PW 436: Date your species

reidaboutsexHow to date your species with sex geek Reid Mihalko 

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Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:00 Announcements

6:10 Kicking Poly Drama online course commercial

8:30 Announcements

11:00 Date your species with Reid Mihalko

The four-step process to dating your species with the original sex geek, Reid Mihalko! His great resources on dating your species, including video seminars on his dating your species classes, are must-watch! In four quick steps:

  1. Define your win-wins
  2. Define your deal-breakers
  3. Define your three-strike areas
  4. Define your “wiggle rooms”

41:00 Feedback

Credit where credit is due: the original impetus for dating your species came from Frustrated Femme, a 22-year-old polyamorist who is baffled that her boyfriends don’t understand her needing to date other people. Apart from dating your species to begin with (the better choice), the only other option is to take months or years to consider poly, keep having talks with the partner, and hope that one day he’ll be comfy with it (not recommended).

45:35 Thanks

Thanks to Lisa for her donation!

46:30 Wrap Up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

PW 434: Five things that suck about polyamory

Let’s talk about the things that really suck about being polyamorous!this-sucks-lolcat

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Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:00 Announcements

Podcasty stuff

Buzzfeed win So proud to be on Buzzfeed’s list of Top 40 Places to Hear Everything You Never Learned in Sex Ed Class!

Kicking Poly Drama class update Want to take Kicking Poly Drama on Its Ass but have three people in your polycule? We’re now offering the 3-Person-Polycule option for the class for just $169! Lets you share your login with up to two partners.

Trans follow up After my Bastyr chat with a male previously identified as FTM trans, a great book on JUST ONE OF THE GUYS? How Transmen Make Gender Visible at Work by Kristen Schilt, UCLA

10:45 Poly in the News

15:15 Topic: Five things that suck about polyamory

We all love our orientations, whether they be monogamy, swinging, non-monogamy or polyamory. But let’s face it: there are a lot of things that suck about self-identifying as polyamorous. So let’s just acknowledge that!

5. When it’s great, it’s great. When it explodes, it blows up HARD.

4. Communication drain

3. Finding like-minded people

2. Not having enough time to spend with partners

1. Living in a monogamous culture

23:10 Happy Poly Moment

PolyDoc wrote in to share how she had an opportunity to let an 81-year-old patient in a sexless marriage know about polyamory and consensual non-monogamy.

25:45 Feedback

Vlad figures the math of polyamory. Poly Weekly Dork Stamp Award!

29:15 Wrap Up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

How Polyamory Become More Mainstream Than Peanut Butter

Having a blast at Poly Living; thanks to everyone who gave positive feedback on my opening keynote!

Enjoy the audio slidecast of the talk. Peanut butter and slash fic; what’s not to love??

The slides are below:

PW 430: Don’t try polyamory before listening to this

Minx and Koe Creation review the absolutely essential Relationship Bill of Rightsbillofrights Download the mp3 directly

1:00 Announcements

3:25 Poly in the news

5:35 Topic: What you need to know about poly relationships before trying one

Koe Creation and Minx highlight one of the most important pieces for you to read, review and integrate before trying a poly relationship. No, it’s not about jealousy. No, it’s not about dating. No, it’s not about safer sex. This is a topic that very few people discuss before trying polyamory and is usually the cause of the demise of the first poly relationship. What is it? The rights that every person has in every relationship, regardless of the structure: Franklin Veaux’s and Eve Rickert’s Relationship Bill of Rights.

37:30 Thank you!

Thanks to Shelby for the donation!

38:30 Wrap Up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

PW 429: OMG Girl Sex with Allison Moon

girlsexallison

Download the mp3 directly (new audio file 4-27-15)

1:00 Announcements

  • I’ll be speaking at Rocky Mountain Poly Living May 7-10
  • Working to offer Kicking Poly Drama in the Ass as an online course—stay tuned!

3:00 Poly in the news

8:00 Interview: Girl Sex 101 with Allison Moon

Girl Sex 101 is an innovative and unique project created and spearheaded by Allison Moon and illustrated by kd diamond. Described as “a road trip in a book,” Girl Sex 101 seeks to combine fiction, comics and sex education as a resource for queer women in a way that no other sex education tool has done before.

Want to win a copy of Girl Sex 101? Tweet your favorite quote from this interview before May 15 and tag @theallisonmoon and @polyweekly to be entered to win!

33:45 Feedback on 426

Tre writes in to ask for more happy poly moments!

35:55 Thank you!

Thanks to Sidney for joining the Poly Weekly playmates!

36:00 Wrap Up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

PW 428: Naughty songstress Rachel Lark

A chat with bawdy poly songstress Rachel Larklarkafterdark

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1:00 Announcements

3:00 Poly in the news

6:35 Interview: Bawdy Poly Songstress Rachel Lark

Rachel Lark, Bawdy Storytelling’s naughty songstress, shares tales of her poly life and how she got into writing and performing naughty songs. Her song for us is called Born This Way (26:30).

26:30 Born This Way

33:30 Feedback on episode 425

Pete writes in to give feedback on 425 Dating at 37, recounting that he got all this same self-help advice before being diagnosed as being on the autism spectrum

36:15 Wrap Up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Is there poly over 70?

Cunning Minx, host of the Polyamory Weekly podcast, interviews poly geezer Ken Haslam on polyamory over the age of 70

Ken, tell us who you are.

I’m an 80-year-old failing polyamorist settling down into a more conventional lifestyle in a retirement community. I was a poly activist for 15 years and ran about the country lecturing and ultimately set up the Kenneth R. Haslam Polyamory Library at the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University about six or eight years ago now.

Didn’t you run the Poly Geezers list?

I am a founding member, along with another fellow, who is now dead. That’s one of the problems of getting old–sometimes you die. The Poly Geezers list died a natural death. Old polys get it; they don’t have much drama; they don’t have much to talk about!

What do you do if one partner gets dementia or is unable to have sex?

The first thing you do is to have that conversation when you’re both younger, and your brains and bodies are working well. You have these conversations before you get sick–before the age of 50. It’s important that you sit down with your partners and talk about this kind of thing. What happens when one of us gets Alzheimers? And you take it from there. You do what you always do in a poly community: you talk. You extract the information you can from each other about what you want.

Maybe a yearly Alzheimer’s checkin?

It’s not a pleasant thought, but it’s out there, and it’s occurring because the population is aging. And all those young polys out there in about 10 or 15 years are gonna be old.

What other issues could an aging poly run up against?

Divorce. Some people just bail out because caring for someone old and demented is a problem, and it’s very burdensome for the healthy partner. And people with these disease can take years to die. So you have this dilemma: what am I supposed to do? I’ve been married to this person for 20 or 30 years, and now they’re failing. I don’t have an answer for this. I think that polyamory is a way to deal with this problem of being there for a failing partner but still get your own needs met.

What about people who weren’t poly to begin with, like someone who at 50 just doesn’t want sex any more?

I can think of one example of a couple in Illinois, where he went off on his own and went to swing clubs as a single man and went to parties by himself. And his wife stayed home and felt sorry for herself. And after a year or two, she ultimately joined him, and they now have a very happy, adventuresome poly/swing lifestyle. And they go to swinger conventions all the time, and they’re in their 70s!

What about people who discover bisexuality in their 60s?

Many people don’t discover their homosexuality or bisexuality until they’re older, when all of those programmings we have when we are young tend to go away. And you say “gee, I’m really attracted to same sex!” Well, you need to sit down with your partner or partners and tell ‘em. And that’s one of the beauties of polyamory, that your partners would be supportive of your needs.

What if you were monogamous until you discover your bisexuality?

That’s what lawyers thrive on. Sometimes, great relationship fail. And they can fail even after 40 or 50 or 60 years. That’s one of the beauties of polyamory–there are lots of options open to you if you keep an open mind and are flexible.

To hear the entire interview with Ken Haslam about polyamory over the age of 70, as well as poly news coverage and happy poly moments, check out Poly Weekly episode 427: Poly Geezers.

PW 427: Poly geezers with Ken Haslam

kenhaslamWhat you need to know about poly in your 60s, 70s and beyond from poly geezer Ken Haslam

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1:00 Poly in the news

3:45 Interview: Ken Haslam on poly geezers

Ken Haslam, founder of the Poly Geezers email list and of the Kenneth R. Haslam Polyamory collection at the Kinsey Institute, talks about how polyamory works after the age of 60.

28:50 Feedback on 423

  • Raven writes in response to episode 423 to ask how to feel special when being an introvert with chronic depression?
  • George writes in response to 423 about her disability and her need to stop punishing herself for being “wussy sometimes” due to it
  • D calls in about 423 on the real loss of being someone’s “one and only”

39:05 Happy Poly Moment

Ariane shares a happy poly moment about her metamour, when marrying Ariane’s partner, insisted that Ariane spend the night with her partner

40:15 Thank you!

Thanks to Alan of the Poly in the News blog for his donation!

41:00 Wrap Up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

PW 426: What YOU wish you’d known about poly

For our special 10-year anniversary, what you wish you’d known–and what I’ve learned from youLol-Cat-picture-Party-On

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1:00 Topic: What do YOU wish you’d known about polyamory?

To celebrate 10 years of Poly Weekly, what do YOU wish you’d known about polyamory?

  • David shares that if you sleep three to a king bed, put twin sheets on it so the middle person can get out in the middle of the night! J Also that your fears are usually worse than reality, so just talk about them.
  • Amber Love shares that PW inspired her to get off her butt and write more and publish her first book!
  • CageyCate shares that you fall in love with real people, not theories or convenient ideals
  • Eve Rickert learned that every experience is new and never to make assumptions and a lot about boundaries and consent
  • Franklin Veaux learned that OK to be poly and you don’t need to conform to every rule as a concession for this terrible lifestyle
  • SpiderGirl learned that you don’t have to do poly and kink and everything all at once
  • Poly is real—congratulations!
  • Thanks for 30 years of monogamy
  • Jackie wishes she’d known that poly doesn’t’ mean everyone needs equal time and shares a happy poly moment
  • Guillaume learned that trying to convert people to polyamory is not the way to go and that he’s better off going to the poly community instead of converting from the general population

14:00 What I have learned from YOU

  • While my experiences are common, not everyone is like me, and I need to be more thoughtful about language and inclusion
  • With respect to community, the intolerance and politics you see in the poly forums is not the only way–when you treat others with respect, you get respect in return. Never once have I received hate mail. Never!
  • Happy poly moments abide, despite the fact we read the opposite online all the time
  • There is a lot I don’t know
  • There is a lot I DO know
    • knowing yourself, emotional intelligence of owning shit and asking for what you want
    • 90% can be solved with “did you tell/ask him/her that?” be honest about your feelings
    • typically it’s a concern about someone else acting a certain way, when all you need to do is ask yourself what you want and need and then ask that person for that

22:00 Wrap Up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

PW 425: Dating anew at 37

How to start dating in your 30s after divorcing your only partner EVERlolcatdating

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1:00 Host chat and announcements

3:00 Poly in the News

5:35 Topic: How do I date again at 37?

A listener writes in to ask how, after basically only being with one person his whole life, he is to explore dating again? Koe Creation cohosts.

  • Scarleteen is great for everyone, not just teenagers!
  • Discard the shame. We are constantly evolving; embrace it
  • Love yourself first and be solid before you try to date.
  • Do what you love, and you’ll find people who will love you.
  • Be open and be curious
  • Ask for what you want; be shameless about acknowledging your needs

27:30 Feedback

Maggie writes in to share her new bisexual identity and the fond high school memories it is bringing up

29:10 Wrap Up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

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