Poly Weekly #174: Fearless communication

This week Poly Weekly #174: how do I speak up when I’m afraid of confrontation?; fearless communication.

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0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the forums at http://forum.polyweekly.com.

4:20 our topic today “fearless communication is based on an email from mzadi.  The question is, how does one communicate when one is not comfortable communicating?

6:25 Minx talks about the need to be assertive in any relationship.  (what you want is important! -FS)

7:30 MInx talks about a friend with a different communication style than herself

8:30 there is a difference between assertive and aggresive.

9:00 the importance of honesty and confidence.

9:50 yelling happens, if it is necessary you an get used to it.

10:45 to get what you want you need to bring it up in a assertive and confident manner.

Topic: How do I speak up when I fear confrontation?

Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com

Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions”

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Poly Weekly #172: How To Communicate/Polycamp Ontario

This week Poly Weekly #172: How To Communicate/Polycamp Ontario talks about how to communicate with someone who isn’t all that interested in communication and a live report from Polycamp Ontario.

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0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the forums at http://forum.polyweekly.com.

1:50 Announcement: Poly Pride Day in New York City
Oct 3rd through 4th.  Cuddle party, after party, poly pride picnic after wards in Central Park.

2:20 Topic: How do you communicate with someone who isn’t into communication?
This topic came from the forum started by Helena, who was concerned her partner was not really interested in hearing the details in her interest in other people. Suggestions include honoring communication styles, having a private blog filter, or writing letters.

8:00 Report: Polycamp Ontario
Roxane reports from PolyCamp Ontario with the following:

  • 9:00 Roxanne first interviews Lucas, a four year old whose parents brought him
  • 10:30 Next, Roxanne interviews Stephen, one of the executives of Polycamp Ontario and a panelist who spoke on long distance relationships. 
  • 15:50 Roxanne interviews <link=http://sexgeek.wordpress.com/>Andrea Zanin (The Sex Geek) Guest of Honor for Polycamp Ontario.
  • 20:05Will, another executive organizer
  • 21:40 Roxane’s impressions of Polycamp Ontario.

25:17 Listener Feedback
This is for episode #169 “Quit Hurting My Partner”
PolyGestalt responds from the person who is hurt and how it can affect that person.  He then shares a situation from his personal life with us.  You can follow the story here; 32:26 Caroline liked Minx’s response

Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com

Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions”

Poly Weekly #169: Quit hurting my partner!

This week’s Poly Weekly #169: Quit hurting my partner! is all about how to deal with getting angry that your partner is hurt emotionally by your metamour.

Download this episode directly!

0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the forums at http://forum.polyweekly.com.

2:50 Topic for the day.  “What do you do if your metamour is hurting your partner”

5:50 this topic was brought up by Maverick when he called in with his comments.  He commented that his rage became “all consuming” if his partner is being hurt.  This caused Minx some disturbance and she suggested a therapist.  However, wow on the responses to this advice.

6:45 Maverick calls in and apologizes about his comments and says he is not somebody to raise his hand in anger and thanks Minx for her comments.

10:07 a caller called in to talk about this subject.  He felt Minx missed the point of the call and noted that he also has felt a “reverse-frubble” when something bad is happening to his partner/partners/metamours

12:10 Mike called in and was a bit offended.  He felt Minx invalidated Maverick’s feelings out of her own fear.

14:30 Minx brings up that when you are comforting your partner resist the urge to say “that <blank> was always an asshole>

15:50 Sam wrote in and felt that Maverick took a risk to expose his anger and feelings and was a bit offended by Minx’s response.

18:20 Minx discusses more ways of dealing with this “anti-frubble” feeling.

19:50 The next part of the show is feedback on episode #166

19:57 Muskrat calls in about episode 166 and points out tha everybody should be aware of the possible discomfort in others. He also mentions PDA also depends on settings.

24:40 Minx brings up some really good points on this especially from the perpsective of the new person/secondary.

26:14 Wolfpeach wrote in and loved the rant about the word “OK.”

28:24 Rob from Australia called in and suggested using “chapter marks” in the podcast.  Unfortunately, that requires saving the file in a format that is not supported by anything but Mac.
Announcements

  • www.genderodyssey.com
  • Poly Weekly Dragon*Con Meetup is Gordon Biersch Brewpub, Sunday Aug 31, 11:30 a.m.
  • Minx will be speaking at Dragon*Con on building community through podcasting/social media on Friday at 7:00 p.m. and on the Sex/Adult blogger/podcaster panel Saturday at 10:00 p.m.

Topic: Quit hurting my partner
A redux of Maverick’s question from Poly Weekly 166, how do you deal with getting really angry when your partner is hurt emotionally by her metamour?

Feedback: PW 166, dealing with PDA by metamours

Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com

Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions”

Poly Weekly #166: “Okay” is a four-letter word

Poly Weekly #166: “Okay” is a four-letter word

Download this episode directly!

0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the forums at http://forum.polyweekly.com.

4:20 this topic came up from some conversations Minx had with people.

4:39 “OK” “fine” are both evil.  Get ready for a rant….

4:55 Minx brings up a scenario demonstrating how “OK” doesn’t provide information, instead it begs many questions.

7:11 If you are asking a new person out and you have a current partner, you will need to expect them to meet.

8:30 Minx talks about how tough it is for secondaries ending up mixing it up with somebody or both people from a couple and the challenges that go with that.

11:50 Your new relationships need some TLC as well.

12:08 Some advice for the Metamour.  Don’t use the word “OK.”  Say something like “I really enjoy watching Steve doing X” as one example.

14:45 In conclusion, don’t use “OK”!

16:00 Miss Poly Manners gives us some advice on how to fit new partners into your busy life.

20:18 SAS comments on episode 150.  He was trying to find the same love as his first love until he realized it was ok if they are different.

21:30 Molly from Oregon called in about a new book called “How to Ruin A Perfectly Good Relationship” by Pat Love and Sunny Shulkin. zeigtucker.com

25:13 Michael called in about the interview with Tacit telling us his polyamory story.

26:45 Kay mailed in response to episode #154 “Metamour Relations” and asked about how much affection is ok in front of metamours.  Kay would love to hear some feedback from the listeners.

32:15 Maverick calls in to talk about frubble. He wants to know if anybody else has what you might call “reverse frubble”  anger at somebody hurting the ones you love.
Beki Rosenthal
Mistress Matisse’s latest Control Tower

Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com

Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions”

Poly Weekly #154: Metamour Relations

The new Polyamory Weekly #154: Metamour Relations is up! Direct download is at Poly Weekly #154

Subscribe now with iTunes one-click!
Please Digg this podcast at Digg’s PW podcast page!

0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the new FORUMS at http://forum.polyweekly.com.

1:00 Host Chat
Poly Weekly book club’s discussion of Eros, a Journey of Multiple Loves; hmmm why not start a PW movie club? And then we got derailed and began discussing today’s topic, metamour relations.

2:40 Announcement
Broom Street Theater in Madison, Wisconsin has put on a stage interpretation of The Ethical Slut, which runs through June 8th

3:00 Roundtable: Metamour Relations
Alan’s metamour not only spoke with him but loaned him instructive books; Chris and his family tend to meet people as friends first, anyway
5:30 What does “friend” level entail in the case of metamours
7:15 dealing with awkwardness of meeting metamours for the first time; forcing a friendship; openness, trust and respect is required, like in a business relationship
12:30 dealing with a metamour you don’t trust; Buffy and Faith as metamours finally finding a way to connect
18:00 how does a metamour come in to an existing dynamic? whose job is it to work on the weirdness?
23:00 communication styles
26:30 how can we make it easier on secondaries coming in? how much responsibility goes to the “hinge” between current and new partner
34:00 knowing how you want to be treated and communicating that; dealing with NRE and how much time/energy you put into it; knowing the existing partners’ dynamic

40:30 Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Thanks for listening!

Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com

Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions”

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