PW 385: Everyone is doing poly wrong (the podcast!)

LustyGuy and Cunning Minx at Conflation in Wild West garb

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1:00 Announcements and Host Chat

4:15 Topic: Everyone is doing poly wrong and needs to die in a fire

lolcat_doing_it_wrong

I’ve been speaking at more conference than usual this quarter, and with getting out more comes more musing.

In particular, I’ve noticed that we poly folks can be quick to police and judge others who have different definitions from ours. My blog post on why we should stop the poly policing and promote curiosity and tolerance is here; I talk through all the major points and make a plea for stopping our tendency to be the poly police and instead focus on curiosity, understanding and tolerance of others who might practice polyamory differently from us. (Yes, even when we think they’re doing it 100% wrong!)

22:00 Feedback

Q wrote in about polyamory and Buddhism and how they relate. Your thoughts?

25:30 Happy Poly Moment

A wrote in to share a Happy Poly Valentine’s Day moment!

27:00 Thank you!

Thanks to Poly Weekly supporters Melissa, Davie and Nigel for their donations this week! Also, we welcome Madalyn to the Poly Weekly playmates!

28:30 Wrap up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

PW 350: To fight or not to fight… for poly marriage

Is legalization of poly marriage worth the battle?

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1:00 Announcements and host chat

  • I will be hosting a poly panel and helping to emcee at Conflation in Saint Louis February 22-24
  • Also a Write Your Own User Manual session followed by a meet and greet at Shameless Grounds coffee shop on Sunday, February 24th at 7:00 PM. Come join us! Calendar info
  • Hidden Social: Where Sexual Variants Gather Online session at SXSWi on Sunday, March 10, 3:30 PM with Herb Coleman, Adjunct Professor of Psychology at UT Austin ( #hiddensoc )
  • Content Creation for the Online Activist on Sunday, March 17th at 10:30 AM in D.C. at CatalystCon ( #ccon )
  • Want to help send Minx to SXSWi and CatalystCon this year? We just need 10 $96 donations so I can eat! And we LOVE $69 and $96 donations!

6:00 Topic: should we fight for legalization of poly marriage?

Mistress Matisse’s article on the legalization of poly marriage debate: You May Now Kiss the Bride and the Other Bride and the Other Bride and the Other Groom: Why Poly Marriage Is Never Going to Happen

What are your thoughts on fighting to legalize poly marriage? Do you care? Would you fight for it for the next 20 years like the gays did?

17:50 Happy Poly Moment

Vicki shares a fun snogging-oriented happy poly moment

19:45 Feedback

  • CL wrote in to quote a study on how long it actually takes to create a habit. Turns out, it’s not the oft-quoted 21 days, but anywhere from 21 to 84 days, depending on the habit. Source: Author: Jeremy Dean; Title: Making Habits, Breaking Habits; Publisher: Da Capo Press; Date: Copyright 2013 by Jeremy Dean; Pages: 3-7
  • Space Hippie Geek wrote in to respond to episode 300 on couple privilege and took issue with three points:
    • conflating a triad and a vee (in a vee there is no romantic relationship between two of the partners)
    • pointing out (quite rightly) that, “don’t only want to feel as if I’m being added onto an established family. I also want to feel that my boyfriend is joining my family. Even if I don’t have another partners, and am not close to my birth family. Even just by myself, I am a family, a household. I have my own traditions, customs, and ways of doing things.”
    • While there are benefits to having everyone talk together, communicating as a group isn’t always necessary.
    • Mitch advocates for my voice not being used for the proliferation of toxic sludge

29:45  Wrap up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY (our new number!). And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Poly Weekly #196: Jealousy roundtable

This week’s Poly Weekly #196: Jealousy roundtable.

Download the mp3 directly!

0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the forums at http://forum.polyweekly.com.

2:00 Pre-Discussion
Minx introduces Gabriel and they have a short discussion about Conflation.

9:05 Poly Round Table from Conflation
and we begin the jealousy discussion; moving to the nature and origin of jealousy; minx takes it back to the steampunk vibrator.

22:50 Minx and Gabriel discuss what to expect on the next episode.

24:20 Listener Feedback

GeekFox comments on episode 193 that sometimes, ex’es really are just jerks.

Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com

Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions”

Poly Weekly #195: Steampunk polyamory!

This week’s Poly Weekly #195: Victorian (steampunk) polyamory!.

Download the mp3 directly!

0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the forums at http://forum.polyweekly.com.

2:33 Discussion: Victorian/Steampunk polyamory!
Victorian poly roundtable discussion from Conflation. Skunk begins the discussion talking about women’s place in society. Minx then asks the panel what contraceptives were used; hysteria and the common cures; Alex brings up famous open relationships and others are brought up by the group; lack of poly fiction; Heinlein

25:50 Miss Poly Manners
Miss Poly Manners takes a question about how to approach somebody already in a current relationship.

30:40 Happy Poly Moment of the Week
Vicki from Facebook shares a great experience over dinner.

32:30 Listener Feedback
Charlene wrote in about episode 192.

Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com

Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions”

Poly Weekly #144: Polyamory Pitfalls for Newbies

The new Polyamory Weekly #144: is up! Direct download is at Poly Weekly #144

Subscribe now with iTunes one-click!
Please Digg this podcast at Digg’s PW podcast page!

0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the new FORUMS at http://forum.polyweekly.com.

1:00 Announcements
Minx is freshly back, exhausted from Conflation

  • Poly Weekly Book Club meets Wednesday, February 27th at the Center on Halsted, 6:00-9:00 p.m.
  • Saturday, February 23rd in Madison at A Woman’s Touch: Negotiating Non-Monogamy as well as
  • March 19th at A Woman’s Touch in Milwaukee: Negotiating Non-Monogamy, $35, click here to register

Feedback3:50 Host Chat: Feeback is awesome!
Minx is enamored of Feedback, but just as a friend. It’s ‘cuz he’s an awesome swing dancer!! Please support his charities by going to his site and donating. My high point of the conference? Two minutes of swing dancing with Feedback!

9:10 Polyamory Roundtable: What Do You Wish Someone Had Told You When You Were New to Poly?
the most useful part of rules and guidelines is the process of making and changing them, not the rules themselves–they’ll change
17:50 be prepared for personal growth and to be a different person at the end of the process
24:50 everyone’s definitions of poly and everything else is different–define EVERYTHING
27:20 poly bingo cards from dotpolysnark
27:50 every problem in poly is the same as in mono, but you’ll get less help
30:50 assumptions about rules as relationship-killers in monogamy
32:50 one person is poly and the other goes along, but then makes rules to restrict every new love interest
36:50 must trust and give your partner the benefit of the doubt
37:50 be prepared to talk about EVERYTHING
40:35 how do you get through the finger of doubt?
42:35 have friends you can talk to about your partners
48:35 be able to ask for reassurance when you need it
52:10 be prepared to have enough self-esteem to say “I deserve better than this”
53:50 begin with self-honesty and self-esteem
54:45 all the talk in the world makes no difference if you aren’t willing to act and grow

57:55 Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Thanks for listening!

Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions”

Poly Weekly #142: LIVE from Arisia Sci-Fi

The new Polyamory Weekly #142: Live from the Arisia science-fiction convention is up! Direct download is at Poly Weekly #142

Subscribe now with iTunes one-click!
Please Digg this podcast at Digg’s PW podcast page!

0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the new FORUMS at http://forum.polyweekly.com.

1:30 Announcements & Promo stuff

  • Next weekend, I’ll be hosting both a podcasting and polyamory panel at Conflation in Saint Louis. This year is a Firefly theme, and I can’t wait to try out my new Inara costume!
  • Next meeting of the Poly Weekly Book Club will be Wednesday, February 27th, 6:00-9:00 p.m. at the Center on Halsted, 2nd floor, white couches; we’ll be continuing our discussion of Ravenscroft’s Polyamory: Roadmaps for the Clueless and the Hopeful
  • Upcoming workshops: And Boyfriend/Girlfriend Makes Three: Negotiating Nonmonogamy, Saturday, February 23rd, noon-1:30 p.m., A Woman’s Touch in Madison; or Wednesday, March 19th, 6:00-7:30 in Milwaukee

  • 3:25 Promo for Nawashi, a novel of erotic magic, available from Podiobooks.com
  • The new Poly Weekly promo will be up in the feed next

  • We’re trying to get 100 reviews on iTunes; if you’d like, please review Poly Weekly by clicking here!
  • 5:30 Report: Poly Panels at the Arisia Science Fiction Convention
    Alan interviews Shava from a panel on being poly in a straight world; Michelle Wexelblack discusses poly-mono relationship; 14:00 Dr. Solomon Davidoff discusses the poly community compared to other subcultures; Alan talks about creating a temporary tribe

    17:50 Topic: Why Does My Spouse Irritate Me So Much?
    Minx discusses this article on marriage only getting worse–your spouse will end up annoying the heck outta you!

    21:45 Wrap-up
    Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Thanks for listening!

    Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions”

Poly Weekly #141: You’re Fat! Redux

The new Polyamory Weekly #141: You’re Fat, redux is up! Direct download is at Poly Weekly #141

Subscribe now with iTunes one-click!
Please Digg this podcast at Digg’s PW podcast page!
0:00 Introduction and host chat
Intro, under-18 warning and re-direction to www.scarleteen.com; friend me on Twitter and answer questions about what you want on the show, call 206-202-POLY with comments or discuss your own topics at the new FORUMS at http://forum.polyweekly.com.

2:00 Announcements & Promo stuff

8:50 Topic: You’re Fat!, redux: How much honesty is too much honesty?

  1. First type of response: society is wrong (she shouldn’t have to lose the weight; he should still find her attractive; as a culture, we’re overweight)
  2. 17:30 Second type of response: try the indirect approach; use positive reinforcement (invite your partner on your walks
  3. 20:00 Third type of response: find out what’s at the root of the weight gain (depression, poor self-esteem) and address that; there is usually a reason people stop taking care of themselves; consider that this is affecting the sexual desire of both partners, not just the man;
  4. 26:00 Fourth type of response: if you have built trust with your partner, you can bring up any issue, even weight gain (if you have a history of bringing up difficult issues for the good of the relationship, your partner will have faith in you in this, too)

34:50 Wrap-up
Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email cunningminx@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Thanks for listening!

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