PW 318: The New Monogamy

Dr. Tammy Nelson shares how the world of online dating, social media and texting has changed marriage and monogamy

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Introduction

Under-18 warning and redirection to Scarleteen

2:00 The New Monogamy with Dr. Tammy Nelson

Dr. Tammy Nelson, therapist and author of a soon-to-be-released book on The New Monogamy, answers questions on the new state of monogamy:

  • Has marriage gone out of fashion?
  • How has online dating affected marriage?
  • Do those who identify as monogamous need to expect infidelity?
  • Are Facebook and texting to blame for affairs?
  • Are affairs actually good for a marriage?
  • What is the new monogamy?

31:40 Feedback

Jess writes in to thank PW for helping her poly family through the introduction of HPV and the tools to help the group be level-headed and talk openly and honestly.

Wrapup

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Gingrich: Don’t destroy non-monogamous family values

Today, the news broke that one of Newt Gingrich’s ex-wives is going public with the information that he had once asked her for an open marriage.

I really can’t speak as to the repercussions of this publicity on his political career, such as it is. I suspect that the folks who like Gingrich will continue to like and defend him, and those who don’t (I count myself among those) will use this as fodder to denounce his suitability as a Republican presidential candidate.

What is worth commenting on is Gingrich’s reported approach to open marriage. According to the story in the Washington Post, Marianne Gingrich, Newt’s second wife, reports that after conducting a six-year affair with Callista Bisek, Newt proposed an open marriage in which he would be partners with both Marianne and Callista.

Marianne turned down the offer, and Bisek became Gingrich’s third wife.

This case is high-profile because of Gingrich’s potential presidential candidacy and perhaps also because of his steadfast promotion of family values, which presumably do not include having a long-term affair. Additionally, as the Post points out:

The House speaker who pilloried President Bill Clinton for his affair with Monica Lewinsky was himself having an affair at the time.

So there is a strong element of hypocrisy to the situation as well.

Newt, yer doin’ it WRONG

But even that isn’t what bothers me most here, on this blog devoted to polyamory. What I’d like to tell Gingrich is that open marriage and other forms of non-monogamy are not your back door for when you get caught. Non-monogamy in its many forms takes a tremendous amount of communication and work to ensure the happiness of all parties involved, and it is most decidedly not an escape hatch for a guy caught with his trousers down.

What Gingrich offered his wife Marianne wasn’t an option; it was an ultimatum: share me or get lost. And I can assure you that almost every instance of the “relationship broken; add more people” approach has failed. This was not a conscious decision made with the full knowledge and consent of all parties involved; this was a cheater backed into a corner seeking to extract himself from an unhappy marriage.

And in that, he succeeded. It just annoys me that he used a proposal of open marriage as a blunt object to rid himself of his second wife. Just cheat, divorce, remarry your mistress and be done with it. Don’t drag our hardworking model of non-monogamy into it. Some of us actually work at this, and you’re sullying the institution of non-monogamous marriage.

PW 278: Joys of sexting

Is sexting cheating?

Joys of sexting and the pyramid of cheating–is sexting cheating to you?

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Introduction

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

2:00 Announcements

  • Need to check out your date’s background? There’s an app for that: http://www.intelius.com/mobile For date check; “sleaze detector” (criminal records), property ownership, compatibility, interests (social networks) and living situation
  • New UK poly resource, Polytical, and a page with all the poly events in the UK

4:05 Topic: Joy of sexting and the pyramid of cheating

After Weiner’s explicit sexting dilemma, the question is out: is sexting cheating? Whether you’re poly, mono or something within the Venn diagram, consider where YOU draw the line of cheating. And where does the line between fantasy and reality come with online interaction and real-life flirting? How is sexting different from chatting with friends on multi-player online games?

  • fantasizing about movie stars, people you know
  • watching porn
  • web cam girls
  • phone sex line
  • flirting at a bar
  • flirting via text
  • chatting on IM
  • sexting
  • sending racy pix
  • deep emotional conversation – in same city or not
  • meeting the person IRL
  • kink
  • seeing a pro dom
  • surfing pix on kink or porn sites without chatting
  • what about surfing FetLife

24:00 Feedback


MidnightCreate offers feedback on episode 275 on introverts vs. extroverts: a book called The Shyness Solution by Catherine Gillet, L.C.S.W.

Thanks

Thanks to Johnathan and John for their donations. And super-duper-wooper thanks to Joseph for the wonderful gift of tickets to Burning Man!

Wrap-up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here or discuss your own topics at the forums. Check out PolyWeekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review! Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Poly Weekly #221: This American Life & Infidelity

This week’s Poly Weekly #221: This American Life & Infidelity.

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0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the forums at http://forum.polyweekly.com.

Announcements
Please follow us on Twitter!

Cohosts
Joreth
Franklin Veaux
Ellie Lumpesse
Benny

Topic: This American Life: Infidelity
Lance and Serendipity offer feedback on the episode; the co-hosts discuss each act in this disappointing episode

3:26 Discussion begins…
Minx looks forward to this episode of TAL but as she listens to the show, she is not happy with it. Joreth agrees with Minx, wants to know why alternative lifestyles are not brought up as possible ideas. Ellie, on the other hand, felt this was a good episode and enjoyed it. What happens if you fall in love with a cheater? Minx felt that question was missing. Benny was hoping they would have taken a less conventional approach to this topic.

10:20 Discussion Continues…
Joreth appreciated the talk about the pain cheating causes but they didn’t go deep enough. Benny had heard one of the stories from the show at an earlier time and talks about getting more from the story hearing it again. Somebody didn’t agree with Benny (Ellie, i think? people stopped giving names so it got a bit hard) had a different perspective on the story. Joreth chimes in as well.

Franklin gives his perspective on cheating and cheaters.

22:30 Minx reads some feedback from Facebook

27:19 Serendipity called in and left a voice mail comment about the TAL episode.

Benny talks about how some people can’t actually love more than one person. (god i hope those people don’t have more than one kid. -fs)

Lack of science in the TAL episode has been called out as being an issue with the episode.

Thanks everybody!

34:22 Happy poly moment of the week!

34:50 Feedback

Poly Weekly 218: Poly in the UK

Poly Weekly 213: Group Sex and Orgies

Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com

Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions”

Poly Weekly #206: If Sanford were polyamorous

This week’s Poly Weekly #206: If Sanford were polyamorous (or “Sanford and Sin”).

Download the mp3 directly!

0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the forums at http://forum.polyweekly.com.

Topic: If Mark Sanford were polyamorous
Sanford’s emails
Loving More’s press release
Article: the Sanctity of Truth
OpinionatedThought’s blog post on ‘Love as thou wilt’
Dan Savage’s take

Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com

Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions”

Poly Weekly #180: Are Happy Endings Cheating?

This week Poly Weekly #180:Are happy endings cheating?.

Download the episode directly!

Article here

3:07 Minx talks about the article she read about a woman who encouraged her husband to get a “happy ending.” The article was from mom logic.

4:45 Minx brings up the comments, the most interesting part of these type of articles.

5:10 Only a small majority considered “happy endings” cheating.

5:40 Minx goes through the actual comments on the site. and providing her feedback on these comments.

8:10 10 comments in and finally somebody brings up a more supportive comment.

10:20 Minx talks about how great strip clubs are!

10:50 Minx asks the questions, how would this woman feel if the husband wanted to do this regularly?

12:30 What if you aren’t the only thing your husband needs?

14:30 It is important that everybody has the same definitions for terms (e.g. cheating).

0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the forums at http://forum.polyweekly.com.

Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com

Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions”

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Poly Weekly #171: But cheating is in my genes!

This week’s Poly Weekly #171: But cheating is in my genes!, a discussion of the release of the Swedish study on RS3 334, stupidly dubbed “the cheating gene” by mainstream media.

Download this episode directly!

0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the forums at http://forum.polyweekly.com.

2:00 Announcements
New York’s Poly Pride Day, October 3-4

2:30 Dragon*Con Rehash

8:45 Topic: Monogamy gene found in study
Monogamy/cheating gene article

23:00 Book Club: If the Buddha Dated
If the Buddha Dated spawned heated discussion this week

23:30 Miss Poly Manners: PDA in public

29:00 Humor: Poly Definitions
Courtesy of listener John

30:15 Feedback

Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com

Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions”

Poly Weekly #147: Listener Feedback

The new Polyamory Weekly #147: Listener Feedback is up! Direct download is at Poly Weekly #147

Subscribe now with iTunes one-click!
Please Digg this podcast at Digg’s PW podcast page!

0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the new FORUMS at http://forum.polyweekly.com.

2:10 Announcements

6:20 Listener Feedback
Jamie gives feedback on the roundtable discussion from Conflation–how a girl he flirted with online was all sexy and hot until he mentioned that he let his wife know about their flirtation, which in her mind made the exchange a “sick game”
10:15 Kevin wrote in about #139 and how to get over a breakup using meditation and new, healing experiences
13:35 DJ Kiltman comments on episode 143 and his own blinding experience with NRE
16:40 Savanni commented on Dorkus’ comment during the Conflation roundtable on polyamory being at least a little bit about the sex–when she was monogamous, she had intimate cuddle friends; they just made the decision to be sexually nonexclusive
18:40 Amul calls in offering to create holiday cards for polys
21:10 R wrote in to offer a poem to share what one can really offer (vs. eternal love)
22:45 Closing off comments on the you’re fat! discussion

24:05 Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Thanks for listening!

Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions”

Poly Weekly #139: Dirty, rotten cheaters

The new Polyamory Weekly #139: Dirty, rotten cheaters is up! Direct download is at Poly Weekly #139

Subscribe now with iTunes one-click!
Please Digg this podcast at Digg’s PW podcast page!

0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments.

1:30 Announcement: Poly Weekly forums!
Yes, the Poly Weekly forums are finally up! Discuss show topics or bring up your own questions and topics. Sign up, log in and chat today! Special thanks to Sc00ter for setting them up and to Vincenza for offering to moderate them!

Minx will miss this month’s Many Loves seminar in Chicago, but only because she’s filming the porn episode for the Midwest Teen Sex Show!

If you’d like to discuss poly books, check out Joreth’s Shelfari poly book discussion group, with great online resources and book discussions!

5:00 Topic: Dirty, rotten cheaters
Amy Gahran’s sending me this internet poll on whether cybersex “counts” as cheating sparked a discussion/rant about what “cheating” actually is, both in monogamy and in polyamory. See how Wikipedia defines cheating.

16:20 Feedback
Jeremy wrote in on jealousy from episode 133, blaming society; 18:30 Jamie comments on episode 134, the Love Maps episode, mentioning that the episode might have caused some uncomfortable introspection; 20:45 Scott comments on episode 87 and the idea of “discretion”; 23:00 ML asks for advice on what to do when a metamour breaks your heart–but is still dating your partner

29:00 Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Thanks for listening!

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