Comments for Polyamory Weekly http://polyweekly.com Responsible non-monogamy from a kink-friendly, pansexual point of view Tue, 21 Feb 2012 00:50:38 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 Comment on RTFM: The User Manual by Cunning Minx http://polyweekly.com/2011/04/rtfm-the-user-manual/#comment-8819 Cunning Minx Tue, 21 Feb 2012 00:50:38 +0000 http://polyweekly.com/?p=869#comment-8819 The User Manual is a great idea, even if it's just a self exercise. But then, my most recent date read my user manual before our first date, showed up wearing a kilt... and eight months later, we are still quite happy. :-D His comment was, "If someone is going to go to the trouble to tell me exactly who she is and how to interact with her, damn straight I'm going to read it and follow directions!" The User Manual is a great idea, even if it’s just a self exercise. But then, my most recent date read my user manual before our first date, showed up wearing a kilt… and eight months later, we are still quite happy. :-D His comment was, “If someone is going to go to the trouble to tell me exactly who she is and how to interact with her, damn straight I’m going to read it and follow directions!”

]]> Comment on PW 304: The intimacy-autonomy scale by Cunning Minx http://polyweekly.com/2012/01/pw-304-the-intimacy-autonomy-scale/#comment-8818 Cunning Minx Tue, 21 Feb 2012 00:48:51 +0000 http://polyweekly.com/?p=1090#comment-8818 Great personal insights! I don't think the scale is prescriptive, but it does provide some interesting information as to assumptions about sharing, personal space, extroversion, etc., doesn't it? Great personal insights! I don’t think the scale is prescriptive, but it does provide some interesting information as to assumptions about sharing, personal space, extroversion, etc., doesn’t it?

]]> Comment on PW 304: The intimacy-autonomy scale by Sara http://polyweekly.com/2012/01/pw-304-the-intimacy-autonomy-scale/#comment-8812 Sara Wed, 15 Feb 2012 14:03:35 +0000 http://polyweekly.com/?p=1090#comment-8812 Wow... this intimacy/autonomy scale? This is exactly why my primary relationship imploded just a few months ago! My ex fiancé is easily a 10. We shared one vehicle and never had a conflict because we did everything together. The nights I slept over at work (taking care of the elderly) he would sneak himself over because he didn't want to sleep without me. We shared all of our finances, our home, and co-parented my 7 year old. It was odd to see us somewhere without us touching in some way - holding hands, hugging, back scritching, kissing, legs entangled on the couch. Everyone was utterly shocked when we broke up (including me). I'd say that I have a fair range that I am comfortable with... probably anything from a 2 to an 8 depending on the kind of relationship I have with a person and the expectations set by it. I had certainly pushed myself to a 9 to be able to accommodate his needs - but was constantly being told that it just wasn't enough. No matter what I did - he was never getting enough love/attention/affection. So... with that background: my comment is on the idea that a person who is at a higher number can do well in a poly situation because they can supplement the attention that they get that way - whereas a person a the low end of the scale isn't going to do well with poly because they only have so much time/attention/desire for intimacy to go around. I don't think this is true at all. I DO think that the person with the higher score is going to perceive that the attention and energy that they receive is diminished (at least that is what happened to my fiancé) whether it is or not. The moment we decided to resume a poly relationship (we had both been poly when we met but took some time off to establish our relationship) he started to mentally prepare himself for the inevitable end. I had hoped that being poly would help him get his needs met elsewhere.. which it did - he found someone else to fixate on and left me. I also feel like my level of integration with another human being doesn't prevent me from also having a similar level of interaction with someone else - even though I was the one with the lower score. For instance... if you are an 8, I don't think that means that you can have a 3 with one person and a 5 with someone else. I think you can be an 8 with as many people as time allows. Especially if you take a sort of "big happy family" approach to poly, where everyone hangs out as a group and are close. But I also think it can be difficult for those with a higher intimacy score to avoid perceiving that they are going to get less. Wow… this intimacy/autonomy scale? This is exactly why my primary relationship imploded just a few months ago!
My ex fiancé is easily a 10. We shared one vehicle and never had a conflict because we did everything together. The nights I slept over at work (taking care of the elderly) he would sneak himself over because he didn’t want to sleep without me. We shared all of our finances, our home, and co-parented my 7 year old. It was odd to see us somewhere without us touching in some way – holding hands, hugging, back scritching, kissing, legs entangled on the couch. Everyone was utterly shocked when we broke up (including me).
I’d say that I have a fair range that I am comfortable with… probably anything from a 2 to an 8 depending on the kind of relationship I have with a person and the expectations set by it. I had certainly pushed myself to a 9 to be able to accommodate his needs – but was constantly being told that it just wasn’t enough. No matter what I did – he was never getting enough love/attention/affection.
So… with that background: my comment is on the idea that a person who is at a higher number can do well in a poly situation because they can supplement the attention that they get that way – whereas a person a the low end of the scale isn’t going to do well with poly because they only have so much time/attention/desire for intimacy to go around. I don’t think this is true at all. I DO think that the person with the higher score is going to perceive that the attention and energy that they receive is diminished (at least that is what happened to my fiancé) whether it is or not. The moment we decided to resume a poly relationship (we had both been poly when we met but took some time off to establish our relationship) he started to mentally prepare himself for the inevitable end. I had hoped that being poly would help him get his needs met elsewhere.. which it did – he found someone else to fixate on and left me.
I also feel like my level of integration with another human being doesn’t prevent me from also having a similar level of interaction with someone else – even though I was the one with the lower score. For instance… if you are an 8, I don’t think that means that you can have a 3 with one person and a 5 with someone else. I think you can be an 8 with as many people as time allows. Especially if you take a sort of “big happy family” approach to poly, where everyone hangs out as a group and are close. But I also think it can be difficult for those with a higher intimacy score to avoid perceiving that they are going to get less.

]]> Comment on PW 302: When metamours attack by Ali Golightly http://polyweekly.com/2012/01/pw-302-when-metamours-attack/#comment-8811 Ali Golightly Wed, 15 Feb 2012 05:05:57 +0000 http://polyweekly.com/?p=1056#comment-8811 Ooh! This was exactly what I needed to hear tonight. Thanks a bunch! Own it. :) Ooh! This was exactly what I needed to hear tonight. Thanks a bunch! Own it. :)

]]> Comment on RTFM: The User Manual by Morgain http://polyweekly.com/2011/04/rtfm-the-user-manual/#comment-8810 Morgain Tue, 14 Feb 2012 13:46:24 +0000 http://polyweekly.com/?p=869#comment-8810 Thank you so much for everything. I love the podcast and the idea of a "User's Manual"! Not only am I going to write one of my own, but I'm suggesting it to non-poly friends, just as a way to get to know themselves better! Thank you so much for everything. I love the podcast and the idea of a “User’s Manual”! Not only am I going to write one of my own, but I’m suggesting it to non-poly friends, just as a way to get to know themselves better!

]]> Comment on PW 307: A Year of Sex by A Year of Sex Virtual Book Tour http://polyweekly.com/2012/02/pw-307-a-year-of-sex/#comment-8809 A Year of Sex Virtual Book Tour Tue, 14 Feb 2012 04:39:58 +0000 http://polyweekly.com/?p=1105#comment-8809 [...] featuring what I’m sure will be fun and ridiculous chats with: Minx of PolyWeekly Raven of Freedom of Fetish Axe of Masocast Gray of Ropecast Comments [2]Digg [...] [...] featuring what I’m sure will be fun and ridiculous chats with: Minx of PolyWeekly Raven of Freedom of Fetish Axe of Masocast Gray of Ropecast Comments [2]Digg [...]

]]> Comment on PW 306: Polyamory vs polygamy by Lily http://polyweekly.com/2012/02/pw-306-polyamory-vs-polygamy/#comment-8808 Lily Mon, 13 Feb 2012 16:53:51 +0000 http://polyweekly.com/?p=1100#comment-8808 If you liked Stanley Siegel's article, you might also like Jack Morin's book "The Erotic Mind: Unlocking the Inner Sources of Passion and Fulfillment." Okay, I'm gonna fangirl for a minute. THIS BOOK CHANGED MY LIFE. It's all about examining and breaking down your fantasies to understand the core themes, and why and how they work for you. More than any other book about sex, it improved my sex life -- because it was suddenly much easier to script out scenes with a lover based on related themes. Even better, it helped me accept my own sexuality -- which was critical in helping me actually *enjoy* the sex I found privately thrilling. I was going to go quote from it, but of course I've lent out lo the many copies I have bought :) If you liked Stanley Siegel’s article, you might also like Jack Morin’s book “The Erotic Mind: Unlocking the Inner Sources of Passion and Fulfillment.”

Okay, I’m gonna fangirl for a minute. THIS BOOK CHANGED MY LIFE. It’s all about examining and breaking down your fantasies to understand the core themes, and why and how they work for you. More than any other book about sex, it improved my sex life — because it was suddenly much easier to script out scenes with a lover based on related themes. Even better, it helped me accept my own sexuality — which was critical in helping me actually *enjoy* the sex I found privately thrilling.

I was going to go quote from it, but of course I’ve lent out lo the many copies I have bought :)

]]> Comment on PW 306: Polyamory vs polygamy by Minx http://polyweekly.com/2012/02/pw-306-polyamory-vs-polygamy/#comment-8807 Minx Mon, 13 Feb 2012 02:35:39 +0000 http://polyweekly.com/?p=1100#comment-8807 Thanks! Most are published under Creative Commons, so I don't have to worry about copyright. :-) Plus, funny! Thanks! Most are published under Creative Commons, so I don’t have to worry about copyright. :-) Plus, funny!

]]> Comment on PW 306: Polyamory vs polygamy by Endymion http://polyweekly.com/2012/02/pw-306-polyamory-vs-polygamy/#comment-8800 Endymion Tue, 07 Feb 2012 15:27:23 +0000 http://polyweekly.com/?p=1100#comment-8800 The lolcats are growing on me. Keep 'em coming. They're way better than stock photos. The lolcats are growing on me. Keep ‘em coming. They’re way better than stock photos.

]]> Comment on Gingrich: Don’t destroy non-monogamous family values by Rosa http://polyweekly.com/2012/01/gingrich-dont-destroy-open-marriage/#comment-8789 Rosa Sun, 05 Feb 2012 22:14:06 +0000 http://polyweekly.com/?p=1080#comment-8789 Thanks for the great list. We’re going to be using one of temehs for our site redesign. Thanks again and God bless. Thanks for the great list. We’re going to be using one of temehs for our site redesign. Thanks again and God bless.

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