valentines day lolcatHow do you celebrate Valentine’s Day as a “secondary”?

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

Download the mp3 directly

1:00 Announcements and Host Chat

13:45 Topic: Poly for Valentine’s Day

A from New Orleans wrote in to ask about how to celebrate this sexy and very couples-oriented holiday when you are in a poly relationship. Who gets the chocolate and flowers and who gets the shaft? How does a “secondary” celebrate this sexy holiday without feeling crappy!

Check out the solo poly blog

Check out these previous Poly for the Holidays segments; the same rules apply to sexy holidays as to family holidays:

Also, keep these basic guidelines in place:

  • Ask you partners for what they want: what makes a great Valentine’s Day for you? OK? Bare minimum?
  • Say what you want.
  • Coordinate with your partners to make sure everyone gets pretty close to what he/she wants.

21:30 Feedback

  • J wrote in that Episode 379 Owning your own shit was a good refresher course
  • Doug wrote in to say that episode 380 reminded him that all relationships—including with friends and exes, require nurturing and attention

24:20 Happy Poly Moment

J wrote in to share a great HPM of a partner offering to host a metamour in order to give J time alone!

Wrap up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? 🙂 Check out PolyWeekly at Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!


Commenting area

  1. Poly only for the white privileged class?
    This is the most lamest excuse I have ever heard of calling yourself a victim and just sitting on your ass doing no effort whatsoever for a relationship.

    What is next?
    Look I am not a white privileged, therefore I cannot have children.
    Look I am not a white privileged, therefore I cannot have a partner.
    Look I am not a white privileged, therefore I cannot have a mistress.
    Look I am not a white privileged, therefore I cannot have a hobby.

    Polyamory is actually a benefit if you are none-white and none privileged and have 3 jobs and work 7/7 24h/24h.

    And here us why:
    * Your wife’s boyfriend takes care of your wife when you do not have the time because you work.
    * You can share one household with multiple partners and reduce the cost of living. This in turn means that there are 3 incomes now and you have to work less.
    * Your wife demands less private time when you get home from work. Because she could already go shopping with one of the other partners.
    * Your partners can care for the children when you both go to work. Maybe also clean the house. Reducing both your workloads.
    * Even when you have chronic lack of time and resources, you still can have a partner that you have during the working hours and commute time.
    * If you get ill, the other partners will take care of you.
    * If you lose your job, the other partners will take care of you.

    People using the lamest excuse ever to not be in a poly relationship as reason none-white and none-privileged, should be taken their permit away for loving more than one person.

  2. dear minx and everybody who’s contributing,

    just wanted to tell you that your podcast has a few listeners in austria! 🙂

    yes, even our small country of only 8.4 million people has two active poly communities, and your podcast and your slides have been recently shared and liked in our facebook groups!

    i found the holiday-podcasts very inspiring, especially as i’m currently a third for two poly couples. i’m definitely going to follow the “verbalizing what i need for a successful holiday”-tip this summer!

    thank you so much! please keep up the great work.

    wish you lots of love and great sex 😉 <3

  3. Cunning Minx February 24, 2014 at 9:29 pm · ·


    Thanks for letting me know that Austria is listening! I went hiking there a few years ago. Beautiful country!

  4. Hi Minx,
    I just caught up with the podcast and realized that you mentioned being concerned about messing up my relationship after the poly dinner at Winter Wickedness.
    Just so that all your listeners know, you didn’t mess up my relationship–we are still together. In fact, when I told him that you mentioned us in your podcast, he told me to write you and let you know that I’m still stuck on him. 😉
    Your advice, while difficult to hear at the time, resonated with me, and will definitely impact my future relationship decisions. Thanks for being an ear, and for providing such a valuable resource for our community.

    • Wretched–

      Oh, that’s good to hear! I do need to be more careful about specifying that while *I* don’t enjoy dating poly virgins, there is nothing wrong with doing so! It’s a bit more work, just like any new first-time relationship, but if you take to the person and have the patience to work through all the new-to-poly stuff with him/her, it can still absolutely be a wonderful experience. So glad to hear y’all are doing fine despite my blundering advice!

Comments are now closed for this article.