PW 425: Dating anew at 37

How to start dating in your 30s after divorcing your only partner EVERlolcatdating

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1:00 Host chat and announcements

3:00 Poly in the News

5:35 Topic: How do I date again at 37?

A listener writes in to ask how, after basically only being with one person his whole life, he is to explore dating again? Koe Creation cohosts.

  • Scarleteen is great for everyone, not just teenagers!
  • Discard the shame. We are constantly evolving; embrace it
  • Love yourself first and be solid before you try to date.
  • Do what you love, and you’ll find people who will love you.
  • Be open and be curious
  • Ask for what you want; be shameless about acknowledging your needs

27:30 Feedback

Maggie writes in to share her new bisexual identity and the fond high school memories it is bringing up

29:10 Wrap Up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

PW 408: Time enough for love?

lolcatnotamusedAm I just secondary or is he not that into me?

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1:00 Announcements and Host Chat

Topic: Am I just secondary or is he not that into me?

A listener writes in with a concern that her partner doesn’t seem to have time or focused attention for her. She and he are both married and have been dating about seven months, but he rarely initiates contact and hasn’t yet arranged for them to have intimate time together. His wife says things are fine. Is this just how secondaries are treated, she asks, or does the lack of time spent together mean he is he not that into me?

  • What would monogamists do? Would you have been OK with this level of intimacy in any other relationship?
  • Being poly doesn’t mean a lack of emotional intimacy
  • The only thing that matters is whether it works for YOU
  • Ask for what you want

Happy Poly Moment

  • Sarah shares a lovely happy poly moment about a new metamour reaching out to her
  • G shares a happy poly moment about going to a film festival with two lovers and having them there to provide support during a triggering moment

Wrap up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

PW 402: PW live at CatalystCon!

CatalystCon West 2014 PW livePW LIVE at CatalystCon with Reid Mihalko and Charlie Glickman!

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Introduction Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:00 Announcements and Host Chat

Bawdy Storytelling is coming to Seattle October 3 at 8:00 Rebar!

1:30 PW Live from CatalystCon West!

My guests are Charlie Glickman and Reid Mihalko!

  • Charlie Glickman on self descriptionTopic: how do we stop policing our poly communities and embrace tolerance?
    • We need a space for the newbies and the old guard who don’t want to have to step back and explain the 101 questions
    • remember when judging others that the finger points back at you#cconminx date your species
    • how can we tolerate a world free of shame if we then shame others?
    • if you’re happy and dating your species, why does it matter?
    • let’s not shit on the mono community–bad marketing!
    • “There is no one more zealous than the newly converted” – Charlie
  • 34:00 if you’re a newbie, is there something you need to be able to demonstrate to share with the veterans so they’ll be more comfy with you?#cconminx self awarenes
    • Reid: ability to clearly voice needs and wants; self-awareness. Minx says “self awareness is really sexy”
    • Charlie: how do you handle conflict, anger and fear?
    • If you get a negative response such as “wow poly sounds hard,” ask “why does that sound hard to you?”
  • 39:45 What does queer mean to you?
    • Reid: I’m awesome sexual. When I started dating sluts, no one was complaining how slutty I was. Date #cconminx Awesome sexualyour species! There’s a difference between a car working harder because it’s going uphill or straining because the parking brake is on.
    • Charlie: date people of both genders but more about world view rather than gender assignations
  • 45:30 How is poly done differently regionally?
    • Charlie recommends asking for community norms before visiting
  • 48:00 How do you find a good local community? Openingup.net, also Google “polyamory” and the name of the city

52:00 Thank you!

Thanks to Bret and David for their generous donations this week!

52:30 Wrap up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

Poly Dating 101

Thanks to everyone who attended and asked questions at yesterday’s Debauchery session on poly dating! The slides are here for your enjoyment:

PW 390: How to date a girl

catdateHow does a gal in a heterosexual relationship safely explore her bi side and date girls?

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1:00 Announcements and Host Chat

6:00 Topic: How to date a girl

Listener A wrote in to ask how to safely explore her bisexual side without freaking out herself or her partner.

  • What do you to when your first experience with a member of the same sex doesn’t work out?
  • How do you deal with feeling crushed when the girl you were dating expresses interest in your male partner rather than you?
  • How do you explore scary same sex dating while still feeling emotionally safe?

17:15 Happy Poly Moment

  • Joreth shares a happy poly moment about gaining metamours as lifetime friends, even after a breakup with the original partner
  • A monogamous listener writes in to say that he values Poly Weekly for showing him the opportunities and explorations that are possible, even if they are not being currently pursued

23:45 Wrap up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

PW 378: Poly dating on OKCupid

online-dating-lolcatTips for poly dating on OKCupid

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3:00 Topic: Poly dating on OKCupid

Q wrote in to ask if it was unrealistic to hope for a polifidelitous triad with two bisexual guys and to seek that on OKCupid.

  • It’s great to have an idea of what you want, but it shouldn’t impair your openness to great folks who might not fit into that exact box.
  • Remember that what’s most important in love and emotional intimacy is how you respond to the person and whether he meets your emotional needs, stated or unstated.
  • Rather than imagining what a future mate will look like, think instead about how you want to feel in a relationship. Do you want to feel like a valued partner, an adored princess, a wise leader, a sex toy, a best friend?

19:00 Feedback

R asks for advice about her poly situation. What do you do when your play partner takes on a new, young partner (your new metamour) who is prone to jealous fits and tantrums whenever you have a play date with him? My advice:

  1. You can choose to leave.
  2. You can open up communications with her (the new metamour) in a friendly, non-confrontational manner.
  3. You can bring it up with him—as the point of the vee, keeping the communication going between you and the new metamour is technically his responsibility.

27:45 Wrap up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

PW 366: Poly in small town America

How do you meet and date polys when you live in a small town?

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1:00 Host chat

  • I need your advice? How did you come to be comfy with poly when it wasn’t your idea? Call me to contribute to an upcoming show! 802-505-POLY
  • Franklin Veaux and Eve Rickert are writing a book! Help fund their Indiegogo campaign to write it!
  • I’m presenting at CatalystCon on how to be a part-time sex educator Sept 27-29

9:05 Topic: How to be poly in small town America?

Listener H writes in to ask for advice on the following questions:

  • How do you meet poly people in a small town when you’re in the Bible belt and not out?
  • Do you ever feel lonely being “poly single”—with a partner but seeking others? How do you deal with it?
  • How do you find the right poly people and determine that they are who they say they are?

And listener Forrest has donated the following three works of art. Email me at polyweekly@gmail.com with your advice. The first three to respond receive a beautiful, hot work of art!

16:00 Happy Poly Moment

  • Listener K shares a wonderful tale of starting a healthy poly relationship with lots of sexy bed time
  • Aura shared two Happy Poly Moments:
    • As the adults discussed new construction to the house to accommodate a new partner, a kid asked about the new partner moving in and expressed delight that the answer was yes
    • Her husband’s mother gave positive feedback on the family dynamic, outside of any poly prejudice

20:10  Feedback

Wrap up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

PW 355: Does penis size matter?

The study, finally! How much does penis size matter?

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1:00 Topic: Does penis size matter?

An Australian researcher finally did a study matching the relevance of penis size as a factor in combination with other physical factors for physical attractiveness. Does it matter?

Other headlines citing the study:

11:40  Happy Poly Moment

E shares a great story of transition of a partner moving from “hell no” to “this is cool”

13:10 Feedback

  • Lynn shares feedback on the HSV episode that made it much easier to avoid the shame spiral.
  • ArcticWolf shares thoughts on the stats on the poly marriage failure rate

Thank you

Thanks to Joseph, Andrew, Meg and Emma for their donations this week!

Wrap up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY (our new number!). And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

PW 341: The poly professional woman

If you're a busy professional woman, how do you make time to date and form more than one relationship?

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1:00 Announcements and host chat

Congrats to friend of Poly Weekly and queer, kinky poly grrl Pretty Ribbons on getting a book publishing deal from her blog!

2:45 Topic: Poly professional woman (rebroadcast)

A listener writes in to ask how a full-time woman who puts her career first and still handles the home responsibilities can find dating anything other than exhausting. Also, what to do when your partner has more free time and energy to date, causing dating envy.

  • First, sympathy—I work for a startup and have also made work my priority, so it is very hard to find energy to date after putting all your passion into your work.
  • Second, evaluate your priorities. Do a goal-setting session using Your Best Year Yet to establish your priorities for the next 12 months. If dating isn’t that valuable to you and doesn’t make the list, treat it like any other type of jealousy and act accordingly. If it is, try making 1-hour lunch date “chemistry tests” or make weekly OKCupid online vetting nights (with wine and a girlfriend!) to get started.
  • Third, take immediate action. It sounds like the chore split was created when you had more free time, so redistribute household chores to give you more time and energy for self-care and other essential/fun priorities.
  • Finally, it might be helpful to listen to the episodes on introverts and on jealousy.
  • And bonus: “sleep is the new sex” It’s the ultimate luxury and vice; treat it as a precious resource!

18:30 Feedback

Gabriel writes in to ask if there are any children’s books to introduce poly to kids—anyone know of one or want to take on the task?

Wrapup

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY (our new number!). And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!


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PW 339: Dating someone in a doomed relationship

Listeners, LustyGuy and Minx give advice on dating someone who is in a long-term relationship that is imploding

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1:00 Announcements and host chat

  • LustyGuy tells a story

4:00 Topic: Dating in a doomed relationship

A listener writes in to ask how to deal with dating someone whose marriage is falling apart. Should she distance herself? How does she deal with the soon-to-be-ex wife?  PW listeners give advice, including:

  • Stop dating him and be supportive friend to both
  • If the relationship is already long-term, don't leave, but offer to be a sounding board (we disagree that you should offer to be a sounding board but agree that not taking sides or speaking ill of anyone is key)
  • Be prepared to fail
  • Set limits by saying hurtful behavior and words won't be tolerated
  • Be aware that how he acts during this breakup is very telling in how he will eventually treat YOU

29:20 Happy Poly Moment

David writes in to share his experience going from cheating to DADT to honesty and is rewarded with some frubble.

37:00 Thanks

Thanks to David for the donation!

Wrapup

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY (our new number!). And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!


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