Adding a third without making a third wheel
How do you open up a couple? Advice on how to welcome a third from a HBB
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1:00 News and host chat
- Congratulations to our Burning Man ticket winner!
- Thanks to M, Christopher, Eynstein, Wayne, Elijah, Marshall, Ioana, Devon, Jessica, Karl, Scott, Jason, Lee, Greg, Cornelius, Damita for their donation during the Burning Man fundraiser
5:00 Topic: From two to three
Advice to couples on opening up their relationship from a HBB: what to do and what not to do. Full blog post here.
- Instead of considering only protective measures, consider what you have to offer and how you can welcome a third and make him/her feel as loved as you are
- Try this exercise: how would you feel if you were welcoming a child into your relationship? Approach a new lover with that same sense of joy, sharing and hope.
- A few don’t’s: don’t allow veto power, ignore metamour communication, say there is no hierarchy if there is. Don’t have the point of the vee moderate communication.
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Rose Crompton of Vibrations Direct asked about poly, podcasting and my favorite sex toys. It was a fun interview and ended with my best advice for those approaching nonmonogamy for the first time.
Read the full interview here
Giving poly a go? My top tips for poly newbies:
Be prepared to meet parts of yourself you didn’t know about. You will find insecurities you didn’t know were there, and you’ll experience joy in ways you never knew you could.
Be patient with yourself and your partner(s). Remember your first attempts at monogamy weren’t perfect, either.
Worry less about rules and more about what you have to offer. As with monogamous dating, people with lots of rules and criteria rarely find what they seek, and those who are open-minded and easygoing find unexpected pleasures.
Own your shit – by this I mean baggage. If you’re not strong enough to say, “I was wrong,” “I need to bring something up” or “my last STI test came up positive,” you aren’t ready for poly. Being confident enough to own your own baggage and brave enough to start tough conversations is essential.
Start from a healthy place. Get your existing relationships healthy first. The ‘relationship broken; add more people’ model almost never works. You will have to trust your partner to tell you when you’re love-goggling, when he’s feeling jealous and when you aren’t pulling your weight.
Get a support network. Seek out local communities of real people who have real-life experience with polyamory and its ups and downs; having trusted contacts who’ve been there and can provide advice and a sympathetic ear is invaluable.
Read the full interview here.
What does a poly newbie need to know?
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Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com
The forums will be shut down for a few weeks while we figure out a better way to give our moderators a rest from dealing with daily spam. Like the forums? Let us know! Don’t care? Um… still let us know!
4:30 Topic: Advice for Poly Newbies
Minx and Anita Wagner give advice for those new to polyamory. Recorded at Polycamp Northwest, a fantastic event near Seattle with 20% poly content and the rest is community-driven.
- Meet poly people in the community and ask for advice
- Read The Ethical Slut and Opening Up
- Create a safe space to discuss and process reactions and emotions
- Have a strong desire for self-knowledge
- Avoid the “kid in the candy store” mentality when you first try poly
- No major life decisions during NRE
- More focus on communication, less on hard and fast rules
31:30 Comments on inviting Minx or Anita to speak
Feedback on episode 281 on the Dan Savage article “Infidelity will keep us together.”
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email email@example.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here or discuss your own topics at the forums. Check out PolyWeekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review! Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”