By Cunning Minx, on February 16th, 2013
 Considering polyamory? Kathy Labriola shares three basic poly relationship models
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1:00 Announcements and host chat
12:20 Interview: Kathy Labriola on poly relationship models
Kathy Labriola, counselor, nurse and author of Love in Abundance: a Counselor’s Advice on Open Relationships, shares her insights on different relationship models for polyamory.
40:20 Happy Poly Moment
M shares an OK Cupid happy poly moment
41:30 Feedback
Jane shares her insights on herpes: the poison ivy of the relationship world. Just a minor inconvenience, not the scarring STI it’s made out to be.
45:20 Thank you
Thanks to Kathleen for her donation and welcome I to the Poly Weekly Playmates!
46:00 Wrap up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY (our new number!). And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email?  Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!
By Cunning Minx, on January 24th, 2013
 What do you do when a partner’s jealousy destroys a relationship you have with someone else?
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1:00 Announcements and host chat
9:10 Topic: How to deal with a partner’s jealousy
L asks for advice on breaking up with someone who isn’t your primary, but Minx sees that her partner’s jealousy is the real issue and gives advice based on Franklin Veaux‘s How to Be a Secure Person:
- Letting jealousy destroy a relationship is a bad precedent. Deal with this jealousy now so you can go forth and date from a place of generosity, kindness and confidence.
- Look beneath the surface to determine what is driving your jealousy and insecurities
- Fill in these blanks: “If my lover [kisses another person in front of me], then the bad thing that will happen is ______.” “If this keeps happening, then it means ________.” “If my lover really loves this other person, then ______.”
- Practice, practice, practice! Practice being secure and coping with jealousy. It takes 21 days to create a habit, so don’t expect to dispel jealousy the first time out.
- And please, don’t date until you and your partner are both secure. It’s not fair to your new lover, who is making an emotional, psychological and maybe even sexual investment in you to be dumped due to someone else’s jealousy.
22:05 Happy Poly Moment
Brandon shares a moment of his wife and girlfriend getting along great!
23:15 Feedback: Episode 345 Poly for the Holidays
Vir writes in to remark on Sierra Black’s Huffington Post piece on making a decision about honoring her mother’s holiday wishes.
Wrap up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY (our new number!). And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!
By Cunning Minx, on January 20th, 2013
 How does BDSM prepare one for polyamory? Lily Lloyd explains.
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1:00 Announcements and host chat
- Heading out to hit the Portland strip clubs for my birthday; will report back next week!
2:00 Topic: How being kinky prepared me to be poly
Lily Lloyd, guest poster on kink on the SoloPoly blog,and author of the Black Leather Belt blog and the Black Leather Belt book, shares insights on best practices for kink that serve poly well:
- Frank and ongoing discussions about sex (before it’s a problem)
- The practice of aftercare: dealing with unexpected, strong emotional reactions while staying calm and staying until the partner is okay
- “Equal” isn’t necessarily fair. In kink, it’s assumed that everyone will have different tastes, kinks and limits, and reciprocity isn’t assumed or necessary.
27:00 Feedback: Episode 344 Consent Is Sexy
- Week BiWeek felt the casual tone LustyGuy and I took for the Consent Is Sexy episode was inappropriate to the seriousness of the topic.
- Edward, a self-named ” 55-yo, cigar smoking, martini-drinking, Republican-voting, $5,000 suit wearing Wall Streeter and military consultant,” writes in to say that sleep sex is never appropriate without consent and also that hearing a verbal affirmation that a woman wants him is indeed sexy
- Vir writes in to say that Alyssa’s original article was indeed a rape apology: “I think that what she did in her article was make excuses for rape. She did call him a rapist and she did convince him that he was a rapist. But because he was a friend, she didn’t want it to be all his fault and so she tried to blame the wider community for not training men better not to rape. That right there is aiding and abetting ‘rape culture’ if not, strictly, engaging in ‘rape apology.’”
- Amos is a new listener who finds that the advice on the podcast applies to those outside poly as well.
40:00 Wrap up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY (our new number!). And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!
By Cunning Minx, on January 11th, 2013
 Can Aspies be polyamorous? Can polyamory aid a person with Asperger’s?
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1:00 Announcements and host chat
- LustyGuy, L and I did our goal-setting for 2013. Lots of fun with Your Best Year Yet!
- The North Texas Poly Group shares the following new vocab terms:
- CONFRUBBLED: Confused but happy about it. “I don’t know whose hands those are, but they are doing a great job!”
- FROXY: The pleasure one gets from working up a metamour in anticipation of your sweetheart doing very bad things to them. Like compersion, but sexy and just a tiny bit mean. The enjoyment one gets from participating in alloerotic narratophilia.
- OUTLAWS: The parents of your socially-illicit life partner. “We went to go have dinner with the outlaws Sunday evening. They love playing with our kids so much, they’ve nearly adopted the boys as grandbabies already!”
- 5:10 Miss Poly Manners on (defining one’s own behavior) versus rules (restricting someone else’s behavior) versus agreement (two+ people agree to after discussing boundaries and expectations)
11:05 Topic: Poly and Asperger’s
A listener asks: can you be poly with Asperger’s? Does it help?
21:00 Happy Poly Moments
- Kit shares a snuggly happy poly moment
- Jamie shares a great story of a frubbly weekend by which a partner got to spend more time with her daughter over the holidays due to their poly relationship
- Bruce shared the simple pleasure of a wine-tasting with his girlfriend and metamour
24:00 Feedback
- A listener calls in to ask about dealing with jealousy when in the “s” part of a D/s relationship. Poly and kink overlap, but not all kinksters make the effort to do poly well. Want your kinky poly relationship to succeed? Read Raven Kaldera’s Power Circuits and apply his wisdom!
- What’s NRE in Norwegian? Forelsket!
29:25 Thank you
Thanks to Candice for her donation this month!
Wrap up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY (our new number!). And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!
By Cunning Minx, on January 4th, 2013
 How do you handle poly partners around the family?
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1:00 Announcements and host chat
- LustyGuy cohosts
- Poly Prom in Richmond, VA, Saturday, March 9, 7:00 PM at the gay community center of Richmond Hall Info on FetLife
3:00 Topic: Poly for the holidays
How LustyGuy, L and Minx handled being out and in for holiday family visits. Tips: ask each person what he/she needs to feel happy and loved for the holiday and make sure each person gets those things. Take care of yourself first.
12:20 Happy Poly Moments
- Lila shares a happy moment of coming out in defense of polyamory and bisexuality in her LGBTQ studies class. Great courage!
- Hera shares her first poly experience
15:30 Feedback
- Scott on the Swingset mashup episode argues that drama isn’t inherent in poly relationships, although LustyGuy points out that drama is common in first-time relationships, and first-time poly would fit the bill
- Quick plug for Pedestrian Polyamory podcast if you’re not into kink or geekiness
- Joreth called in to recommend hosting a poly movie night; her list of poly-themed movies is here
- K shares his light bulb moment on the episode with Aggie on treating non-primaries well LustyGuy comments that change in a relationship should be welcomed and embraced because growth is essential for healthy relationships.
26:30 Thank you
Thanks to Joan, Ariane and Sean for joining the PW Playmates!
Outro
Our holiday outro music is Heat Miser by the Locals
Wrap up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY (our new number!). And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!
By Cunning Minx, on December 24th, 2012
 Embracing Yes Means Yes and the fact that consent is sexy
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1:00 Announcements and host chat
- No holiday chat here, just good kerfuffles of the week with LustyGuy cohosting
3:15 Topic: Nice guys rape, too
As part of the Good Men Project, Alyssa Royse penned this piece trying to explain that nice guys can commit rape, unbeknownst to them. The backlash against her piece has been significant. Our key objections:
- Saying that women give off “mixed signals” is not only wrong but irrelevant; it can come off as a rape apology
- Agreed that “no means no” does not work
- However, “yes means yes” does work 100% of the time
Backlash pieces:
21:45 Topic: Pink loves consent
A group of feminists in Baltimore coordinated a masterful spoof of Victoria’s Secret PINK site, which is typically targeted at teen and college-age women and bears thongs sporting motifs such as “Sure Thing” printed on skimpy thongs. PinkLovesConsent was such a pitch-perfect spoof of the site (now bearing panties sporting “Ask First” and “No Means No”) that even VS employees believed it to be real and congratulated the company on its embracing of women’s issues.
Sadly, Victoria’s Secret had nothing to do with it. But wouldn’t it be great if they had?
26:35 Happy Poly Moment
- Irina shares a happy poly moment about a kick-ass metamour
- Alicia shares a happy poly moment of being welcomed into a relationship
30:00 Feedback
34:00 Wrap up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY (our new number!). And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!
By Cunning Minx, on December 11th, 2012
How to welcome that awesome non-primary into your couple and keep the relationship healthy and the non-primary happy and respected
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1:00 Announcements and host chat
- Want to support marriage equality? Try wearing your wedding ring on your right hand and post a picture with the hashtag #choosetheright. More info at choosetheright.org
4:00 Topic: How to treat non-primaries well
Aggie of the SoloPoly blog crowdsourced an article. She asked non-primary partners what they considered to be kind and considerate treatment by their partners, usually people in a couple. The results were informative and include a long list of do’s and a short list of don’ts—see all the info on this living document of How to Treat Non-Primaries Well.
40:00 Happy Poly Moment
Roue shares a happy poly moment about a partner coming home.
42:00 Wrap up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY (our new number!). And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!
By Cunning Minx, on November 27th, 2012
 How do you get over the loss of an intense relationship, like a D/s one?
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1:00 Announcements and host chat
- Minx and LustyGuy got back from vacation… sick as dogs.
- PW friend J.R. Blackwell, an amazing photographer, is looking to photograph a poly wedding! See Blackwell’s work here and get HALF OFF to the first poly group that engages her!
4:35 Topic: Getting over your Dom
How do you get over your Dom after an intense relationship and a rough breakup? Some advice:
- This just sucks, kinky or not. Allow yourself to grieve the loss.
- You’ll get through this. And you’ll be better for it.
- Seek out a poly/kinky support network for this and other issues. Being isolated makes a breakup even harder.
- Find a poly/kinky-friendly therapist in your area to have someone professional to talk to. I did this, and it helped make the year after a difficult breakup much better.
16:30 Feedback
Lee asks for advice on losing a poly relationship and going from a poly family of three to just a couple of two.
19:00 Happy Poly Moment
Herbalwise shares a happy poly moment.
22:00 Wrapup
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY (our new number!). And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!
By Cunning Minx, on November 5th, 2012
 If you’re a busy professional woman, how do you make time to date and form more than one relationship?
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1:00 Announcements and host chat
Congrats to friend of Poly Weekly and queer, kinky poly grrl Pretty Ribbons on getting a book publishing deal from her blog!
2:45 Topic: Poly professional woman (rebroadcast)
A listener writes in to ask how a full-time woman who puts her career first and still handles the home responsibilities can find dating anything other than exhausting. Also, what to do when your partner has more free time and energy to date, causing dating envy.
- First, sympathy—I work for a startup and have also made work my priority, so it is very hard to find energy to date after putting all your passion into your work.
- Second, evaluate your priorities. Do a goal-setting session using Your Best Year Yet to establish your priorities for the next 12 months. If dating isn’t that valuable to you and doesn’t make the list, treat it like any other type of jealousy and act accordingly. If it is, try making 1-hour lunch date “chemistry tests” or make weekly OKCupid online vetting nights (with wine and a girlfriend!) to get started.
- Third, take immediate action. It sounds like the chore split was created when you had more free time, so redistribute household chores to give you more time and energy for self-care and other essential/fun priorities.
- Finally, it might be helpful to listen to the episodes on introverts and on jealousy.
- And bonus: “sleep is the new sex” It’s the ultimate luxury and vice; treat it as a precious resource!
18:30 Feedback
Gabriel writes in to ask if there are any children’s books to introduce poly to kids—anyone know of one or want to take on the task?
Wrapup
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY (our new number!). And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!
By Cunning Minx, on October 30th, 2012
 How to fight fair in a relationship
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1:00 Announcements and host chat
There have been quite the happenings in Sweden, writes listener D!
4:30 Topic: How to argue
Great advice on how to argue and fight fair in a relationship:
- Treat the other person with respect
- Listen
- Summarize back what you heard
- Assure your partner that his/her feelings are valid
- Use “I” statements
- Don’t get revenge
- Diffuse the anger
- Talk about your feelings rather than acting on them
19:30 Happy Poly Moment
Jess writes in to share some sweet gestures from her metamour on first meeting!
22:00 Feedback
Mike G calls in to discredit the “upsuck” theory of female orgasm mentioned in episodes 333 and 336
Wrapup
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY (our new number!). And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!
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