PW 364: I’m in love and got vetoed!

What to do when your relationship is vetoed AFTER you fell in love

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1:00 Host chat

Showtime poly series starts a new season

Now we’re “stuck” with non traditional marriage

10:30 Topic: I’m in love but just got vetoed!

L writes in for advice. What do you do when you trust that the couple really is poly and end up falling in love with the guy, only to have his wife veto you a bit later when she breaks up with her own boyfriend?

  • This sucks and is unfair and unkind.
  • Lying about the nature of your relationship isn’t healthy.
  • Expecting him to leave her isn’t terribly healthy, either.
  • Accept and grieve the loss. Value yourself and the experience.
  • Next time, vet the couple to be sure each person is stable, fully embraces polyamory and is personally secure.

22:35 Happy Poly Moment

  • B in Seattle shares a Happy Poly Moment. British comedies FTW!
  • Cate shares a beautiful story of a metamour leaving a footprint of food and love. Want to win a metamour of the year award? Be a Hot Dish Elf!

26:00 Feedback

32:00 Wrap up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

PW 363: New to poly; same old drama

How does a poly and kink newbie handle dating a monogamous submissive?

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1:00 Host chat

LustyGuy cohosts! And for some reason, we start talking about anal dildos.

2:00 Topic: I’m new to poly and kink and trying to date a monogamous partner covertly

Jason writes in to ask advice. He’s new to both poly and kink. He’s in love with a new married partner who identifies as monogamous, sees him without her husband’s consent and claims to no longer love her husband.

Minx mentions NLE = New Lifestyle Energy. The pull and power of the first poly and/or kink relationship can be exhilarating and overwhelming… and can lead to some bad decisions.

19:00 Wrap up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

PW 362: The Killer Wore Leather

Chatting with Laura Antoniou, author of the new tongue-in-cheek murder mystery novel set at a BDSM convention

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1:00 Announcements

In the U.S., celebrating the overturn of the Defense of Marriage Act. Now if gays are married in the nine legal states, the federal government must also recognize the union with the same rights accorded to straight couples.

3:55 Interview: Laura Antoniou

Laura Antoniou on her new murder mystery novel set at a BDSM convention, The Killer Wore Leather.

33:50 Thanks

Thanks to Dave for his donation this week!

Wrap up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

PW 360: Crowdsourcing jealousy

How do you deal with jealousy?

How do you address jealousy?

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1:00 Announcements

4:30 Topic: how do you deal with jealousy?

Listeners brought up this question on Twitter, and we haven’t talked about jealousy in a while. So we threw it out to YOU, the listeners, on Facebook, Twitter and Google+, and your advice was GREAT:

  • If the solution to kids being jealous isn’t “only have one kid,” we should expect the same of adults as well
  • Tristan Taormino’s Opening Up has a great chapter on jealousy
  • Admit the feelings to yourself
  • Narrow down what you are feeling
  • Acknowledge your feelings; reflect; avoid shaming; seek comfort
  • Say it aloud; talk to someone about it
  • Understand that jealousy often involves the fear of loss and that adding a new partner doesn’t mean you get less
  • Understand that you can choose how you react to your emotions

You guys covered it very well! Minx’s tips:

  • Don’t panic. Being jealous doesn’t make you a bad person.
  • Listen to what your body/emotions are trying to tell you with the jealousy.
  • Fill in these blanks: “I’m afraid that if my partner/metamour does ___, it means ___.”
  • Share your thoughts/feelings with your partner(s) in a safe space.
  • Take care of yourself.
  • Ask for support.
  • Pat yourself on the back!

22:25 Feedback: Episode 357

  • Vir sent in this link on “average” and “normal” sex regarding episode 357′s inflammatory use of the word “normal” with regards to sex
  • Anonymous caller points out that when people of privilege are asked to look at their privilege, they can feel targeted and defensive
  • Morpheous comments on the mentions of couple privilege of late, saying ” It’s not a bad thing to have privilege, people who have just need to realize it limits their perspective and to give a voice to people without that privilege, allowing them to speak up.”

27:00 Thank you

Thanks to David for his generous $69.69 donation this week!

Wrap up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

PW 359: Being poly, out and pregnant

How do you handle coming out when your pregnancy forces the poly issue?

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1:00 Announcements

13:20 Topic: Pregnant, poly and being judged

A pregnant listener with two boyfriends asks how to avoid being judged when coming out about the nature of her relationship. Advice:

  • When people judge, it’s a commentary on their own experiences, not yours. Surprisingly, it’s rarely about you; it’s about them! Listen and express sympathy and compassion for any unpleasant incidents they reveal to you.
  • Use humor whenever possible.
  • Be careful legally and explore the ramifications.

23:15 Feedback

  • Kei gave feedback on episode 357 regarding dealing with differing levels of sexual drive in relationships.
  • Olaf wrote in to comment that any new web series on polyamory would help with exposure.
  • It’s the first of May! Outdoor fucking starts today!

29:00 Thank you

Thanks to Keith and Kristin for their generous donations this week!

Wrap up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY (our new number!). And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

PW 358: There’s an app for that!

What are the best apps for poly folks?

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1:00 Announcements

10:50 Topic: There’s an App for That

  • Suggested poly apps from listeners: Google Calendar, OK Cupid, Facebook, SnapChat, Words with Friends, Skype, Zello, a long-range walkie-talkie app; What’s App, a way to consolidate chats with friends and lovers with no SMS charges or logging into various platforms
  • Apps I found in the iTunes app store: My marriage coach; Sex Tracker; Couple
  • What we want to develop: a positive feedback relationship app to give points to your loved ones when they are awesome. Talented developers interested in helping out contact LustyGuy on FetLife.

23:30 Happy Poly Moment

Paul shares a moment of recognizing an opportunity to pamper his Mistress.

25:15 Feedback

Marshe wrote in to explain Culture Warrior is an evangelical term referring to Christians who feel the U.S. mainstream culture is too secular and should be battled against.

Wrap up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY (our new number!). And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

PW 357: How much sex is “normal”?

How much sex is “normal” in a committed relationship?

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2:00 Announcements

5:00 Topic: How often do normal people have sex?

24:00 Our advice for good sex:

  1. Talk about what you want and what you need; know the difference.
  2. Be willing to hear “no” and/or negotiate a counter offer.
  3. Be open to your partner’s/partners’ wants, needs and fantasies. Don’t shut the door before educating yourself.
  4. Get educated. Treat sex like any other physical skill.
  5. Consider your sexual health a lifelong endeavor and never complete.

33:00 Feedback

Jordy shares her concerns that couples are being bashed in our attempts to create awareness of couple privilege. Note: Minx accidentally referred to Jordy as “he.” And damn LustyGuy for letting me do it! Sorry, Jordy! You’re pretty. :-)

37:00 Thank you

Thanks to Eric and Benjamin for their donations this week!

Wrap up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY (our new number!). And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

PW 356: The poly hype cycle

Where do we sit on the media hype cycle for polyamory?

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1:00 Topic: Where are we on the poly hype cycle?

The fabulous Sierra Black wrote a response to Andrea Zanin’s polynormativity post and pondered how to be more inclusive in our media representations. Minx suggests that polyamory is in the rising phase of the hype cycle and suffering from inflated expectations.

Other links: Jenny Block’s book Love, Sex and Life in an Open Marriage

Pedestrian Polyamory podcast

19:25 Happy Poly Moment

S shares a moment that is not especially happy but when polyamory’s benefits and love shine.

22:00 Thank you

Thanks to Michael for his donations this week! Plus, app subscribers and Poly Weekly Playmates got a little something extra last week. :-) Thank you for supporting PW!

Wrap up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY (our new number!). And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

PW 355: Does penis size matter?

The study, finally! How much does penis size matter?

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1:00 Topic: Does penis size matter?

An Australian researcher finally did a study matching the relevance of penis size as a factor in combination with other physical factors for physical attractiveness. Does it matter?

Other headlines citing the study:

11:40  Happy Poly Moment

E shares a great story of transition of a partner moving from “hell no” to “this is cool”

13:10 Feedback

  • Lynn shares feedback on the HSV episode that made it much easier to avoid the shame spiral.
  • ArcticWolf shares thoughts on the stats on the poly marriage failure rate

Thank you

Thanks to Joseph, Andrew, Meg and Emma for their donations this week!

Wrap up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY (our new number!). And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

PW 354: Wife Swap

When a poly family swaps wives with a right-wing family on a reality TV show, who comes off better?

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1:00 Announcements and host chat

  • LustyGuy is cohosting!

2:00 Topic: Polyamory on Wife Swap

On the reality TV show Wife Swamp, a polyamorous family swapped wives (not sexual, just lifestyle) with a right-wing religious family. Who came off better? Across the board, reviewers agree it was the poly family!

31:50 Happy Poly Moment

Dominic from Wisconsin calls in to share a moment in which life rewards courage!

35:00 Feedback: Episode 350

  • AggieSez calls in to let us know about unmarried equality
  • Frank writes in to ask why there are any tax benefits at all to marriage
  • Jason comments that we should have marriage be defined by the individuals involved, not the government
  • S shares her situation in which she lives with partners and then married one, which brought up conflicting emotions regarding the other relationship. No answers, but she poses some great questions.
  • Edward reminds us about marriage in the Roman Empire.

46:00 Thank you

Thanks to Marshall, Isabelle, Denise and Kerra for their donations this week!

Wrap up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY (our new number!). And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

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