What to do when your relationship is vetoed AFTER you fell in love

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1:00 Host chat

Showtime poly series starts a new season

Now we’re “stuck” with non traditional marriage

10:30 Topic: I’m in love but just got vetoed!

L writes in for advice. What do you do when you trust that the couple really is poly and end up falling in love with the guy, only to have his wife veto you a bit later when she breaks up with her own boyfriend?

  • This sucks and is unfair and unkind.
  • Lying about the nature of your relationship isn’t healthy.
  • Expecting him to leave her isn’t terribly healthy, either.
  • Accept and grieve the loss. Value yourself and the experience.
  • Next time, vet the couple to be sure each person is stable, fully embraces polyamory and is personally secure.

22:35 Happy Poly Moment

  • B in Seattle shares a Happy Poly Moment. British comedies FTW!
  • Cate shares a beautiful story of a metamour leaving a footprint of food and love. Want to win a metamour of the year award? Be a Hot Dish Elf!

26:00 Feedback

32:00 Wrap up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? 🙂 Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!


Commenting area

  1. Laurelinien August 15, 2013 at 9:05 pm · ·

    Hey L, something really really similar just happened to me, only I never got as clear of an answer as a veto. I send you hugs and if you want to talk about it you can email me at my username at gmail com. Good luck.

    Thanks Minx, this was really good to hear.

  2. Thanks! It’s really tough to deal with topics this painful, but glad that it is at least helpful to others. ::hugs:: to you!

  3. Sorry but I had to comment to say that pic is absolutely hilarious!

  4. Hello Minx,

    Short time listener, first time commenter. Thanks for the awesome show.

    In this episode you mentioned an email from Shari(?) about a family and group sharing app called Lineman(?).

    I wanted to check it out, but so far my searches are fruitless.

    Do you have a link please?

    Thank you.

  5. hi there!

    long time listener:D

    I really REALLY needed this episode. a similar thing has happened to me, except that it was a married couple I was friends with, then their live in gf (this is also when I lost my v card). I thought I had vetted them well enough, seemed happy and stable- but no.

    all of a sudden, one day- she just started treating me like shit(jealous and territorial). I tried to work w her to get past it (time & tlc), but I came to the conclusion that she must have a severe character defect of some kind.

    first relationship, first sex, first bdsm. sort of first kiss too, come to think of it.
    I am still reeling; I still love him.

    he more or less said that he is staying w her out of obligation…he said that he was pretty disgusted w her treatment of me.
    what do I do w the love I have for him (which seems* real special), and the unshakable sense of injustice I have for the circumstances?

    thanks for all your help and insight! 🙂

    • Cunning Minx September 2, 2013 at 10:21 pm · ·


      Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that! And for the record, that is an incredibly unfair situation and a terrible way to be treated. You have every right to feel a sense of injustice. Unfortunately, you can’t control what others do nor how they treat you; you can only control what you do and how you choose future partners. The good news is that you found out about the veto power instead of years down the line. My only advice is to take care of yourself, and take the time to heal. And believe that not every poly person or couple will treat you this way.

  6. I agree with Cara, that pic is great, I know a cat just like that!

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