PW 424: My suggestion backfired! Now what?

lolcat_no_waiWhat to do when your well-intended relationship suggestion backfires

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1:00 Host chat and announcements

1:45 Poly in the News

4:00 Topic: My well-intended suggestion backfired. Now what?

A listener calls in to share what happened when he suggested Google Calendar as a solution to a relationship challenge. His partner, however, didn’t take the suggestion so well. So what does one do when a well-intended suggestion backfires or isn’t received in the spirit in which it was intended?

  • Focus less on finding better tools and more on improving communication.
  • Try listening rather than fixing.
  • Ask what she needs to be happy and healthy in the relationship.
  • Tell her what you need to be happy and healthy in the relationship.
  • Negotiate together—whoever turns down one suggestion has to offer the next one.
  • Slowly and sensitively explore her past baggage and yours.
  • Write your own user manual and encourage your partner to write hers.
  • Erin writes in response to episodes 420 on disabilities and identity to share a lifetime of dealing with disabilities while struggling with a poly/queer identity.
  • Doug writes in to share his preference for describing his son, who is on the autism spectrum.

12:05 Feedback on 420: Poly and identity

  • Erin writes in response to episodes 420 on disabilities and identity to share a lifetime of dealing with disabilities while struggling with a poly/queer identity.
  • Doug writes in to share his preference for describing his son, who is on the autism spectrum.

18:10 Happy Poly Moment

S writes in to share how episode 360 on crowdsourcing jealousy helped spawn a happy poly moment!

22:30 Wrap Up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

PW 423: How to feel special

How to feel special when there is more than one partner involved?awesomedog

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1:00 Host chat and announcements

9:50 Poly in the News

16:00 Topic: How to feel special

A listener writes in to ask how one goes about feeling special when one is not the one and only love. Cohosts Koe Creation and Minx offer their insights.

  • How does a second child feel special?
  • Know who you are as an independent and whole person
  • Know what you need and ask for it; ask your new partners what they need to feel special
  • Small kindnesses show care

30:45 Feedback

Marcie writes in in response to episode 420 on disabilities to say that not everyone prefers person-first language.

32:30 Happy Poly Moment

D calls in to share a slow road to polyamory.

38:00 Thank you!

Cagey and Doug both donated $69 each, which we invested in Portland strippers. J

Wrap up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

PW 422: Cooper Beckett’s Life on the Swingset

SwingsetbookCooper of the Life on the Swingset podcast shares a tidbit from his new memoir

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1:00 Host chat and announcements

5:15 Poly in the News

12:00 Interview: Cooper Beckett

Cooper Beckett, founder and host of Life on the Swingset podcast, has just come out with a memoir of his journey into progressive swinging entitled My Life on the Swingset: Adventures in Swinging and Polyamory. Join him for a special short essay reading from his new book! (There is even an audio version coming soon!) 

43:00 Feedback

46:15 Happy Poly Moment

D shares a sensitive, compassionate and patient road to polyamory.

53:45 Wrap Up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

PW 419: Long distance relationships

Tips and tricks for long-distance relationshipsuh43048,1289761004,ca07c62e-004f-4c18-addd-2ec839763a6a


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1:00 Host chat and announcements

LustyGuy and I’ll be teaching Kicking Poly Drama in the Ass at Kinkfest!

2:00 Poly in the News

5:35 Topic: Long-distance relationships

Koe Creation cohosts this fun segment on how to define and sustain long distance relationships. Thanks to our Facebook fans who offered advice here, and we had a few thoughts, too:

  • How to define “long distance”
  • What are your needs and expectations?
    • pause and play
    • do you need ongoing?
    • how do you get quality time? how do you feel valued?
  • Use technology: Skype, order delivery and have dinner together, Google calendar, texts, emails, letters
    • random, ongoing contact as it is beneficial (is travel too costly?)
    • setting date nights
    • working on joint projects

30:25 Feedback

A fan shares her appreciation of Joan Price’s episode on senior sex!

32:00 Wrap Up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

PW 417: Senior sex with Joan Price

Senior sex kitten Joan Price shares the secrets of sex over 50Joan Price

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1:00 Announcements

InfinityCon dates have changed to November.

1:45 Poly in the News

A ton of articles this week on how poly culture affects everyone. Poly in the News has a great roundup post, including an article on navigating poly relationships from the new dating site MeetMindfulness; 6 Reasons Why Sharing Your Boyfriend Will Boost Your Self-Esteem from a BlogHer blogger; This is the Explanation for Polyamory That Everyone Needs to Hear; and a TEDx talk on Polyamory and Emotional Literacy.

4:15 Interview: Joan Price on Senior Sex

Author and speaker Joan Price calls herself an “advocate for ageless sexuality.” She has been called other things by the media: “senior sexpert,” “the beautiful face of senior sex,” and—her favorite—”wrinkly sex kitten.” Visit Joan’s zesty, award-winning blog about sex and aging at www.NakedAtOurAge.com.

She talks to Poly Weekly about reviewing sex toys for people over 50 as well as considerations and solutions for sex in your fabulous golden years!

38:15 Feedback

M in Oregon writes in to say how great it was to hear from L on episode 414!

39:45 Happy Poly Moment

A listener calls in to claim she and her partner have found a unicorn (bisexual woman equally attracted to both partners simultaneously)

42:15 Wrap Up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

PW 416: Growing up poly, the bad


Parentes_ama_familiam_cura
Three adults who grew up in polyamorous households speak out on their negative experiences of growing up poly

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This is part two of a two-part series on the real experiences of growing up in a poly household. To hear the panel speak on their positive experiences of growing up in a polyamorous household, visit Episode 415: Growing up poly, the good

1:15 Announcements

infinitycon logo

I’ll be teaching 8 Things I Wish I’d Known About Polyamory and MORE at InfinityCon in Atlanta over Valentine’s Day weekend! And LustyGuy will be with me, moderating the poly/swinging panel and teaching rough body play techniques. Fun!

For ticket, hotel and scheduling info, visit www.infinitycon.net

2:30 Poly in the News

Alan has listed the top 22 national poly events in 2015. PLUS instructions on how to search for and find your local meetup group. No excuses for not finding your community!

3:35 Topic: Growing up poly, the bad

After last week’s panel on the positive effects of growing up in a poly household, Join Koe, Susie and Tiana as they share some of the negative effects it had on their upbringing, including being too trusting and open in the world.

24:40 Feedback

Haddyr insists that yes, teens and 20-somethings do in fact use “heteronormative” all the time!

25:55 Wrap Up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

PW 415: Growing up poly, the good

funny-pictures-cats-teach-baby-to-drink-waterThree adults who grew up in polyamorous households speak out on their experiences of growing up poly

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1:00 Poly in the News

6:00 Topic: Growing up poly, the good

Join Koe, Susie and Tiana as they share what their poly households were like as they were growing up, how much they knew about their parents’ partners and the positive effects it had on their upbringing.

31:00 Happy Poly Moment

Renée shares a holiday HPM in which she and her two partners host the holiday meal for their families and friends!

33:30 Thank you!

Welcome Oliver to the Poly Weekly Playmates and thanks to K in Germany for the donation!

34:00 Wrap up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

PW 414: Meeting L!

lolcatpodcastA rare chance to hear L, LustyGuy’s wife and my metamour, speak on her brand of non-monogamy, jealousy and relationship longevity

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1:00 Announcements and Host Chat

2:35 Poly in the News

5:10 Topic: Meeting L

LustyGuy’s wife and my metamour L is persuaded to take the microphone to talk about her brand of non-monogamy, jealousy and her secrets for non-monogamous relationship longevity.

24:50 Feedback

  • Lillian calls in a caveat to the Discuss, Distract, Do model of dealing with jealousy in episode 398
  • Steve calls in an asterisk to handling freaking out

29:30 Happy Poly Moment

  • Sarah calls in to give advice on how to name two Sarahs that you are dating
  • KR gives an update on a crowded house living situation that is chaotic but still happy

32:45 Wrap Up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

PW 413: Polly Superstar!

Poly in the news; an interview with Polly Superstar about her new memoir; More Than Two contest winners!

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Polly Superstar

Polly Superstar

1:00 Announcements and Host Chat

Please take the PW listener survey!

1:45 Poly in the News

 6:15 Interview: Polly Superstar

She is the founder of San Francisco’s Mission Control, Kinky Salon and author of a new memoir, Polly: Sex Culture Revolutionary.

33:15 Feedback

Mandy writes in about episode 410: The World According to Gottman

36:30 More than Two winners!

Bianca, Susie and VeePoint called in to enter to win the signed copy of More Than Two. And the winner is: VeePoint! Email me so I can send you the book. J

45:00 Happy Poly Moment

GalliardGirl calls in to share a super fun happy poly moment!

47:35 Thank you!

Thanks to Badger for his donation, and welcome Brian to the Poly Weekly Playmates!

48:00 Wrap Up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

PW 412: Relationship “rules” of order

funny_cats_lol_cats_earz_too_smallLustyGuy’s best practices for a long-term poly relationship

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1:00 Announcements and Host Chat

Please take the PW listener survey!

3:00 Poly in the News

Nick TV’s Degrassi introduces a polyamory plot line, sort of

5:15 Topic: Relationship “Rules” of Order from LustyGuy

Really “best practices” rather than “rules”

Getting Started

  • Assume goodwill among folks
  • Reasonable emotional intelligence is required—know how you feel, why you feel that way and be able to express both

What you need to do yourself

  • Know thyself
  • Be honest with yourself

Within the relationship

  • Give early notice to avoid surprises
  • Allow for “experience shock”
  • Never ask a question you can’t hear “no” to
  • If you reject a request, it’s your responsibility to make a counter-offer
  • Have regular relationship check-ins, “State of the Relationship” talks
  • Let your partners be the experts on themselves
  • What is important to your partner must also be at least a little important to you
  • If it hasn’t been agreed to, it isn’t (yet) so
  • Be partners, not parents
  • The negotiation process ultimately matters more than the outcome
  • A joint account requires consent of all contributors before spending
  • Pass the “conn” for kids/pets

27:30 Happy Poly Moment

  • Haddayr shares a super sweet happy poly moment with the 10-year-old!
  • Gabriel shares an HPM about communication about sexual preferences saving the day!

31:00 Wrap Up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

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