How to share your sex life on the page and the stage

From CatalystCon West: Anain Bjorkquist, Dixie De La Tour, Gaby Dunn, Rachel Kramer Bussel talk about what it’s like to blog, vlog, storytell and podcast about your sex life to help others #cconpage

How to recognize and respond to emotional abuse

Cunning Minx, Eve Rickert, Tamara Pincus, MSW, LICSW, William Winters discuss the issue of emotional abuse in alternative communities and how we can create awareness and maintain community for both survivors of and perpetrators of abuse at CatalystCon West #cconabuse

CCon session handout

Poly families: poly parents and kids sound off

Wondering if polyamory is good for families? A poly mom, son, father and daughter share their experiences #cconpoly

The shame virus: how we can avoid it

Marcia Baczyski’s and Mary Jo Goddard’s session on sex positive educators avoiding shaming at CatalystCon West, 2015

PW 403: Striking while the iron is cold

grumpy-button-lolcatShould you bring in a new poly partner when your current partner agreed to it years ago and you’ve become distant in the meantime?

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1:00 Announcements and Host Chat

9:10 Striking when the iron is cold

Ricado has been with Sue for 20 years; used to have a strong bond, and she used to be adventurous and even liked the idea of poly but grew apart due to her disability involving chronic pain. Years go by; separate bedrooms (physical reasons, not sexual), and he meets someone. An intimate friend he’d like to bring in to the relationship.

What to do? The timing of the friendship is suspicious, and he doesn’t want to just say, “Hey, I met someone!” nor pressure his current partner into feeling like her disability was the cause. What to do?

First, be brave and tell her everything you just told me, including your fears about how it came about and what you’re afraid that will look like to her.

Also, a few things to consider:

  • You What course of action is going to help you to be a better version of yourself?
  • The relationship What course of action is going to support the health of your current relationship? It sounds to me like it has become based on tacit understandings rather than open and honest communication, which hints that the relationship might not be completely healthy at the moment.
  • The prospective partner If you want to have hope of successfully initiating a new poly relationship, you must heal your current relationship first. It’s unfair to invite a third party into a relationship that isn’t 100% open, honest and healthy. That will have an extremely high likelihood of causing a huge amount of drama, pain, guilt and resentment for all parties involved.

 21:40 Feedback

Kabe responds to the Poly Mythbusters episode by reminding us that 1-2% of the population is asexual, so it’s really NOT all about the sex.

23:30 Happy Poly Moment

D happily reports that his monogamous relationship is now poly-ish due to BDSM proclivities!

26:00 Wrap up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

PW 402: PW live at CatalystCon!

CatalystCon West 2014 PW livePW LIVE at CatalystCon with Reid Mihalko and Charlie Glickman!

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1:00 Announcements and Host Chat

Bawdy Storytelling is coming to Seattle October 3 at 8:00 Rebar!

1:30 PW Live from CatalystCon West!

My guests are Charlie Glickman and Reid Mihalko!

  • Charlie Glickman on self descriptionTopic: how do we stop policing our poly communities and embrace tolerance?
    • We need a space for the newbies and the old guard who don’t want to have to step back and explain the 101 questions
    • remember when judging others that the finger points back at you#cconminx date your species
    • how can we tolerate a world free of shame if we then shame others?
    • if you’re happy and dating your species, why does it matter?
    • let’s not shit on the mono community–bad marketing!
    • “There is no one more zealous than the newly converted” – Charlie
  • 34:00 if you’re a newbie, is there something you need to be able to demonstrate to share with the veterans so they’ll be more comfy with you?#cconminx self awarenes
    • Reid: ability to clearly voice needs and wants; self-awareness. Minx says “self awareness is really sexy”
    • Charlie: how do you handle conflict, anger and fear?
    • If you get a negative response such as “wow poly sounds hard,” ask “why does that sound hard to you?”
  • 39:45 What does queer mean to you?
    • Reid: I’m awesome sexual. When I started dating sluts, no one was complaining how slutty I was. Date #cconminx Awesome sexualyour species! There’s a difference between a car working harder because it’s going uphill or straining because the parking brake is on.
    • Charlie: date people of both genders but more about world view rather than gender assignations
  • 45:30 How is poly done differently regionally?
    • Charlie recommends asking for community norms before visiting
  • 48:00 How do you find a good local community? Openingup.net, also Google “polyamory” and the name of the city

52:00 Thank you!

Thanks to Bret and David for their generous donations this week!

52:30 Wrap up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Why I love CatalystCon

A quick write up of one my favorite sex positive conferences in the U.S.

#CconOK Opening Keynote panel!

#CconOK Opening Keynote panel!

One of my favorite conferences to attend is CatalystCon. Why? Because it’s not a kink conference. Or a poly conference. It is a sex-positive conference that brings together sex educators, activists, bloggers, sex workers, erotica writers, pornographers, political advocates and more in one big ass event.

Why do I enjoy it so much? Because I get exposed to other’s activism that I would normally be blind to: Joan Price‘s excellent work on senior sex and erotica; Charlie Glickman‘s work on gender as a verb; Dr. Winston Wilde‘s work on psychotherapy for alternative sexualities. It allows me as an educator to take off the blinders and play in others’ playgrounds so I can be a better and more tolerant advocate within my own poly community.

#Ccon West lunch

#Ccon West lunch

Plus, for two whole days, I get to walk around like a rock star and meet people whom I only know by email or Twitter icon. :-) And I’ll admit it: being famous for a weekend doesn’t suck!

That being said, it’s difficult to encapsulate the value of the conference in one blog post. Since I wasn’t able to live blog or Storify at this event as is my preference (due to fatigue, not any lack on the part of the organizer), I give you this list of awesome stuff I learned at this year’s CatalystCon West:

 

Cool Stuff I Learned at #ccon 2014:

  1. Reid Mihalko does a really convincing Dr. Phil impression.

    #CconSelf Marketing panel

    #CconSelf Marketing panel

  2. “Queer” (along with many other gender, sexual and relationship identities) is used to mean vastly different things, so it’s a good idea to ask “What does that mean to you?”
  3. You can make Charlie Glickman blush by treating him like a lady.
  4. There are a lot of really hard-working activists out there who need to hear that their part-time efforts, whether it be “just a blog” or “just a meetup group” are helping, and that that is enough.
  5. Clitorectomies were performed to cure lesbianism and paid for by Blue Cross up until 1977.
  6. There is a lot of debate about whether to use trigger warnings, and people are really passionate about their stances on it.
  7. Poly Weekly fans are the best, hottest, smartest and sexiest folks out there!
  8. Poly Weekly live podcast at #ccon west!

    Poly Weekly live podcast at #ccon west!

    Some people use “sex positive” to mean “sexually free” rather than to refer to an attitude characterized by acceptance and tolerance with regard to sexual identity, practices and needs. But Carol Queen wrote a great post explaining what “sex positive” is and isn’t.

  9. People who want to be sex-positive educators and activists really want to know how to protect their identities online.
  10. Rachel Kramer Bussel, Reid Mihalko and Charlie Glickman are the marketing goddesses of the sex positive world!

PW 373: Sex positive blowout at CatalystCon West

Cunning Minx, Dr. Jocelyn Elders, Lynn Comella at #ccon

Cunning Minx, Dr. Jocelyn Elders, Lynn Comella at #ccon

What is going on in the sex positive world?

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1:00 Host chat

Welcome to our new affiliate sponsor, GetSTDTested.com Use code “polyweekly” at checkout for a discount! Or just click on the banner in the right sidebar. :-)

5:00 Topic: Sex positive mojo at CatalystCon West

 28:15 Feedback

  • Jason in Wisconsin shares how he and his wife came to get over the poly hump
  • Herbalwise comments on the legalities of marriage from episode 354
  • Vir asks about how to cope when a partner passes away

 36:30 Wrap up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

How to Be a Part-Time Sex-Positive Educator (When You Still Love Your Day Job!)

The inspiration for this session came from the last CatalystCon, which found me envying full-time educators for their ability to focus on their mission. But surely I’m not the only one who loves my day job and doesn’t really want to be a full-time advocate for poly and kinky issues, right?

And thus this session was born: my tips and tricks for a topic I still struggle with daily and weekly: how to devote time and focus to sex-positive activism while working 9-12 hour days.

Content Creation for the Online Activist

Marketing content strategy for sex positive educators and activists

Thanks to everyone who attended and participated in this session at CatalystCon East. What a great and engaged crowd! I had a great time sharing with and learning from you all.

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