PW 442: How I Knew I Was Trans

250Lm-transgenderA fun and touching story of self-acknowledging gender identity

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Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:00 Announcements

4:45 Topic: When I knew I was trans

LustyGuy and I recorded Cass’ amazing and touching story of coming into oneself and realizing when and how to acknowledge one’s gender identity. Thanks to Janet Hardy for introducing us to Cass, and thanks to As You Like It for providing the venue and promotion for this live taping in Eugene, Oregon!

TransPonder group in Eugene

22:20 Happy Poly Moment

Doug shares a Happy Poly Moment of frubble he feels for his ex-girlfriend.

25:00 Wrap Up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? 🙂 Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Painless Poly Dating 101

Thanks to the Center for Sex Positive Culture for hosting LustyGuy and me for this standing-room-only class!

PW 441: How to have a THREESOME!

Wanna have a threesome but don’t know where to start? Reid Mihalko walks us through it! threesome
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Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:00 Announcements

4:15 Poly in the News

reidaboutsex

7:40 Topic: Reid Mihalko shares how to have a threesome

Reid Mihalko shares his secrets to initiating and conducting a threesome—without the social awkwardness. This is GOLD!

44:00 Movie review: Her

Joreth shares a poly-ish movie review of Her. Find more poly-ish movie reviews at http://www.polyishmoviereviews.com/.

49:30 Wrap Up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? 🙂 Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

PW 440: Q&A with Janet Hardy

IMG_3584Getting intimate with The Ethical Slut co-author, Janet Hardy!

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Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:00 Host chat

4:45 Interview: Janet Hardy Q&A

Join us as we chat with Janet Hardy and take questions from the audience about the future of poly. My favorite quotes: “poly is very close to normative for college kids” and “it’s gonna be weird and cool.”

  • What was the first surprise about poly?
  • What bugs you about the poly community today?
  • What wisdom would you give the you right before you published ES? that a poly book would engender more hostility than BDSM books
  • How would I deal with a lover who takes my proposal of poly as a blow to their ego/why they are not enough?
  • How do I bring it up to my partner?
  • What are the next two decades of the future of poly?

33:30 Wrap Up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? 🙂 Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

PW 439: When to come out to your social circle

IMG_3618When and how do you come out to your social circles as poly?

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Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:00 Announcements

3:30  Topic: When do I come out to my social circles?

Listener Sarah asks when she should come out to the folks in her monogamous social circle—especially one cute guy she likes. Minx and LustyGuy recommend:

  • Whenever you want—it’s your decision
  • Be comfortable with yourself first
  • Be prepared for negative reactions and don’t take them personally
  • It’s OK to come out to individuals rather than a group

13:00 Feedback

  • Rambina shares a steamy audio poem Let It Be
  • Jim gives us follow up on his poly implosion

18:45 Happy Poly Moment

Missy shares a sweet, sisterly Happy Poly Moment.

22:00 Thank you!

Thanks to Luanne, anonymous, Steve and Teresa for joining the Poly Weekly Playmates!

29:15 Wrap Up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? 🙂 Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

PW 438: Is poly marriage legalization next?

three wedding ringsSeveral Supreme Court justices mentioned the slippery slope argument against poly marriage as a reason to deny same-sex marriage. Does that mean we’re next in line for legalization?

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Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:00 Announcements

  • Indiana University is doing a research study on polyamorists. It’s 20-30 minutes; take the survey here.

3:00 Poly in the News: Is Legalizing Poly Marriage Next?

27:00 Feedback: Poly explosion

A listener calls in to share a heartbreaking tale of a poly implosion.

23:10 Happy Poly Moment

PolyDoc wrote in to share how she had an opportunity to let an 81-year-old patient in a sexless marriage know about polyamory and consensual non-monogamy.

37:20 Thank you!

Cagey and Doug both donated $69 each, which we invested in Portland strippers. J

38:30 Wrap Up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? 🙂 Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

PW 437: Talking about money

cost estimate dollars money add - Version 2That uncomfortable conversation topic: money

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Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:00 Host Chat

4:45 Poly in the News

Are polyamorists too evangelical? Piece on polyamory in The Daily Beast, quoting yours truly!

9:20 Topic: Talking about money

Barbara is new to poly and in a 2-year, live-in relationship with her partner. She pays most of the bills because her partner was laid off and has some health issues. She has struggled with jealousy. Recently, he asked her for money for a date, which she refused, calling it “a bridge too far.” Barbara pays for meals when she goes out with him and thinks his new partner should do the same. The talk was uncomfortable; he left in a huff. What should she do?

22:10 Thanks!

Welcome Jennifer to the Poly Weekly Playmates!

23:15 Wrap Up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? 🙂 Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

PW 436: Date your species

reidaboutsexHow to date your species with sex geek Reid Mihalko 

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Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:00 Announcements

6:10 Kicking Poly Drama online course commercial

8:30 Announcements

11:00 Date your species with Reid Mihalko

The four-step process to dating your species with the original sex geek, Reid Mihalko! His great resources on dating your species, including video seminars on his dating your species classes, are must-watch! In four quick steps:

  1. Define your win-wins
  2. Define your deal-breakers
  3. Define your three-strike areas
  4. Define your “wiggle rooms”

41:00 Feedback

Credit where credit is due: the original impetus for dating your species came from Frustrated Femme, a 22-year-old polyamorist who is baffled that her boyfriends don’t understand her needing to date other people. Apart from dating your species to begin with (the better choice), the only other option is to take months or years to consider poly, keep having talks with the partner, and hope that one day he’ll be comfy with it (not recommended).

45:35 Thanks

Thanks to Lisa for her donation!

46:30 Wrap Up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? 🙂 Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Help! I’m insecure about my umet long-distance metamour!

monkey_with_ears1Minx:

I identify as monogamous and in a poly relationship. My boyfriend of several months has been in a long-distance open relationship with his girlfriend on the East Coast for nearly a decade. I’ve been working on my user manual and communicating my needs, but we don’t yet have the line of communication open with my metamour. Because I have never met her, never spoken to her, never even reached out and Facebook-messaged her, in my mind, she’s just this perfect goddess I can’t even hold a candle to. I make comparisons to her, and so I’m afraid that given a choice, my boyfriend will always choose her and I’ll be left behind somehow. How do I stop putting my metamour on an impossible platform and release some of those anxieties?

Insecure on the West Coast

Dear Insecure—

First of all, let’s acknowledge that you’re doing a great job of doing the work and owning your shit! You’re taking positive steps by writing your user manual and setting up regular relationship check-ins with your boyfriend. And you’re also acknowledging that your fears are probably unrealistic and might not have much to do with reality. Bravo! Those are all positive steps to dealing with your fears.

But let’s also acknowledge that you have a few things working against you: being monogamous in a poly relationship, being in a long-distance relationship and being new to polyamory are each significant challenges on their own, and you’re trying to tackle all three in the same new relationship! That is a lot to take on.

And you’re absolutely right: those voices that tell you she is prettier, thinner or more successful than you are coming from within you and typically don’t have much to do with reality. Those are your fears to own and most likely not spawned by anything external to your own head and past experiences.

While you’re already doing everything right, I do have two recommendations. The first is to take your fear cycle to its maximum ridiculous silliness by filling in the blanks:

I’m afraid that if ____ is the case, that will mean _____ and I’ll ____  and then ____.

If the last blank isn’t “and then I die alone,” add more blanks until you get to that point of silliness. Remember that your fears come from within you and typically have very little to do with reality, so let’s take this to the worst-case scenario to bring those silly fears into the light.  For example:

I’m afraid that if she is prettier and more successful than me, that will mean that I’ll always be second fiddle, and he’ll eventually figure that out and choose her over me, and then I’ll be single again, and then I’ll be heartbroken and pathetic and eventually die alone.

If your final blank isn’t something as final as “and then I die alone,” keep asking, “and then what?” until it is.

The second recommendation is to reach out to your metamour on Skype or Facebook or whatever in advance of a face-to-face. Skype communication is better than no communication and can help put the chattering monkeys to bed. And why not even be vulnerable and tell her how you are feelings–that you are insecure because she seems so pretty, thin and successful? She will most likely take it as a compliment, and you’ll feel better for having extended trust by being honest and a bit vulnerable with your metamour.

PW 435: Metamour fears

bottle_catWhat do you do when you’re afraid of your unmet metamour? Meet her!

Download the mp3 directly

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:00 Announcements

3:30 Poly in the News

9:10 Topic: Metamour fears

Angie writes in to admit that while she’s monogamous and dating a poly guy, what she’s really afraid of is her metamour, whom she hasn’t yet met. Is she prettier, thinner, more successful? Will Angie be discarded once her boyfriend realizes that she’s not as good as his first girlfriend?

Minx recognizes the difficult situation: new to poly, self-identifying as monogamous and long distance to boot! And recommends taking the fear cycle to its maximum ridiculous silliness by filling in the blanks:

I’m afraid that if ____ is the case, that will mean _____ and I’ll ____  and then ____.

If the last blank isn’t “and then I die alone,” add more blanks until you get to that point of silliness. Remember that your fears come from within you and typically have very little to do with reality.

And on the practical side, it’s OK to reach out to your metamour on Skype or Facebook or whatever in advance of a face-to-face. Skype communication is better than no communication and can help put the chattering monkeys to bed.

20:00 Happy Poly Moment

  • A listener shares a wonderful HPM about coming out to her mom!
  • And another had a wonderful story of a brunch made with two lovers

23:15 Thank you!

Thanks to Sylvia for her donation, and welcome Joe to the Poly Weekly Playmates!

24:00 Wrap Up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? 🙂 Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

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