Kicking Poly Drama in the Ass

Want to avoid poly drama? We had a great time at Winter Wickedness discussing what “drama” actually is and how to kick it on its ass for a drama-free poly relationship.

Full deck below:

And if you’re interested in having me present at your event, contact Minx at Poly Weekly

PW 339: Dating someone in a doomed relationship

Listeners, LustyGuy and Minx give advice on dating someone who is in a long-term relationship that is imploding

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1:00 Announcements and host chat

  • LustyGuy tells a story

4:00 Topic: Dating in a doomed relationship

A listener writes in to ask how to deal with dating someone whose marriage is falling apart. Should she distance herself? How does she deal with the soon-to-be-ex wife?  PW listeners give advice, including:

  • Stop dating him and be supportive friend to both
  • If the relationship is already long-term, don't leave, but offer to be a sounding board (we disagree that you should offer to be a sounding board but agree that not taking sides or speaking ill of anyone is key)
  • Be prepared to fail
  • Set limits by saying hurtful behavior and words won't be tolerated
  • Be aware that how he acts during this breakup is very telling in how he will eventually treat YOU

29:20 Happy Poly Moment

David writes in to share his experience going from cheating to DADT to honesty and is rewarded with some frubble.

37:00 Thanks

Thanks to David for the donation!

Wrapup

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 802-505-POLY (our new number!). And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!


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PW 321: Avoiding meetup drama

PW Playmate asks: how to you run a growing poly meetup without conflict and drama in the community?

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Introduction

Under-18 warning and redirection to Scarleteen

1:00 News and host chat

7:00 Interview: Avoiding meetup drama with Allena Gabosch

A PW Playmate (woo hoo!) writes in to ask:

I’ve been pretty involved in my local poly community for a couple of years. It’s about doubled in size since we started doing more outreach, and with that has come much more drama and conflict within the community. We’re not quite sure how to handle it without alienating people.

Allena Gabosch, Director of the Center for Sex Positive Culture, gives advice:

  • Be open to everyone
  • Leaders, remember to come from service and put your ego aside
  • Give naysayers responsibilities for improving the group
  • Acknowledge and address naysayer issues publicly

If you’re in or near Seattle, come to SEAF, June 16-24, 2012!

33:00 Movie Review

Joreth gives a review of the 1993 film Café au lait.

38:00 Wrapup

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

PW 298: The care and feeding of drama

The care and feeding of your poly drama–and how to avoid it!

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Introduction

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:00 Host chat

We’re closing in on episode 300. And it’s all YOURS! Call in your poem, limerick, story, joke, Happy Poly Moment, book review, rant; whatever! Call in to 206-202-POLY or attach an mp3 to email to polyweekly@gmail.com. Without YOU, there will be no show!

4:45 Topic: The care and feeding of drama

Drama doesn’t just happen; it needs insecurity, neurosis, lack of communication and passive-aggressiveness to survive. So how do you avoid drama? Cohost LustyGuy and Minx go over the basics:

  • Definition of drama: Adding amplitude to emotional reactions vs specific behaviors
  • Ways to avoid drama
    • After initial immediate reaction, decide how you are going to behave
    • Own your own shit (and communicate it!)
    • Communicate in little bits, often, before the situation builds to a confrontation
    • Talk about behaviors, not your judgments of them
    • Talk about your own actions and feelings, not the other person’s
    • Talk about the topic at hand, and only one at a time
  • Examples from Lusty and Minx
    • Early miscommunication + disconnect re: staying over
    • Elle taking finances back from LustyGuy

34:00 Thanks

Thanks to Paul, Marcie and Paul for their donations! And welcome Emma, Vir and Amy to the Poly Weekly Playmate subscription!

35:00 Wrapup


Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. And hey, why not attach an audio comment to that email? :-) Check out PolyWeekly at Blubrry.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review!

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