Living as and loving introverts

The care and feeding of introverts–and what it means to be one or have one as a partner or metamour

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Introduction and host chat

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2:20 Poly Movie Review: Carrington

The PW Movie Reviewer Joreth gives a review of the 1995 movie Carrington. For more poly and poly-ish movie reviews, visit her movie review page.

8:15 Topic: Introverts vs. Extroverts

Our topic today is a rebroadcast from July 2007 and one of my favorite show topics–the care and feeding of introverts and how to both be one and deal with one in your poly relationship.

This article by Jonathan Rauch on the care and feeding of introverts was the subject of much discussion when I posted it here and to my own blog (the comments are a great discussion)

  • introverts can be seen as aloof or snobby
  • Rauch clarifies that introverts simply find other people tiring and suggests that introverts find a way to state that in social settings
  • even extroverts need time to recharge
  • Aiyume mentions on the Myers-Briggs scale
  • observations on introverts from the Poly 101 session on Poly for the Introvert in Austin, Texas
  • SweetAinsley comments that introverts and extroverts view conversations differently–extroverts focus more on flow and dislike pauses; introverts seek out pauses and don’t talk just to fill space
  • Badmagic comments that extroverts don’t necessarily “draw energy from other people” while introverts don’t, but rather it’s a spectrum of how much recharge time folks need; he suggests that introverts try just listening, but be warned people might overshare

Karen comments that introversion makes trying to find a job really difficult

27:40 Wrap-up

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Commenting area

  1. As I just got around to listening to the podcasts I would like to know if there is anyone around with advise as I am very introverted and my husband is very extroverted and we seem to have issues for one major reason. I he talks over me all the time, and never fully “hears” what I am saying. I have gotten to the point of shutting up and I refuse to speak for some time after he keeps doing it. Is there any ideas how to get it to work?

  2. Dragonherder September 21, 2011 at 8:17 am · ·

    Hello Snowy,

    I am not an expert, but that doesn’t necessarily sound like an introvert/extrovert problem. That sounds like a communication and respect problem to me. No offense meant.

    Perhaps some books or articles on active listening would help? A relationship is going to be strained if one (or several) parties in a relationship feel themselves as marginalized….

    Wishing you the best :-)!


  3. Cunning Minx October 25, 2011 at 10:06 pm · ·


    Could be a little bit of both. We extroverts tend to talk over people and don’t realize we are doing it. I know that I respond well to a “Can I finish my thought, please?” I had a friend who did that once or twice, and I got the message. I learned to be quiet for longer and not “think out loud” over her when she hadn’t yet finished her thought.

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