How to deal with a stonewalling and uncommunicative metamour

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

Download the mp3 directly


Under 18? Stop listening now and visit

1:00 Announcements

2:45 Topic: When metamours attack

Joreth, Puck and Minx address a tough situation: J starts dating a guy who is in a relationship with an older man, a respected tantric guru. Upon meeting J, the guru declares that she and the guy cannot have sex. A bit later, J and the guy have sex. She asks the guy if the guru was OK with it and then assumes itโ€™s OK to have sex with the guy. She attempts to contact the guru but doesnโ€™t hear back.

A bit later, she and the guy mess around in the place the guy and the guru share. The guru comes home and bans all communication between her and the guy. She makes more attempts to get the three of them together, but the guru does not accept her invitation.

Where did communication fail and what can we do to prevent this happening in the future? We recommend:

  • Own the communication with both your partner and your metamour. NEVER rely on your partner to communicate with your metamour on your behalf. Thatโ€™s your job.
  • Trust but verify.
  • Know your own boundaries and negotiate with all parties involved. You have a right to know what the boundaries are, why they are there and when/if they will change.

22:00 Feedback โ€“ Episode 299, Poly Professional Woman

  • Gary points out that the poly professional man can have challenges dating the busy professional poly woman!
  • Vir suggests taking a high-level view of the work load, distinguishing work-for-pay (including school and homework) and maintaining-the-home. He suggests tallying the hours spent on all aspects and rebalancing the load when the situation shifts. For example, look at:
    • Travel time to and from work/school
    • Working outside the home (job/classes)
    • Paid work at home (professional work/homework)
    • Non-paid work maintaining the home (cooking, cleaning, shopping)

28:00 Thanks

Thanks to Samuel for his donation this week!


Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? ๐Ÿ™‚ Check out PolyWeekly at Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!


Commenting area

  1. I didn’t know there was a comment section down below.
    But now that it has been mentioned, it is very obvious.

  2. Ali Golightly February 15, 2012 at 1:05 am · ·

    Ooh! This was exactly what I needed to hear tonight. Thanks a bunch! Own it. ๐Ÿ™‚

Comments are now closed for this article.