This article on a couple who are married with kids but who have different homes a la Diego Rivera and Frieda Kahlo are a new statistic: the bands of couples who choose to “live apart together” for various reasons.

As I read the article, their obstacles don’t seem all that insurmountable–different tastes in decorating styles, music, noise level, cleanliness. Frankly, it sounds to me like the types of differences couples and triads and quads have dealt with for ages.

But I think I missed the point on the first read. Remember what we’ve been talking about lately on Poly Weekly about construction our relationships and civil and emotional unions deliberately? That’s exactly what this couple did–sure, they probably could have smoothed out all the wrinkled and lived together, but why? Because everyone else does? Because it’s expected? Because that’s what married people do–share bathrooms and toothbrushes and complain about leaving the toilet seat up or down?

Good for them. Good for them for looking at marriage and a living arrangement as a choice rather than a given and actually deciding what works for them.


Commenting area

  1. Donut Rooter November 5, 2007 at 12:01 am · ·

    I think more people would stay married if it was more socially acceptable for them to remain married and live in different places.

    I hope that as more articles like this get published the “one size fits all” perception of relationships will start to fade.

  2. The idea has merit. Some of the best years of my marriage were when he worked days and I worked overnights.

    It’s not Poly, but I think its just another step towards “unconventional” relationships.

    I don’t think any relationship should ever be labeled “conventional” it limits the uniqueness of all of them.

  3. Great Story. I’ve heard of childless couples doing this – so interesting how those with kids make it happen. Personally, I wasn’t too fond of the time my husband and I lived apart, but in the home we share, we each have our own space to go off to each day.

  4. Strange that this was your blog post…when I was just explaining to my teenage daughter that one size marriages don’t fit all and I actually applaud married couples who are secure enough in their relationships to live apart and do their own thing…all brought about because of a news story about a professional couple married w children but living separately…

    At the time it seemed an entirely too adult of a conversation to have with a teen… but the point is to that I’m raising her without all the social stigmas that I was raised with and hopefully other parents will be as brave.

  5. Cunning Minx November 7, 2007 at 10:31 am · ·


    Not too adult at all, I think! Exposing kids to choices in life helps build strong, intelligent kids capable of making their own decisions. And did I mention non-judgmental as well?

Trackbacks for this post

Comments are now closed for this article.