Well, it’s a rough job, but someone’s got to do it. This Sunday, I gathered my girlfriends (and one brave man) to watch the porn version of Pirates.

Pirates porn

Um… yeah, of course we were dressed as pirates; how else would we dress?

Overall rating:
Costumes and sets ****
Acting *
Sex **
Soundtrack ****

Interestingly enough, I’ve heard that there are PG-rated versions of this porno floating around that leave out the sex and leave in all the dialogue and plot. That may seem counterintuitive for porn, but in truth, there was a plot. I swear, there WAS! For me, the absolute best aspect of this video was the costumes. Me, I’m a costume freak, and the costumes and romantic, candle-laden sets were just beautiful. Plus, I swoon over a man in a poufy shirt, so put a porn star in a poufy shirt on a pirate ship (in this case, Captain Edward Reynolds, pirate hunter), and I pretty much don’t care if the sex is vanilla. A few other comments from my fellow reviewers:

  • Serena spanking Jules was lame
  • The double penetration with candles got two thumbs up
  • Showing condom use got many nods of approval
  • Showing a married couple fucking and then kissing intimately was unusual and got a chorus of sweet “awww”‘s from the gang
  • The orchestral score was fantastic and really helped to set the dramatic mood
  • Excellent lighting, none of that harsh one-light-kit stuff. Soft, romantic and flattering
  • Jules should not be allowed to talk. She is only useful when her mouth is stuffed with cock. I think she’s worried her BoTox will leak out if she actually has a facial expression of any kind while speaking.
  • In general, the women’s performances were wooden; they couldn’t deliver a line to save their lives.
  • However, the men didn’t seem to take their acting so seriously and had fun with their dialogue; as a result, they were entertaining and engaging even if they clearly weren’t experienced with dialogue.
  • Some of the girl-on-girl action was quite vigorous and convincing

Overall, if you like a good story with great costumes, set and lighting that will feed your wenchy or poufy-shirted fantasies, this is a great story and beautiful to watch. Just mute it whenever the girls are speaking.

To order your copy, go to AdamEve.com and use checkout code “Minx” for 50% off!

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  1. Unfortunately, code Minx isn’t allowed to discount Pirates… :o(

  2. Eclectic June 19, 2008 at 12:39 am · ·

    Agreed on so many points. Great costumes, and the soundtrack kicked ass. I adored the “Gilderoy Lockhart” captain. In general, the male actors were convincing (Steven St. Croix particularly), while the women ranged from unconvincing to laugh-out-loud.

    The point I want to make is that, viewed as a non-porn movie, it’s a pretty bad movie, but it is a movie. I’ve watched worse on late-night TV. By not expecting too much, I actually enjoyed it. In fact, I was tempted to fast-forward through the sex to get to the plot. Hell, it even passes the Bechdel test.

  3. Great review. I wish I had my friends over for each of my reviews, it would make sitting through the 35th installment of MILF Hunters a lot more tolerable…

  4. Minx, I don’t know if you’ll answer this question on your next show, but it’s something I’m really curious about and falls under the category of biology rather than polyamory.

    My whole life I thought all men had this one little spot on the underside of the penis that is the most sensitive. It’s a small little lump. It didn’t develop recently, I’ve had it ever since I can remember. I can be brought to orgasm by stimulating just that. My lover and I joke and call it my clitoris. It certainly seems like one and has all the same features of one. Do you have any idea what this could be?

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