PW 410: The world according to Gottman

A biased review of psychologist John Gottman’s research on relationships

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Dr. John Gottman with his wife Julie

Dr. John Gottman with his wife Julie

1:00 Announcements and Host Chat

9:40 Topic: The world according to John Gottman

John Gottman is a professor of psychology famous for his work on evaluating marital stability through direct observational data points.

  • Famous for being able to predict whether a couple will stay together (which he refutes, but he can compare data and give odds of success). For example, if more than 20% of your interactions with your partner are negative, it’s likely that something needs to be addressed in order to increase relationship longevity
  • Microexpressions Also famously researched microexpressions
  • Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
  • Accessible research Great marketer and beneficial for taking his research and making the data accessible to the public
  • Challenge: his data isn’t replicable outside his experiments
  • Making bids for connection Recent Business Week article on couples making and accepting bids for connection being a top trait of successful relationships
  • Anger research Master versus disaster model, in which masters use anger to demo emotional importance rather than using it to express contempt. He posits that even healthy couples fight and get angry and that anger is functional in marriage.
  • But be aware that Gottman’s work focuses on monogamy and heterosexual couples only and is not a proponent of polyamory.

30:00 Happy Poly Moment

Clare from London writes in to share her discovery of polyamory, her self-identify as poly and her hopes of applying it to her new relationship.

35:10 Thanks

Thanks to Taylor and Igor for their donations and welcome Doug as the newest Poly Weekly Playmate!

36:00 Wrap Up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Poly Weekly #223: Communicating while angry & realism in relationships

This week’s Poly Weekly #223: Communicating while angry & realism in relationships.

Download the mp3 directly!

0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the forums at http://forum.polyweekly.com.

Announcements

  • Anal sex in accordance with God’s will
  • Polyagony: The mixed feeling you get when your sweetie is dating someone new. A mixture of: “I’m so happy for you!” with “Teehee! Tell me all the juicy details!” with, “But I’m still pretty, right?”
  • Ann Arbor Poly Network: munch the second Friday, 7:30 p.m., at Pizza House; discussion group third Thursday at WRAP (319 Braun Ct.)

Cohosts
Joreth
Pepper

Topic: Communicating while angry
From the forums: a different way to communicate when angry

Topic: Realism in Relationships
Jenny Block wrote this response to Tiger Wood’s cheating: monogamy isn’t realistic. How would you respond? Thanks to JazzDuck for commenting via Twitter!

Happy Poly Moment
Courtesy of PolyWolf

Feedback
Vim wrote in about poly anime, Marmalade Boy

Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com

Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions”

Poly Weekly #169: Quit hurting my partner!

This week’s Poly Weekly #169: Quit hurting my partner! is all about how to deal with getting angry that your partner is hurt emotionally by your metamour.

Download this episode directly!

0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the forums at http://forum.polyweekly.com.

2:50 Topic for the day.  “What do you do if your metamour is hurting your partner”

5:50 this topic was brought up by Maverick when he called in with his comments.  He commented that his rage became “all consuming” if his partner is being hurt.  This caused Minx some disturbance and she suggested a therapist.  However, wow on the responses to this advice.

6:45 Maverick calls in and apologizes about his comments and says he is not somebody to raise his hand in anger and thanks Minx for her comments.

10:07 a caller called in to talk about this subject.  He felt Minx missed the point of the call and noted that he also has felt a “reverse-frubble” when something bad is happening to his partner/partners/metamours

12:10 Mike called in and was a bit offended.  He felt Minx invalidated Maverick’s feelings out of her own fear.

14:30 Minx brings up that when you are comforting your partner resist the urge to say “that <blank> was always an asshole>

15:50 Sam wrote in and felt that Maverick took a risk to expose his anger and feelings and was a bit offended by Minx’s response.

18:20 Minx discusses more ways of dealing with this “anti-frubble” feeling.

19:50 The next part of the show is feedback on episode #166

19:57 Muskrat calls in about episode 166 and points out tha everybody should be aware of the possible discomfort in others. He also mentions PDA also depends on settings.

24:40 Minx brings up some really good points on this especially from the perpsective of the new person/secondary.

26:14 Wolfpeach wrote in and loved the rant about the word “OK.”

28:24 Rob from Australia called in and suggested using “chapter marks” in the podcast.  Unfortunately, that requires saving the file in a format that is not supported by anything but Mac.
Announcements

  • www.genderodyssey.com
  • Poly Weekly Dragon*Con Meetup is Gordon Biersch Brewpub, Sunday Aug 31, 11:30 a.m.
  • Minx will be speaking at Dragon*Con on building community through podcasting/social media on Friday at 7:00 p.m. and on the Sex/Adult blogger/podcaster panel Saturday at 10:00 p.m.

Topic: Quit hurting my partner
A redux of Maverick’s question from Poly Weekly 166, how do you deal with getting really angry when your partner is hurt emotionally by her metamour?

Feedback: PW 166, dealing with PDA by metamours

Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com

Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions”

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