope to accomplish or prove by answering this question? Do you want it to be true or untrue that human beings are naturally monogamous? Why does it matter to you, and how will it affect your behavior?

All the books I recommend are in the Poly Weekly Amazon Store under Polyamory Must Reads or For Sex Scholars.

21:00 Happy Poly Moment

Diana shared a Happy Poly Moment about getting not just tolerance but active support within a relationship with differing approaches to polyamory.

Wrap up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

8 Things I Wish I’d Known About Polyamory

I’m here at Winter Wickedness for the first time and having a great time! Thanks to everyone who came out to this session today.

And this was also my first time presenting a shiny, brand-new class: Eight Things I Wish I’d Known About Polyamory (Before I Tried It and Fucked It Up). The full presentation is below:

And if you’re interested in having me present at your event, contact Minx at Poly Weekly

PW 361: How many partners is too many?

How do you know when you’ve hit polysaturation?

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1:00 Announcements

7:00 Topic: should there be a limit on partners?

Listener Addie asked; you gave your advice on Facebook and Twitter. Is there a limit on partners? What should it be? How should it be determined?

  • When you run out of time/energy/bandwidth
  • When communication breaks down
  • When your partners stop feeling appreciated

Other markers:

  • When you/they aren’t emotionally satisfied
  • When you don’t recognize them at the grocery store
  • When you can’t remember their kids’ names
  • When you’re worn out and don’t have enough time for yourself
  • If you couldn’t fit them all into a D&D campaign, it’s too many

Personal examples:

  • Clara: Up to seven. For committed, romantic, generally two boyfriends, a girlfriend and a metamour with benefits
  • Misha: one per area code
  • Elizabeth: No more that six: two lovers and a pair of grown children, two close friends.
  • Hydro: Two to five. Ramp down Dunbar’s number into scaled tiers and you have similar. Core 2-5, first tier 10-15, 2nd say 30, and rest in the large gradient fade out of tier 3 to Dunbar’s 150-200.

22:00 Wrap up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

PW 352: Prostate pleasure and health

Everything you need to know about prostate pleasure and health (well, some of it, anyway)

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1:00 Announcements and host chat

  • Hidden Social: Where Sexual Variants Gather Online session at SXSWi on Sunday, March 10, 3:30 PM with Herb Coleman, Adjunct Professor of Psychology at UT Austin ( #hiddensoc )
  • Content Creation for the Online Activist on Sunday, March 17th at 10:30 AM in D.C. at CatalystCon ( #ccon )
  • Want to help send Minx to SXSWi and CatalystCon this year? We just need 10 $96 donations so I can eat! And we LOVE $69 and $96 donations!

2:00 Interview: Charlie Glickman and Aislinn Emirzian

Charlie Glickman and Aislinn Emirzian talk about their new book, Prostate Pleasure and Health: why they wrote this book; that enjoying this wonderful pleasure doesn’t make you gay; how to prepare for prostate and anal play; and a ton of other stuff you never knew until now!

  • They met at Good Vibrations
  • Why do we need a book on prostate pleasure? There wasn’t one!

    Charlie Glickman and Aislinn Emirzian

  • Key prostate advice: Stroke, don’t poke.
  • What is the prostate?  Part of the male reproductive anatomy that produces semen, and many men find that prostate massage creates a sensation similar to ejaculation.
  • Does prostate stimulation make you gay? No. Does it make you a bottom? No. It can be powerful to be fully present in your masculinity and enjoy receiving.
  • 13:00 Why is prostate stimulation so pleasurable? We’re not sure, but perhaps the autonomic nerves (involved in ejaculation) are being stimulated.
  • 18:30 Tip for anal penetration: relaxation, communication and lubrication!
  • The day I found my ass; The zen of anal play
  • 24:35 Does prostate massage have health benefits?
  • Twitter and Facebook

32:45 Happy Poly Moment

Some Guy in Bristol, England shares a texting moment that WOULD have gone awry, had he not been transparently poly!

34:15 Thanks

To Craig for his generous donation this week!

 Wrap up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY (our new number!). And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

PW 351: Mono-poly with Mo

Tales of mono-poly ins and outs with Mollena Williams

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Note: we are still experiencing technical difficulties with posting episode 350. That file will post as soon as the issues are discerned and corrected. In the meantime, enjoy Mo!

1:00 Announcements and host chat

  • Hidden Social: Where Sexual Variants Gather Online session at SXSWi on Sunday, March 10, 3:30 PM with Herb Coleman, Adjunct Professor of Psychology at UT Austin ( #hiddensoc )
  • Content Creation for the Online Activist on Sunday, March 17th at 10:30 AM in D.C. at CatalystCon ( #ccon )
  • Want to help send Minx to SXSWi and CatalystCon this year? We just need 10 $96 donations so I can eat! And we LOVE $69 and $96 donations!

3:30 Interview: Mollena Williams on her mono-poly relationship

What worked—and didn’t—in Mollena’s last mono-poly D/s relationship. Lessons learned and insights from the trenches. Find her site at Mollena or as Mollena on FetLife and Facebook.

35:00 Wrap up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY (our new number!). And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

PW 326: Negotiating poly and tantra

Buddha lolcatHow tantric practitioners negotiated non-monogamy

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Introduction

Under-18 warning and redirection to Scarleteen

1:00 News and host chat

  • Upcoming gigs at Paradise, Polycamp NW and CatalystCon
  • Wanna go to Burning Man? We are raffling off a ticket in July as a fundraiser to send Minx to CatalystCon! For every $10 donation at http://www.polyweekly.com, you’ll get one raffle entry. On July 30, we’ll draw and announce the winner of the ticket to Burning Man 2012!

3:30 Topic: Negotiating poly with tantra

South African correspondent Erich Viege recorded an interview with Shima and Andrew about teaching tantra while trying to negotiate non-monogamy.

15:00 Happy Poly Moment

Cindy shares a happy poly moment of friendships with metamours and poly going well after communication.

16:30 Thanks

Thanks to Adam for the $69 donation. Woo hoo!

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

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