PW 372: Poly and progressive swinging

Life on the Swingset podcast

Life on the Swingset podcast

How does polyamory overlap with progressive swinging? The Swingset crew chimes in!

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1:00 Interview: the Swingset crew!

The Swingset crew talks about news in progressive polyamory and how much it crosses over with polyamory! Ginger, Cooper and Dylan are back after a previous non-monogamy blowout with Poly Weekly.

  • What is progressive swinging?
  • Why and when and to whom to come out. It’s easy to hide.
  • What is the line between swing partner, dear friend and lover or partner?
  • Why do we draw these boundaries, and can’t we do more crossover events?
  • Relationship fluidity and how to prevent relationship boxing

41:35 Happy Poly Moment

  • F shares an HPM about going to a poly meetup with partners and everyone having a great time
  • Jessica was happy to tell her partner about her exciting date!
  • D tells about moving in with poly and kinky friends but not in a romantic way. Minx says that IS poly, because intimate friendships totally count!

46:00 Thank you!

Thanks to David and Ginger, and welcome Rebekka to the PW Playmates!

Wrap up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

PW 371: Poly and sex work

sabrinamorgan_1338669556_38How does polyamory overlap with sex work, and how do you maintain your relationships when it does?

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1:00 Host chat

  • Welcome to our new affiliate sponsor, GetSTDTested.com Use code “polyweekly” at checkout for a discount!
  • Want to help spread the word about Poly Weekly? Nominate us for the Mature category at the Podcast Awards before October 15

5:15 Interview: Poly and sex work

The lovely and talented Sabrina Morgan joins us for a chat about activism, fetishism and to answer listener questions about polyamory and sex work.

  • Former enemies are now advocating for sex worker rights
  • What’s the biggest issue right now? Sex work is being covered in the media exclusively as sex trafficking, where all consensual sex workers and educators are lumped under the same category and ruled by the same laws.
  • We need accurate data on sex workers, not just those 10% on the street.
  • Minx unintentionally brings up a topic: using words such as “pimp” and ideas of sex workers as disposable or a safe target in common parlance.
  • Grace, a PW listener, started working as a cam girl and was surprised when her boyfriend had an issue with it. Advice?
    • Good news is that sex positive folks are less likely to slut shame
    • Whorephobia goes a step beyond this; many still struggle with this idea that doing sex work makes one “other”
    • Don’t make your professional life something that is vetoable in a relationship. Economic power is not negotiable.

29:00 Feedback

Jane shares a frustrating story of couple-centrism and being expected to be instantly and automatically best friends with a metamour with veto power—and how it’s nice to hear about LustyGuy, L and me as a positive example!

31:00 Happy Poly Moment

KittenCalendar shares a story of being smushy, scared and single.

Wrap up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

How to Be a Part-Time Sex-Positive Educator (When You Still Love Your Day Job!)

The inspiration for this session came from the last CatalystCon, which found me envying full-time educators for their ability to focus on their mission. But surely I’m not the only one who loves my day job and doesn’t really want to be a full-time advocate for poly and kinky issues, right?

And thus this session was born: my tips and tricks for a topic I still struggle with daily and weekly: how to devote time and focus to sex-positive activism while working 9-12 hour days.

PW 370: Keeping one bad relationship from affecting others

How do you keep one deteriorating or unhealthy relationship from affecting others?

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1:00 Host chat

Beyond the Love 2013

Beyond the Love 2013

  • Check out the awesome new Beyond the Love conference, November 15-17 in Columbus, Ohio. Educational sessions, social events like poly speed dating and poly prom and the attendee-directed poly summit! Use code polyweekly at checkout to save 10%!
  • I’m presenting at CatalystCon on how to be a part-time sex educator Sept 27-29

5:05 Topic: How to keep one bad relationship from affecting others

bad influence lolcatMinx and LustyGuy give advice to listener S who wrote in to ask how you keep one dead or deteriorating relationship from affecting your other relationships?

  • First, your relationships are part of who you are, so there is no way to 100% avoid one affecting others. However, you can minimize the effect.
  • Good general rule: never complain about one partner to another. It’s unfair to both your partner (who can’t speak up for herself) and her metamour (your new partner), who is only getting one side of the story. Your new partner isn’t your therapist.
  • Get a therapist. :-) Ending your first poly relationship is nothing to sneeze at, especially when it involves continued cohabitation and transitioning to friendship without a break.
  • Be wary of transferring “anchorship.”

15:45 Happy Poly Moment

  • A shares a lovely story about a teachable poly moment!
  • Johnny Zavant shares a story about a good first poly experience

18:35 Feedback

  • Erica gives props to her own excellent communication skills
  • Julia shares a tale of being brave (which often looks a lot like being silly)

23:25 Thanks

Thanks to L for the $58.47 donation!

Wrap up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

PW 369: Getting over the poly hump

Franklin Veaux, Eve Rickert and Cunning Minx

How do you come to accept and embrace poly when it wasn’t your idea?

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1:00 Host chat with Minx, Eve Rickert and Franklin Veaux

  • Franklin Veaux and Eve Rickert are writing a book! Help fund their Indiegogo campaign to write it!
  • Check out the awesome new Beyond the Love conference, November 15-17 in Columbus, Ohio. Educational sessions, social events like poly speed dating and poly prom and the attendee-directed poly summit! Use code polyweekly at checkout to save 10%!
  • I’m presenting at CatalystCon on how to be a part-time sex educator Sept 27-29

9:00 Topic: Getting over the poly hump

Franklin and Eve give advice! How did you come to accept and embrace polyamory when it wasn’t your idea? For those who didn’t originally self-identify as polyamorous, how did you deal with conflicting emotion and come to embrace polyamory?

  • Recognize that your partner wanting polyamory is not about you.

    More Than Two Crowdfunding

  • Thank your partner for having the courage to be honest about what he/she needs.
  • Acknowledge that the relationship has already changed, so resist the urge to hold on to what you used to have.
  • Accept that this exploration of polyamory may mean that the current relationship might end.
  • Recognize that you are empowered to leave the relationship if it doesn’t work for you.
  • Find something in this new type of relationship for you that is a true benefit, not a “grit-and-bear-it” situation.
  • Finding someone to model successful poly relationships (like a poly support network) is essential.
  • Avoid the urge to control the polyamory with veto power or other restrictions.

Listener responses:

  • GreedyPaul calls in to say that he came to embrace polyamory when his mistress and her husband showed him over the months that their relationship and communication were honest.
  • Jess wrote in to describe her first and second introductions to polyamory and that, despite initial freakouts, she is “poly and never looked back.”
  • IssaWalters, Shadalicious, PolyNirvana and ZenHeathen were all swayed by the logical arguments
  • And thanks to Les and Lisa for sharing their experiences on Facebook

36:15 Happy Poly Moment

  • AggieSez shares a solo Happy Poly Moment
  • HeartWhisperer shared a HPM in which he felt compersion

41:00 Feedback

  • Vaughn on episode 361 comments that your polysaturation point changes over time
  • Vir mentioned a poly domestic fantasy novel Lifelode
  • A listener writes in to call bullshit on something not mentioned on episode 364 on being in love and vetoed: it’s the responsibility of the partner to stand up for the new relationship. The fact that the husband defend his relationship in the face of his wife’s communication blockade was indefensible. He says if you’re at the point of a vee, it’s your job to stand up for your new relationship as well as for your existing one.
  • Listener calls in to say that PW saved her and kept her sane!

53:30 Wrap up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

PW 368: Metamour cock block

What do you do when your metamour cuts off communications?

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1:00 Host chat with Minx and LustyGuy

9:00 Topic: Metamour cock block

Listener R writes in asking for advice on a situation in which her once-friendly metamour J asked for personal time and space that lead to a six-month communication blockade. The silence adversely affected both R and her partner’s (J’s husband) relationship. Question: how do you reopen lines of communication with someone who won’t talk to you anymore? Minx and LustyGuy suggest:

  • You can’t force someone to communicate with you, so it’s pointless to keep asking.
  • Do your best to take care of yourself and tend your own garden: deal with your own jealousy and insecurities.
  • Do your best to nurture the health of your relationship with R.

18:00 Happy Poly Moment

  • GreedyPaul shares a moment of joy at Camp Perv
  • Timothy shares some fun, snuggly HPMs derived from starting up a regular movie night with his poly family! “THIS is how poly should work, THIS is what I’ve been hoping for. It was a simple moment, but it was memorable.”

21:50 Feedback

  • Our estimable solo poly guru, AggieSez, calls in to respond to episode 364 on being in love and vetoed and recommends that even if your time with your partner is so rare that it seems a shame to bring up tough relationship stuff, ovary/man up and do it!
  • Emma asks about an issue mentioned in episode 365 on meetups: how do you deal with people feeling stuck next to someone they might not be interested in talking to?
  • Isha calls in to ask about how to handle a long-distance poly relationship, and LustyGuy offers some great advice:
    • Never underestimate the power of a distraction. Do something fun!
    • Make dates—schedule phone calls like a date, complete with dinner, wine and dress up for it.
    • Keep a paper journal every day and exchange it with your partner at your next meeting.
  • Southern Poly Gathering is a poly camping weekend happening October 17-20 in Florida—join a great group of polys!

Thanks!

Thanks to Elizabeth and Yani for their donations this week!

37:50 Poly music

Rolling out with a cool poly composition Can’t Help But Fly from Naima Penniman and A McNatt

Wrap up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

PW 367: A day in the life of a pro domme and sub

Remedy

A peek behind the curtain of a New York pro domme and submissive

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1:00 Host chat

  • Franklin Veaux and Eve Rickert are writing a book! Help fund their Indiegogo campaign to write it!
  • Check out the awesome new Beyond the Love conference, November 15-17 in Columbus, Ohio. Educational sessions, social events like poly speed dating and poly prom and the attendee-directed poly summit!
  • I’m presenting at CatalystCon on how to be a part-time sex educator Sept 27-29

7:45 Interview: Cheyenne Picardo, producer of Remedy

Cheyenne Picardo chats about her indie film Remedy, a semi-autobiographical tale of her experiences being a pro domme and pro submissive at a house in New York City. I saw it at the Seattle Erotic Arts Festival this year; the next showing is at Berlin Porn Film Festival. If you want to help cover licensing fees so Cheyenne can show the film more broadly, click here.

38:00 Happy Poly Moment

J tells the story of his girlfriend’s first poly experience and exploring her guilt about telling him about it as well as his joy that she did!

41:00  Feedback

Taking you out with the poem from IW called Thinning Locks

Wrap up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

PW 366: Poly in small town America

How do you meet and date polys when you live in a small town?

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1:00 Host chat

  • I need your advice? How did you come to be comfy with poly when it wasn’t your idea? Call me to contribute to an upcoming show! 802-505-POLY
  • Franklin Veaux and Eve Rickert are writing a book! Help fund their Indiegogo campaign to write it!
  • I’m presenting at CatalystCon on how to be a part-time sex educator Sept 27-29

9:05 Topic: How to be poly in small town America?

Listener H writes in to ask for advice on the following questions:

  • How do you meet poly people in a small town when you’re in the Bible belt and not out?
  • Do you ever feel lonely being “poly single”—with a partner but seeking others? How do you deal with it?
  • How do you find the right poly people and determine that they are who they say they are?

And listener Forrest has donated the following three works of art. Email me at polyweekly@gmail.com with your advice. The first three to respond receive a beautiful, hot work of art!

16:00 Happy Poly Moment

  • Listener K shares a wonderful tale of starting a healthy poly relationship with lots of sexy bed time
  • Aura shared two Happy Poly Moments:
    • As the adults discussed new construction to the house to accommodate a new partner, a kid asked about the new partner moving in and expressed delight that the answer was yes
    • Her husband’s mother gave positive feedback on the family dynamic, outside of any poly prejudice

20:10  Feedback

Wrap up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

PW 365: Building your poly community with meetups

Wondering where the polys in your area are? Start a meetup and find out!

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1:00 Host chat

7:45 Topic: Building your poly community through meetups

Steve Culhane, an organizer of the Charlotte Polyamory Network, gives advice on how to start a successful poly meetup if you don’t have a group in your area.

  • Start a group for the right reasons: for community, not sexual partners
  • How to safeguard member privacy
  • Get started: schedule a meetup in a public place
  • Put newbies on your board! Bring on resources/help to keep the group going beyond your own involvement.
  • Take steps to keep drama out of the group
  • Relationship Equality Foundation
  • Don’t get discouraged when attendance drops—change location or ask the board for new ideas
  • Charlotte Polyamory Network

35:00 Wrap up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

PW 364: I’m in love and got vetoed!

What to do when your relationship is vetoed AFTER you fell in love

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1:00 Host chat

Showtime poly series starts a new season

Now we’re “stuck” with non traditional marriage

10:30 Topic: I’m in love but just got vetoed!

L writes in for advice. What do you do when you trust that the couple really is poly and end up falling in love with the guy, only to have his wife veto you a bit later when she breaks up with her own boyfriend?

  • This sucks and is unfair and unkind.
  • Lying about the nature of your relationship isn’t healthy.
  • Expecting him to leave her isn’t terribly healthy, either.
  • Accept and grieve the loss. Value yourself and the experience.
  • Next time, vet the couple to be sure each person is stable, fully embraces polyamory and is personally secure.

22:35 Happy Poly Moment

  • B in Seattle shares a Happy Poly Moment. British comedies FTW!
  • Cate shares a beautiful story of a metamour leaving a footprint of food and love. Want to win a metamour of the year award? Be a Hot Dish Elf!

26:00 Feedback

32:00 Wrap up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

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